Stroke Of Fear

by Alla Kar

  Rolling my eyes, I turn and go over our clipboard. Damn it. He’s with us for this activity. “Hey, Blondie, you’re the one that fell into the water, right?”

  I turn on my heel. “How do you know about that?”

  He snorts. “Everyone knows about that. It’s not a big deal.”

  He has no idea. I point toward the field. “Go get ready, before I get you kicked out of our activities for the summer.”

  “Oh, so touchy. Don’t be mad, I’ll give you some sugar if you ask. That’s if my brother doesn’t give it to you first.”

  I gasp. He runs off to the field laughing. “That little bastard.”

  Cassie laughs. I give her my best shut the hell up glare. “Oh, come on. You know the kid is cute.”

  “He knows it, too,” I mumble.

  Cassie groans. “Shit, here come the kids. Let’s get this over with.”

  * * *

  Cassie is still out with Eric when I tuck myself into bed. Who knows what the hell they’re doing? Well, I’m pretty sure I know what they’re doing. They just met this morning and they’re already running off to make-out in some secluded spot. A small rap of knuckles hit against our cabin door, and I jump.

  I can’t help it, but my heart starts pounding. Who in the hell could it be? “Who is it?”

  “Me.”

  Shit. Rolling my eyes, I uncover myself and open the door for Jake. He’s leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. A tight, white shirt stretches over his chest and down his thick arms.

  Looking up at me through dark, thick lashes, he asks, “Can I come in? Or are you going to make me stay out here?”

  I cross my arms over my chest, realizing I don’t have a bra on. Not that Jake hasn’t seen me naked before, he has, plenty of times. But, not now. Not in weeks. “You want the real answer to that?”

  He sighs, and kicks off the door. “You don’t need to be alone. Let me in, please. Just for a little bit and I’ll leave you alone.”

  “It’s against the rules.”

  Reaching past me, he opens the door for himself. Sighing, I shut and lock it behind him.

  “I think your cabin is bigger than ours.” Walking around, he runs his fingers over my bedspread. “It smells like you. I’ll never forget that smell. Lavender. Flowery. It makes me remember our first month of dating. We’d lay on your bed, tangled up with each other and kiss until those pouty lips were swollen.”

  Heat flushes my cheeks. Suddenly the floor seems very interesting.

  “What’s happened to us?” I hear, then feel his hands wrap around my shoulders and move toward the crease in my elbow. “I miss you, Aubrey.”

  I miss me, too. “I do, too.”

  Pulling me closer, he wraps his hands around my lower back. “Then let’s give it a shot again. Let’s fall in love again.”

  Tears. Damn it, they’re threatening to fall down my face. “I’m not ready, Jake. Not yet. I just… I need some time to myself.”

  He growls and retracts his hands. “Is this still about the water incident? I mean… I apologized. I had no idea you were afraid of the water. I had no idea you would almost drown, Aubrey.”

  “Exactly. You had no idea. If you knew me just a little you’d know what h—” My voice cuts off. I can’t tell him. It doesn’t feel right. The conversation feels forced.

  “What? What happened?” Jake takes another step toward me, closing the rest of the distance. The heavy smell of his AXE spray tingles my nose. It’s so familiar. So approachable.

  Shaking my head, I wrap my hands over my chest. “It’s nothing. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sore from the fall. I’m tired from today, and I want to go to sleep.”

  Jake runs his fingers through his dark blond hair. “Can we give it another try? I’ll give you a week or so, and then we can see where we’re at? Please? You won’t regret it.”

  Pressing my toe into a spot on the hardwood, I shrug. “I guess. But, I need space until then. I need time.”

  Jake smiles and presses a soft kiss to my forehead. “Okay, baby. Lock the door when I leave. If you need anything call me. Text me. Just please come to me if you need anything.”

  I nod so he’ll leave, then shut the door behind him. I click the lock and scoot back into my bed. The warmth settles my nerves and before I know it, I’m drifting off into a dark abyss.

  * * *

  The wind from the water was cold. So cold. Freezing, actually. My fingers laced over the edge of a railing. A railing I knew all too well. As if on schedule, my breath started to come in quick, hard jabs. The cool air formed an invisible weight against my chest.

