Gold in the Fire and Light in the Storm

by Margaret Daley

  “Close your eyes.” Samuel clasped Beth’s hand to lead her into his workshop in the basement.

  The scent of sawdust and paint hung in the air as she stepped through the doorway, confident that Samuel wouldn’t run her into a wall or table.

  “You can open your eyes now.”

  When she did, the first thing she saw was a modern split-level house sitting on the workbench, painted as though it was made of light brown stones with dark brown trim. “I love it!”

  “I started to do a Victorian house like Allie’s, but I wanted it to be as unique as Allie’s, so I went with something more updated.”

  “It’s beautiful. You could be a carpenter.”

  “It worked for Jesus, but I think I’ll keep my day job. I’m enjoying what I’m doing again.”

  “Good. I’m glad to hear that. I know you were having your doubts, but as I told you before, your congregation doesn’t feel you’re doing a bad job at all.” Beth moved closer to get a better look at the house. “You’ve got a deck and a hot tub. You really have gone modern.”

  “Do you think it will do well at the auction?”

  “I can think of several people who will bid on it. Jesse will want it for Cindy and I bet Zoey will want it, too.”

  “I was thinking next of doing a farmhouse or a New England saltbox house. What do you think?”

  “You should ask the people who will be lined up after the auction what they want, because I believe the ones who bid and don’t get the split-level house will want you to do one for them. Your dollhouse is going to rival Jesse’s dolls.”

  “It’s just a hobby.”

  “That may be so, but it won’t stop people from knocking at your door.” She straightened from inspecting the different rooms. “What do you want to start with first?”

  “I’ll leave that decision up to you and the kids.”

  “Where are they?”

  “Jane should be here soon. She went home with a friend after church. Allie’s out back playing and Craig’s picking up his room again. The first time he managed to get sidetracked and only put away one thing.”

  “Ah, I remember those days. With Daniel I finally had to shut the door and not go into his room—otherwise we would have been fighting all the time. I had more important battles to fight with him, like graduating from high school.” Her gaze swept the neat workshop, all his tools in a certain place. “Where’s Aunt Mae?”

  “In the kitchen making a dessert for dinner. She was glad you agreed to stay and eat. She loves to make desserts, but only does it when we have company.”

  As Beth started for the stairs that led to the first floor, Samuel placed his hand at the small of her back and walked next to her as though they were back on Jesse’s deck trying to make a point with her friend. For a few seconds his nearness robbed Beth of any coherent thought.

  Then she realized he had asked her a question. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

  “Which room are we going to start with?”

  “The den. That’s the family room, the most important room in the house.”

  Climbing the stairs, she was aware of Samuel behind her and was glad she’d worn her new white slacks with a bright lime-green cotton shirt. No more dull shades for her. She was really getting into wearing all different colors. She figured she’d blend in with the vivid birds of the Amazon.

  Samuel directed Beth to his den while he rounded up the rest of the family. She crossed to the large window overlooking the backyard and saw Allie playing in her fort at one end of the swing set. She was an adorable child. Beth could remember wishing, when she had been in her late twenties and early thirties, that she’d given birth to a baby as her friends had. But when she’d turned thirty-five she’d given up that dream and replaced it with seeing something other than Sweetwater.

  What would have happened if Samuel had entered her life five years before? she wondered as Allie jumped down from the fort and ran toward the back door.

  Turning away from the window, Beth drew in a deep breath and smelled the scent of an apple pie baking. Her mouth watered in anticipation of the dessert Mae was preparing. Beth didn’t make desserts for herself. In fact, she didn’t cook the way she used to love to when she had her siblings at home. She needed to cook more—it had always been good therapy for her when she had been stressed. The smells that saturated a kitchen were soothing to her—bread baking, coffee perking, meat sizzling, all kinds of spices like garlic and cinnamon.

