Amish Secrets and Lies

by Rachel Stoltzfus

“Why? To extend the evening’s fun?” Mary was unaware of Katie’s rumor.

  “For some, maybe. I found out that someone has been saying they want us—the Amish—to leave here and settle elsewhere.” Katie’s mouth was set in distaste.

  “What? Who? And why?” Mary’s voice was sharp, and she was now wide-awake.

  Chapter 7

  “Someone—an Englisher—has been going around saying that they want us to move away from here. I found out about it from Amos and the kids tonight when I got into the caravan.”

  “Mei Gott! David, get down here! Katie, is that why everyone was going home earlier than usual?”

  “Ja. They said that Mr. Zook would only allow them to meet in his barn as long as they promised to stay in there and not go elsewhere. Also, he told them he wanted them home early. I guess he was worried. And he didn’t want to be up late, worrying about us getting home.”

  David hurried down, and as he heard the news, his bearded face grew grim.

  After they went to bed, neither one of Katie’s parents thought to wonder if Katie was responsible for this rumor. The alleged desire of the unidentified English person worried them much more, making them fear that an entire community would be forced to move.

  THE NEXT DAY, LIBBY dropped in for a visit with Katie. Sitting on the front porch swing, enjoying chilled glasses of tea, the two girls discussed the words of the English person. “Do you have any idea who it might be?” Katie pushed off with her toes, making the swing go into motion.

  “Nee, I don’t. I don’t know very many of them so it would be hard for me to pick any one of them out. I just bake and sell goods to them. You might have a better idea of who it is, Katie. You’ve sold so many quilts to them!”

  Katie pretended to consider, peering into the clear depths of her tea. Running her thumb over the ice-cold condensation on the side of her glass, she sighed pensively. “Hmmm. Well, it could be...nee. She hasn’t said or done anything bad to Mam or me. Maybe...hmmm. Could it be them?”

  “Who? Who is it? Tell me!”

  Katie felt her heart pounding hard in her chest. She was so close to naming one of her customers, but she knew that if she did, the situation would become a repeat of what happened in Goshen. “No, it can’t be them.” She looked up. “I can’t accuse someone without having proof that they said something. I’m just thinking of the people it could be. But my feelings are telling me it’s not that other customer.”

  “But even if you suspect, shouldn’t you speak?” Libby was eager.

  “Nee, Libby. I would hate to be the reason that someone’s reputation was harmed. Or that they lost their job or...”

  Libby sat back. “Ja, you’re right. Will your mam let you go to my house tonight if I promise to have you home early?”

  “I can ask. Hold on.” Katie hurried into the pantry. “Mam? Libby’s here, and she wants to know if I can go to her house tonight. She says she would have me home—”

  “Nee! Absolutely not!”

  “But Mam, why? She would bring—.”

  “Until we know who wants the Amish gone from here, you are not going on any late-night activities away from here. And she should be staying at home, too.” Mary set the iron down with a thump. She hurried outside. “Libby, I’m sorry, but until the community has found out who wants us to move away, she’s not going out at night. I’m very sorry, but that has to be our position until this person is identified.” Mary wheeled back around, nearly running into Katie, who had been standing right in back of her.

  Katie released a sharp sigh of frustration as she closed the back door. “I’m sorry.”

  “Nee, Katie, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think of that when I asked. I’d better go, anyway. Mam has the same concerns. So, now, I can’t go anywhere around Big Valley without her or one of my brothers.”

  Katie grimaced. “I know how you feel. Mam is going to start making me go everywhere with her or Dat again when I need to go buy anything for quilting. And fun activities? I think we can forget about those!”

  Katie berated herself. Why couldn’t I have kept my mouth shut? Why do I have to tell such stupid lies?