  “Oh, Aubrey. That hair. I’ve always loved to touch those golden locks.”

  No. My mouth was wide open, but something kept any words from forming on my lips. It was his erection poking into my lower back. I felt it pressing harder, harder. A silent scream ripped from my throat. I imagined it filling the air, imagined someone hearing me. Helping me. Rescuing me.

  “Oh, Aubrey. I’m going to finish the job this time. You won’t wake. You won’t have to dream anymore,” a hoarse, familiar voice, whispered in my ear.

  Something was tied tightly around my wrist, bounding me together, again. I yanked and pulled, but it didn’t budge. I was trapped. My hands surrendered, my body capitulated. It was happening again. Not again. He couldn’t be out. He couldn’t be here.

  My silent voice made its appearance and my voice wrecked through the air. It was too late. I was moving closer to the edge. I screwed my eyes shut. Don’t open them. Don’t look into the eyes of your killer—into the eyes of your death.

  “Open them, Aubrey. See what’s in store for you.”

  The rough hands that were wrapped around me released, and I fled—falling down toward the water below. But when I opened my eyes this next time, I wasn’t on the bridge. There was no railing. No concrete structure staring at me. It was woods. A cliff. My screamed echoes through the trees before I was pushed down so far under water that I would never resurface.

  Chapter Four

  Tanner

  I’m getting use to the woods here. It’s not too much different from back home. Just here no one talks with a drawl. It’s all fast and busy. The woods are comforting. When I moved into my brother’s extra room in downtown San Francisco, I knew I was giving up the outdoors. Well, my kind of outdoors. This is a great substitute.

  The crickets play a soft tune underneath the sound of the trees blowing in the wind. Then there is the water close by, rustling against the rocks in its way. These two months may not be too bad after all.

  I’m passing the girls’ cabins when I hear a small knock. On the step of Aubrey’s cabin is Asshat. He’s leaning against the doorframe like he owns the fucking place. If I had any sense, I would have knocked the fuck out of him at the cliff.

  “Me,” he says.

  “Asshat,” I mumble underneath my breath. Stepping to the side, into the shadows I watch. What the hell is happening to me? I’m watching like a fucking stalker.

  Aubrey opens the door, and I take a large breath in. Fucking, shit. Her thin, white tank top is stuck to her breasts. And holy mother if she doesn’t have a bra on. Christ. I press my eyes close and curse underneath my breath. Why? I’m never going to get that out of my fucking head. Then she shifts, and I see her short pajama bottoms. Torture. My dick moves in my jeans, urging me to walk over there and rip off the little clothing she has on.

  “Can I come in? Or are you going to make me stay out here?”

  Kick his ass out.

  “You want the real answer to that?” she asks.

  I hold back laughter. That a girl.

  He kicks off the door. “You don’t need to be alone. Let me in, please. Just for a little bit, and I’ll leave you alone.”

  “It’s against the rules.”

  Reaching past her, he opens the door for himself. He comes so close to her. I wish I was walking into that cabin to toss her little ass on the bed and have my way with her.
>
  What. The. Fuck. “No,” I whisper. “Not. Going. To. Happen.”

  I continue my walk toward my truck. My baby. It’s an old pick-up, blue, rusted spots all over it, but she’s mine. I bought her last summer from one of my dad’s friends at the lumber yard. He gave me a great deal for her.

  Opening the tailgate, I stop when I hear a moan. What the hell? Damn kids. It better not be Austin. I shut my tailgate and peek around a large, oak tree. Some guy has a girl pressed against a tree. I clear my throat, and they both stagger backwards.

  “Eric?”

  He throws his head up. “Sup? Didn’t see you standing there. You know Cassie?”

  I lift a brow and watch as her face turns red. “Right. I thought you were two damn kids. Why don’t you get a room?”

  Eric smiles and wraps an arm around Cassie, who is still staring at the ground. “We like the outdoors. It’s…thrilling.”

  “Right. Well, don’t let me disturb you,” I say, gesturing for them to continue.

  Cassie pulls on Eric’s arm. “I think I’m going to go back to my room.”