  Her stomach rumbled as the children began to file into the den, chattering, laughing, filling the house with warmth. What a nice way to spend Sunday, Beth thought, making her way to the two card tables that Samuel was setting up.

  Mae hurried into the room, her apron still about her waist, some flour smudged on her cheek. “Are we ready to begin?”

  Allie giggled. “You’ve got flour on you.” She pointed toward her aunt’s face.

  “Oh, goodness me. And I have my apron still on. Be right back.” For a large woman she moved quickly from the room.

  “She’s always forgetting to take off her apron. I don’t even notice anymore.” Samuel pulled a chair out for Beth to sit in.

  She did and allowed him to push it toward the table. She felt his breath on her neck and shivered.

  “I’m going to sit back and let you direct this show,” he whispered into her ear.

  She shivered again and turned slightly to glance back at him. Big mistake. His face was only inches from hers, and she could smell the mint of his toothpaste. She could remember their last kiss the week before. She leaned away, desperately trying to calm her riotous senses. “How did I get to be so lucky?”

  He shrugged, straightening away from her. “Beats me. I just know I don’t know the first thing about sewing.”

  “But you’re going to make the furniture?”

  “Yep. Craig and I will, just as soon as you all decide what you want in the house.”

  “I can paint the walls like I did for Allie’s house,” Jane said. “I already helped Dad with the outside stone.”

  “I should have known that was your work. Very realistic.” Beth examined the floor plans that Samuel unrolled. “As I told your father, I think we should start with the den.”

  “It’ll need a television and a couch like we have.” Craig plopped down next to Jane.

  Before long everyone joined in discussing what the room needed, and then moved on to what they would do next. Aunt Mae came back without her apron and with her face scrubbed clean and declared that the kitchen should be the next room to tackle after the den.

  The conversation swirled around Beth. She listened to the children argue about what colors to use, then lifted her hands to signal quiet. When they didn’t obey, she whistled, a high shrill one that immediately quieted everyone. They all looked at her, Allie’s eyes round.

  A smile danced in Jane’s gaze. “She did that once in class. Got our attention real fast.”

  “I think you punctured my eardrum.” Samuel rubbed his ear.

  “That was something I learned when refereeing my siblings. It’s very effective.” Beth took a piece of paper and a pencil. “I think I need to assign jobs to each one of you or we’ll never get anything done.” She checked her watch. “We have been talking around and around for the past thirty minutes and not much has been settled.”

  Samuel relaxed back in his chair, his gaze trained on Beth as she dealt with his children and aunt, giving them each something to start on. She was in her teacher mode and he loved seeing her at work. She would be a terrific mother. He still couldn’t believe a man hadn’t seen past her defenses to the woman beneath. She was loving and caring, willing to give of herself. She would be good teaching at a mission. But he couldn’t help wishing she wasn’t leaving soon. He was afraid she would take part of his heart with her when she did go to Brazil. He was falling in love and didn’t know how to stop the plunge.

  The sunlight streamed through the branches of the maple tree and crisscross
ed a pattern over the stones in the path. Beth watched the light dance about as the warm spring breeze blew the branches. Everything had come to a grinding halt today, and she didn’t know how to deal with it.

  Going to the doctor for her physical before she traveled to Brazil was supposed to have been routine, not a big deal. Now it was. She could still remember her doctor telling her this morning after she had reviewed the results from the mammogram she’d had a few days before, “We need to do a needle biopsy. I’m scheduling you for the procedure Monday morning. If it’s malignant, we’ll need to operate right away.”

  She hadn’t heard much of what the doctor had said after she’d uttered the word, malignant. All Beth’s fears rushed through her like a raging river. Hugging her arms to her, she tried to still the tremors, but they racked her body.

  She was going to leave in five weeks. If the lump was malignant, she wouldn’t be able to. She—Beth couldn’t think beyond that. She buried her face in her hands and desperately tried to keep the tears inside.

  It might not be. She had to hold on to that hope. She had to put her faith in the Lord that He knew best.

