My Insanity

by Martin Länger

  “These corridors comprise our most advanced cases or let's rather say, patients. They will eventually be transferred to another place with more capacities, doctors, and stricter regiments,” Dr. Alfons took a deep breath..

  After a few steps, Gwyn noticed one door in particular, where it looked like the glass on the door had been heavily scratched from the inside. He read the name tablet at the side out loud, “‘Number 13, Patient O. F.’ - O.F.? So, it's initials only?” Gwyn asked while chancing a glimpse through the glass.

  “That's right. It's to protect what’s left of their privacy.”

  “Understandable. It's not what I'm after either,” Gwyn agreed. “Can you tell me something about the case, if that is allowed?”

  “Hmm, only so much that Number 13 is a young woman, who was brought to us some years ago. Since then she's not spoken, not even to other patients or the medical personnel. Their guardians have stopped visiting over the years as well,” the doctor said with a painful expression. “Nowadays she mostly sits in the middle of the room, on her little, wooden stool and stares through the trellised window. Unfortunately, we still don't really know what is wrong with her,” Dr. Alfons answered worriedly.

  His Description matched what Gwyn saw through the small pane. A lonely woman, sitting silently with long, black locks. She was like a puppet that was cut from its strings, without a will on its own. Her lifeless image and the atmosphere of isolation laid itself around Gwyn like a cold, and depressing coat, making him shiver.

  “It really is a shame. She is way too young to stop living like that, and yet there is nothing we can really do about it. I don't even want to think about what terrible thing might've happened to her,” Dr. Alfons gave Gwyn a light touch while shaking his head, signaling for them to move on.

  Eventually, they reached the last room at the end of the floor, where Dr. Alfons had something for Gwyn. He went into the room alone but shortly returned with empty hands, apologizing to the young man. It seemed there was something important he wanted to give him, but he didn't seem to recollect where he had put it. Gwyn couldn't be mad at the strange, yet kind doctor that was giving him so much hospitality.

  He had already seen enough.

  Without sending him away with empty hands, he gave Gwyn a short list of books on the subject matter. In hopes of gaining more insight, he thanked the old friend of his late parents and finally left the institute. Though, he was very much aware that Dr. Alfons seemed somewhat happy that Gwyn didn't try to delve deeper into such a serious matter. Just when he exited the manor and thought Delirias might have shut up for good, the aspect reopened his wide, malicious mouth.

  “What now my, little adventurer?” he asked expectantly.

  “And here I thought you finally accepted that I don't want to talk to you.”

  “How rude. Wasn't I just terrific and well mannered?” the aspect sobbed and jumped along Gwyn’s side, though his partner was already lost in thought again.

  “There is only more place left that can help me now. Hopefully, he saves my ass just one more time,” Gwyn thought “I don't know how long I'll be able to handle this anymore…”

  Even after managing their way back into the inner city and Gwyn’s home, he still couldn't shake the image of all the pitiful looking patients, living their days closed off of reality, wasting away.

  “That is because they are pathetic weaklings,” Delirias mocked Gwyn, just as if he knew what he was thinking about. He complacently sprawled on the couch in his office as he yawned without a care in the world.

  “Of course not all of them are responsible for their condition, but aren't you seeing it day in, day out with your own eyes? Rudimentary people who give up at the slightest hint of hardship, being afraid of what happens when they really give everything they have. Risks are minimized, even if the damage they take is their own to pay,” the aspect seemed deliberately pissed about this topic.

  “So many lost their courage to fight for themselves and are 'satisfied' with what they ha-”, Delirias was interrupted as he skillfully evaded, with another somersault, the projectile that Gwyn was throwing at him in the form of a book.

  “Fufu, violence is not always the answer, kid,” he laughed with his wide, white grin looming underneath the shadow of his hood.

  “SHUT THE HELL UP!” Gwyn objected as he sat down on this work desk.

