Earthman Jack vs. The Ghost Planet
Page 23
“I know what I said,” replied Scallywag. “I also know what it was like when we first wound up in here, too. The lad’s just scared–”
“Toss the boy,” replied Faruuz. “He hit me in the head—”
“With a bleedin’ rock, yes, you mentioned that a time or two,” snapped Scallywag. “And I’ll cave yer oblong face in with me sodding fist if ya don’t shut up about it. We’ll need every gun hand we can get when the next wave attacks, so you’re gonna learn to live with the lad until one o’ ya stops breathin’, savvy?”
“Next wave?” asked Jack. Whatever that was, he didn’t like the sound of it.
Faruuz looked at Jack with his beady black eyes and smiled a shark-like grin. “Aye. Don’t suppose a tasty morsel like him will last long anyway,” the alien snorted and spat a thick glob of phlegm at Jack’s feet.
Faruuz turned and kept walking. Jack looked at Scallywag, who’d thankfully slowed his pace down a bit, presumably for Jack’s benefit.
“What’s he mean by that?” Jack asked. “What’s attacking you?”
“Zombies,” muttered Scallywag dryly.
“Zombies?” said Jack, his eyes wide. “Like, rotting corpses shuffling around trying to eat brains, that type of zombie?”
“More like mindless, nasty, mean ol’ browners running ‘round with the singular purpose of ripping us all to shreds,” Scallywag replied.
“Cooool…” said Jack. Scallywag raised his eyebrow. “Oh, uh, I mean, that’s awful,” Jack corrected.
Scallywag chuckled. “Yer a strange one, Earthman; I’ll give ya that.”
“So where do they come from?” asked Jack. “The zombies, I mean. Are they like the product of an evil zombie virus or something? Or alien parasites that worm their way into their brains? Oooo, or are they being mutated by some weird type of space radiation?”
“Don’t know,” replied Scallywag. “Never bothered to ask ‘em.”
Jack smiled. Scallywag was a pretty cool alien. Even trapped in a deep dark pit of despair, the guy moved with a swagger that seemed to say he wasn’t scared a bit. For some reason, that made Jack feel much safer than he probably was.
“Guess this is normal for you, huh?” said Jack. “Being a pirate and all. You’ve probably had all sorts of crazy intergalactic adventures and stuff. Am I right?”
“If by ‘adventures’ ya mean almost getting killed constantly, yeah, I guess ya could say that.”
“Right on. I’ve almost been killed, like, 50 times today already.”
“Well then, sounds like yer off to a fine start for a life of adventuring.”
“I’d rather have my old life back,” said Jack. “It used to be the worst thing I’d have to worry about was some jock meathead picking on me at school. I’d give anything to have that back right now.”
“Aye,” said Scallywag. “And I’d like to be back on me ship, with a pretty yellow lass on me lap and a cold pint of plaxar rum in me hand. Guess that just proves we never get what we like.”
“Is that the ship you were on when the Deathlords got you? What’d you call it?”
“The Reaver,” smiled Scallywag.
“Yeah, that. The Deathlords captured it?”
“Takes more than a few Deathlord Motherships to capture The Reaver, lad. We were on a prison transport, actually,” said Scallywag. “Ol’ Faruuz got himself nipped while raiding a Tarush merchant frigate.”
“What did you get nipped for?” Jack asked.
“Me?” said Scallywag innocently. “I wasn’t captured. I was there ta rescue the bum.”
“I seem to remember you locked up in the prison pod next ta me,” grumbled Faruuz.
“Well, how else was I supposed ta get aboard the bloody transport?” replied Scallywag. “It’s not like they sell tickets onto those things.”
“Just saying, I don’t see how being locked up in the same ship as me was part o’ some brilliant escape plan,” the alien said. “Still think ya probably just said ya were there to help me so I wouldn’t rip your sodding throat out first chance I got.”
“Trust me, if we hadn’t gotten captured by the Deathlords, me plan woulda worked just fine,” said Scallywag. “And I told ya, I was there to make amends.”
“Bah,” spat Faruuz. “Like ya could ever make up for what ya did.”
