by Regan Ure
I stood up and turned.
“I’m done,” I said as I walked to him. He looked confused but he didn’t say a word as he followed me out of the apartment.
For as long as I lived, I never wanted to step foot back into that apartment again. He helped me into the passenger side and then he jogged around the car and got into the driver’s side. He started the car and pulled out into the road.
I looked at the photo and I took a deep breath as I brushed my finger over my dad’s smiling face. He’d be happy for me now. The rest of the journey home was quiet. I didn’t want to talk and Damien seemed to sense that because he didn’t say a word.
Amy didn’t bother me with questions when we got home, and I just wanted to be by myself, so I went upstairs to my room.
That night, instead of sleeping in the bed with me, Damien slept uncomfortably on the sofa. I slept restlessly, so the next morning I was still tired. He was still being standoffish around me and I didn’t have the patience to deal with it. Chris was his usual cheerful self and managed to make me smile a few times.
“I did what you suggested, and when Mark started up a conversation, I spoke to him,” I replied.
“You actually had a conversation with him?” he gasped as he grabbed my hands. I nodded my head.
“I knew you could do it,” he replied. He knew how hard it had been for me to take that small step.
“He’s nice.”
Mark walked with me to all of my classes. He was really friendly, and I liked him. At lunchtime, I was sitting with Chris when Mark appeared beside me.
“Do you mind if I join you guys?” he asked.
I looked to Chris, unsure. Chris nodded and said, ”Sure.”
He dropped down to sit next to me and opened his lunch. I introduced him to Chris and the three of us had lunch together. There was another person creeping into my little circle, and I was happy that I was making another friend.
Mark was easygoing, so he and Chris hit it off immediately. Every time Mark wasn’t looking, Chris would wiggle his eyebrows at me while looking at Mark. I had to stop myself from laughing at him. He was terrible. At the end of lunch, when the bell rang, we stood up and dusted the grass off of ourselves. I looked upward and just a few feet away I saw Damien scowling at us. Before I could confront him, he stalked off.
“Everything okay?” Mark asked when he saw my worried expression.
“Yeah,” I lied. Everything wasn’t all right.
I didn’t see Damien again until it was time to go home. Mark insisted on standing with me until Damien showed up, which didn’t help with Damien’s growing anger at seeing me with Mark. I said goodbye to Mark as I followed Damien to the car.
I kept glancing in Damien’s direction as he drove us home, but he refused to look at me and kept his eyes on the road in front of us. He ignored me the entire journey. When he pulled up in front of the house he jumped out of the car and without a backward glance he walked straight into the house. I slid out of the passenger side and closed the door. He was acting like he was jealous.
Like Chris had said, I needed to put myself out there. When I’d needed someone to lean on, Damien had been there for me, and he’d become my security blanket. So now that he was acting so out of character, I felt vulnerable without him. Slowly my sadness began to turn to anger. He was being an asshole.
“What’s wrong with Damien?” Amy asked me as I walked into the house. She could obviously read her son well.
“I don’t know,” I muttered with a shrug. I had a good idea why he was so cross but I wasn’t about to try and explain it to his mom.
Damien was nowhere to be seen when I walked through the house to my bedroom. His bedroom doors, which were normally open, were shut. I hesitated outside his door. I wanted to knock and get him to talk to me, but I decided that maybe he just needed some time. I sighed as I turned and entered my bedroom, dumping my bag on the floor. Sitting on my bed, I rubbed my face. I didn’t know what to do.
I thought about Chris. I got my phone and dialed Chris and waited for him to pick up.
“Hi,” he answered cheerfully.
“Hi,” I greeted.
Before I could contemplate or change my mind I blurted out, “Do you want to come over?”
“Sure, just give me the address and I’ll be over as soon as I can,” he replied, then he ended the call. I sent him a message with the address.
I mulled around my room until I heard a car pull up. Looking out of my window, I saw Chris get out of his car. By the time I made it downstairs, Amy was already ushering him into the house.
“Hi,” I said when I reached the bottom step.
“Hey,” he replied. Just seeing him was already making me feel better.
“It’s nice to meet finally meet you,” Amy said to Chris, giving him a warm smile.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Knight.”
“Shout if you guys need anything,” she said before she went back to the kitchen, leaving us alone.
“This place is awesome,” Chris gasped as soon as Amy was out of earshot. “I bet your room is huge.”
“Come on, I’ll show you,” I said as I waited for him to follow me up the stairs.
“Do you think they’ll adopt me too?” he whispered while he took in the vastness of the house.
I couldn’t help but smile. Before he’d arrived I’d felt so alone and sad, and after just a few minutes in his company I was already feeling so much better.
“Wow,” he whispered when I opened the doors to my bedroom. His jaw looked like it would hit the floor when he looked around my new room.
“This is awesome!” he said as he stood in the middle of my room, taking it all in.
“Yeah, it’s nice,” I replied.
“Nice? This is more than ‘nice’,” he stated incredulously.
I shrugged and sat down on the bed.