  “I cannot hear it anymore. I don't know which one of my sick aspects you are supposed to resemble, or why I’m only seeing you now, but I don't want to listen to another word!” he raised his voice from word to word, while looking more and more restless.

  “Of course you have some valid points, but that is almost always the case for both sides. Not everyone is the same, and no, that makes them not worth any less. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it's just too much to go on,” Gwyn ranted in self-defense. Delirias’ grin only widened the more his partner opened up to the conversation.

  The aspect began to question his argument. “Do you say all of this because you know I'm right? Or do you finally realize, you're just as guilty as they are?”

  Right then as Gwyn was about to deliver his answer, full of rage, they were interrupted by the telephone ringing on the other end of the apartment. The young man rushed towards it, while his aspect simply kept smiling.

  “Viridas speaking here, hello,” he announced.

  A deep and raspy voice greeted him.

  “Good, I was hoping to get in touch with you, Mr. Viridas. I'm Detective Nikolaye Arthelos from the criminal department downtown. I would like you to answer some of my questions, regarding a case I just started working on. I'm sure you're willing to comply and cooperate, correct?”

  “W-what the f-” he thought, as he almost swallowed his own tongue. Confused he tried his best to reply. “O-of course, b-but I d-don't know how I'm able to help you?”

  “Thank you for your time. I shall explain shortly. I don't know if you've heard, but there have been some strange incidents lately around town, involving obscure deaths. It’s been on the news, but we’re still gathering possible witnesses,” he paused to, what sounded like he tooka pull from his cigarette, then calmly continued after he exhaled. “Like yesterday for example where an elderly man, Thomas Orthdoff, mutilated himself with a fork, and ultimately died of shock in his home. Have you heard of it? He was living only three blocks away from you.”

  Gwyn felt like he heard that name before, but wasn't sure where. Lately, his mind was so focused on getting rid of Delirias, that he almost forgot about everything else. “What are you implying?!” Gwyn mustered the courage to talk back.

  The detective didn’t mind and continued “Or the young woman that scratched her own face so intensely that she bled to death at the scene, or maybe you remember the guy that fell from the roof on Main Street…”

  “Excuse me,” Gwyn started to interrupt. “What do I have to do with all of this?”

  “Good question,” the rough man answered joyfully.

  “It seems to be the case that there is some strange evidence left behind at these supposed suicides. Some of my sources say they believe to have seen you shortly after the time of death. Unfortunately, we couldn't meet you in person today since you were out, but your neighbors were so kind to inform us that you were almost regularly leaving the house at night. Maybe you can tell us more about what you've been doing. so I wanted to give you a little, friendly call.”

  “Do you want to incriminate me?” Gwyn got louder.

  “No. Not yet at least. Nothing is final without real evidence, but it certainly becks a few questions which I want to have answered, don't you too? Don’t we all just want some answers in our life?” he paused. “Tell me, have you been to the local graveyard lately?”

  For a moment the blood froze in Gwyn’s veins, and he didn't know how to react. He didn't think anyone saw him that night. His head was racing through all the different possibilities, but it was useless. His hand that held the receiver started shaking, and all he could rem
ember was his encounter with Delirias, while the sweat started to drop from his forehead.

  “Don't be like this. I just have some provisional questions for you. I'm sure you have a solid alibi. We should talk in person,” detective Arthelos continued to push him.

  “O-okay,” Gwyn had trouble to keep his voice from cracking, as his confusion was overwhelming him.

  “Wonderful. Please write down our address. We will await you at the station tomorrow at eight o’clock sharp. Then we can talk to our heart's desire,” with his remaining willpower he wrote everything down, before detective Arthelos said his last words.

  “Thanks for your cooperation.. and by the way, one more thing, Mr. Viridas.”

  “Y-yes?” he asked nervously.

  “You are still young. I want to give a word of advice from my years of experience. Please don't leave the city, and arrive on time tomorrow.”

  Silence returned. Gwyn was shattered. Unable to speak up. His body felt numb.

