Stroke Of Fear

by Alla Kar

  “Aubrey, baby…what’s going on? You’re early.” He looks at his watch and gives me a small fake laugh.

  “So are you. I’m getting the canoes ready. I think you should stay here and try to soften her up so you can fuck. That’s what you’re good at, right?”

  Jake’s jaw drops from his mouth. “Baby—”

  “Save it. Then shove it up your ass later when you realize that you’re the biggest fuckup known to mankind.” I curtsy toward the wide-eyed, big-racked counselor. “Excuse me,” I say.

  The breath I take releases a ton of pressure off of my chest. What an asshole. I get to the dock on the other side of the lake without even glancing at the water. When I turn I see Jake halfway across the lake, walking toward me.

  “Stop. Turn your ass around and go fondle the girl over there. I’m not in the damn mood. Fuck off.”

  Jake stops, shoves his hands in his jeans pocket and turns back toward the other dock.

  Thank God.

  I talk underneath my breath as I try to get myself together. I’m reaching out to grab the rope that ties the canoes to the dock, when I hear a deep laugh. It sounds like caramel drizzling down a poisoned apple. Deadly delicious. I turn on my heel. Tanner is sitting off to the side of the dock, fishing pole in hand. Holy fuck. He’s out of his camp uniform. A red plaid shirt, unbuttoned, is hanging loose on him. Christ, he doesn’t have an undershirt. And those holey jeans are so…God, they’re so hot.

  “I can take my shirt all the way off if ya want me to, darlin’.”

  All the blood in my body rushes toward my cheeks. “That full of yourself, are we?”

  He casts his line back out, and lifts an eyebrow. “No. I just happen to know when a hot girl is checking me out. It’s kind of like a gaydar. But for women.”

  I’m sure I’m as red as a tomato. “Why aren’t you with your group?”

  He cracks his neck and pulls his pole in. “I have a free morning. I don’t have any activities until tonight.”

  Oh. Biting my lip, I turn and start to reel in the canoes. My fingers are trembling being so close to the water, but I keep my eyes locked on the ropes.

  “You need some help with those?”

  “No,” I pull, trying to make it look easy. “I got it.”

  A throaty laugh floats from behind me, closer than I had imagined. “Move over, I’ll help.”

  “I got it,” I snap.

  A low grumble sounds from his lips, and he scoots me out of the way. I turn around, and my breath catches in my chest. Tanner is close, too close. His tanned chest is glistening from sweat in the morning sun. “I want to help,” he whispers.

  “I don’t need it,” I say, still focused on the hard planes of his abs. My mind urges me to reach out and touch, but I don’t dare move. “Is this a southern thing? You try to be all macho and stuff? It’s annoying.” I snap out of it, crossing my arms over my chest.

  The blue specks in Tanner’s eyes are vibrant against the gray. “It’s called being a gentleman. Obviously you aren’t accustomed to that.”

  “And how in the hell would you know what I’m accustomed to? You just met me two days ago.”

  “Good to know you’re countin’.” He winks.

  Grinding my teeth, I try to snatch the rope, but he retracts his hands. “I’m helpin’ out a lady in need. Obviously”—his eyes dart toward Jake—“you’re not used to it. That guy is flirting with another girl in front of you. He’s fuckin’ trash, Aubrey.”

  Aubrey. God, I’ve never heard my name sound so…sexy. No sane girl could turn a cheek to that. I’m sure that deep southern drawl will drop any pair of panties, which is probably what he’s trying to do now. Not. Going. To. Happen.

  “Thanks for the help and advice but I can handle myself.”

  “I’ll say. That was sure some language comin’ out of that pretty little mouth of yours. Good girl. Don’t take any shit from anyone.”

  “Well, in that case,” I say, snatching the end of the rope. He pulls his end back, so I yank as hard as I can. I know this is stupid. I’m twenty-two years old. Damn it, give me the rope!

  Tanner jerks back, and I go flying forward, knocking him on his ass. My elbows hit the ground on each side of his head, then my face smacks right into his.

