Absorbing White

by Charlotte E Hart

  “Miss Elizabeth?”

  What? Who the hell? My body jumps round at the interruption and I glare at the owner of the voice that just ruined my thought process, which was getting very nice indeed. Jesus, can’t a girl get a minute’s thinking space anymore?

  The small woman immediately throws herself on the floor by the doorway and presses her forehead to the ground. I’m confused for a second and look around for a dominant of some sort, then realise there isn’t anyone else in here. I think I just made that happen. Wow. Fuck me. It seems my glare must be somewhat Alexander White like.

  “Please, get up off the floor,” I say before I’ve thought about it too much. She stays put but does raise her head slightly to look at me. “Yes, you. Up, please.”

  Whoever she is, she slowly rises up until she’s standing in the corner again.

  “Mistress sent me to do your hair and make-up, ma’am.” Oh, lordy, not another ma’am. Andrews would be proud. I smile to myself and turn away from the woman. Actually, I’m still pissed at him. I need to have some very serious conversations with that man. I roll my eyes at the thought, and wave her over to the bedroom.

  “I’m going to have a quick shower. Could you have a look to see if there’s anything red in there, please? Preferably something that will fit me?” Why I want red, I don’t know. Perhaps because it’s the colour I was wearing the one time I felt reasonably in control with the two of them, sitting there in Pascal’s apartment waiting for Alex to materialise because he had, in Pascal’s words, ‘come for me’.

  “Yes, ma’am,” she replies as I storm off in search of a bathroom. I’m presuming there will actually be one behind one of the many doors.

  There better be because I need to prepare myself for them.

  I think I need another drink.

  Chapter 8

  Quiet. That’s what he needed.

  Sitting there, watching and listening to the constant tirade of Dutch, really wasn’t helping him understand what he was supposed to be doing about Elizabeth. Why the hell had Roxanne turned up and taken her away from him? Who the fuck did she think she was?

  His phone began vibrating on the table in front of him, so he leant forward to answer it and stared across at Pascal as he continued to pace backwards and forwards across the room.

  “Louisa?”

  “Everything is in place, Sir. The deal is set. Tom Brindley says there should be no problems with the takeover and that you don’t need to worry. He also thanks you for the apartment I put him in at your request.”

  Good, that was one less thing to worry about. He’d stayed in touch with her to some degree and kept his eye on the hundreds of emails that came in daily, but other than that, he couldn’t give a fuck. If it all collapsed around him tomorrow, he’d still be a very rich man for the rest of his life. Shit like that happened when someone threatened you. He’d moved money to various locations over the last few months to ensure everything was safe, and when Conner suggested his sister was looking into his bank accounts for some reason, he moved some of those around as well. He still didn’t know why she was doing that, and when he could be bothered to think of anything else but the task at hand, he’d phone Conner and find out. Maybe he’d even apologize for the Caroline fuck up at the same time, if his friend was in an amenable mood, but at the moment, his entire focus was on Elizabeth and her thoughts about his past.

  “Thank you, Louisa. Are you still keeping your eye on Tate?” That man was still a quandary.

  “Yes, Sir. All seems normal.”

  “Hmmm. Keep me updated. Other than that, carry on.”

  “Do you know when you’ll be back?”

  “No.” Until he worked out what the hell Roxanne was playing at, why she was talking like that with Pascal, and decided the best course of action to take, he couldn’t honestly say.

  “Take your time. I’ve got everything covered,” she replied. He nodded his head and ended the call. A quick scan through the notifications showed three missed calls from Conner that he definitely couldn’t deal with at the moment, and also a text from an unknown number. He swiped across it and opened the message.

  - I need to see you, son.

  He stared at the screen in confusion and eventually looked into the room. Why would that bastard send him a message? It wasn’t possible that this was real. It had to be a hoax, or something to try and throw him off a scent. Maybe it was something to do with whoever sent his angel that picture. He snarled back at the text and forwarded it on to Jacobs and Andrews. One of them could deal with it, track it down, or do whatever the fuck they did with this sort of thing. He hadn’t got the time or the patience.

  Quiet, he needed quiet.

  He stood up and made for the entrance to the hallway. They’d been in Pascal’s suite since whatever the fuck that was in the corridor downstairs. Who the hell did she think she was, talking to him like that? And why was Pascal so irritated about her now? He’d never see the man so furious and mouthy, which was saying something.

  “And where the fuck do you think you’re going?” The tone shocked him so he swung his eyes back to the man. He was standing there sneering over at him, waving his hands around and falling back into more Dutch again. Christ, he wished he understood that language.

  “Pascal, Italian would be preferable, English even better. I can hardly discuss this with you if you’re spouting that crap. And I need some space to think.”