  Eric furrows his brow then it hits him. “Sure, I’ll walk you. See you in a bit, Tanner.”

  I wave them off and roll my eyes. I pull my tailgate back down and grab my fishing pole. I have a break tomorrow during the day, and I’m pretty sure I want to fish a little. I haven’t been in a couple of months, and it would be nice to relax. Not think about anything in particular.

  My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out. “Hello.”

  “Hi, baby,” my mother’s songlike voice says from the other end. I hear some popcorn popping the background. I’m sure she sitting down to watch the ID channel with some popcorn before she goes to bed.

  “Hi, Mom. What’s up?”

  “Just calling to make sure y’all got settled in, okay. Is Austin there? Is he behavin’?”

  I slide off the tailgate and shut it. “What do you think?”

  She sighs. “Can you try to keep him in line? I wish he was down here with me, I’d do it myself.”

  That’s for damned sure. Since Austin’s dad is the biggest asshole known to man, he didn’t stop until he had custody of Austin. Money goes a long way. If Austin had grown up with us in Arkansas, he wouldn’t act like he doesn’t have any sense. He’d be a man. Know how to talk to a damn lady.

  “You there, baby?”

  “I’m here, Momma. Just getting my fishing pole ready for tomorrow. I have a break in my schedule.”

  “That’s great. How are you likin’ the camp? I know you were havin’ trouble adapting up there. You can always come back.”

  “I love the camp. It’s a lot like home. And you know I can’t come back. It’s too…” I trail off into silence, letting the cricket’s song finish my sentence.

  “Tanner. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about all of this. I know her dying was a lot on you. It was a lot on everyone. But, it’s okay to move on. It’s okay to look for someone else. It’s almost been a year—”

  I screw my eyes shut and hold onto the top of my tailgate, looking down at my boots. “Stop, Momma. I don’t want to talk ‘bout it, please.”

  “I’m just worried about you. You moved out there all by yourself—”

  “I’m not by myself. I’m with David. I’m with family.”

  She huffs. “You know better. Stop interrupting me. I’m worried about you. You haven’t been the same since it happened. You may want to think about seeing a counselor. Someone to talk to?”

  Fuck. I don’t want to talk to anyone. Not Momma. Not Austin. Not David. No one. I want to drown myself in alcohol and erase the pain. “I’ll think about it,” I lie.

  She is quiet for a long while on the other end. “Okay. I’m going to go watch some TV before bed. Please, get some rest. Go kiss a girl. Screw her, son! I don’t care. Just…please live again.” She hangs up without even a goodbye.

  Pain erupts from my chest, and I throw my phone as hard as I can. It crashes somewhere in the grass off to the side of my truck. Bending over, I try to catch my breath with my hands on my knees.

  Why did she even have to bring it up? I’d promised myself I’d keep it locked away. Away from anyone that could see it.

  Rubbing my hands over my face, I straighten up. The dull ache in my chest is growing, consuming me like it used to. “Goddamn,” I mumble. Her brown eyes. Her tanned skin. Fuck. I slam my hands against my pickup.

  I stomp toward the cab of my truck and open the glove box. The small flask is shoved under my insurance papers. I stick it in my back jeans pocket and slam the door. Snapping up my fishing pole, I start back toward my cabin.

  The lights are off in all of the cabins except for ours. The sound of the TV is light from the outside. Eric’s back already. Must have been a quickie.

  Eric is splayed on his bed when I walk in. He pops his head up to get a better look at me. His hair is wet and I don’t even want to know why. “Where you been?” He wiggles his eyebrows.

  I snort. “Talking to my mom.”

  “Not sexy, bro.”

  I stash my fishing pole underneath my bed. “I wasn’t tryin’ to be, bro.”

  “What’s up your ass?”

  I fist my shirt and pull it over my head. Tossing the flask on my bed, I slide out of my shoes. “I’m just tired. I need to go to sleep.”

  Eric eyes the flask on my bed. “Is that going to help you sleep?”

  I set my jaw, turning to face him.

  “Sorry,” Eric says in surrender. “I’m not going to tell. But do you want to talk about it? I mean…I can listen.”

  I shake my head. “No.”