  I look down at Tanner, gasping for breath. A huge smile is crawling up his face. It’s breath-taking. I’ve yet to see him smile—well, really smile—and I think I just melted on the inside. My panties are soaking wet. Can I even move if I wanted to? His white teeth are shining, straight besides a small turn of the fourth one from the right. What. The. Hell. I’m staring at his mouth, which draws attention to his lips. Holy Hell his lips.

  Embarrassment floods to my cheeks. “You can get up anytime now, darlin’. Unless you want to stay like this. I won’t object.”

  Pressing my lips together, I push myself up. My body is still shaking from the closeness, from the heat of his body. It felt so…safe.

  “Now,” he says, dusting off his jeans. “We both know you can take care of yourself. Can I please finish brining in the canoes for you?”

  Licking my lips, I nod. “Fine.”

  I watch as Tanner pulls each canoe onto the shore. He’s lost his shirt, and the muscles in his back are thick, long and tanned. I want to run my tongue over every square inch of his body. And for some reason I don’t think he would tell me to stop.

  Tanner pulls the last canoe up to the bank, and he wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. Turning, he smiles over at me. “Need anything else?”

  I shake my head. “No, but thank you.”

  He tries not to smile. “It’s no problem. If you ever need help you know where to find me.” He points toward a bucket he was fishing off of.

  “You’re not leaving?”

  He sits down and picks up his pole. “Why not?”

  Because it’s going to make me nervous as hell. Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I shrug. “Just asking. Thanks again.”

  I make my way back to the other dock where the kids are lining up. Jake’s whore isn’t here anymore, which I’m not complaining about. He’s checking the names off the clipboard when I walk up. Stopping, he glances down at me. “We need to talk.”

  “We need to work. Is everyone here?”

  He nods. “We’re ready when you are.”

  I clasp my hands together. “Okay, campers. Follow Jake. You guys are going to do a few laps around the lake.”

  * * *

  “So, how did canoeing go today?” Cassie asks, slipping out of her camp uniform and into some jeans and a T-shirt.

  I let out an exasperated sigh. “God-awful. First I see Jake and some girl rubbing on each other and cuss them out. Then Tanner sees the entire thing, and I fall on him while he’s trying to help me get the canoes ready. I would rather do anything other than this campfire right now.”

  Cassie lets out a loud laugh and falls back onto her bed. “You fell on him? How freaking classic is that?”

  After sliding out of my khakis, I shrug into a pair of yoga pants and a thin T-shirt. “It was horrible that’s for sure.”

  Cassie stands up, and pulls her hair into a high ponytail. “Oh come on, just admit it. He is smoking hot and you love it.”

  My heart thumps an extra beat thinking of the warmth of his skin, the closeness, the long muscles hiding underneath that tanned skin. “He is pretty cute, but…he’s an ass.”

  “Really? An ass who saved your life and helped you get the canoes ready? Yeah, doesn’t really seem like an ass to me.”

  “It’s not that. I mean he’s a gentleman, but he has this look on his face.”

  “What kind of look, Aubrey?”

  “Like… ‘I know I’m hot.’”

  “Well,” Cassie says, placing her hands on her hips, “he has every right to think that. He is hot. And that’s confidence. It’s sexy. Plus, Jake has that same attitude, but he’s not a gentleman.”

  That’s so true. Instead of responding, I slip into
my flip-flops and grab Cassie’s hand. “Let’s get this over with.”

  The smoke is heavy in the air the closer we get to the campfire. Most of the camp counselors are already there, too. Mrs. Jones is passing out marshmallows and chocolate for the s’mores. She has that crazy Energizer bunny smile on her face. She just keeps going.

  The fire is hot, cozy, and logs are set up around it in a circle. Some of the campers are whispering, hiding their jokes behind their hands. Cassie drags me, and I look up just in time to see Tanner. He’s leaning against a tree close by, eyes locked on mine. I try to wriggle from Cassie’s grasp, but she pulls me harder.

  “What’s up, ladies?” Eric asks, wrapping an arm around Cassie’s shoulder.

  Giving him a small wave, I fold my arms around my stomach. I’m nervous. How long has it been since I’ve been really nervous around a guy? Or wanted to…flirt? I can see Tanner from the corner of my eye but I can’t get the nerve to look at him. “You gonna stand over there by yourself all night? Or does the thought of talkin’ to me repulse you that much?”

  Unable to stop them, my lips turn up at the corners.

