Amish Secrets and Lies

by Rachel Stoltzfus

  “Where did we go wrong with her? She had everything her sisters and brothers had. They never did anything like this!”

  David had seen, throughout their long marriage, how Mary withheld a part of herself from everyone, including him and their kinder. “Mary, you do love them, and you took exceptional care of every one of our kinder. But you do withhold just a part of yourself from us. We know you love all of us, but you don’t allow us into your emotions.”

  Mary hadn’t said anything. She knew he was right. Maybe it was because she was still a little bit in love with Levi. Not that she’d ever told her husband about that summer she’d spent with his older brother when she was only fourteen. Mary said, “I don’t know, husband. None of the other kinder tried to get away with lies like that.”

  “Nee, they didn’t. But they also hold parts of themselves back from their wives, husbands and kinder. And Esther, she held so much inside we still don’t know what made her run off like that. Katie is different from Esther though. She talks and talks even if she doesn’t always say things that aren’t true.”

  “So what do you want me to do about that?”

  “Be more open, I guess. She needs something we aren’t giving her.”

  At that, Mary had closed her mouth, unable to respond. Eventually, she said, “I will be thinking for a few minutes. When I come back in here, we’ll call Katie down.” She had gone into her quilting room, where she’d indulged in a few minutes of crying. After thinking about David’s words, she’d decided that she was too old to change her ways. “Let’s call her down. You, please. I want to make sure that she has no chances to do this again. She isn’t going to be allowed to go running around with her friends. When we run errands together, she goes with us. Every time.”

  David had nodded. “That is gut. Reasonable, for the circumstances.” After finishing his coffee, he’d gone to the stairs. “Katie! Downstairs, now!”

  Katie had cried about not being able to see her friends even to say goodbye, but who knew what lies their daughter would tell?

  “Daughter! Stop caterwauling! You brought this on yourself with your lie. This is the price you pay. Now, go into your room and give that some thought.”

  After that confrontation, an uneasy peace had prevailed in the Miller home. David put ads in several Amish community newspapers. The house sold about six weeks afterward, so he, Mary and their kinder had all packed up their belongings and left.

  Shaking herself, Mary came back to the present. She looked at the clock. “Fifteen minutes. I hope she sticks to my rule.” Shaking her head uneasily, Mary began making dinner.

  Shortly before the 90-minute mark, Katie came hurrying back into the house, laden down with grocery bags. Puffing, she’d lifted them and placed them on the kitchen table. “Let me put the team and buggy away.”

  “Denki. Feed and water the horses, too.” Mary had simply thanked Katie, trying to remember what her husband had told her two years earlier.

  The “thank you” threw Katie for a loop. Walking backward for a few seconds, she looked at her mam. “You’re...welcome.” Hurrying out, she took care of the chore and, back inside, began helping Mary to put their purchases away.

  “Did you see anyone?”

  “Ja. Libby and I spoke for a few minutes, but she was in a hurry. We would like to get together this weekend.”

  Chapter 6

  “Hmmm. With the other kids on rumspringa?” Mary wasn’t about to give Katie this much freedom. Pulling cans of vegetables out of the bags, she paused in her work.

  “Ja, please? I promise I’ll behave.”

  “Maybe next time. I’m still getting comfortable allowing you to run our errands by yourself.”

  Katie let out a gusty sigh of disappointment. “I’ll be in my quilting room. I have an order to finish.”

  “Do that. I’ll call when dinner is ready.”

  “Do you...?”

  “Nee. It’s almost done. Go.”

  Katie had gone glumly into her quilting room. Fingering the fabric, she sat and thought. Remembering her activities on her shopping trip, she forgot her disappointment for a few minutes. She had bumped into Libby, and the two had caught up.

  “Katie, you aren’t going to believe it! I heard tell that some English person is going around and telling the Amish to leave here!”

  Katie’s jaw had dropped, with no need to fake her reaction. She was stunned that her words had begun making the rounds so fast! A tickle of joy blossomed in her chest. Just a small cut.

