Absorbing White

by Charlotte E Hart

  “Come on. She’s at a pub over there. She thought we needed space. As if? We need a fucking drink. I think we could all do with quite a few actually.”

  Oh, okay then. That’s possibly the finest idea I’ve heard for a fair few days.

  Chapter 19

  Elizabeth

  I t’s 8 o’clock ish, I think. I can’t even see my watch. I’m in a taxi, though, heading towards Alex’s home, my home even. Pretty sure I should have been home by three. That’s what he said, wasn’t it? “I want you home by three!” Well, sod him, the arrogant bastard. Light of my life. I’ve been having far too good a time getting tipsy with my girls at some random bar that I can’t even remember the name of. Belle’s re-engagement was something to be celebrated, laughed about and enjoyed, as was my fucking two men debacle, and it was pretty there, had pretty people in it. It was full of London’s high society, all of whom I couldn’t have given a shit about anymore.

  I’m suddenly flung to the left as the taxi turns into a street of some sort, then I realise the crunching of the gravel beneath the car probably means I’m home. I smile into the fabric of the seat, where I’ve face planted, at the thought of being in love and then remember I’m going to have to deal with angry Alex. I’ve disobeyed a direct order, haven’t I? Whoops. Whatever. He can go jump off a bridge or something, murderer or not. I can go out whenever the hell I like. I am strong, I am independent, and I am in complete control of all things Alex. I really need to talk to him about the killing people thing.

  “Fifty-two, sixty,” the cabbie says. My eyebrows rise into the fabric. Where the hell have I been? Up north or somewhere? Christ. The place was in Mayfair, wasn’t it? Jesus. I haul my body back upright and search the interior of the cab for my bag, which is nowhere to be seen. Or rather I can’t actually see it. It’s not surprising. There are at least three of everything swimming around in my line of sight. Perhaps if I get out I’ll have a clearer view. I lean against the door in the hope that it will opens. It doesn’t. It just stays in my way, propping me up quite nicely. In fact it’s quite lovely in here in general. It’s quiet, and the hum of the engine has a serene quality that’s making me feel all drifty and relaxed. Sleep. Sleep would be nice. I could just curl up and chill in here until the morning. That would be comfy, wouldn’t it? Nice and quiet, comfy, snuggly.

  I’m not sure what happens in the next thirty seconds, but the rapid tumbling feeling that suddenly assaults me has me spitting out gravel and staring up at the stars above. Oh, they’re nice, too, twinkly. Look at them all up there, flickering and sparkling. They must be angels saying hello. My hands rise above me to pluck one out of the sky, or wave. I’m not really sure which, but I find myself tracing across the shapes with my fingertips, dot to dot. A cock appears in the shapes so I grab out at it and giggle to myself as I find another one and try to pull them together, knocking the heads of them together. No bloody angels up there anymore, it seems, just horny devils and naughty thoughts. There they are, my men, both of them, with their dicks out dancing around the sky. Oh, the possibilities. I grab the second one and stare at it. I don’t know what Pascal’s cock looks like. Does it look like that one? Maybe it’s bent the other way? Who knows. I’ll find out soon enough, I’m sure.

  Something darkens the sky above me. Oh yes, it’s the darkness coming to take me away and lead me into another kinky world of depravity. And yes, I’ll go, no problems there. If I can just get my body to move, I’ll be right there. Just need to make my legs work, just lift them up, and... Nope, I think I’ll just stay here for a bit longer and enjoy the view. Snow angels… I could do those instead. I love the snow, love it when it’s all over the place and covering the ground. It’s Christmassy, pretty. It’s all so very pretty. Ooh, snowmen. I want to build a snowman. I need some coal and a carrot.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Oh, lovely. It’s my version of an angel’s voice. Where is he? I can hear him – so pretty, so velvety. He can help me build a snowman. I bet he’s never built a snowman. Poor little thing. He needs to build a snowman. Alexander White builds a snowman. It would be the biggest damn snowman the world has ever seen, with an enormous cock. “Elizabeth.” That was rather loud. Why would someone be so sodding loud? Jesus. Too loud. Calm down. Enjoy the view, for God’s sake. Look, it’s so pretty, and...

