Involuntary Daddy

by Rachel Lee

  A smile spread across Nate’s face. “That’s a good idea. Did you see Connie Crandall? I thought she was smart as a whip. Well, that suits me fine, and I’m sure it’ll suit Marge fine, too.”

  “It might not work, of course,” Rafe said, giving voice to his fear. “I mean, I have no proof that this is the child’s residence, and the judge might just throw it out, in which case Manny can take the case up in Miami.”

  “It’s worth a try.” Nate hesitated. “It might also be worth considering whether you want to go back to Miami at all.”

  Rafe thought about that after Nate left. Considering the way Manny had hounded him all the way to Wyoming, maybe he really didn’t want to go back to Miami, where he would be a much easier target. He didn’t think he wanted to spend the rest of his life wondering if every time he answered the door he was going to find Manny standing there, demanding to see the child.

  And he was beginning to think that Manny’s behavior wasn’t born of real interest in the child, anyway. He was beginning to think that this was payback for what he had done to Eduardo. Manny probably figured there was no worse way to hurt Rafe than to take the child.

  And he was right.

  A long time later, Angela appeared, looking rumpled and embarrassed but a whole lot better than the last time he’d seen her. On the back of her hand was a bandage, probably from an IV.

  “I’m sorry,” she said as soon as she saw him. Now she looked miserably embarrassed.

  “What happened?”

  “My blood sugar got too low and I didn’t pay enough attention to it.” She tried to shrug it off. “Stupid, huh?”

  Still holding the baby, he reached out and took her unbandaged hand. “It’s not stupid at all. We had a lot going on. But I’ll tell you what is stupid. I didn’t think to bring a jacket for you, and it’s colder than hell out there.”

  “I’ll be okay.”

  “Let me give you my jacket.”

  She shook her head. “I’m more used to the cold than you are. If you just want to warm the car up a little and pick me up at the door, I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay. You want to hold the baby while I do that?”

  She seemed surprised that he asked, and that struck him as odd.

  “Are you sure you want to trust me?” she asked finally.

  “Trust you? Of course I trust you.”

  “After the way I passed out.:.”

  He shook his, head, pointed her to a chair, made her sit and put the baby in her arms. “I have a feeling your blood sugar is just fine right now, so don’t argue with me and make it fall again.”

  Then he left her, glancing back just long enough to see the bemused expression on her face as she looked down at the child in her arms.

  Before darkfall, an early snowstorm hit Conard County. Unexpected piles of the cold white stuff began to drift across the streets and along the buildings. After dinner, Rafe and Gage went out to the store to get some supplies in case the roads wound up being closed. Alone with the sleeping baby, Angela and Emma made cups of herbal tea and settled in the living room to listen to the wind howl.

  “This was only supposed to be a flurry,” Emma remarked, looking toward the window as snow rattled against it.

  “Somebody fooled the weatherman.”

  Emma laughed and sipped her tea. “I like it when it gets like this. At least early in the winter. Along about March I’m sick of it, but right now it feels cozy, and it’s making me think about Christmas. You will stay for Christmas, won’t you?”

  Angela was astonished. “Emma, I can’t impose like that! You must already be sick of having houseguests, and to keep me around until Christmas...” She started to shake her head.

  “There is only one reason I’ll let you leave any sooner,” Emma replied. “If you really feel you have to get back to your own life, I’ll understand. But if you’re not in any hurry, I’d love for you to stay.”

  “Gage couldn’t possibly—”

  “Gage likes having you here as much as I do. And you’re no trouble at all, Angela. We’re enjoying your company. Sometimes this big old house can seem so empty, even when the two of us are here....” Her voice trailed off, and she looked away. “I’m going to miss having the baby around, too.”

  “So will I.”

  Their eyes met in perfect understanding. Both of them knew what the loss of that dream meant.

  “Anyway,” Emma continued briskly, “having you here is like having family, so if you’re not in any rush to get home, stay with us.”

  “I’ll think about it. Thanks, Emma.” But she knew she couldn’t stay. Her savings would only stretch so far, and the longer she was out of work, the harder it would be to find a new job. She could conceivably look for something here, but she doubted she would find the kind of job that would further her career in any meaningful way. There just weren’t that many jobs available in a town this small.

  But Emma, in an attempt to get Angela to stay, had brought up the very subject that Angela had been avoiding thinking about: her future. Like it or not, the best thing she could do for herself would be to go home in the next few days and start job hunting. Go home and get away from Rafe and the baby before she got any more attached to either of them.

  She was getting attached to Rafe. It wasn’t just the baby. He was a frustrating man, alternately cold and hot, and utterly inscrutable. He was exactly the kind of man who could bring her nothing but heartache.

  Their lovemaking had been wonderful, but she knew better than to base hopes for a relationship on that. It had been a mistake. They had given in to a momentary need, a momentary lust, and now neither of them wanted to recall those minutes.

  And just supposing that for some reason they did get together, she could imagine only one future: a stormy one. She couldn’t imagine any two people more ill-suited. The only thing they seemed to have in common was love for Peanut And that just wasn’t enough.

