Guarding His Heart

by R. Cayden

  Alexandria giggled, then shoved her mascara wand back in its tube. “As I suspected. You’ve always wanted your own personal knight in shining armor.”

  Seb scoffed. “I have not.”

  “Have to. It’s one of the reasons you’ve never dated anyone, Seb. You’re praying some perfect man is going to just come and knock on your door when the time is right.”

  Seb held his wrist high for the camera, then tapped his watch. “The time was right for some guy to sweep me off my feet about five years ago, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity.” He realized how loud he was talking and bit down on his bottom lip before Declan came back and caught a monologue on his lack of a sex life.

  “More reason to stop waiting, Seb dear.”

  “And what? Throw myself at the tattooed straight man who polishes his guns in my living room?”

  “I was going to say come to Brooklyn and hit up a gay club with me, but whatever floats your boat.”

  Seb could tell his head wasn’t screwed on straight. For most single men his age, the idea of visiting his best friend in Brooklyn and going to the clubs would be exciting. Instead, just like always, the thought sent shivers of anxiety down his skin. Compared to flirty men, throbbing music, and crowded dance floor, staying home and battling it out with intruders seemed like a walk in the park.

  Sometimes, he felt like his social anxiety was new, or at least growing over time. Certainly, back when he was in school, he had left the dorm every day. Maybe secluding himself with his work had been an unhealthy idea and made it impossible for him to relate to normal people. But then again, when he thought to those days in school, pretty much the only conversations he had were about physics, and the closest he got to something social was a group study session. And when he did share anything about himself, especially his hydrogen power dreams, the other students would laugh in his face.

  For as long as he could remember, in fact, Alexandria had been his only true friend. The one difference was that, these days, she appeared in pixels instead of in the flesh.

  “I’ll come visit soon,” Seb promised. “Now just isn’t the right time.”

  “Oh Seb,” Alexandria sighed, then popped the top off a tube of purple lipstick. “The boys won’t wait for you forever.”

  “Neither will hydrogen power,” Seb grumbled, then spotted Declan, trudging back across the snow. “Gotta go. Have fun dancing, Alexandria!”

  Declan seemed to have something in his arms, but Seb couldn’t quite discern what it was. He stared as the man shuffled back down the path he had earlier cut through the snow, then reached the light at the front of the house, his arms folded over his chest the whole way.

  Earlier that day, when Seb had managed to get Declan talking about his work more, it had suddenly seemed so obvious that he had some sort of criminal past. The fact that his nephew knew about local connections to the Blue Devils set off some alarms, but the way Declan danced around the specifics of his past employment seemed to confirm it.

  Strangely, the truth only made Seb feel safer in his protection. He knew that the kinds of men his father typically hired for security were professionals and that they were all competent at their jobs, but they never had the same effect on him. With Declan, Seb felt somehow that the man would fight for him and that anyone who tried to hurt Seb would face a fast, fierce response.

  Seb was drawn to that power. It did something to him he didn’t expect. Something that seemed to explode the world he had carefully built, where everything was predictable and quiet.

  The feeling was strong enough, in fact, to get him to step outside of the mansion for the first time in days.

  Seb kicked on a pair of snow boots and pulled a heavy down jacket over his house clothes. The hood practically swallowing his face, he stepped outside and crossed to Declan.

  “Hey,” Declan said, nodding his head back. “You know anything about this girl?”

  The wind whipped through the air, and cold grasped at Seb’s hands and the pink of his cheeks. He started to worry about being vulnerable to intruders outside, but his eyes lingered on Declan’s gaze and on the faint creases near his eyes, and that anxiety melted away.

  Then Seb snapped back to attention and looked down to Declan’s arms.

  “Oh my, puppy!” Seb said with a gasp. He didn’t know dogs very well, no students having been allowed pets at the boarding schools, but the puppy in Declan’s arms reminded him of a black lab Alexandria’s parents had kept, from the floppy ears to the lush fur. A thrill shot up his spine when the dog licked at her mouth and stirred in Declan’s arms. “A puppy!” he repeated.