  My body is suddenly floating. How fabulous. I’m floating across the ground, and all the world is spinning around me. Hundreds of millions of stars just whirl around in the sky and map out different routes, strange new worlds and civilisations. I shall boldly go where no woman has gone before. James T. Kirk. Is he alive still? I don’t know. Perhaps he’s up there in the stars with my cocks, star trekking his way across the universe, and... Fuck, that’s bright. What is that? Oh my god. Aliens are coming to get me. I need to run or something, but I can’t move my legs. Why can’t I move my legs? I’m going to die. I’m going to die at the hands of horny devils and James T. Kirk and aliens. Fuck, I have to do something. Have to keep everyone safe. My arms and legs flail around, searching for a weapon of some sort, something to beat off the threat, to reduce it to ashes and challenge the menacing evil that may prevail, but the light keeps blinding me and I can’t see anything.

  “Stop struggling,” his voice says. “Trust me. You’re safe.” Ah yes, Alex. There he is. Trust him, yes, I’ll trust him with anything. He can have it all – my body, my heart, my life. He’ll protect me from the aliens, won’t he? He’ll look after me for the rest of my life with his butchering hands, because he won’t let me go, will he? Can’t. Belle told me he said that. And I won’t let him go either, because he needs me to keep him safe and show him what love is, doesn’t he? James T. Kirk will have to deal with the aliens because I’m needed here, to protect my man, to keep him happy and relaxed. Yes, relaxed. Let’s all just relax and calm down, shall we? Just enjoy this darkness again, lovely darkness. Where have my stars gone? The sky is black again. The monsters have taken my stars. Why have they taken my stars? I had cocks in my stars, two of them. They were lovely, and mine. Fucking cock-stealing monsters, no one’s taking my cocks from me. They’re mine, just for me. I refuse to share them with anyone. Yum. Oh, now I’m floating on a lilo in the sea. That’s nice. It’s all soft and squidgy. I can relax here in the sea. I’m not sure how it’s suddenly the middle of the summer but I’ll just snuggle down and enjoy the rays of the sun as they bake me. I hope I put sunscreen on. I wouldn’t want to burn. Mustn’t tan these bruises away either, no. I need those. Maybe I should pull this towel over me, shield my collar marks from the evil rays. Yes, good idea. I’ll just wrap this over me and then I can doze quietly and let the sea drift me off to Alex land, where all is rosy and comfy. Lovely.

  Nice and quiet and dark.

  Just lovely.

  “Up you get.” What the hell is that noise? Good lord that’s loud. Leave me the hell alone. “Come on. Up, up, up. It’s Christmas and we’ve got your family coming over in three hours.” What is he talking about? Oh, fuck. Christmas! My eyes fly open to find him smiling down at me in a blue shirt with a glass of orange juice in one hand and what appears to be tablets in the other. Shit.

  “What time is it?”

  “Ten.” Oh. Oh god, Christmas lunch. I haven’t done a thing. How the hell am I supposed to cook Christmas lunch in a couple of hours?

  “Why didn’t you wake me, for fuck’s sake?” I snap out as I throw the sheets back and hold onto my head. If I don’t hold it, I swear it might fall off with the amount of banging that’s going on inside it. Who gets drunk on Christmas Eve, and how the hell did I get back here, anyway? Where did I actually go?

  “I thought you might like the rest after your battle with the universe last night. Did you win?” he replies with a chuckle. What is he talking about? I haven’t even got the time to question him about it. I scrabble over the bed in the direction of the shower in the hope of salvation. I can’t help noticing his fantastic backside on the way. He should come in there with me. That might
liven me up somewhat.

  “Come and wake me up, will you?” I call as I round the bathroom door and turn on the shower. I go back to the cabinet to brush my teeth and notice that I do look like I’ve been in some kind of battle. It makes me giggle a little as I remember the first time I looked in this mirror. My hair and face looked rather like they do now – a right bloody state. “What time did I get in?”

  “Couldn’t give a fuck,” he says as he saunters in, fully dressed, and starts backing me towards the shower, my toothbrush still in my mouth. I throw it nonchalantly in the direction of the sink and hope it doesn’t land in the toilet.