“Why? What’d you do?” asked Jack.
Scallywag sighed. “It ain’t important. We should stop talking until we get back ta camp.”
“Oh, so now ya want the Earthman to shut up?” smirked Faruuz. “Brilliant. Go on, Earthman. Ask him. Ask him more of yer sodding questions to pass the time, why don’t ya?”
Jack was quiet. There was obviously something going on between the two aliens, and he was positive he didn’t want to keep poking at it.
“What?” asked Faruuz at Jack’s silence. “No more? Ain’t you got at least one more bloody stupid question to ask?”
“Actually,” said Jack. “Either of you wouldn’t happen to know what ‘petulant’ means, would you?”
Faruuz stopped and turned toward Jack. For a second, Jack thought he was going to raise his rifle at him when Scallywag put his hand on its barrel and stopped it.
“Easy, mate,” grinned Scallywag.
Faruuz grumbled. “Enough of this. Next one who utters a peep, I’m blasting. Don’t care which one o’ ya it is.”
Faruuz yanked his rifle from Scallywag’s hand and stormed off. Scallywag winked at Jack before following silently behind his alien friend. Jack figured that was his way of telling him Faruuz was serious, so he stayed quiet the rest of the journey.
After what felt like another couple of hours, the group approached what appeared to be a crevice in the walls of the Pit, flanked by large outcroppings of rock. Faruuz and Scallywag slowed down as they approached.
“Oy, Rodham,” whispered Scallywag loudly. “It’s us. Don’t bloody shoot.”
Two figures silently emerged from one of the outcroppings of rocks, carrying what looked like some pretty cool plasma rifles. Jack thought the guns looked an awful lot like M-16s, but more futuristic.
The men looked human, but their pointed ears made it obvious they were Regals, like Anna and Shepherd. Both were wearing dirty and dusty uniforms, dark grey jumpsuits with some navy blue tinted armor inter-woven into them. On their shoulders were circular crimson patches, containing two golden orbs – one within the other.
The man in the front as they approached was tall, rugged, and muscular. He had a small scar under his left eye, and his gaze was cold and hard, much like Shepherd’s. He had close-cropped blonde hair and some stubble on his face, which said he hadn’t shaved in a while.
The man behind him was more slender and far less muscular. He had an uncombed head of dark blonde hair, but his light eyes were far more scared than that of his companion. His face looked drawn and pale, even in the darkness.
“Took your kitten time coming back, pirate,” said the big man Jack assumed was Rodham.
“Well, had I known you’d miss me so much, I’d have hurried back sooner,” replied Scallywag.
“Did you find anything?”
“Does an Earthman count?” replied Scallywag, pointing his thumb toward Jack.
Rodham looked down at Jack as if noticing him for the first time.
“Not unless we can eat him,” he grumbled.
“Something which I’m not sure isn’t an option,” said Faruuz.
“Any water?” asked the other man, his voice wavering slightly. “What about food?”
“It be pretty sparse out there,” replied Scallywag. “We did find a few goodies, though. But nothing that’ll last us more than a day or two… assuming we can choke it down, that is.”
“Exits?” Rodham inquired.
“Nada,” said Scallywag. “Solid rock everywhere. Did the other team find anything?”
Rodham shook his head. “They’re not kitten back yet,” he said. “You all better get in and report what you found to the Major.”
Rodham’s eyes narrowed. “Been wondering that myself, Red,” the big man grumbled. He punched the shoulder of his companion lightly, though even that almost knocked the poor fellow over.
“Escort them in, Porter,” said Rodham. “Make sure they actually deliver their kitten findings. Then send Tappert out to replace you.”
“Ya still don’t trust us?” said Scallywag, smiling slyly. “Yer breakin’ me cold, black heart, Sergeant.”
“Trust me, pirate, I’d be breakin’ a whole lot more if we didn’t need each other to survive.”
“You and me both,” said Scallywag as he walked past the man. “C’mon, Yeoman Porter. Lead us to his Majesty.”
Without waiting for his escort, Scallywag entered into the crevice of rock, followed closely by Faruuz. Jack walked behind with Yeoman Porter, his feet screaming and burning with every step. All he wanted at that moment was to sit down and take a nap.