  SITTING IN THE BUGGY and waiting for her mam to come out of the shop, Katie looked around her at the English and Amish people mingling with each other. They all seemed so happy. Were they really happy though? Was the English woman with the bright yellow flower barrette resting jauntily over her ponytail have a secret lover? Did the young English girl asking Mr. Yoder for permission to pet his horse have an uncle that brought her candied apples? Were lies simmering in her chest, ready at any moment to burst out like poison flies? Katie was so pulled into the scene that she didn’t see Amos standing next to the buggy.

  “Katie. Katie? Katie!” Amos’s voice grew progressively louder.

  Katie jumped, finally coming back into the present. “Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to be so far away.”

  “I saw you just staring at everyone over there. Do you think any one of them could be...?”

  For a moment, Katie was confused. Then she remembered her lie. She cocked her head. “The one who wants us gone from here?”

  “Ja.”

  Katie allowed her gaze to wander again over the clumps of English and Amish as she pretended to consider the question. “Nee, but I don’t know. Look at them, Amos. They look so relaxed, not as if they don’t like having us around! So, no. It’s not these people.”

  Katie’s mam Mary walked towards them with a heavy bag of groceries in each hand.

  Katie and Amos jumped out of the buggy.

  “Katie, what are you and Amos discussing?” Mary asked.

  “Let me, Mrs. Miller.” Amos accepted the heavy bags and carefully set them into the buggy. “We were talking about who this English person might be. Katie doesn’t think it’s any of them.”

  “Really? How would she know?” Mary’s voice was taut.

  “None of us except for the person who heard the English person speaking knows who it is. Katie said that the English over there all look like they don’t mind having us in their midst.”

  “I also wonder...whoever heard the English person...maybe they didn’t see who said it? Or maybe they only heard part of a conversation? Maybe it’s really not so bad. Or maybe it wasn’t an Englisher at all?” Now she was getting too close to the truth. Katie shut her mouth.

  Amos’s brows furrowed as he thought. “Maybe. You mean, like they just heard the words?”

  “Ja, without seeing whoever spoke.” Adrenaline rushed through her as she theorized.

  “That’s a gut thought. I don’t know. I just know that we never had any problems getting along before...maybe that English person is new here.” Amos shook his head, amazed at how hard it was to single out someone speaking against their community. “I’d better go. I told Dat I’d only be in town for a while. See you around Katie!”

  Katie waved at Amos as he began to jog back to his dat’s wagon. “Mam, have you thought about who it might be?”

  “Nee. I don’t come to town but once a week, during the daytime hours. And so it should be with all of you.”

  Katie stared in horror. “Mam, what are you talking about?”

  “I don’t think any of you young people should be going outside of our community after dark. At all, not until this person is caught. And I’m talking to the bishop about this.”

  Katie gasped. “But Mam! We’re careful! We can spend time with each other. Just...as you said, inside our own community after dark. Are you talking about singings and frolics?”

  Mary nodded. “Not frolics. Those are the entire community, adults and younger kinder as well. And those usually take place in daytime hours.”

  “What about Singings?” Katie didn’t want to be the cause of her friends not being able to get together in one of their traditional ways.

  “Well, those are held within our community, ja? As long as you kinder form a long line of buggies, you should be all right. In the barn with chaperones, you’re fine and sup
ervised.”

  “Mam? Are you thinking of letting me go to Singings?”

  “I don’t know. But if I am thinking of letting you go to singings, it will be under the rule that you won’t be alone with anyone, even the girls.”

  Katie could only gaze at Mary, stunned. “Ja, I promise! I won’t!”

  Maybe things would be okay after all. If only she could stop telling horrible lies.

  Chapter 8

  On Sunday, the entire community gathered for its meeting. After the service had ended, the elders held their hands up. “We need to talk about something.” Bishop John Lapp had decided it was important to confront the rumor head-on. “I was told early this week that some mysterious English person has been making statements to the effect of wanting our community to leave here. I have to say that this just doesn't sound like something our English neighbors would even think of saying. We are looking around and trying to determine who said it, if it was indeed said. If this is a baseless rumor, I don’t have to remind anyone what the consequences are for violating our Ordnung. Spreading rumors is a violation of our rules.” The bishop let his gaze rest on various community members.

