All About You (Love & Hate series #1)

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

Past

  This time he didn’t let me finish because he hit me. The shock came after. I must have blacked out for a moment or so. A searing pain stabbed me right between my eyes. I tasted blood in my mouth. I blinked twice and saw Christian standing by me, and I was lying on the bed. I tried to move, but after a moment, I realised I was chained to the bedframe by handcuffs. My head spun and terror rolled over me like a tennis ball.

  “Christian, what are you doing?” I asked, trying to sit up. He moved around the bed like a hyena in the desert, his eyes gleaming with fury. The throbbing pain made me dizzy.

  “You lying bitch,” he snapped. “Do you think I’m stupid?”

  When I came to this room, I should have suspected that he would be violent all of a sudden. If Christian wanted something badly, he would do anything to get it.

  “Of course you’re not stupid, sweetie. Come on, it’s not funny anymore,” I pleaded, trying to turn this game into a joke. He ran his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath, and before I knew it, he was beside me, squeezing my face in his palm, hard, hurting me.

  “I’ve known since that day at school that my brother had a thing for you. He was always a freak of nature, so I jumped into an opportunity,” said Christian, whispering, squeezing my face harder and harder. “All these years I kept you for myself, but I knew you liked him too.”

  The tears moved over my cheeks, and I cried out, terrified.

  “You were probably fucking him behind my back, and now you’re telling me you don’t want to be with me anymore?”

  He released me.

  “Christian, please, it’s not like that!” I cried, hoping he would give me a chance to explain.

  “Don’t lie to me, you cunt!” he screamed and hit me again, this time below my ribs. I cried out, trying to breathe, but it seemed as if my lungs had stopped working. “You were going to leave me for him, thinking I’d leave you two with my blessing.”

  This was the real Christian, the one without a soul. It was funny how fast people changed. I never thought he was capable of anything like this.

  “And you’re refusing to fuck me because you were fucking him… Don’t be delusional, India. I was never faithful to you, but I wanted you.”

  “Christian, please, think about what you’re doing,” I pleaded, losing my mind and my strength. Oliver was supposed to be here with me. He was supposed to protect me from him. Why had this gone so wrong?

  He slapped me again, this time harder, and then he stood in front of me, beating my stomach with a stick. I screamed, but the music thumped so loud in my ears. No one could hear us. I couldn’t remember how many times he hit me, but it was always in the stomach, the places where no one could see the bruises. He smiled as he hurt me.

  After I was half conscious, he brought out a sharp, small knife and made two cuts just below my abdomen. I screamed when I saw the blood, but he shoved something in my mouth. My mind was clouded with pain. Christian laughed through the whole process, showing me I truly meant nothing to him. He told me who he really was. He confessed his deepest secrets. He admitted he had been sleeping around whenever he had a chance. The only reason he was with me was because he wanted to hurt Oliver. He blamed him for his mother’s illness.

  “This is just the beginning, India, just the start of what I have planned for us tonight!” he said

  And then darkness overtook me.

  Present

  I sit on the sofa, looking at the wall. Tears pour down my face. Dora has been quiet through this whole story, and that’s fine. I don’t expect her to understand. She idolised Christian through high school, like most people in Gargle. My mind feels like a sponge soaked with all the lies I’ve been keeping away from everyone I care about. When I revealed the truth to Oliver’s mother, I felt happier, not like today. After all, Mrs. Morgan learned everything about what happened to me that night.

  “Christian was a monster. I never expected him to turn into a cold, hateful psychopath,” whispers Dora, taking my shaking hand. I lift my eyes and look at her wiping my tears away. Shock mixed with disgust is painted all over her face. She’s shaking, and I know exactly how she feels. And Dora only knows part of the story. I don’t think I can bring myself to tell her the rest.

  “Yes, he was,” I agree.

  “Oh, India, I can’t imagine what you had to go through. Keeping quiet about this all these years…”

  “His death was like salvation for me, and on the other hand, I couldn’t do anything with what happened. He was dead. No justice could have been served. Everyone thought he was this perfect boyfriend.”

  “But you should have told me,” she says. “You didn’t have to suffer alone. You changed so much after his death.”

  “It was just after his funeral, when I saw Oliver. He never showed up, and I was so angry with him. He betrayed me.”

  She squeezes my hand.

  “So you chose to hurt him, to feel better after what Christian had done. I get it, India. I finally understand why you were so cruel to Oliver in high school.”

  I hide my head in my palms, breathing in and out. Dora might understand, but I don’t feel I can justify myself right now. I hurt Oliver so much. If I could change the past, I would, but it’s too late.

  “It was wrong, Dora. Oliver didn’t deserve to be treated like garbage. I should have told him the truth. I should have started seeing a therapist or something.”

  “You can’t blame yourself. Oliver has forgiven you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t try to be friends with you now.”

  “We lost each other when he didn’t show up. I think he could have saved me.”

  This is the truth. I can’t blame him for what Christian has done, but if he would have shown up like he promised, we both could have avoided suffering years after what happened. I can’t bring myself to tell Dora it’s not the whole truth, that Christian did more than just hit me.

  I also can’t tell her I’m still in love with Oliver and I have been since I saw him at school for the first time in my life.

  “You were both in love with each other. Maybe there’s still a chance that you can find a way to be together.”

  “It’s over, Dora. I can’t ever tell him the truth about what Christian did, not until he forgets what I did. I don’t want his forgiveness out of pity.”