  “Ah, she smiles,” Tanner says, a hint of laughter lacing his voice.

  “Hi, Tanner.” His name coming off my lips sounds right. Like it was always meant to be said from my throat—that one day I’d say it over and over again. Maybe scream it. Moan it.

  Cracking a smile, he pushes off the tree. “Good evenin’, Aubrey.”

  I try not to snicker, but I do. His voice is so slow…so fucking sexy. Cassie is one-hundred percent right. He’s sexy. As Hell.

  “What’s so funny?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “Your accent. It’s so…” I trail off. I’m so not going there with him. I can’t. I bite my tongue to keep from saying it—screaming it.

  His breath is on the back of my neck, hot and heavy. A shiver grabs a hold of my spine and trails a line down my back. “So, what?”

  A breathy sigh escapes my lips. Did I just really sigh? Fuck. My. Life.

  He chuckles, it’s small, but I hear it. Feel it against me. “It’s so what, Aubrey?”

  God, don’t make me say it. I so don’t even have to say it. But, I want to. I screw my eyes shut and tighten my fists. “Sexy.”

  Not a sound comes from his mouth. Or maybe it does, my entire vision is blackening out, slowly. I’m sure my face is red. I hope no one can tell I’m completely turned on and the boy hasn’t even put his hands on me…yet.

  “Counselors, it’s time to eat s’mores and tell spooky stories.”

  My eyes start to focus again, and I feel myself pressed against Tanner. Oh, shit? Why am I leaning against him? How long had I been doing that? Please, God tell me I’m dreaming.

  I take two large steps forward, trying my best to get the hell away from him. I can’t even look at him. Maybe I’ll fake sick. Yeah, just start dry heaving and then excuse yourself.

  I feel Cassie tug on my arm, and I sit down beside her. “Aubrey, here.” The campfire cracks and a few sparks flutter down like fireworks.

  Cassie wraps her arm through mine. “I totally saw you with Tanner. I almost pissed myself. Did you see Jake’s face?”

  Jake? Had Jake saw? “I have no idea what happened. It was like I blacked out but not really. I felt relaxed. It was so fucking weird.”

  Cassie squeals—lightly—in my ear. “You wanna fuck hi—”

  “Aubrey or Cassie? Either one of you have a spooky story to tell?” Mrs. Jones keeps her voice friendly, but she is giving us a pay attention glare.

  I nudge Cassie and she nods. “Yeah, of course, I do.”

  Of course she does. Cassie starts talking, I have no idea what’s she saying, because I catch Tanner’s gaze from across the fire.

  A young girl, probably around ten, is hanging on his arm, in mock terror. Her small glasses cover huge blue eyes. She’s adorable. She keeps pulling his arm down, but he doesn’t take his eyes off me. It’s the first time I’ve had a chance to look at his clothes since we got here. They’re easy to ignore with that face to compete with. A long-sleeved gray T-shirt is hugging his chest. He has on the same holey jeans from this morning, with work boots on. It’s the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. The moonbeams, rooting for me tonight, shine down, giving me a view of his face. The line in his jaw is hard, strong. A shadow of thin facial hair scatters along his cheek. My thighs warm at the site.

  A small smile moves up his jaw, showing a dimple on his right cheek. As if he couldn’t get any hotter. Cue the fucking dimple.

  He lifts an eyebrow and tilts his head toward the right. What? “Aubrey! Can you hear us?”

  Shit, are they talking to me? “Huh?”

  A few campers start to laugh, but Mrs. Jones gives them the evil glare. “Cassie finished her story. Do you have a scary story for us? Maybe something scary that happened to you.” She’s smiling. She has no idea.

  Gripping my yoga pants into my fists, I stare at the ground. She has no idea what a truly scary story is. She doesn’t know that I’ve been to hell and back.

  Pulling at my yoga pants, I shake my head. “I don’t have any scary stories.”

  Some of the kids boo and beg me to tell them something. “Come on, Aubrey. You have to know at least one.”

  Gritting my teeth, I shake my head again. “I don’t have any.”