  Katie exclaimed. “What? I haven’t heard anything like that!”

  “Nee? Oh, that’s right. You don’t come here very often. Where are your parents?”

  “Mam actually allowed me to come by myself!”

  Libby had been puzzled. “Katie, I don’t understand it. You are eighteen, and you know how to handle a team. You know how to shop and manage your parents’ money. So, why aren’t you allowed to come into town by yourself more often?”

  Katie had shuffled her feet, unwilling to reveal the big lie she’d told about a member of their old Goshen community. So she compounded it with a small one. What was one more lie? Katie said, “I wish I knew. All’s I know how to tell you is that Mam has been really reluctant to allow me to go. At this rate, I will never know how to do what I need for when I get married! Now, tell more about that person. The one telling us to leave here.”

  Libby had shrugged. “I don’t know very much. Becky told her sister, Emma. Emma told a few other people, then I found out yesterday from Emma.”

  “Oh...so, this person, whoever they are, just doesn’t want us living here? I wonder why?”

  “I don’t know. It just makes me nervous.”

  Katie had remembered the time. “Oh! I had better go. Mam gave me only an hour and a half. It’s the first of the month, so it’ll take longer.” She had waved and hugged Libby.

  It was working! She wouldn’t need to tell any more lies for a while. This would be enough, and ultimately, it was harmless. Katie kept telling herself that. In her own mind, the two English women had become a caricature of themselves. If asked at this moment if the women had shouted at Katie to ‘get out,’ Katie would have said ‘ja’ without reservation.

  Grabbing the quilt squares, Katie began quickly assembling and pinning them together so she could begin stitching them that afternoon. Hearing her mother calling from the kitchen, she set everything down and washed her hands before going into the living room.

  “Mam, is it okay with you if I invite Libby here this Saturday? It isn’t a meeting weekend so she could spend some time with me after I finish chores and some quilting.”

  “Let me think about that. Before your dat comes in, did you say anything that wasn’t true?”

  Katie sighed. Any answer she gave would get her in trouble. She reframed her mam’s question in her own mind. Did you say anything untrue that would harm us? Having reframed the question, the answer fell easily from Katie’s lips. “Nee, Mam. Libby and I talked about this weekend’s rumspringa activities. Which I’ll need to let her know that I can’t go.”

  At that moment, David walked into the kitchen. “Can’t go where?”

  “To this weekend’s rumspringa happenings. I really want to go!”

  “Nee. You heard your mam. You’re still working on proving you can be trusted. It may seem harsh because you remember we let your brothers and sisters run around freely. But they...and then Esther—”

  “Dat, I know. They didn’t lie like I did, and Esther ran off.” Katie set the vegetables and other foods onto the table for their dinner.

  ON SATURDAY AFTERNOON, Katie was sitting on the porch swing when Amos drove by. Seeing him, she sat up, not wanting him to know she was in the doldrums. “Amos! How are you?”

  “Hoping you can go to the activities tonight!”

  “Nee, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  “But why? All we’re going to do is drink sodas and listen to English music.” Amos whispered the last few words
.

  Katie whispered back. “Let me work on my parents. I’ll see.”

  “Gut. You only have a few hours!”

  “Okay!” At that moment, she came up with a lie she could get away with. “I’d better get inside before Mam sees you here. She's been pretty strict.”

  “Why? What did you do to get that?”

  Katie tipped her head to one side and shrugged elaborately. “I wish I knew!”

  “Your parents are too strict! I’ll look for you in the Zook’s barn tonight, about six!”

  “Maybe!” Several minutes later, Katie went inside quickly. “Mam? Mam!”

  Mary came out of the pantry, where she’d been taking stock of their food on hand. “What is it? No need to yell, daughter!”

  “I’m sorry. I just wanted to let you know I got a call from someone who could be a new client. They want to meet with me today.”

  “On a Saturday afternoon? Why not wait until Monday?”