“You’re an Earthman?” asked Porter as he walked, trying to keep an eye on the two aliens ahead of them.
“Yeah,” said Jack.
“What are you doing here?” Porter asked.
“Just lucky, I guess,” said Jack dryly. Porter chuckled.
“Sorry,” the Yeoman replied. “I mean, we were taken when the Deathlords boarded our ships. One moment, I’m getting the Captain his coffee, the next, Dark Soldiers appear out of nowhere and shoot me with a ball of purple light, and now I’m here.”
“Coffee?” asked Jack. “You mean, like, space coffee?”
“Huh? No, just… coffee. Do they not have coffee on Earth?”
“We do, I just didn’t know they had it on other planets.”
“Oh, well, maybe it’s not exactly the same thing. I am… I was the Captain’s assistant. That’s what a Yeoman is, you know. Kinda like the head officer’s right-hand man. If he wants coffee, I get him coffee. I also deal with visitors, take his subspace communications, basically run his life. You know, stuff like that.”
“Sounds… awesome,” said Jack, not really meaning it.
“It’s not glamorous, but it’s a heck of a lot better than standing guard out there with Sergeant Rodham; I’ll tell you that.”
“Yeah, what’s his deal with kittens, anyway?” Jack asked.
“What do you mean?”
“He talks about kittens a lot,” said Jack.
“Oh, sorry about that. The Sergeant tends to swear a great deal when he’s stressed.”
“Swear?” asked Jack.
“Uh-huh. Why? What’s kitten mean on Earth?”
“We use it to refer to a cute baby animal.”
Porter laughed. “I think it’s safe to say it stands for something completely different to the rest of the universe.”
Suddenly, Porter began to cough uncontrollably. He wheezed and tried to catch his breath.
“You okay?” asked Jack.
“No…” said Porter weakly. “Ever since we got here, I’ve been feeling worse and worse. Like I’m coming down with something, but… it’s not like any sickness I’ve ever experienced. It’s this place. It’s like it’s crushing me on the inside.”
Jack looked at the man and could almost see him get a little paler. The crevice into the wall led into an open cavern where a few torches and campfires were burning, making it easier to see.
“Anyway, we were on this secret mission, doing guard duty for your planet,” continued Porter. “I got to see the communications from our ground team. I didn’t think you Earthmen were capable of advanced spaceflight or anything like that.”
“Well, we’re really not,” said Jack.
“Then how’d you get here?” asked Porter. “And how do you know how to speak New Solar?”
“Speak what?” asked Jack.
“New Solar, our language,” replied Porter. “You speak it perfectly.”
“I think I downloaded it into my brain or something,” said Jack. “It’s kinda a long story.”
Jack saw Scallywag and Faruuz approach a small group huddled by a tiny fire. A few men were laid out next to it, bloody and beaten up pretty badly. An older man in the same kind of uniform as Porter and Rodham was tending to their wounds. A few other guys were lying there by the fire, too, but they didn’t look beaten up at all; they were just moaning and sweating.
As the group approached, another man stepped out of the darkness. He must have been in his early thirties by Jack’s guess. He had a buzz cut of light brown hair, and his eyes were a hard blue. Part of his right ear was missing, giving him a weird lopsided look. But other than that, Jack would have pegged him as Captain America incarnate.
“You made it back,” said the man. “I was beginning to worry.”
“Had to go out farther this time,” said Scallywag, tossing him a knapsack. “Didn’t find much. Some clothing, a few puddles of water, a small animal carcass or two.”
“Any meds?” the older man asked as he wiped the sweat from a shivering man’s brow with a dirty rag.
“No luck, Doc,” said Scallywag. “Sorry.”
The older man sighed. “What I wouldn’t give for even a basic first aid kit right now.”
“We’ll make due with what we’ve got,” said the man looking into the bag, obviously not too happy with its contents. “Let’s just hope the other team fares better.”
“Oh yeah, we also found this,” said Scallywag, pointing to Jack.
The man looked at Jack and squinted. “And who are you?” he asked.