  The side of Declan’s mouth turned up in a smile that he tried to push down. “Yeah, well…” He shook his head quickly. “She’s hurt, though,” he said and lifted her rear a little.

  When Seb looked closer, he saw the specks of blood on her leg. “Poor girl,” he whispered.

  “Was trying to figure out where to go with her. In the house okay? She’s bleeding a bit.”

  Seb nodded quickly. “Sure, no problem. Come on inside, I can grab a few old blankets.”

  Seb rushed ahead to grab the blankets from a closet in the hallway, and when he got back to the front of the house, Declan had his jacket and boots off, the puppy still cradled in his arms. Seb brought them to the seating area, dropping the blankets on the ground so Declan could set the puppy down. She squirmed a bit and licked at her foot, but didn’t try to run or bark at anyone, seemingly happy to be in the warmth.

  Seb realized how young the puppy was as Declan rose to his feet, then murmured something about a first aid kit and hurried off. Seb stuck his hand close to the dog’s head, holding it there so she could smell him until Declan came back.

  “Where did you find her?” Seb asked.

  “That old fence, the one not far from the edge of the clearing? She was caught up under it somehow.”

  Seb scrunched up his lips in thought. “Old fence. I’m not sure I know it?”

  “What? You’ve been out there, though? The wood-and-wire fence?”

  Seb shook his head. “I haven’t really done much on the property…” He felt a bit embarrassed to admit it and had always imagined he would roam the acreage one day, but never quite gotten around to it.

  Declan grunted. “Anyway, the fence is kind of gnarly at parts, but she wasn’t trapped too bad.” He started to stroke the back of her head, coaxing her to show her leg as he used his free hand to fumble with wipes and disinfectant. Seb stared at the thick pads of Declan’s fingers, somehow almost graceful as he positioned the puppy, relaxing her. “Can you grab her some water? Maybe a little something to gnaw?”

  Seb snapped out of his daze and hurried to the kitchen. He used his phone to look up what he should feed a puppy, then settled on a can of peas that he rinsed off in the sink. By the time he returned to the seating room with a couple dishes, Declan was cleaning off the wounds on the puppy’s foot while she growled softly at his arm.

  “Here you go,” Seb said, dropping the dishes down beside the puppy. “If she doesn’t go for peas, I can try something else.”

  The puppy whimpered, then let out a soft bark when Declan adjusted her foot. “Thanks. And sorry to drag this into your house. Just couldn’t leave her out there.”

  “Right, of course,” Seb said. “No problem.” He took a seat on the couch, perching himself on the edge of the cushion while Declan wrapped a little white cloth around the bottom of her leg. “Is she okay?”

  “Nothing bad. Seems skinny, maybe been lost out there a while.” He pushed the dish a little closer, and she started to lap up some of the peas. “She’ll be fine, though.” Declan scratched the back of his head while the puppy continued to explore the dish, and Seb tried to not develop a weird sense of competitiveness with the stray dog over Declan’s attention.

  “What do you think, kid?” Declan asked.

  Seb tilted his head to the side. “Huh?”

  “Tomorrow, we can try to figure out if she has
a home around here, but we gotta call her something until then.”

  “Oh!” Seb smiled. He’d never had the occasion to name a pet before, and ideas suddenly flooded his mind. “What about Ellie? Or maybe Arroway would be a better puppy name.” Declan furrowed his eyebrow, looking between the puppy and Seb. “Or maybe a dog name? Like Peaches? Ruffles?” Seb bit down on his lip, suddenly very confused about how people normally named dogs. “Venus?”

  “Ellie,” Declan said with a grin. “I guess she likes peas.”

  Seb smiled when he saw Ellie, licking the bottom of the bowl. “Let’s see how she feels about carrots,” he said, jumping back up to his feet.

  Soon enough, Seb found himself relaxing with Declan in the sitting room, each on opposite sides of the blankets that Ellie was using to roll around. Declan had one arm slung wide across the couch and his legs sprawled out, keeping Ellie from roaming too far. Now and then, he would try to tuck her up in the blanket to keep her warmer, but she’d always shake it off.