“So what’s up?” he asked, seeing that there was something bugging me.
“I think Damien’s mad at me.”
He sat down beside me on the bed.
“What happened?” he asked.
“Damien saw Mark eating lunch with us today,” I explained.
“So let me get this right—Damien is mad at you because he saw you and Mark together at lunch?” he asked.
“I think so.”
“He’s jealous,” he stated factually. I’d already gathered that much.
“That’s what it seems like,” I replied. “What am I going to do?”
“He’s an idiot,” he said as he pulled me into a hug. “He can’t give you what you want but he doesn’t want anyone else to.”
I was disappointed in Damien, and I couldn’t help the nervous and anxious knot that began to form in my stomach at the thought of sleeping on my own tonight. I slept every night with Damien in my room. I didn’t think I’d get any sleep tonight if he wasn’t there.
“Enough about Damien,” Chris said, moving the subject along. “Mark seems like a nice guy.”
“Yeah, he is.”
His grin widened at that as he wiggled his eyebrows. I laughed.
“I think the new boy is interested in you,” he stated.
“I don’t know,” I replied. I didn’t have enough experience with boys to know when a boy was making moves or just having a friendly chat.
Chris spent the rest of the afternoon keeping my mind off Damien, but when it was time for him to leave I didn’t want to let him go.
“You’ll be fine, and if you need to talk, you can call me anytime,” he assured me.
“Thank you,” I said softly.
“You’re my friend, and that’s what friends are for,” he said.
I thanked my lucky stars that I had a friend like him.
After Chris left I kept busy with my homework and tried to keep my mind off Damien. His door was still closed, and I hadn’t seen him since he’d stormed into the house earlier. Just before dinnertime, I heard his door open and close, and then about ten minutes later I h
eard him drive out of the driveway. He’d gone out.
I was lost in my own thoughts at dinnertime, so I just listened to Amy and Steven talk about their days. The anxious knot in my stomach had grown so I didn’t eat much. Amy raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything when I pushed my plate away and asked if I could be excused.
“Sure,” she said and I went back to my room.
I had tried everything I could to keep my mind from drifting to Damien, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Where had he gone? A nervous knot tightened in my stomach.
In the darkness, I stared unseeing up at the ceiling. I wondered if he was with a girl. At about midnight I was still wide awake, unable to sleep without Damien. Then I heard him come home. The sound of an additional car told me that he hadn’t come home alone.
The relief I felt when he got home was cut short when I heard a feminine laugh in the hallway outside my bedroom. I heard his door close. It felt like someone had ripped out my heart out, and I don’t know how long I sat there, knees pulled to my chest, staring at my bedroom door.
I couldn’t be angry with him, because he’d been honest with me from the beginning. He couldn’t give me more than what he was prepared to give any of the other girls revolving in and out of his life. Seeing me talking to Mark had pushed Damien to retaliate, and it saddened me. He’d accomplished what he’d set out to do: he’d hurt me.
Not much later, I heard his door open and then after another couple of moments I heard a car leave. I grabbed my pillow and put it over my head, unable to deal with the pain any more. Another sob tore from me and I wept quietly.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Damien
“Detective Green called,” my mom revealed. That protective instinct I had for Haven came out in full force and I took a step closer to her. Even though I was still angry with her, I wanted to protect her.
“They haven’t been able to find Grant yet. He assured me they are still following up some leads and he is confident that they’ll catch Grant,” she explained further.
They hadn’t caught Grant yet—so what did she want to talk to us about?
“He called me today to tell me that the forensic investigation and evidence collection has been completed on the flat,” she revealed, watching Haven closely.
She paused for a moment, her eyes flickering to me and then back to Haven.
“He said if we needed to go and get any of your stuff, we could,” she said.
I watched an array of emotions pass over Haven’s face while she processed what my mom had just told her.
“If it’s too much, then Damien or I can go and get what you need¸” she offered gently.
Haven shook her head. I could see the determined glint in her eye.
“I’ll take her,” I told my mom. Irrespective of how I felt at the moment, I needed to push it aside to be there for Haven. Walking back into the apartment where she’d nearly been murdered was going to be hard.
It was going to be difficult for me as well. Finding her so close to death covered in blood on the floor had hit me hard. It hadn’t just been the fact that she’d nearly died that had affected me so badly—it had brought back my own memories of death as well.
“Can we go now?” Haven asked my mom, pulling me back the present.
“Sure,” I said.
On the way to the apartment I kept glancing at Haven but she kept her eyes downcast. She was lost her in own thoughts as we neared our destination. Honestly I didn’t want to go back to the flat, and I was tempted to just keep on driving.
But some things you couldn’t run away from. By the time I switched off the engine outside the flats I could see that Haven was nervous. She fidgeted with her hands as she looked at the building that held no good memories for her.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked her softly.
She gave me a nod as she opened the car door. A somber silence settled over us as I followed behind her up the stairs. Outside the door to the apartment she hesitated, so I stepped forward and I opened the door for her.
