by Regan Ure
“Let’s go,” Damien said to me before he stalked to his car. I followed quietly behind him.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him as I climbed into his car, but instead of answering, he slammed the door closed.
He wouldn’t even look at me when he got into the driver’s side and started up the car. I bit my lip, trying not to let his behavior upset me, but it was hard. He was important to me, and he was clearly upset with me.
I’d just been talking to Mark. Then I had a sudden thought—could Damien be jealous?
“Why are you mad at me?” I asked softly when we were halfway home.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he snapped, keeping his eyes on the road in front of him.
I didn’t want to presume that he was jealous. Maybe he wasn’t, so I let him ignore me for the rest of the ride home. It hurt. I was used to the caring, protective, understanding Damien. The boy sitting next to me in the car was a stranger.
He was quiet for most of the journey and I didn’t try and start up any conversation. I wasn’t used to him acting like this and he was hard to read, so I kept my mouth shut and stared out the window.
It was beautiful where the Knights lived. Even the sidewalks were wide with beautiful, lush, green trees. Thinking back to my old neighborhood, there hadn’t been much beauty.
I couldn’t help but hold my breath as we pulled up to the driveway, but thankfully there were no more messages from Grant. The bloodied message from the previous day had been cleaned up, so there were no remnants of what had happened. There were no messages, but it didn’t make me feel any safer.
Grant knew where I was and for all I knew he could still be watching me right now. I couldn’t help scanning the bushes surrounding the outer wall as Damien drove up the driveway. Once he parked, we got out of the car and walked to the front door. I walked in first, and Damien followed behind. Amy greeted us as we entered the house. She smiled and hugged me.
“How was school?” she asked while we walked to the kitchen.
“It was okay,” I replied as I took a seat by the counter.
“I’ve got some stuff to do,” Damien said as he stood in the doorway to the kitchen. “I’ll see you later.”
“Okay,” his mom said and I nodded.
“Would you like something to drink?” she asked before she opened the fridge.
I shook my head. I remembered Chris asking when he would be able to come visit.
“Would it be okay if my friend Chris came to visit?” I asked nervously.
“Of course, any time, you don’t have to ask,” she replied with a smile on her face. “I want you to feel comfortable here, this is your home. You can invite friends over any time you want.”
“Thank you,” I replied. It was so strange, living in a house where I was given so much freedom after living with so many restrictions for years.
I stayed in the kitchen talking to Amy and then I went back to my bedroom to finish my homework. I was almost done when there was a knock at my door and I looked up to see Damien standing in my doorway.
“Mom wants to talk to us,” he said. I closed my books and slid off the bed.
Silently, I followed him to the kitchen. It was the place Amy spent most of her time when she was at home. Were we in trouble? I couldn’t help the negative thoughts from entering my mind as an anxious feeling settled in my stomach. Amy was quiet when Damien and I entered the kitchen. She smiled at me and the smile didn’t reach her eyes.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Damien
I snuck a glance at Haven as I drove us both to school. It was the morning after discovering the bloodied message Grant had left for Haven on the garage door. My mom had tried to get her to stay at home, but she’d been determined to go to school and carry on as normal.
I admired that in her. Most people would have stayed at home.
Just the thought that the man that had been physically abusing her, and who had tried to kill her, was still watching her made my blood boil. If I ever met him I’d kill him with my bare hands. I’d seen what he’d done to Haven and anyone who could do that shouldn’t be allowed to live.
The details of what had happened to her over the last few years were still a mystery. She wasn’t ready to talk about it and I wasn’t going to push it. The doctors had been horrified at the amount of abuse they’d discovered when they’d examined her, so I knew it had been bad. I was already protective of her, but after the message I just wanted to keep her locked in her bedroom away from any potential harm.
Once we got to school I walked her to her locker where Chris was waiting for her. He was a good friend to Haven. I knew he cared about her and that he’d do anything for her, and that alone made me like him. There weren’t a lot of people I trusted to look after Haven, but I trusted him.
I left Haven and Chris to go to my locker. When I got to my locker, I opened it and swapped some books around for my first few classes when I turned to see Nicole standing beside me with her chest pressing against my arm. Her cleavage was fighting to get free of a top that looked two sizes too small.
“Hi,” she whispered huskily into my ear.
Before Haven, I wouldn’t have even thought twice; but as much as I wanted to deny it, I wasn’t the same person.
“Hi, Nicole,” I greeted her as I stuffed my books into my bag and closed my locker.
“You’ve been quiet lately,” she said with a pout. She was a cheerleader, so she was popular with the boys, and I knew she’d give me whatever I wanted—but I wasn’t interested.
I didn’t have time for this. I had more important things to worry about than girls and sex.
“Yeah, I’ve had a lot on my plate,” I said, not wanting to reveal too much. She was right—normally I was out at every party with some girl, but I hadn’t been out since Haven’s attack.
And for some reason I couldn’t explain, I hadn’t been with a girl since the day I’d seen the damage in myself reflected in Haven’s eyes.