  Katie, seeing the bishop’s eyes on her, crinkled her forehead and tried to look confused. She must have succeeded because Bishop Lapp’s eyes moved on to another person.

  OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, Katie held in her lies. She didn’t want to hurt anyone, and the fear of discovery in combination with her newly allowed small freedoms were enough to keep Katie from needing to lie. She still fantasized about increasingly strange scenarios. What if she pretended to be kidnapped? What if she left a ransom note like she’d read in a book from the library a couple of years back? Would anyone even look for her? Or would they be glad she was gone?

  What if Esther came back and asked Katie to come away with her to a beautiful castle? What if Amos asked Katie to be his wife?

  Without Katie’s assistance, the rumor died down. But community members were still watchful and nervous, even so. Katie listened to her parents and did everything they told her to do. She tried hard to be a young, model Amish woman. When she was with Libby or doing shopping for her mam, she didn’t bring the rumors up at all.

  Gradually, she was able to start going to singings with Amos. At these youth gatherings, she had fun, singing and talking with her friends. Katie was glad she had decided to let the rumor die down. She had spotted Deacon Eppie Yoder at the events and had a feeling he was there watching all of the community. Her topics of conversation were specific to Amish life, talking about dating, work, small businesses, selling quilts or baking, or even taking carpentry orders. Eventually, the deacon stopped coming to the singings, restricting himself to showing up at socials and Sunday services. She wasn’t aware that the deacon had, indeed, been watching the youth. He wasn’t sure if he bought the rumor at all.

  ONE EVENING, AS HE was bringing Katie home, Amos brought up the topic of marriage. “Katie, are you taking your baptism instruction?”

  “Nee, not yet. I’ll be starting next spring. How come?”

  Amos inhaled, and then let the breath out in a long whoosh. “Because I want to have a talk with you. We’ve been dating now for going on two years. Shortly after you moved here. I am in love with you, and I want to be your husband. If you would marry me.”

  Katie gasped. Was it a dream? Or was it something true? Katie pinched herself and winced.

  “Katie!”

  “I just had to know! Ja, of course! I want to marry you!” Letting out a nervous giggle, she looked at Amos, seeing his clear gray eyes resting on her.

  “You are so beautiful. Inside as well as out. You’re giving, supportive and always fun to be with. I hope we will have a gut life with each other!” Reaching around her shoulders, Amos held her to him.

  They kissed. He cupped the back of her head, and his thumb brushed the nape of her neck.

  A rush of nausea overcame her. She tensed.

  “Katie?”

  Not now. Why now?

  “I’m sorry,” Katie said. “It’s just, can you not hold my head that way?”

  “Ja! Ja! Of course!” Amos snatched his hand away as if he’d been burned on a hot stove.

  “I...uhh—just a weird cramp.” This lie didn’t make her feel better. She just felt sick. Wrong. “I love you,” Katie said. “Should we say anything to anyone?”

  “Nee, not yet. I want to make sure you’re closer to baptism instruction first. We’ll keep it between ourselves for now.”

  “Okay.”

  “Are you disappointed?”

  “Nee! I’m just glad that we’re keeping our own little secret from the rest of the community for now. It feels...I feel special. Can I...umm...kiss you again?”

  “Ja.” Amos was careful not to touch her neck again. This time, she melted into his embrace. He’d never heard of a girl getting a neck cramp while kissing, but what did he know?

  He loved her. She was so honest and good. He couldn’t wait for them both to take their Kneelings Vows and start their lives together.

  OVER THE NEXT FEW MONTHS, life was quiet in Big Valley. Katie kept the secret of her engagement to Amos to herself. At times, she was tempted to bring the rumor back to life, but she wanted a good future together with Amos. She hoped she could get past her reactions to his touch and be comfortable with him, even when he caught her by surprise. But as long as she kept trying, she’d get there. Also, Katie could tell Eppie Yoder doubted her. He watched her more during meetings and socials than any of the other young people.