  Eric stares at me for a second before turning back toward his TV. Grabbing my flask, I walk back to our small shower and lock the door. I turn the shower on and wait until it heats up, then I strip. The mirror is starting to fog, but I can see my face through it. That’s how my life feels. I’m here, just masked by the pain. I know it’s time to let go, but it’s easier said than done. With flask in hand, I step into the scorching water. It feels like heaven on my skin. It feels real. It hurts, but I know I’m still here. I haven’t felt anything since I touched Aubrey. It scares me. Her soft flesh against mine, even dying she looked amazing. The cloth of her T-shirt fit just right to her tits, showing me every curve of her body. A body that made me feel alive. I wanted to cover that body with my own and lick every inch.

  Tipping the flask back, I swallow a gulp of hard liquor. I don’t even remember what I put in here. My adrenaline races through me. All I can see is her. Not Amanda. Not the girl I loved. Not the one that death stole from me. But Aubrey. The girl I meet two days ago. The girl I saved. The girl who hasn’t left my thoughts.

  Pressing my face against the shower wall, I wrap my hand around my dick. The pain is haunting me. You shouldn’t be doing this. Not to another girl. But, I can’t help it. I stroke myself up and down, imagining her full lips wrapped around me, taking me in her throat—the moans I can imagine her letting out as her nails dig into me.

  Goddamn. Every cell in my body seems to be on edge. I want her. Need her. Why? I have no fucking idea. She slapped the shit out of me, and I want it again. I want her flustered. Underneath me. Only two fucking days and I want her.

  My release comes a few minutes later, washing down the drain. Once I grab my flask from the side, I down the rest of the cool brown liquid.

  “Get it together, Tanner,” I rasp. “Get it the fuck together.”

  Chapter Five

  Aubrey

  “Well, we now know that breakfast is beast. All the bacon you can eat,” Cassie says, kicking up a tornado of dust with her shoe. “So, you have canoeing with Jake…” she trails off. She doesn’t need to say anything else. I know what’s she’s getting at.

  “Don’t remind me,” I say, pulling at my ponytail. I actually tried to look decent today. Well, as decent as you can in a blue polo and khaki shorts. At least there isn’t a length requirement. “It’s going to be a long as
s day.”

  Cassie wraps her arm around me and pulls me closer. “It’s going to be a great day,” she says, showing her white teeth. “You’re going to go kick ass at every activity and then go make-out and fondle someone behind a tree. It’s exhilarating.”

  I snort. “That’s what you’re going to be doing, Cassie. Not me. And I know you took a shower with him. I heard you two laughing.”

  A devilish grin rides up her face. “I like to live on the wild side. Oh, speaking of, Tanner caught us making out last night.”

  Hearing his name makes my stomach tighten. I know it shouldn’t—I met the guy two days ago—but, it does. “What was he doing out that late?”

  “Why? You want to sneak out to meet him tonight?”

  Rolling my eyes, I push my shoulder against hers. “No, just curious. It freaks me out that all the counselors are walking around outside at night. It’s creepy.”

  “Puh-lease,” Cassie says. “You like him. I know it. And you’re gonna get some Tanner loving before the summer is up.”

  “Don’t hold your breath. I’ll see you later. I’m going this way.”

  She runs off screaming, “Aubrey’s gonna get laid!” Damn her.

  The lake is toward the back of the camp, behind a shitload of trees. It’s a pretty big lake. I have no intention of getting in the water with the campers. Jake can do it. I’ll get them in line and ready, but I’m not stepping foot into that water. When the trees start to dwindle down, I see Jake standing on the dock. His back is toward me, but I know it’s him.

  Then an arm snakes around his waist. What. The. Fuck. My stomach feels like it’s falling from my body. A small girl with, from what I can tell, a huge rack is staring up at him. He runs his fingers through her hair. Fucking bastard.

  Anger isn’t even the fucking word. Did he not come beg me to be with him last night? Had we not come to the conclusion we were going to give it some time and then try again? I guess this is his way of giving it some time. Fucking other girls.

  Swallowing the lump in my throat, I push toward them. My legs are shaking but I march forward anyway. They don’t see me until I’m standing on the dock with them. Jake drops his hand and then girl pouts up at him.