We stepped inside and her gaze fell on the dark red mark on the carpet. An image of her lying in a pool of blood, barely hanging on, flashed in my mind, making my chest ache. If this was hard for me, I couldn’t imagine what Haven was going through.
“You don’t have to do this,” I said softly to her. I wanted her to turn around and walk out the door with me, and never step foot back into this apartment ever again. There were no good memories in this hellhole.
She didn’t reply as she took a couple of steps further into the room. Quietly, and deep in thought, she looked around the room before she headed for the stairs. I followed closely behind her as she went up the stairs. Outside the one door she came to a stop and hesitated for a moment before she pushed the door open and stepped inside.
I remained in the doorway as Haven walked over to the mattress. I’d never been in her old bedroom before, and the scene in front of me filled me with anger. She didn’t even have a proper bed—she’d been sleeping on a bare mattress. My jaw tensed and my hands fisted while I struggled to contain the anger I felt.
Haven walked to the mattress and bent down. It looked like she was searching for something under the mattress. I could see an old, tattered photo in her hands and I couldn’t help being curious about it. Her eyes glistened as she stared at the photo for a moment and then she stood up and turned to face me.
“I’m done,” she said, her voice hoarse with unspoken emotion as she walked to me. I wanted to put my arms around her, to give her my strength and take away some of the sorrow in her eyes, but instead I kept quiet and followed her out of the apartment. I hoped I would never have to step another foot back into that flat.
When we got to the car I helped Haven into the passenger side and then I walked around the car and got into the driver’s side. I started the car and pulled out into the road. I glanced in her direction. She was quiet and subdued as she looked at the photo and took a deep breath as she brushed a finger over the smiling face of the man in the photo. I assumed it was her dad.
The rest of the journey home was quiet. That short trip back to the apartment had affected her deeply. As soon as we got home Haven disappeared into her bedroom.
“How did it go?” my mom asked.
“I think it was hard for her,” I said, putting my arm around my mom and giving her a squeeze. “I think she just needs some time to herself. She’ll be okay.”
My mom gave me a kiss on my cheek.
“You’re right,” she said. “Come and help me with supper.”
Helping my mom took my mind off Haven for a little while. That night I knew she needed space, but I didn’t want her to have nightmares, so instead of sleeping beside her in her bed I took the couch.
I didn’t sleep well—the sofa was damn uncomfortable—but at least Haven was nightmare-free that night. The next day, a sinking feeling settled in my stomach at the thought of watching Mark and Haven together again. I wasn’t looking forward to it, so for the entire trip to school I kept to myself.
It was hard to try and pretend everything was okay when it wasn’t. I was jealous and there was no hiding it. I’d managed to avoid seeing Haven and Mark together in the morning, but I wasn’t so lucky at lunchtime. Just before the end of lunch I left the cafeteria to get something out of my locker when I saw Mark sitting beside Haven on the grass. It felt like someone had punched me. They were getting closer, and it hurt to watch.
Just as the bell rang I watched as Haven stood to dust the grass off her pants when her eyes met mine. I couldn’t help but scowl at her, just as she was about to take a step in my direction, I stalked off. Seeing the two of them together had soured my mood dramatically. The last straw for me was when I went to find Haven after school and I found her standing by the entrance with Mark again.
He made her smile and I wanted to do him some serious bodily harm. It was then that I’d decided I’d had enough; it was time to move on, otherwise watching th
is would end up tearing me apart.
When Haven noticed me she said goodbye to Mark and followed me to the car. I ignored her the entire trip home and once we arrived I jumped out of the car and, without a backward glance, I walked straight into the house. Once inside my room I closed my bedroom door and leaned against it. I needed to make a plan to move on and the sooner I got on with it the better off I’d be.
I needed to go out and hook up with someone. There wouldn’t be any way to entertain any ideas about Haven if I were screwing someone else. I dropped my school bag on my desk and got my phone from the back pocket of my jeans and called Shane.
“Hey,” he greeted when he answered.
“Hey,” I greeted back as I sat down in the chair.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“I need to get out,” I answered. In other words, I needed to get laid.
“A few of us are having a get together at Kirsten’s, there will be plenty of girls,” he informed me. Nicole was a friend of Kirsten’s, and chances were she would be there. She’d already made it blatantly clear she was interested in me, and she knew me well enough to know the score and that after I was done, I’d walk away.
“What time?” I asked.
“Just after seven,” he answered.
“I’ll see you there,” I replied. I knew where Kirsten’s house was.
It was hard to concentrate on my homework but I managed to get it all done. A couple of times I looked up at my bedroom door, wondering what Haven was doing. I shook my head. I needed to stop thinking about her.
I knew my behavior was hurting her, but I just couldn’t stop. It wasn’t her fault I felt more for her than I should; it also wasn’t her fault that I couldn’t do relationships and dating. None of this was her fault. I was the one that should have known better. I should have kept my distance from her and protected both of us because we were both going to hurt. It hurt me to see her with someone else, and it would hurt her to see me with someone else.