  Still, Katie couldn’t stop herself completely from telling stories. It wasn’t gossip, just harmless fun. And even if she wanted to stop, she couldn’t help herself.

  Libby came to wonder about Katie and her love of storytelling as fall approached. She began to think about this as she heard Katie embark on yet another “what if” story.

  “Ja, I’m serious! What if, oh, say, someone new came into Big Valley? Doesn’t matter if it’s someone Amish or English. They shake up life in a big way.”

  “How do you mean?” Libby shifted on the swing, wrapping her shawl more closely around her.

  “Well, for instance, let’s say it’s a new English person, visiting family here. They come driving into our area. They’re drunk, and they run into a buggy. But because they have a car, they get away...” Katie kept building her “what if” story until finally, Libby interjected.

  “Wait! You have me confused!” In actuality, Libby was more concerned than confused. “Let’s stop the ‘what if’ game. Actually, I have to go home. I’m getting a headache, and Mam wanted me home early.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry!” Katie bounded out of the rocker and helped Libby up. “Do you want aspirin and water?”

  “Ja.” Accepting the glass and two pills from Katie, she swallowed them and left. On her way home, she was able to think in peace and quiet. This story featured an English person. That rumor had an English person wanting us gone. And Katie sure does like her stories! Getting home, she put the horses away and took her bags from the buggy. In the house, she greeted her mam quietly.

  “Is everything okay? Are you okay?” Mrs. King was worried—Libby was usually never this subdued.

  “Ja, I’m fine. I just got a bit of a headache at Katie’s. She gave me some aspirin, and I’ll be okay soon. Call me when you’re ready to start supper. I’m going to rest for a little while.” Upstairs, Libby continued to puzzle over the mystery that was Katie. Shaking her head and sighing, she decided not to say anything...yet. She wanted to see if she could figure Katie’s motives out first. For a few days, she didn’t spend very much time with her friend.

  Chapter 9

  The next time the rumor started, Katie had been to town to do some shopping for her mam, who had come down with the flu. “Get everything on this list, especially the flu medication. The doctor prescribed it, and I really need to start taking it today. I wish I could go with you, but...” A coughing fit took Mary over, as she bent over tryi
ng to get control over the paroxysms.

  “I’ll get everything. You go upstairs, and I’ll get you some water and aspirin.” Katie followed her up with the promised items. Tucking her mother in, handed her the two pills and a glass of water. “I’ll hurry. I promise.”

  “Denki. The doctor is including medications for you and your dat. If you take them before you get sick, you may not get as sick as I am. Go!”

  In town, Katie found all of the items on the list and purchased them. Seeing one of her quilting friends, she waved at her. “Sorry, Clare, but I need to get home. Mam has the flu and needs the medications I just picked up.” She indicated the bag of prescription flu medication in her cart.

  “Before you go, have you heard anything about that rumor that said we had to leave here?” Clare was worried, especially since she’d heard nothing for so long.

  “Nee, not really. I mean, nothing, I’ve heard nothing. Have you?”

  “Nee. Nothing. I was wondering if that English person...”

  Katie waited impatiently for Clare to finish her sentence. When she realized Clare wouldn’t finish her question, she nodded once. “Well, I have to go. I really haven’t heard anything. I hope it’s gone for gut!” She wheeled around, hurrying out of the store with her cart.

  Clare looked around, hoping nobody had heard them. She didn’t want to be the reason that scary rumor started making the rounds.

  Katie drove the horses faster, hoping to beat the threatening snow. Libby didn’t want to hear her “what if” stories anymore, and the other teens were beginning to get tired of her stories as well. As happy as she was imagining her future with Amos, her responsibilities, her pretending to be a good Amish girl in spite of her own failings, were all pressing in on her again.

  As she drove, she thought about the rumor. Could it come back to life? Ja, I think it could. It should, but with a twist.