  Everything was falling apart.

  “Thanks, Mr. Viridas. I wish you a nice evening,” the detective bid his farewell with his raspy voice and left Gwyn to himself with his racing heart and panic. Frozen stiff, he still held the receiver. Even Delirias, who didn't really bother with the call and dozed off, woke up when he heard something hitting the ground. He caught a glimpse of Gwyn hastily writing something down on a little notepad and stormed out of the front door. Fast as lightning, Delirias teleported to Gwyn on the staircase, until they hit the street together.

  “I mean, I think it's funny that you start to bring some fun into your life, but why are we running?” the aspect asked in a clueless fashion but was once more ignored.

  This wasn't the time to argue with him. Gwyn needed answers quickly.

  “Well little one, then you leave me with no choice,” Delirias said in a demanding tone, and their surroundings started to desaturate again while the Pansarum materialized itself. Though Gwyn didn't seem to be affected by it, as he was still marching forward. Nothing came to a standstill.

  “Impossible!” It shot out of Delirias in shock for the first time. “Why is an inexperienced human able to break the Pansarum? He didn't even concentrate on it!” He bit his lip while being disgruntled. “Damn it all! Alrighty then, my little human friend. As long as we are in your world, I shall abide your rules, but soon you shall be my toy to play with…”

  Meanwhile, Gwyn was still continuing in his fear, stopping after only a few streets, gasping for air.

  “What the hell is happening?!”, it went through his mind as his fingers clawed into his chest, trying to calm his heart.

  Delirias parenthetically overheard a few mumbled words that were coming so fast out of Gwyn’s mouth that he could only guess, that his partner was somehow trying to rationalize what was going on.

  “Dear Master.” Gwyn tilted his head to a barbaric grin that awaited him. “You seem a bit distressed, which's why I didn't want to bother you with this… it's just that my poor, kind-hearted soul cannot handle to hide something from you,” Delirias said in a gloomy voice, making Gwyn’s body twitch even more.

  “Just say it already!” he yelled with a bloated, red face.

  “Kiki, I don't know what you’ve gotten yourself into, but it seems that there are people following you. Besides me, obviously,” he whispered into Gwyn’s ear.

  “What?!” he gasped in terror. The figure in green and black smiled at him and pressed his index finger onto his lips.

  “Shhh. Nobody should know that the two of us are having such exquisite conversations without anyone noticing.”

  “I have to get to Tyr. RIGHT NOW!” it shot out of Gwyn.

  “You're still relying on others? Is it not the time to walk your own path? What is an old childhood friend supposed to hold your hands with?” the aspect asked in a condescending tone.

  “He's the only one that can give me strength. The one that believes after everyone else has given up! Don’t you ever speak of him with such little respect,” Gwyn answered with determination before restarting his sprint. It was the thought of his old and dear childhood friend that kept him going.

  “Just a tad more,” he thought as he rushed through the masses, but with every moving step it got harder and harder for him to move on. The shoulders of emotionless people started ramming into him, even while he tried to evade them. He was like a fish swimming against the current, going down in the gray legion that was flooding the path in front of him. His gaze became dizzy, and his legs felt weak. Nobody was there to help him. His eyes got heavier with every waking moment, while a strong pulsation threatened to break his skull.

  Gwyn went down on his knees and pressed his hands on top his head. He felt like it would explode any second now.

  “AAARGGH! MAKE IT STOP!” he screamed inwardly.

  It seemed like he got swallowed up by the masses. A feeling that he knew all too well. Little by little, strange and ominous images where flashing in front of his inner eyes. They repeated themselves until they were burned into his memory. Like the images of a projector, they were flashing up one after another.