  “Aubrey—”

  “I don’t,” I cut off Mrs. Jones. Every pair of eyes watch me. Tears start to build and heaviness presses down on my chest. Before the tears can travel across my face, I stand and run. Damnit. I know I’m being a baby, but I can’t think about it. My throat starts to close up—a thick lump that always keeps me from breathing.

  The trees are starting to get thicker, the night growing colder. I don’t care. I just want away from them. I’m not going to be the freak. The one whose demons are always lurking in the distance. I won’t let them know the pain of my past. I won’t be anyone’s pity party.

  When my legs can’t go anymore, I collapse against the ground. It’s cold, hard and limbs are poking me in too many places to count. I focus on steadying my breathing. My therapist once said to slow down, make the world go by your rules. Relax. Closing my eyes, I breathe in and then out several times until I’m calm. I watch the stars shine through the trees. The branches blow in the wind, sending a few leaves falling to the earth with no choice.

  I smell him first. It smells like outside. Woodsy. Thick. I had smelled it today when I fell on him. I wanted to swim in it, bury myself in it, let it consume me inside and out. It feels like my hormones drank fifty energy shots. They’re running irrationally inside of me, holding up a banner saying Fucking jump his bones.

  “I know you’re there,” I whisper, my voice fading against the crickets in the distance.

  A few sticks protest against his weight, and then I feel his body warmth beside mine. “You’re not scared out here in the woods by yourself?”

  It’s not the question that I expected. How are you? What happened? You want to talk about it? “I’m not scared of the woods,” I say. “They’re calming. Safe.”

  “I couldn’t agree with you more. I used to go outside and stay in the woods. Whether I’m hunting, fishing, or walking. I love being outside. There isn’t anything better.”

  I nod, knowing he can’t see. A gust of wind whips around us, blowing my hair away from my shoulder. I shiver as the coldness rolls over my skin, and my arm brushing against his.

  “Cold?” Tanner asks, his voice closer than I remembered.

  “Just a bit. I guess I’m going to head back. I don’t need to get sick.”

  I try to stand, but I feel his hand touch my thigh. The shiver before has nothing on the shiver that jolts through me know. My hormones are going insane. The banners are down and now they’re protesting, sending heat to the most sensitive of places. “Here,” he whispers. I can barely make out his figure, but I hear the rustling of clothes. “Take this. It’ll keep you warm.”

  My
fingers wrap around the cloth. “Is this your shirt? You’re going to freeze to death. You keep it.”

  He pushes it back toward me. “I can handle it. That thin little thing you’re wearing isn’t gonna keep ya warm, darlin’. Just a little bit longer and we can go back to the cabin.”

  Gripping the fabric, I slide it over me. His scent almost knocks me back onto the ground by itself. The soft cotton gives me a barrier from the soft, chilly wind.

  I lie back and stare up at the trees. “I’m surprised Jake didn’t come out here,” I say.

  Tanner keeps quiet for a few minutes before letting out a long sigh. His fingers twitch next to mine, and the very tip touches my own. “Did you want him to come out here?”

  I swallow and close my eyes. It sounds more like he doesn’t want me to want Jake. He’s got his wish, because Jake is now the last person I want out here with me. “No way in hell did I want him to come out here.”

  A chuckle rises from his throat. “Good,” he whispers.

  A few comfortable minutes pass by. The wind has dropped a few degrees, and his shirt is starting not to help as much.

  “We need to head back to your cabin. It’s gettin’ colder out here.”

  I nod, keeping my eyes closed for a few short minutes. A light touch travels from the crease of my elbow to my hand. Christ, his hand is so perfectly calloused and gentle. Tanner pulls, helping me to my feet.

  I brush off my pants. “I can’t see,” I say.

  Fingers trail against my skin until our fingers are intertwined with each other’s. “I’ve got you, darlin’. Follow me.” God, who in their right mind could say no to that?

  My heart is pounding. My stomach in knots. His fingers feel so right. They fit each other like they were meant to be. I try not to like it, but it’s far too late. “You lived here your entire life?”

  “Yes, since I was born. I live in San Francisco.”

  “You like it?”

  I shrug. “It’s always so busy, so…crazy. You never know if someone is watching you, because there are so many people around all the time. That’s why I like the woods. They’re silent. Peaceful. You rarely get a surprise.” I bite my lip as soon as I finish. Did I really just say all of that?