“Are you going to Evan’s party tonight?” she asked as she trailed a red-polished nail down my shirt seductively. She was beautiful on the outside, but there wasn’t much to her on in the inside. She was exactly the type of girl that I would have taken to bed and left the next morning. If she was good in bed, I’d keep her around for the week, but that was all I ever offered.
I shook my head.
“Maybe another time,” I mumbled as I walked away, leaving her standing open mouthed in front of my locker.
“What the hell, man?” said a shocked voice. I glanced to see Shane, the source of the voice, join me as I walked down the hallway. “Did I just hear you tell her that you weren’t coming to the party tonight?”
“Yeah, you heard right,” I said. I didn’t have to explain my actions to anyone.
“Does this have to do with Haven?” he asked. I’d told him that Haven had moved into my house but I’d been tightlipped about the reasons why, and he’d stopped asking. Haven’s story wasn’t mine to share, even with my close friends.
“Yes, there is a lot going on and I don’t have time to party at the moment.”
There was no way I was going into more detail than that.
“If you need anything all you have to do is ask,” he offered. That was one of the reasons why he was my best friend.
“Thanks, man,” I replied, running an agitated hand through my hair.
“Just think, you’ll have more girls to pick from,” I teased him. He was my wingman and it helped that the girls loved him as well.
“Whatever, man,” he said as he shook his head. “I don’t need any help getting laid.”
Thoughts of Haven consumed me for most of the day. I struggled to push the image of her horrified look when she’d seen the message from my mind.
Every broken look she expelled to the world pulled at something inside of me. There were times she looked so fragile and all I wanted to do was hold her close and keep her safe. A couple of my teachers had to pull me out of my though
ts to concentrate on their lesson.
Today had been a waste. I was in no mood to sit and pretend everything was okay, especially when the cops were still searching for Grant. I couldn’t believe they hadn’t caught him yet. It didn’t ease my fear that my parents were taking extra precautions to ensure her safety.
In between classes I couldn’t prevent my eyes from searching for a glimpse of Haven in the sea of students walking in the hallways trying to get to their next class in time. My happiness at spotting her was cut short when I spotted a guy walking beside her.
They were talking, and I swear I just saw her give him a smile. It felt like someone had punched in me in the gut. Jealously pierced through me like a hot knife and I wanted to walk up to her and yank her away from him. A feeling of possessiveness I’d never experienced wanted me to make it clear to her new friend that she was mine, but I stopped myself.
Who was I kidding? I held myself back, but stood still in the hallway with students walking around me, my eyes glued to the retreating figures of Haven and her new friend. I’d told her that I couldn’t give her what she deserved, and irrespective of my jealousy and possessiveness, that hadn’t changed. Against the instinct pulling inside of me, I turned around and kept my head down as I rushed to my next class.
As much as I tried to block thoughts of Haven from my mind, I couldn’t. We had chemistry, and I’d felt that when I’d kissed her. I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted any girl, but I could only offer her the physical side of me. I didn’t do emotions. There was no doubt that I did care for her, but for my own survival I couldn’t allow that to deepen or become something stronger.
It was hard trying to keep my distance from her when all I wanted to do was keep her close and keep the world from hurting her. The gut-wrenching feeling that settled in my stomach when I thought of all the years that bastard had been hurting her for was unbearable.
Death had taught me that the more you loved, the more you had to lose, and I’d already lost enough. I couldn’t go through that again, so I made sure I kept my emotions closed off. Sex was the closest I got to anyone, but there was no emotion in it, and once it was finished I walked away. The emotionally damaged side of me stopped me from sticking around and making deeper attachments.
I’d been good at it until Haven had stepped into my life. After everything she’d been through she deserved someone who was capable of loving her without holding anything back, she deserved the type of love that I couldn’t give her. I was emotionally scarred and all I’d do is hurt her.
I carried the ache in my chest throughout the entire day. Seeing Haven with another guy wasn’t sitting well with me but I wasn’t going to interfere. She deserved a chance to be happy, and I knew it was something I couldn’t give her. How on earth was I supposed to make her happy if I couldn’t even make myself happy?
Thoughts of her plagued me for most of the day and no matter how much I tried I couldn’t stop picturing her walking beside the new guy. Every time I saw the two of them together and her smiling at him my chest ached a little more.
Fuck!
This was exactly the type of pain I’d worked so hard to avoid. I cared about Haven too much. Somehow, and without even being conscious of it, I’d started to care deeply for her. For my own sake, I had to pull back and start putting up walls, otherwise she’d have the power to hurt me.
She wouldn’t hurt me on purpose, but hurting went hand in hand with loving someone. I’d told her I couldn’t give her what she needed, so I couldn’t blame her for opening herself up to someone else. It hurt to see her with him, but if I didn’t let her go so she could move on I might be tempted to throw caution to the wind. I was only human and there was only so much I could stand before I gave in. That’s why there had been moments of weakness, like when I’d kissed her and I’d wanted so much more.
Maybe if I took that conscious step to move on then it would stop the growing attachment I was forming with Haven, like ripping a band-aid off quickly. The sooner I got on with it the sooner my life could return what it had been before Haven.