  Desire flared inside of Seb. He’d almost think Declan was a softie, the way he tended to the puppy.

  Then Ellie nipped at Declan, and Declan let out a low growl in response, sending Ellie curling up against his leg.

  “We can get another first aid kit,” Seb said, noticing the small box open beside him. “If you need.”

  Declan shook his head. “No problem. I just used a little of the gauze and some of the cleaner and disinfectant.”

  Seb’s eyes trailed to the scar on the side of Declan’s neck, ragged and tinged with pink. He imagined it must have come from one of Declan’s old jobs, and he tried not to let his imagination run wild with worry and speculation, thinking of how close things might have come to ending for him.

  “You’re staring at my scar.”

  Seb startled. “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I wasn’t—”

  “You were,” Declan said evenly. His voice was steady and strong, but he didn’t sound angry. “It’s fine.”

  “Sorry,” Seb said. He knew his cheeks were probably pink, and he turned his eyes down to Ellie. “It’s rude to stare. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Most people take a look at it.” His voice was a little warmer, which relaxed Seb.

  Seb crossed his legs. Ellie turned his way, considered him, and then laid her head back down on her paws. Her fur was thick and dark, but in the light, he could see better that she had torn herself up a little on the fence.

  “I hate when people stare at me,” Seb said. “I should know better.”

  Declan chuckled, then caught himself and turned it into a cough.

  “What?” Seb asked.

  “Just can’t imagine anyone staring at you,” he said. “I’m used to it. Started when I got the tattoos, then when I lost some teeth in a fight. The scar there is just my showpiece.”

  “People didn’t stare at me because of my looks. But I was always so far ahead of everyone else at school and so much younger than all of my classmates…” He trailed off. Declan might be confident enough to joke about himself, but Seb still felt too insecure to say the rest of it.

  That he had always felt like a freak, a brain without a person attached to it.

  So far ahead that he couldn’t enjoy his childhood and too young to relate to the older students he studied with.

  “You don’t have to explain,” Declan said, waving his hand in the air. “You’re too smart for your own good. I’ve noticed.” He pushed his leg forward, nudging Seb’s foot. “Sorry they gave you a rough time about it, Seb. Fuck those people.”

  Seb thought about it for a second, then laughed. “Yeah,” he said. “Fuck those people.”

  It wasn’t until Ellie fell asleep that Declan and Seb finally started to move from their spots on the floor. Declan went to clean himself up, and Seb was left in the middle of the house, aching with hope that the man would be up for sleeping in his bed again. He thought the flare of desire that consumed him after Declan fought off the intruders would pass, but as time crept by, the craving Seb had for Declan was only growing stronger.

  He cursed himself under his breath for letting these feelings overwhelm him. Declan hadn’t given any indication that he was gay. Seb was just fooling himself and living in fantasies because of how lonely he had let his life in the mansion become.

  Then Declan returned. He glanced down at the blankets and the snoozing puppy, then up to Seb. “I’ll take Ellie out. I want to radio up to security anyway. If you’d like me in your room again, we can just set Ellie up there. Otherwise, I’m happy to watch her in my wing.”

  Before Seb could say anything, Declan turned to his jacket and boots. In a flash, he was talking into the radio while he roused Ellie. Seb stood there, his heart pounding, and then allowed himself to do the most logical thing he could possibly do in a situation like that.

  He grabbed the puppy’s blankets and went straight to his bedroom.

  Declan

  Of course, the same damn thing happened to Declan the next morning. Right when the sun came peeking through the blinds, he woke up and found Seb there in his arms.

  Declan smacked his lips together and tried not to think about his morning breath. In the night, Seb must have made his way across the bed and right up in Declan’s arms, and Declan, fast asleep, had probably been more than happy to oblige.

  Way, way more than happy, in fact. He tried to ease his hard dick away from Seb’s soft, warm body, holding his breath as he rolled his hips back.

  Seb hummed, then grabbed Declan’s arm and pulled him closer.