  “Beth? Are you out here?”

  She lifted her head, forcing a smile to her lips, swallowing the tears lumped in her throat. She didn’t want to worry Samuel with the news the doctor had given her, especially since there was a good chance nothing was really wrong. “Yes, by the pond.”

  Samuel appeared on the stone path, dressed in black slacks and a white knit shirt. He returned her grin with one of his own, which dimpled his left cheek and crinkled his eyes. “I was just thinking about you.”

  “You were?”

  “Yeah. I knew you went to the doctor today. How did it go?”

  The smile on her lips wavered, and it took a supreme effort on her part to keep it in place. “Fine. Fit as a fiddle.” Unless you consider the lump I have in my breast, she added silently, not wanting to tell Samuel unless she absolutely had to. His wife had died from breast cancer. She was afraid what the news would do to him. She would protect him as long as possible.

  Samuel settled on the bench next to her. “I wonder where that saying came from. I never thought of a fiddle as being fit.”

  She shrugged, latching on to the inane topic of conversation to keep her mind off what she didn’t want to think about. “I haven’t the faintest idea. A lot of sayings don’t make sense.” But for the life of her she couldn’t come up with a single one at the moment.

  “I have to admit some things in life don’t make sense.”

  She leaned away from him and stared into his face. “Are we going to get into a big philosophical discussion?”

  “We could take our government for starters. Some of the red tape is senseless. Or how about—”

  She stopped his words with her fingertips, much as he had done to her in the past. “I make it a practice not to discuss politics with anyone.”

  The feel of his lips against her fingers sent a shock wave through her body. Not a smart move. She shifted her hand.

  “Okay. Let’s talk about the end of the school year. We need to plan a party for our graduating seniors. Do you think you’re up to doing that?”

  “No,” she replied before she realized what she was saying.

  “No? Are you ill? I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you say no.”

  “I’m going to be so busy the next few weeks I’m afraid I might not do the party justice. See if Zoey will.” She wasn’t lying to her minister, just not elaborating on what she meant by busy.

  “Zoey would be good. I’ll do that. I know in the past the seniors have been honored at a church service, and I still want to do that, but I would also like to do something special for them after the service. Graduating from high school is a big deal.”

  Beth saw Samuel’s lips moving as he spoke, but for the life of her she couldn’t focus on what he was saying. She kept going over what the doctor had told her and the implications of having breast cancer—what it would mean to her, to her plans for the future, to Samuel when he heard the news.

  She clenched her teeth to keep from asking Samuel to pray for her. She couldn’t do that to him—not to the man she loved. The revelation snatched her breath away, causing her to gasp.

  “What’s wrong?” Samuel asked in midsentence as he twisted around and stared at her, his sharp gaze honing in on her as though he was delving inside her mind to read her innermost thoughts.

  Chapter Ten

  Panic mingled with stunned bemusement. This was a secret Beth didn’t want Samuel to know, especially if she did have breast cancer. She didn’t want him to relive his past. Even though he didn’t love her as he had his wife, he was a caring man who would feel for her if she had cancer and it would be pure agony for him. She wanted to spare him for as long as she could.

  “Nothing a little rest won’t take care of,” she finally said. “Even though I didn’t teach today, having a physical is exhausting work. All that poking and prodding. And of course, the worst is the fasting for the blood work.” Beth waved her hand in the air in a flippant manner meant to dismiss the subject, and prayed that Samuel would take the hint.

  “Have you eaten since the doctor’s?” Samuel asked, looking at her closely, his eyes dark pinpoints.

  “No, and I guess I should.”

  He rose in one fluid motion. “You certainly should eat. It’s lunchtime. I’m taking you to Alice’s Café. Do you have to get back to school?”

  “No, I took the whole day off because I wasn’t sure how long the physical would take.”

  “Good. Then let’s go.” He tugged on her hand to assist her to her feet.