  A red coat inflamed and engulfed everything in a sea of fire. Silver cufflinks lightened up the darkness in bright moonlight. An emerald amulet that was spinning around in circles. Glass-like domes made out of light towering in the distance. People in chains moving towards glistening light. An ocean of masks made out of porcelain and from within emerged a giant eagle that was engulfed by black tar. Followed by a golden spear that illuminated the darkness. Black flames danced around a mirror that was cut in half. An enormous beam of light shot into the sky where glowing, green fangs are looming within.

  “WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS SHIT MEAN? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME?! WHY CAN'T IT HIT SOMEONE ELSE? I DON'T CARE WHO! JUST LET ME BE FREE ALREADY!”

  No more clear thoughts were possible. Everything happened so fast that Gwyn would've preferred to die right there on the spot. Just as it seemed that all his will to live was gone, he started to hear a voice. “The time is near.”

  In his shock-induced trance, he couldn't really tell, if he knew who's talking.

  “Playtime's over, kid,” it called out to him. Before he even realized what happened, Delirias squatted down next to him and watched him with his glowing green eyes, while everything else was standing still.

  Delirias caught Gwyn’s look. “That's right. The Pansarum. You already forgot, right? Well, you didn't leave me a choice. You suddenly collapsed like a young maiden about to faint after meeting her handsome prince. When you started mumbling to yourself, I had to stop you. Please think about your reputation, my dear.”

  His aspect made his usual jokes at his expense, but he also reached out to him with his hand as he stood up.

  Gwyn hesitated until the man in the coat spoke to him again.

  “Gwyn, you should've realized by now that there is a reason that you can see me,” he almost seemed sympathetic as he said that.

  “If you don't tell me what happened, then I cannot help you. Didn't you want to meet with this Tyr guy?”

  It was the first time that Gwyn didn't feel threatened by Delirias, rather he was someone that would stand by him in times of need. Even if he only was the product of his imagination. He took his aspect’s hand and regained his posture.

  “Now that's more like it,” said Delirias who clapped his hands together twice and the Pansarum went away in the blink of an eye, returning the color to their surroundings.

  The crowd of people was no longer an obstacle for Gwyn. He ignored the judgmental glances of the people that were avoiding him. A feeling of hope engulfed his body. He didn't understand a thing, but it was the first time that he somehow thought that he could manage.

  After pushing through it didn't take long for them to reach his initial goal.

  They halted in front of a row of houses with a red-yellow pattern, where one building in particular was completely covered in yellow. A little staircase made its way down to a door painted in b
lue. A golden doorknob was on it, with a small window next to it, painted in a blue frame as well.

  “A bookstore? Are you sure, you know what you're doing? I mean, this is your last bastion?” the aspect remarked with sarcasm while trying to look through the tiny window. Then he saw the sign hanging from the side of the building.

  “'The Blue Crayfish.' Who always comes up with these weird names?” Delirias wondered.

  “Shut up,” Gwyn hissed. “This shop has been owned by the same family for generations. Without the old name, it just wouldn't be the same.”

  “Well, if you say so…” the aspect shrugged.

  “Finally a glimmer of hope. Finally, I'm home,” Gwyn whispered as he touched the doorknob and ventured into the store.

  Chapter 5 – Confrontation

  As the door slowly opened the first thing greeting them was the unique odor of uncountable books stacked on top of each other. Many different rows and shelves were carefully stored inside. Some of them even reached the ceiling of the room. Wooden corkscrew stairs went across from each other on the sides, as if there was a second floor, which didn't even seem to exist. It felt like a reimagining of an M.C. Escher painting, with just bookshelves and wooden stairs.

  In awe, Gwyn made his way, with his aspect at his side, to a lovely engraved counter in the middle. Even Delirias seemed to be taken aback by the wonderful, and quiet atmosphere of The Blue Crayfish.

  “Tyr?” Gwyn called out, as he was nervously looking around. “Are you there?”

  “Do I hear that right?! If that's not Gwyn, my old fink of a friend,” a voice shouted from one of the chambers on the sides, followed by footsteps getting closer.

  Gwyn still admiring the scenery, like always, reciprocated immediately.