  “I asked that question myself, and the woman said that it’s kind of urgent. Apparently, she and her mother found out that her sister is expecting her first baby...” She drew in another breath to continue speaking.

  “Well, what’s the rush? They have, what, seven, eight months to prepare?”

  “Actually, not. The woman, she’s English. And she told me that her sister has always had trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant. So, now, they waited until she got past her sixth month. So I need to get busy right away. She wants me to go to meet with her at her house, tonight after she finishes working.” Katie gazed steadily at Mary, congratulating herself with thinking so quickly.

  “Ja? What time tonight?” Mary was suspicious.

  “About six. I would meet with her and her mam to talk about what they want and their ideas. They want to surprise her at what they called a ‘baby shower,’ with my quilt.”

  “And she can’t meet with you earlier?”

  “Nee, she doesn’t get off her job until something like five-thirty. So, that’s why she can’t meet with me until six. And I could be there for a while.”

  Mary sighed, feeling uneasy. Rather than listening to her instincts about Katie’s lies, she chalked it up to getting used to giving her wayward daughter a little more freedom. “Let me talk to your dat. I’ll be back—you stay here!”

  “Mam, I’m going nowhere!” Katie smiled to take the sting out of her words.

  In the barn, Mary presented Katie’s request to David. “What do you think?”

  David sighed. “It’s so last-minute. This woman works until this evening? And her sister is in her sixth month of pregnancy? Well, it sounds valid. Let her go. But she has to be back not one minute later than nine tonight. Or she will be grounded once again.”

  “Gut idea.” Mary smiled at David and went back to the house, where she gave Katie her limitations.

  Katie wilted into a chair. “Denki, Mam! I promise, I’ll be back by nine. Straight to her house, straight home when I get finished discussing what they want.”

  I pray she’s telling the truth. That niggle of uneasiness wouldn’t leave Mary alone. “Will you have supper here?”

  “Nee. I’ll stop at the burger place and get something there, then go to her house. If I want to be done in time to be home by nine.”

  “Ja. Okay.”

  Shortly after five, Katie jumped into the buggy, setting a small bag with a pen, notepad and a few samples of fabric next to her. “I’ll be back by nine!” She waved and took off.

  Driving into town, she stopped at the burger place as she had told Mary she would. Katie enjoyed a rare treat: a burger, fries, and soda. Looking at the digital clock on the high counter, she finished quickly. Trotting out to the buggy, she went back into the Amish section of Big Valley, taking back roads that were at a distance from the road she and her parents usually used. It was just after six when she arrived at the Zook farm. Setting the handbrake on the buggy, she jumped out and hurried to the barn, from which English rock was coming out. Looking around, she spotted Amos standing with several of his friends.

  Amos looked up. Seeing Katie, his face broke into a wide grin, and he hurried over to her. “I didn’t think you’d be able to make it! This is gut! Did your parents let you come?”

  “I was shocked!” Katie accepted a can of soda from one of her friends.

  “Let’s listen to the music.” Taking her hand, Amos led Katie to the center of the group of Amish teens.

  Katie tried to keep track of the passing time. “Amos? Do you know what time it is? Mam told me to be home by nine.”

  “That early? Well, it’s about eight now. Should I let you know when it’s about eight-forty five or so?”

  “Ja, if you would. I don’t want to get in trouble. I’m trying to get her to loosen up on me.”

  “Ja, I know what you mean. Where are you going?”

  “Catch up with Libby and the other girls. I’ll be back before long.”

  “Don’t leave the barn. That Englisher, remember. In fact, I wish you had called me so I could pick you up.”

  “I know. I’m sorry—it was last-minute when Mam and Dat allowed me to come here.”

  “I’m following you home.” Amos’s look was somber.

  Katie smiled, hiding her irritation at herself. Why did I choose a topic that would make Amos so anxious about me? “That’s fine...I’ll be inside the barn, visiting with my girlfriends.” She took off, wanting to know how much further the rumor had spread. “Libby, I got permission!” Spreading her arms wide, she hugged Libby hard.