“Name’s Jack,” Jack replied.
“He’s an Earthman, Major,” chimed in Porter.
The Major raised an eyebrow. “You’re from the planet?”
“I was,” said Jack bitterly. “The Deathlords kinda blew it up.”
A visible shift went through the group. Even Faruuz looked somewhat saddened at the news. The Major approached Jack and dropped to a knee so he was eye-level with him.
“If that’s so, how did you come to be here?” he asked.
“I escaped. With Anna and Mr. Shepherd.”
The Major’s eyes widened. “The Princess? She was able to get off world?”
“Yeah,” said Jack. “Until, you know… they caught us.”
The Major’s shoulders visibly slumped at that news. “What happened?”
“They boarded our ship, and I got teleported to the Deathlord mothership along with Anna,” explained Jack. “They threw me in here and took Anna off somewhere else.”
“So the Princess lives?” said the Major hopefully.
“Yeah,” said Jack. “I’m pretty sure they wanted her alive.”
“Thank the Great Observer for small miracles,” breathed the Major. “And what of Paragon Shepherd?”
“Last I saw him, he was doing his whole butt-kicking thing,” said Jack.
“Then there may still be hope,” said the Major as he got to his feet. “I’m sorry for what happened to your planet, Jack. I’m afraid you may have been better off there than you are here. But while you are, you’re under our protection.”
“And just who are you guys?” Jack asked.
“I’m Major Ganix, a member of the Princess’s royal escort. You’ve obviously met Yeoman Porter and Sergeant Rodham. This is Doctor Pyle. We’re all members of the Regalus Imperial Space Force, tasked with protecting the Princess during her expedition to your planet.”
Great job, Jack thought sarcastically. Looking around the cave, there had to be at least a dozen sorry looking Imperial soldiers milling about. Some were weathered and drawn. Others looked tired and miserable. Overall, Jack thought it looked more like a prison camp than a military operation.
“What’s wrong with those guys?” Jack asked, referencing the men Doc Pyle was tending to.
“They’re our wounded…” said Ganix before glancing at the other non-bloodied men a bit uneasily. “And our sick.”
; “Do you know anything about where we are?” asked Yeoman Porter. “Where they’ve put us?”
Jack shook his head. “I was on the bridge of the Deathlord Mothership, then some jerk-wad tossed me onto a platform and teleported me here. That’s all I know.”
Porter frowned at that news. Suddenly, Jack felt bad about not being more helpful.
“You look tired,” said the Major. “You should sleep. I’ll have someone set aside some rations for you.”
“Thanks,” Jack sighed. It was a small thing, but at that moment it was the best news he’d heard all day.
Ganix turned to Scallywag. “Captain, since you found the boy, would you mind taking watch while he gets some rest?”
Scallywag’s eyes narrowed. It sounded like the Major asked a request, but it was obvious it was really an order. “Be my pleasure, Major,” said the red-skinned alien. “Anything else we can do for the Empire before settling down for the night?”
Ganix smirked before tossing him a small sack of rations. “Eat,” he said. “And keep your guns handy.”
Scallywag pursed his lips sourly and turned to leave. “Right-o. C’mon, lad.”
Jack followed, along with Faruuz, leaving Ganix and the others to tend to their wounded comrades. Jack looked up at Scallywag as they walked away.
“I take it you guys don’t like each other?” Jack asked.
“Nothing personal,” said Scallywag. “As far as Regals go, that Ganix chap is better than most. But Visini and Regals just don’t tend ta get along all that well in general.”
“Why not?”
“Probly ‘cause we’ve been trying to destroy each other for ages,” replied Scallywag with a smile. “Their empire might be bigger than ours, but we’re nicer looking and have much better fashion sense.”
Jack smiled. Scallywag reached into the sack Ganix had given him and took out a small handful of what looked like crackers and gave them to Faruuz, who quietly sulked off as soon as he got his chow. Jack wasn’t exactly sad to see him go.
“So the Regals had you on a prison ship?” Jack asked.
“Hmmmm?” said Scallywag. “Nah, we were here long before that sorry lot showed up.”
“You were?”