  Why was she even thinking about this? Disturbed, she looked at Emma and saw knowledge in her friend’s eyes. She could have ignored it, but she had always shared everything with Emma in the past, and she found herself doing so instinctively now.

  “What do you think of Rafe?”

  A twinkle appeared in Emma’s green eyes. “He’ll never be boring.”

  Angela felt her cheeks flush. “That isn’t what I meant.”

  Emma smiled. “Of course not. What do I think of him? I think he’s been more wounded than even he realizes.”

  Angela nodded slowly. “I made up my mind a long time ago that if I ever got involved with anybody, I wanted him to check his issues at the door. I had enough issues with He Whose Name Will Never Pass My Lips Again.”

  Emma laughed outright. “Good old Lance. You don’t know how often I wanted to wipe the floor with his face.”

  “You never even met him!”

  “But I read your letters, and I talked to you on the phone, and he was the most self-centered, selfish son of a gun.”

  Angela nodded slowly. “I was the last to realize it, of course.”

  “Of course. Love blinds—but only for a little while.”

  “I’m not going to be blind again.”

  “Of course not.”

  Angela felt herself smiling. “Don’t agree so easily.”

  “Why not? It’s true. Once burned, twice shy. That’s you. But sometimes you still have to use the stove if you want to cook dinner.”

  “Meaning?”

  Emma sipped her tea and looked thoughtful. “I’m not sure,” she said finally. “I just get this feeling...well, Ange, think about it. You don’t really want a man who checks his issues at the door.”

  “I don’t?”

  “Of course not. That would be boring. That’s no foundation for a relationship. What you want is a man who can open up and share, one who will also listen to you. Issues become a lot easier to handle when two people share them. Of course, that’s not to say there aren’t certain kinds of issues you’d be better off av
oiding. I just mean...well, we’re all wounded in some way by life. And some of those wounds can be soothed or even healed by sharing them.”

  “Okay...” Angela shook her head. “So which issues are all right to have?”

  “That depends on you. Basically, you need to look at the problems and ask yourself if you can deal with them. Because everybody has issues.”

  “No kidding.” Angela wrapped her hands around her teacup, warming them. “I’ve gotten kind of selfish, too, since Lance.”

  “Hardly surprising, considering how he hurt you. But a little selfishness isn’t bad for anyone.”

  “Not too much, though. No relationship should be a oneway street.” She put her cup down and rose, walking slowly around the living room, thinking about Rafe. She really shouldn’t be wasting any thought on him, she told herself, but she kept right on thinking about him, anyway.

  She loved the way he loved the baby. And considering what Emma had just said about his wounds, she suspected that he loved the child because Peanut was the one person in this world who couldn’t hurt him. The one person who needed him so completely that Rafe had nothing to fear.

  She doubted he could give the same love to someone who wasn’t dependent. That would be too big a risk for him.

  And why was she thinking about his risks when hers were the ones she ought to be worrying about? She couldn’t take the risk, either. This was getting entirely too dangerous.

  She turned to Emma suddenly and said, “I’ll have to leave by the end of the week, Em. I really need to get back and start job hunting.”

  “You could job hunt from here.”

  “There are other things I need to do.”

  Emma nodded, her expression enigmatic, but said only, “Whatever’s best for you.”

  Angela didn’t know what was best for her anymore. She only knew what she needed to do. And getting away from Rafe was rapidly becoming her top priority.

  Chapter 10

  They didn’t get snowed in. The storm blew over before midnight, and the plows cleared the streets by dawn. Emma and Gage went to work, and Rafe stood in the kitchen, blinking in the incredibly bright sunlight that bounced off the snow outside and in through the windows. He had never seen light so unremittingly white and bright. Even in the subtropics at high noon, the light didn’t have this kind of hard edge to it.

  Peanut was sitting in his little seat on the table, cooing happily and waving his arms as if he were trying to catch handfuls of the light. Too bad he wasn’t older, Rafe thought. They could have gone out and built a snowman.

  Instead, they stayed inside, Rafe squinting against the brightness and thinking about what he needed to do.

  Something had shifted inside him yesterday at the hospital when he and Nate had talked. It was as if some things had gotten very clear for him. And he suddenly knew why he had been flailing around the way he had. Now he just had to nerve himself up to do what he needed to do.

  Angela came in the back door, stomping the snow off her running shoes. He turned and looked at her, taking in her reddened cheeks and the sparkle in her eyes.

  “It’s beautiful out there,” she said breathlessly.

  “You look cold.”

  “To the bone.”

  “Want me to make you something hot to drink?”

  “Coffee would be great. I’ve gotta go shower.”

  He watched her leave, hoping she wouldn’t have a repeat of yesterday. But Angela was a capable woman, and he figured she’d probably adjusted her insulin somehow this morning. Either that or she had eaten more.

  And he thought he had problems? Comparing his difficulties to her diabetes made his own problems seem inconsequential. But he still couldn’t bring himself to pick up the phone.

  When Angela returned twenty minutes later, she looked a lot warmer. She’d changed into a navy-blue sweater and wool pants, and her blond hair had the feathery look of being freshly washed and blow-dried.