  Short of telling him what was wrong, Beth didn’t see any way of getting out of having lunch with Samuel. On a normal day she would be happy to share a meal with him. But today wasn’t normal. She needed to think, to make some plans, to pray.

  “But I have to warn you I’m really not very hungry.” Fear knotted her stomach into such a tight ball she was afraid anything she did eat would come right back up.

  “Don’t let Alice hear you say that.”

  “You’re right. Maybe I should just go home. I wouldn’t want to upset Alice.”

  Samuel stopped on the stone path and faced her. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

  Her panic mushroomed. She couldn’t out-and-out lie to Samuel, and yet she couldn’t tell him what was really wrong. She didn’t want to see that look on his face when he heard she might have cancer.

  He covered her forehead with his hand. “Maybe you’re coming down with something.”

  “It’s springtime. My allergies have been acting up. I’m stuffed up. I think after a good nap I’ll feel much better.” She skirted him on the path and started for her car in the parking lot.

  He caught up with her. “Aunt Mae has a great chicken soup I can bring over later.”

  “Does chicken soup really work?”

  “Aunt Mae swears by it.”

  “Sure. I’ll see you later.” She hurriedly climbed into her car before he asked any more questions.

  Hopefully by the evening she would have her act together enough to get the chicken soup and send him on his way. Until she knew what she would have to deal with she would avoid seeing Samuel. A certain look would probably have her clinging to him for support. She couldn’t do that to him, not after the ordeal he had gone through with his wife.

  “I can’t say anything to him.” Beth stood at the window overlooking the high school parking lot, watching the rain fall in gray sheets. Dismal. The weather reflected her mood.

  Zoey approached Beth and placed a hand on her shoulder. “You need to. He cares about you and he should know.”

  “I just can’t! Right now I couldn’t handle the look of fear that will appear in his eyes when he hears I was diagnosed with breast cancer, that I’m going in to have the lump removed tomorrow.”

  “He will hear, Beth. You can’t keep this a secret. Your students will know you’re g
one. Jane is in your class.”

  “I haven’t told them anything, and certainly nothing about having cancer.”

  “Still, Jane will tell him you weren’t at school. Look at the chicken soup he brought over when you were having problems with your allergies.”

  Beth let her head sag forward, the tension in her neck shooting down her back and shoulders. “I know.”

  “He’ll call your house and get your answering machine. Then he’ll begin to worry, especially when you aren’t at school the next day. Do you want him to go through that?”

  Beth balled her hands into tight fists until her fingernails dug into her palms. “No! I want to spare him any grief. That’s why I haven’t said anything yet.” Even though I would love to have him hold me and tell me everything will be all right. Her reeling emotions made her stomach constrict into a cold knot.

  Rubbing her hands up and down her arms to ward off a bone-deep chill, she turned away from the rain-soaked landscape and faced her friend. “Will you tell him tomorrow for me? After I’ve gone into surgery?”

  “Beth, you have never been a coward before. You need to tell him yourself tonight.”

  Tears blurred her eyes, and Zoey’s face wavered in front of her. “It’s too much. My cup is full.”

  The fear Beth had held pushed down in the dark recesses of her mind blossomed into a full-blown panic. What if the doctor doesn’t get all the cancer? What if it has spread to the lymph nodes? What if I only have a few months to live? What if…

  She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to keep the tears inside, but they leaked out, rolling down her face. “I’ve left everything in order in my room. A sub shouldn’t have a problem. I—” Beth choked on the words lodged in her throat. She rushed past Zoey, paused at her office door and added, “Please tell him for me. I can’t, Zoey. I can’t do that to him.”

  Outside her friend’s door Beth glanced up and down the hallway, relieved that it was empty. With tears flowing, she hurried to her classroom and grabbed her purse, sweater and umbrella. When she paused on the top step at the front of the school, she stared into the grayness that blanketed the parking lot and fought back the panic that had descended in Zoey’s office.