  Declan’s heart shot into his throat. It was one thing to sleep in the guy’s bed, and he wasn’t fooling himself into thinking either of their thoughts were totally innocent. But Seb was in a delicate state, and only an asshole would take advantage of someone like that. Declan had more than one good reason to play it safe with this one, enough that he tried to list them off while he lay there, tempted by every breath that crossed Seb’s lips.

  But of course, Declan wasn’t always the best at listening to reason.

  “Seb,” he grumbled quietly, his voice like tires on gravel. Seb was pulling Declan close, and Declan didn’t know how to get out without waking the younger man.

  Suddenly, Seb released his grip while his muscles tightened against Declan’s body. He was clearly awake and clearly as surprised by their embrace as Declan had been.

  “Morning, sunshine,” Declan mumbled as he retrieved his arm.

  Seb gasped in a soft breath, then rolled to the side, pulling the blanket with him. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he sputtered. “Did I…?”

  Declan rubbed his hand over his face, trying to wake up. “We both did, looks like. No need to apologize.”

  Lying there across from each other felt like a new level of intimacy to Declan. It wasn’t just that he was face to face with Seb while their eyes were still half-closed and their faces all puffy with sleep. That alone felt different than crawling into opposite sides of the bed at night with the lights dimmed, sure.

  But Declan didn’t usually find himself lying around in the morning with other men in the first place. He had spent his life hooking up with guys he met in bars. Sometimes, he would carry on with the same guy for months at a time, and he’d tried to keep a boyfriend when he was younger. Pretty soon, though, he had accepted that he was happier with a quick fuck than he was with a steady boyfriend. Things were just less complicated that way.

  And the line of work Declan was in—there wasn’t time for distractions. When you had someone else counting on you, it was much harder to take the risks you needed to take.

  Not that Declan had ever felt about Big Paolo the way he felt about Seb. It was one thing to throw a punch for a paycheck, but when it came to the guy blinking and rubbing his eyes in bed that morning, Declan felt like there was a fuck of a lot more on the line.

  Seb relaxed a little, then curled forward. “I think that’s the first good night of sleep I’ve gotten this week,” he said. He blinked a few more times, and t
he way his long eyelashes fluttered tugged at Declan.

  “Must be the guard dog,” he answered.

  Seb smiled, then leaned up on his elbow to peer over the bed. Declan did the same and caught a glimpse of Ellie, lying on her side and licking the air through a dream.

  “Must be,” Seb laughed.

  Declan kept thinking about how warm Seb’s body had felt, which wasn’t doing a damn thing to calm his dick down. Instead, he battled down his urges and convinced himself it was possible to just relax in that bed. Like this was a totally normal thing for a bodyguard to do with his client.

  “I guess it’s just nice to feel safe,” Seb said.

  The way he said it, letting the words drop out of his mouth all soft and sweet, Declan had no trouble reading between the lines. He kicked himself to stop acting like such a blockhead, making jokes about the dog, when Seb was right there, telling him what he needed.

  Declan raised his arm. “Want to crawl back in? I’ve got a little time before I should do my first perimeter check.”

  Seb’s mouth parted, his eyes wide with surprise. “Sure,” he said. “That sounds nice.”

  Declan held in a groan as Seb pulled himself back across the bed, then gently slid into Declan’s embrace. Just like before, the soft curves of his body fit together with Declan like puzzle pieces. Seb traced his delicate fingers along Declan’s wrist, and Declan tightened his arm around Seb’s chest.

  They stayed like that, not saying a thing, their breath aligning in its rhythm. It gave Declan a surge of pride that as long as Seb were there with him, he knew that nothing truly bad would happen, all the fights that came before worthwhile if they gave Declan the skills he needed to keep Seb safe.

  Seb pulled Declan closer, then arched his back, his ass brushing Declan’s crotch. Declan caught his breath, but there was no hiding his thick erection and the way his body reacted to Seb’s touch.

  Seb laid his hand over Declan’s hand, and they laced their fingers together.

  “Is this okay?” Seb asked softly.

  Declan grunted. “Yeah,” was all he managed to say.