  “You couldn’t give a fuck? Looks like you could give several fucks,” I reply as sexily as I can, given my exploding head and disastrous hair. He smiles a little and steps us into the shower, still fully dressed. “Alex, what are you-” I’m cut off by his mouth over mine, fiercely delving in and promising that strength I’m after to wake me up. My hands grab at his shirt as it begins to stick to his skin, fumbling fingers trying to grip the buttons as he glides those dastardly fingers along my spine and eventually lands them on the back of my neck.

  “Turn around,” he says into my mouth as he pulls away and watches me. I slowly turn and put my hands on the tiles in front of me. He taps my hipbone from behind, telling me to step under the shower a little more so I do, and then I feel his hand wrapping around my hair. He reaches around and drags one of my hands towards him, which lands on his extremely hard cock. “Stroke it,” he says, so I do as he leans my cheek into the wall. I grip onto his shaft to create the pressure he needs and listen to the groan of appreciation that leaves his mouth. I love that sound, and I love the feel of his thin skin over the hard muscle in my hand. God, I want him inside me – no foreplay, just a damn good fuck. I just need this to remind me, and to wake me up, get me ready for the day, stretch me and make me less tense. I don’t think I’ve ever asked this of him, just told him what I need.

  “Just fuck me,” I mumble out as I reach my other hand back and push my arse back to him. “Just do it, Alex. Make me come. I need it.” He keeps still, no movement other than the rocking of his cock in my hand. “Please, Alex,” I continue. Maybe the begging will work. He likes that.

  “Take what you want,” he says. “Show me.” I smile to myself and widen my legs a little to accommodate him as I move closer and angle myself forward. I just want him inside me. I’m desperate actually. I try to pull him in but he continues to stand stock still so I back onto him and moan out as I feel him slowly inching inside, so much so that I clench around him harder and push myself even slower. Oh god that’s good, so full, so complete. Pulling away a little, I gently rock back onto him until the friction starts to create that delicious burn I’m after. My core contracts around him again as I feel the build starting and increase my pace. His hand tightens in my hair as his fingers splay and tip my head back upwards, throwing me off balance. I’m suddenly reliant on his hand to keep me upright as I keep backing onto him, again and again. Deeper, faster, quicker, and my throat is screaming at me for his hand. My own fingers move to my clit to bring me on quicker because this is all me. He’s not doing a thing, just letting me fuck him, use him. For the first time, I’m in complete control of this. He’s letting me have the control, letting me get what I need for a change, and god, I love him for it. He’s not punishing me for disobeying, not having a shit fit and acting like I expected. He’s just letting me ride him harder and deeper until I release myself.

  “Faster,” he growls. My thighs burn with the pressure I’m putting them under and my fingers keep swirling and turning, trying to reach that orgasm, but there’s no pain. I need some pain. I slam myself back into him. His cock hits hard but not hard enough and my nails scratch at the wall for something, anything. “Not enough, is it?” he says into my ear, his teeth nipping gently, and his breath teasing those thoughts into me. No, it’s not enough. Why isn’t he giving me anything?

  “Alex, please. I need to come,” I stutter out as his fingers tighten a little more. There, that’s what I need. He tips my head up further so that the water begins running into my eyes and face, trickling into my mouth a bit as I try to pant for the air around it.

  “You don’t deserve to come,” he says smoothly, grabbing my hand away from my clit and yanking it up behind my back. Yes, pressure, pain. My core clenches again as the onslaught of a rush begins.

  “Please,” I gasp out again, still punishing myself on his cock. He backs away from me so that I’ve got no friction to pound myself on and pulls my hair further down until the water is pouring into my mouth and nose. Gasping and spluttering, I try to move my head away from his hold, but his grip is vicelike. I haven’t got a chance, and as he increases my arch even further, I’m only just perched on the end of him.

  “I said be back by three,” he says firmly, a hint of that cold indifference back in his voice as he runs his tongue across my shoulder and I cough against the water, trying to breathe through my nose instead. “Three, Elizabeth. What part of that did you not understand?”