  “But it will be easier for him to understand why you became—”

  “No, he wouldn’t understand, and I don’t want him to feel obligated, like he owes me something,” I say.

  “Oliver wouldn’t look at you like that. If you tell him the truth, you can both start over,” she insists.

  “I will, but not yet and not now. I want him to forgive me before he knows what I went through, before he pities me.”

  Dora doesn’t understand why I want to wait with this, and that’s fine because I have to do this on my own. Oliver is with someone else, and this is my own darkness. I can’t just go to him and tell him what Christian did. The old India has died, and Oliver needs to see I’m trying to make this work without any games, without involvement of the past.

  When I finally go to bed, the pain in my chest eases off. I still have a long way to go before I accept that I can continue living my life without the haunting demons.

  Present

  Dora makes me breakfast the next day. She can’t cook, but she’s trying to make an effort. At least I feel better knowing I don’t have to pretend in front of her anymore.

  “I’m taking you to the police station. We have to report what happened last night,” she says. I was so absorbed with thoughts about Christian that I forgot about the assault.

  “They didn’t do anything, Dora. They sacred me and I managed to escape.”

  She slams her hand on the table, angry. “For fuck’s sake, India, I’m taking you to the police station right now. What if those guys try again… on someone else?”

  Dora is right. I can’t just let this go. I wouldn’t forgive myself if some other girl we
re assaulted.

  “Okay, fine, we’ll go.”

  She nods, looking satisfied. My best friend is right. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. My life has been ruined, and I can’t let this happen to someone else because two filthy blokes can’t control themselves.

  She drives me to the police station outside campus. Within ten minutes, I’m being taken to another room and going through the events of the previous night. The policeman that takes my statement is understanding. I don’t remember much at all, but I let him know where exactly the two guys stopped me. After half an hour of questions, I leave the station with Dora. The police are going to take a closer look at the shortcuts around campus. I can only hope they can catch those guys.

  “I told Jacob we were shopping,” says Dora as she parks her car outside our apartment.

  “And he believed you?”

  “He did, but I’m going to tell a few girls to be careful in the evening. It’s better to set the warning.”

  “I guess so. Anyway, thanks for taking me. I need to rush.”

  We part ways and head to our classes. Dora is gong to spread a rumour that someone was attacked yesterday. She isn’t going to mention my name, but it’s good that she decided to let others know there is a danger around campus.

  The rest of my day moves slowly. By two o’clock, I hear girls talking about the assault, but no one points at me. It’s strange how fast news in Braxton spreads. I feel a little better walking home later on, knowing people are aware they need be more careful.

  I have a short day today, so I decide to cook dinner for both of us. I like to be alone in the apartment. I call Mum and chat with her for a few minutes before I go back to my curry. I open my laptop and start looking through the questions for my assessment when I hear banging at the door.

  My heart leaps into my throat. Those guys don’t know where I live; it’s impossible.

  “India, hey, India, open up.”

  I rush to the door, recognising Oliver’s voice.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask as he barges through the door, uninvited.

  “Were you attacked yesterday night?”

  I bite my lip, contemplating if it’s wise to say anything to him. Oliver is playing a good friend now, but it’s not really his business. He looks tense, staring at me, clenching his fists, taking long, hard breaths.

  “Nothing happened. Two guys got in my way. They were probably drunk, and I got away,” I explain, closing the door. He paces around the room, running his hand through his hair.

  “Fuck, I heard rumours and someone mentioned your name,” he says, looking at me like he cares.

  “It’s okay, Oliver. I’m fine. They didn’t have a chance to do anything to me,” I say, looking away.

  “I broke up with Rhian.”

  I don’t know if I heard right, but his last words sound unreal. I look at him again, my heart beating faster. Maybe Oliver is only playing with me. Maybe it’s another prank.

  His chest rises and falls, and I keep asking myself if it’s just a dream. I open my mouth to ask him why he made that decision, but he doesn’t give me a chance to say anything because next thing I know, he’s kissing me. Oliver’s lips move onto mine, gentle at first and then hungry before he presses harder, kissing me again and again. His mouth consumes me; his arms make their way around my waist.

  My legs give way, but he holds me tightly, slipping his tongue inside my mouth. The heat dances between us. My body erupts with desire, and I want to beg him to continue. His lips taste like the morning sun and his touch on my body is like a burning inferno.

  “God, India, you taste incredible,” he growls, sucking the sensitive part of my neck.

  I gasp for air, my mind spinning, and I don’t know if I should let him take me like this.

  “Oliver,” I say between heavy breaths.

  “I was worried about you.” He lifts me and I place my legs around his waist, inhaling his cologne. We move to the sofa and when he’s on top of me, a wave of electric warmth washes over me.

  There is no more tension, hesitation, or reluctance. It’s only us, and we both want this. The soaring heat travels through my entire body, releasing the pumping desire, when his hand trails over my thighs. I let go of a soft moan as I feel him between my legs. Then he pulls away, breathing heavily, but his eyes are always on mine.

  “You are so beautiful. I’ll never let anyone hurt you,” he whispers, sucking my ear. I growl with pleasure when he’s back to taking care of my lips, moving his hand over my back. Our bodies respond to each other like we’ve been making love for years.

  Oliver is back in my life, and I’m not letting him go, not this time around.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Past Collides with Present