It was the end of the day and I was walking to the entrance of the school when I saw Haven standing with the boy from before. Unbridled jealously tore through me. I stopped and took a deep breath to get my temper under control.
“Haven,” I said, tightlipped, when I reached her side. I tried to ignore the guy standing with her but I couldn’t help but glare at him.
“Hi,” Haven greeted me, but my eyes were still glued to the stranger.
“Hi, I’m Mark,” he tried to introduce himself as I glared at him.
“Damien,” I muttered.
“I’ve got to go,” Haven said to Mark.
“Sure, I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, giving her a smile. I wanted to punch his face. Had they made plans to meet up at school?
My chest began to ache at the realization that there might possibly be something starting up between the two of them, and I didn’t like it one bit.
“See you tomorrow,” she replied with a weak smile and I had to grip my hands tightly to my side as another urge to hit him gripped me. I wanted to be the only one to make her smile.
“Let’s go,” I told her coldly. I couldn’t control the anger that had begun to build up inside of me. Logically, it made no sense, but that was the thing about emotions: they made no logical sense.
I walked to the car and Haven followed quietly behind me. I opened the passenger door and she climbed in.
”What’s wrong?” she asked but I ignored her and slammed the door shut.
I couldn’t exactly tell her I was angry because I was jealous so instead I kept my eyes glued to the road as I drove us home.
“Why are you mad at me?” she asked softly. I knew I was hurting her but I just couldn’t help myself.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I snapped. The hurt on her face made me feel like the asshole I was. My emotions wouldn’t allow me to follow the logic my mind dictated.
She cast her eyes downward and kept quiet and I ignored her until we got home. I noticed the police car stationed across the road from our gate. Even though I was angry I was still relieved when we drove to the home that there weren’t any messages from Grant. We got out the car and I followed Haven into the house. My mom greeted us as we entered.
“How was school?” she asked when we walked to the kitchen.
“It was okay,” Haven answered as she sat by the counter.
“I’ve got some stuff to do,” I lied while I stood in the doorway to the kitchen. “I’ll see you later.”
“Okay,” my mom said, and Haven nodded absentmindedly.
Even in the sanctuary of my room I struggled to deal with my anger that seemed to build every time I pictured Haven smiling at Mark. It felt like every time I saw her today, he was with her. It was like he was glued to her and it annoyed me.
I was still trying to wrestle with my anger when my mom called me and told me she needed to talk to Haven and me. She sounded anxious, so I knew whatever it was it couldn’t be good. I knocked on Haven’s door and told her my mom wanted to talk to us. She followed quietly behind me to the kitchen. My mom looked a little nervous as her eyes flickered to Haven. She tried to mask it with a smile, but we weren’t fooled.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Haven
“Detective Green called,” Amy revealed.
Damien looked at me as he took a step closer to me. It’s almost like he knew whatever his mom was about to tell me would upset me.
“They haven’t been able to find Grant yet. He assured me that they are still following up some leads, and he is confident that they will catch Grant soon,” she explained. “He called me today to tell me that the forensic investigation and evidence collection has been completed at the apartment.”
She paused for a moment as her eyes flickered to Damien and then she looked back to me.
“He said if we needed to go and get any of your stuff, we could,” she said.
I didn’t have much, but there was the photo of my dad that I wanted. It was one thing, but it was the only photo I had of him.
“If it’s too much, Damien or I can go and get what you need,” she offered gently.
I shook my head. I wanted to go. It was going to be tough, walking back into the apartment where I’d nearly bled to death, but I had to.
“I’ll take her,” Damien told his mom.
“Can we go now?” I asked, wanting to get it over as soon as possible.
“Sure,” he said. Gone was the stranger from before. I saw the concern in his eyes.
This time I was quiet and subdued in the car. Damien kept glancing in my direction as we drove to my old apartment. It hadn’t really been a home; a home was filled with love and family. The closer we got the more nervous I got. When we arrived outside the apartment and he cut the engine he looked at me.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked softly.
I gave him a nod as I opened the car door. The thickness in my throat kept me from trying to talk. Once outside the front door of the apartment, Damien opened the door. I stepped inside and I was transported back to the day Grant had tried to murder me. An array of emotions hit me as my gaze fell on the dark red mark on the carpet. Staring at the physical evidence of what had happened to me was hard. I knew I’d come close to dying, but seeing the amount of my blood was in the carpet made me realize what a close call it had been.
The stale smell in the air reminded me of all the bad memories that I wanted to forget about.
“You don’t have to do this,” Damien spoke to me softly.
I ignored him and took a couple of steps into the room. This place held no good memories for me. It was hard to think about the hard times when I’d wondered if I would ever escape the abuse. I took a deep breath, pushing the old memories from my mind. I was here to get the one thing that meant so much to me and had kept me going through those dark days.
With Damien following closely behind I made my way up to my bedroom. I hesitated for a moment before I pushed the door open and stepped inside. He remained in the doorway as I walked over to the mattress. I stuck my hand underneath the top corner of the mattress, and I felt the photo. As soon as I saw the photo of my dad and me, I felt a wave of emotion before I suppressed it.