  “I... Alex, please. I can’t...” I stutter out around my gasps. He just holds me there and removes his cock from me altogether until there’s nothing but his hand in my hair and his fingers around my wrist. Suddenly, I’m pushed down onto my knees and spun around to face him. I splutter out some bile and heave in a breath as his soaking, jean-clad legs come into view. I chance a glance up to see what I’m dealing with. He’s staring down at me, now stroking his cock and daring me to open my mouth to speak. He’s pissed off. I get it, so much so that he’s not going to let me come. This is a punishment. I’m being punished for misbehaving, and it only increases my need to please him again. I hate that he’s angry with me, hate that he’s not going to let me come, and at the moment, regardless of my confusion, I couldn’t love him anymore for it.

  “Take my mouth then,” I say. I have no idea why. I just know that I need to make this better. I don’t know. I just need him inside me, somewhere. He blinks once, and it’s enough of a softening for me to shuffle my knees forward and offer my mouth up for him. Tentatively, I reach my hands forward to touch his jean-clad legs. “I love you. I’m sorry.” He reaches for my chin and holds it there securely as he increases the pumping of his hand and keeps gazing into my eyes. The water still gushes over me as I watch his face relax a little. But he’s not even going to allow me his come, and I quickly get the fact that he’s going to just come on me, mark me. He’s not even going to allow me the pleasure of knowing I made him come. He just keeps himself about a foot away from me and doesn’t utter a sound other than a grunt as he shoots his come onto my face and then catches his breath. I lap at my lips to try for a taste as it drips down my cheek, but the water washes it away before I get a chance. I just stare up at him and wonder how the day is going to pan out if this is his mood – dominant, angry and irritated with me.

  “How do you feel, Elizabeth?” he eventually says, still holding onto my chin and not letting me pull my eyes away from his.

  “Disappointed,” is the first thing that comes out of my mouth. “Frustrated, maybe.” He continues to stare with no emotion whatsoever, those blue eyes of his boring into me until I find some more words. “Told off.” Pathetic really, but there it is. That’s exactly how I feel, and it’s all my own fault. I don’t think I even called him to let him know I wouldn’t be home till later.

  He eventually chuckles and pulls on my chin until I get the message that I’m supposed to get up. Both hands hold my cheeks gently as he tilts my face up to him.

  “There is a reason I need you to do as I ask, Elizabeth, several actually, and none of them because of what you might think. I need to know I can trust you to do exactly what is asked of you. Do you understand?”

  No, not really. Not at all, in fact. I just wanted to get drunk with my friends, and he’s just had a snot fit about me disregarding his command and going for a bloody drink. After all he’s put me through.

  “No,”
I reply, because we’re doing honesty now, and I want to know the real reasons behind this.

  He pulls me from the shower and wraps a towel around me, then plonks me unceremoniously down on the toilet, lid down, thank God.

  “I love you, and I don’t want to hurt you. You said you wanted everything from me, but everything is difficult enough without me having to worry that you’ll make your own judgments. I just want to keep you safe, baby.” Oh, for fuck’s sake. I only went into town.

  “I just wanted a damn drink, Alex. Whatever this has been, and after everything you’ve done recently, it’s just wrong to make me feel bad about going out, and-”

  “I couldn’t care less about you drinking. I’m glad you had a good time with your sister. What I do care about is the fact that when I let Pascal at you, when this begins, I’m not sure I’ll be there with you. Do you understand that?” Oh. That’s what this is about?

  He kneels down between my legs and scoops me towards him, those blue eyes relaxing as he lowers his head and gently kisses my thigh. I rest my hand on his hair and wonder what’s coming next. I hadn’t even contemplated him being worried about any of this. He’s supposed to be the one in control, isn’t he? Pascal thinks so anyway. “He has a way of tempting me past caring, and I understand now that it’s why I care for him, too, because he gives me that freedom. I have to trust you both. Don’t you see that?”

  “What do you mean you might not be there? You said you’d stay with me. You said that you’d keep me safe.” He sighs and pulls away again then points back to the shower.

  “Get cleaned up. I’ll meet you downstairs.”