  The man stopped and stormed over to him. He reared back and continued with his glare in the hope that it was warning enough. It wasn’t, because before he could defend himself, a punch had landed on his cheekbone, causing him to grab onto the doorframe for support.

  “What the hell?” he growled as he felt himself rise up and glower back. This was not the time for the man to piss him off. He was already fuming enough about his missing woman. A fight was not the best course of action. “What the hell was that for?”

  Pascal just stood there and glared in return. Whatever he was doing, he meant it, and although that fight might release a little tension, the result might not be in anyone’s best interest.

  After a few moments, the man simply threw his hands up in the air, turned and walked away to the chair.

  “Sit, Alexander.”

  “I think perhaps it’s best if I leave before this gets-”

  “SIT DOWN. If you want her then you will sit and listen to what I have to say. There are matters you are not aware of, and that woman has just made her point a little too clearly for my liking. As she always does, witch that she is.”

  That caught Alex’s attention, so rubbing his cheek, he wandered back over to the chair and carefully placed himself in it. It was entirely probable that the arsehole might punch him again at some point in the near future, and he’d be ready for it the next time.

  “I don’t want to fight with you, but you should know I won’t tolerate that again.”

  The laughter that erupted was quite unexpected, and he stared in confusion at the odd behaviour currently happening in front of him.

  “I have been doing this with you for too long, dear boy. Your hands hold very little surprise for me anymore, and beating me does you no good anyway because I enjoy the prospect. But I thank you for withholding yourself from retaliation. My flurry of exuberance was not aimed at you.” He didn’t reply. There was nothing to say to a man who probably knew him better than he knew himself anyway.

  “Do you understand what I have been trying to achieve with you all these years? Hmm? Has it made any sense to you? Do you see how you’ve changed?”

  What the hell had this got to do with anything? He had neither the time nor the inclination to discuss what made him tick, or what the man had done for him.

  “What point has Roxanne just made?”

  “Do not change the subject. We are talking about you. You need to appreciate the principles of yourself a little more,” Pascal replied sharply. “Elizabeth will only be able to do this if you accept yourself, fully.”

/>   “What are you talking about?”

  “I have been trying to show your Elizabeth how to comprehend the very nature of you, to accept it, to harness it, cherish it, love you for it. However, you are sometimes brutish in your behaviour. You save your finesse for manipulation alone, and she will need you to combine the two.”

  “I don’t understand,”

  “No, you wouldn’t. Alexander, she is going to come back here a different person. Ten minutes in the company of that woman and she will understand more about what has been happening than you can even comprehend. She will have been told what I have been up to, what I have been trying to do for you. She will also have been told how to behave, possibly incorrectly. Switchy women should not be allowed to linger with her for any amount of time. The result can be quite disruptive.”

  “What have you been up to?”

  “How angry do you get now? When was the last time you had no control over yourself? You are more measured in your skill, but what is the one thing that still sends you over the edge? The one thing you quite stupidly showed her.”

  “Who?”

  “Roxanne.” As far as he was aware, the only behaviour he’d shown her was him losing control when he went there last. And given the fact that she’d mentioned it in the corridor, she presumably knew it was because of Elizabeth, but how?

  “Are you talking about my reaction to Elizabeth, when we were apart?”

  “Yes,” the man replied, hanging his head a little. He’d not seen that look often. That was a Pascal in the wrong, and he wanted to know why.

  “What have you done?”

  “Why did you react like that?”

  “I thought she lied to me, which is nothing to do with you. What have you done?”

  “No, it wasn’t the lie, Alexander. It wasn’t even Elizabeth. It was the love, the feeling of needing someone, and the hatred for anything that might destroy a little of that feeling. A small boy who does not know love will grow to be a tyrant, and to find himself again he must reveal it all, fall down on his knees, beg for redemption and hope for the love to be returned. You must be willing to fall, and crumble, disintegrate for it. You are so close to perfection with her, so close I could taste it on her lips, smell it on yours. You tremble near her. Did you know that?”

  “You’re over complicating things, Pascal. I’m very aware I’m in love with her, and I’m also trying to show her all she needs from me. You were the one who told me I shouldn’t do this – still do sometimes. You are as confusing as she is. Stop playing with me and just spit out what you’re trying to say, will you?”

  “I love you,” Pascal said in reply, with no expression other than a slightly raised brow. Alex stiffened instantly and continued to stare back. He’d actually said it, and now what? Did he expect a response? This was not expected. “Do you understand that? How does it make you feel to hear it from another’s mouth? Hmm?”

  He just continued to look at the rogue in front of him and pondered the thought. How did it make him feel? Surprisingly, he felt the corners of his mouth trying to lift into a smile. The thought was warming somehow. It wasn’t like the feelings associated with Elizabeth when she said the same words, but there was no denying that the sentiment attached to Pascal actually saying the words out loud was tugging at the heart she’d pulled from him again. Then there was this strange need to touch the man, hold him close maybe, or comfort him. It wasn’t sexual. It never had been, but it was something other than what brotherly love would suggest. He let the corners of his mouth rise and kept his smile in place as he watched Pascal’s frown grow.