  “Food,” she said, flashing him a smile as she headed for the cupboard and the crackers.

  “Juice?” His heart skipped nervously.

  “No, I adjusted my insulin this morning. I’m doing pretty good, actually. Crackers will take care of it.”

  “Good.” He said that more emphatically than he had intended, but she seemed not to notice. He did, though, and somewhere deep inside he admitted that he never again wanted to see her look the way she had yesterday when she passed out

  She brought her crackers and coffee to the table and sat with him and Peanut. The baby recognized her and cooed happily. She reached out to let him curl his fingers around one of hers while she nibbled and sipped coffee.

  The look she sent Rafe was humorous. “You really need to take yourself outside and get really cold and wet in the snow. Next thing you know, you’ll be back in Miami baking and wishing you could be cold.”

  “We don’t bake in Miami, we steam.”

  She laughed.

  “But I’m not going back all that soon.”

  It seemed to him that she grew still for a moment, a stillness that came to her face more than her body. Her smile vanished, and he wondered why.

  “How come?” she asked.

  “This custody case is probably going to take a while. I need to stay here and see it out. If I take the baby and go, Manny will just file back home.”

  She nodded slowly. “I see.”

  He was surprised that he felt better for actually having voiced the decision he’d reached during the night. It was as if it hadn’t been fully made until he spoke it But now it was final, and he felt a measure of peace.

  “I’m going to need an apartment or something,” he continued, talking of details rather than the emotional consequences of what he had just said. “The baby and I can’t keep living here with Emma and Gage. Not for as long as this is going to take.”

  “And your job?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe I can get compassionate leave. If not, I’ll find another job.”

  “But...I thought your job was very important to you.”

  “‘Was’ is the key word. My perspective seems to have changed.”

  She nodded again, and ate a cracker as if she was using it as an excuse to say nothing. He couldn’t blame her. He probably sounded as if he’d lost his mind.

  But he was pretty sure he hadn’t. He had a much stronger feeling that he was just becoming sane.

  “Well, I’m glad you’ve got it all figured out, then,” she said presently. “There’s only one hitch in your plan.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Your make-believe fiancée is going home at the end of the week.”

  He didn’t answer, feeling suddenly wary.

  She continued, a faint edge in her voice. “You’ll need to think of something to tell Manny. But then, you’re good at lies, you told me.”

  He didn’t think he’d done anything to earn that last shot from her, but instead of getting angry, he found himself perplexed, searching over all the things they’d said in the past few minutes, wondering what had made her want to try to hurt him. He couldn’t figure it out

  Finally, all he said was, “Yeah, I’m real good at lies.”

  “Good. Well, I wish you all the best. I’m sure it’ll all work out. After all, I can’t imagine why anyone would think Manny would do a better job with this baby than you.”

  Then she gave him a thin smile. “I just remembered something.” She got up and walked out of the room, leaving him to wonder what the hell was going on.

  And the silence reminded him that you couldn’t trust people, because sooner or later they all tried to hurt you.

  Life was hell, Angela decided. Much as she wanted to hibernate in her room until Emma came home, she couldn’t avoid the fact that she needed to go down and make herself some lunch at the usual time. Making lunch began to loom before-her like a dread deadline, and all because she didn’t want to see Rafe again.

  She wasn’t even sure what had set her off do
wn in the kitchen. She’d made up her mind that he wasn’t for her—not that there had ever been any possibility of that—so what was the big deal? Why was she suddenly feeling raw and hurt, as if he had done something wrong? Why had she struck out at him like that?

  Because he hadn’t expressed regret that she was leaving so soon, when he was staying? Could it be as simple and stupid as that? Had she really been silly enough to expect that much from him?

  She must be going nuts. Or maybe her blood sugar was lower than she thought. Taking out her kit, she checked it again and was dismayed to find it right on the money. So the problem was emotional. She couldn’t worm out of it by blaming it on something else.

  Okay. She was disappointed. After their lovemaking Saturday, somewhere deep inside her she had expected something to deepen between them. She had expected something more than a continuation of their casual acquaintance.

  How dumb could she be? The man said he was a good liar, but as far as she could tell, he’d never lied to her. He’d never promised her anything. He’d never offered any sweet talk or hinted at anything more. It was her own fault for harboring romantic delusions about a casual affair. Affair? It didn’t even qualify as that. It had been a one-night stand, nothing more.

  And she had nobody but herself to blame for the aftermath. At her age, she ought to know better.

  She sat there grimly considering her own folly and the price she was going to pay for it. She had let herself do what she had sworn never to do again: she had become involved with a man who had nothing to offer her.

  She hoped she’d learned her lesson this time. From now on, she wasn’t going to let herself even consider such possibilities until a man knew everything about her and was offering her a ring. Maybe then she would consider falling in love. Or maybe not. She’d had a ring from Lance, after all. A ring and a baby.

  Not that she had fallen in love with Rafe. Oh, no. The man wouldn’t let her close enough to feel any such thing. This aching in her heart, this empty abandoned feeling, wasn’t love. It was infatuation, nothing more.