  “You’re here! Gut! We’re talking about that awful English person.”

  “You mean the one who wants us gone?”

  “Ja, who else? They have scared all of us. Our boyfriends are following all of us home. Or taking us home.”

  Katie looked puzzled. “But wouldn’t the guys be in danger, driving home alone?”

  Rachel spoke up. “They thought of that. They’re going to team up, and all of us will be in a caravan. The ones who live the farthest out will be at the back of the line, so we’re all protected.”

  “Gut idea...do you think it’s that serious?”

  “That’s just it. We don’t know. And you don’t get out very much, so you’re even less in the know than we are.”

  Katie’s expression was serious, and she appeared to be thinking. “Well, I hope someone learns or even hears something before long. I would like to see this end soon so we can feel free to go around as we choose or as we need.”

  “Exactly.”

  “I have to be home by nine tonight, so Amos is going to follow me home. How late are all of you staying?”

  “Well, our parents are finding out about what’s being said, so they don’t want us away from home too late. I have to be home by nine as well. What about the rest of you?” Rachel looked around the group of girls.

  “Same.”

  “Ja, my parents almost didn’t let me come here.”

  “I had to promise I wouldn’t leave the barn at all. Just in case the person is outside.”

  “Mei Gott! I wish I could get out more! So, I don’t need to worry about Amos being exposed after he follows me home?”

  “Nee. Why can’t you get out more? I’ve always wondered that.” Rachel’s look was just a little too sharp for Katie’s comfort.

  “Mam and Dat have always been like that with me. I think it’s because I’m their last child, and they have a hard time letting me go—especially after what happened with my sister Esther. She ran off to live with the English.”

  “Mei Gott!”

  It felt odd, telling the truth and having someone care.

  “She’s your sister, right? Where is she now?”

  “I don’t know.” Dead, maybe. Katie feared the worst.

  “Ja, that explains why they’re so strict. They’re scared for you.”

  Katie wished it was true, but she knew her parents were more scared of her than for her. She was the bad child. The one who had betrayed their f
amily, even though she’d kept the biggest secret to save them.

  If you tell, they’ll lock me up, your dat will lose his job, and you’ll be taken away to an English orphanage. You’ll never see your sister again. Your parents will die.

  The music went up temporarily, and then shut off. Mr. Zook stood at the entrance to the barn. “Okay, kids. It’s already eight forty-five. You’d better get home. I don’t want any of you in any danger. Closest ones to our house, you are the first in the line. Those who live the farthest out, you’re at the back of the caravan.” He supervised carefully. As his eyes landed on Katie driving alone, his eyes widened. “Miss Miller, why aren’t you with your boyfriend?”

  “I came on my own. I had a hard time convincing Mam and Dat, so it was too late for Amos to come for me. I’m going to have to talk to them about giving me more freedom so I can keep up with everything, including this threat!”

  “Nee. You’re probably the safest since your parents are so strict. We could all stand to take a page out of their book.”

  Katie winced. She didn’t want to be the reason her boyfriend and friends couldn’t be free to get together or ride around freely as they ran errands. This was supposed to be a little lie. A small cut. But it just kept bleeding, and the relief she was supposed to feel was fast fading away. If they found out the truth, they’d all hate her. Maybe it would be better if she just ran off. Maybe it would be better if she cut herself so deeply she kept bleeding until she bled out.

  As she rode in the long caravan, the symphony of horse’s hooves and metal wheels accompanying her thoughts, she nearly missed her parents’ yard. Turning suddenly, she made it in, turning around to wave at Amos. As she pulled into the barn, she hoped her parents wouldn’t ask about the long buggy caravan. In the house, she saw her mam, yawning and waiting for her.

  “What were all the buggies for? Were you in the middle of that bunch?”

  “Ja, actually, I was. When I came in, they were passing, so Amos waved me into the line. Everyone stopped for a few minutes, and they told me that they had decided to go home in a big caravan.”