  “You are a conceited bastard, Alexander. Your display of superiority does not become you in this moment. It was not my intention to inflate your ego any further.”

  “Pascal, anyone who dares to love me, stay with me and harbour me has nothing but my respect. I told her that once, and I will tell you now. Your feelings, now that I’m aware you have some, are more precious to me than you can imagine, but I still want to know what you’ve done.”

  “That’s it? No come back? No running for the hills in fear of me leaping on you?”

  “Why would I run?”

  “I may take advantage of your sudden rush of emotion, and because you do not reciprocate those feelings.”

  “Have you ever asked me how I feel about you? She has. She pushed me to answer questions that you dare not. Why not?”

  “I am more than aware that you are not inclined that way. Why would I ask? And your ability to love or respect anything has never been something you’re noted for.”

  “It appears, given your apparent teachings, that you’ve never tried to harness that side of me. Were you scared to tell me?”

  “Not afraid, but the fear of losing you was enough for me to bite my tongue on the matter. And up until she came along, you were not equipped to hear it anyway. I am surprised you are now.”

  “I’ve had time to consider it, and I suppose, if she was asked how I feel about you, she would say I loved you, too. I think we all knew something was different in your office, didn’t we?”

  Pascal just stared back, all expression gone. There was no flicker of anything to give his thoughts away on the question, just a piercing gaze that damn near tore straight through him and made him feel just as exposed as she always managed to.

  “Do you?” Clearly the man wasn’t going to accept a vague answer, so after a moment’s thought, his reply was simply the same. Her thoughts on the matter were probably more appropriate than his own anyway.

  “She would say I do.”

  Pascal continued to gaze for a while longer, his mouth slowly opening and closing. Alex chuckled in response. He’d never really seen the man lost for words before, and while it was a humbling moment, it was still quite entertaining nonetheless. Eventually, those bright green eyes dulled and the normal harder edges of them returned.

  “My body is with Lucinda. I belong to her,” the man said, looking down and away from him as he picked up a glass of cognac and swallowed the lot. Who the fuck was Lucinda? And why had she even been mentioned in the midst of this conversation?

  “Who are you talking about now?”

  “Roxanne. I belong to her, much as that grates on my nerves. You have been my playground for a while. However, it is almost time for me to return. You need to cement this relationship with Elizabeth so that she can hold you together. Unfortunately, I will not be able to participate in our games much longer, dear boy. ”

  “What? You acted like she wasn’t that important, and now you’re telling me she owns you? When were you going to discuss this with me? Are you collared?”

  “Why would I need to discuss it with you? You’ve never asked to own me yourself, have you?” Pascal replied as he stood and moved across the room to the far wall. He watched carefully as Pascal picked up some rope and wandered back towards him. “You may be a sadist, Alexander, but you do not want me as you do her. Don’t confuse yourself now. I am simply telling you the truth because I will have to leave you at some point, and I want you to understand why. Elizabeth should be enough for you, if you are honest.”

  Fury welled up inside him at the thought. He may not want Pascal in that way, could never be what the man wanted, but he was damned if he was going to let him walk away, not now that an emotional situation had developed. The man was like his home – in a different way to his angel, but he still filled a void that no one else could, or should. Pascal was like an extension of him, a piece of his soul that he didn’t own himself, a part of the jigsaw in his fucked up mind, and he wasn’t about to let him leave. He gazed across at the rope in Pascal’s hands and felt his insides relax a little. Peace – it was suspended there. The rogue gave him peace. It was the same feeling that Elizabeth pulled from him. When the hell had that occurred? He’d never realised it before, never felt the sensation or given it the time it deserved, but it was there nonetheless, that underlying serenity. His hands itched at his side as he watched Pascal pull the end of the rope
through the ringlets on the bedpost, almost as if he were setting the room up for the next occupant. He wasn’t going anywhere, and no one was coming in either. He had things to say.

  “Fuck you. You do this to me and then you try to walk away?”

  “I will have to. She owns me, and is becoming impatient with her leash. You also asked for frankness earlier. I am being candid, for once.”

  Owned him? No one owned Pascal apart from Pascal, and maybe him on certain occasions when the right mood set in and the man offered it. He knew without a shadow of a doubt he had no right to think about what was currently brewing, but couldn’t stop it regardless. His muscles began to tense up with irritation at the very thought of never being able to use Pascal again. He thought he didn’t need any of this, but it was too strong to deny anymore. His fists clenched as his pulse began to race at that feeling of freedom without any concern for the consequences.