Finding You (Pack Bardot Book 1)

by M. K. Harper

  “Don’t be upset, Inds. I know you were worried about us spending so much money, but Dax gave me his credit card. He refused to let me buy anything,” Mom says, shocking the hell out of me. My head snaps to Dax, who looks even more unsure about how I’m going to take that news.

  “You paid for all of that?” I ask him, my voice wavering with emotion.

  “You’re my mate. It’s my job to take care of you. I wanted to take care of you, Linny.” I love that he calls me that. That everyone important in my life has their own special nickname for me. I see Chevy’s eyes widen at the word mate and I know he and I have a lot of catching up to do.

  “Thank you,” I mouth, finding it hard to find my voice. I want to kiss the shit out of him right now. He nods, that sweet as sin smile curving his lips. Lips I’m dying to press my own against.

  “So, what?” Chevy asks. “Christian has the hots for Lin but can’t have her so he’s throwing a temper tantrum?” He folds his arms and looks annoyed.

  “Pack Bardot and Pack Ames don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. Mates, more specifically how they obtain them, is just one of the many,” he starts. “Having a large pack is a necessity for safety and continuing on the pack name. But you can’t have more numbers without any women. Female wolves aren’t as common, probably one female to every four males. And then there’s the obstacle of finding your mate. You can’t, or more specifically shouldn’t, procreate with someone outside of a mate bond.” He gives Mom an apologetic look. Her fingers twist together nervously in her lap, but she gives him an encouraging smile to continue on.

  “Basically, the odds are stacked against us so Pack Ames decided to throw caution to the wind. They mated with locals, humans with no Lycanthrope gene, then waited for their offspring to come of age and paired them up with pure wolves. That’s a wolf born to two, full-wolf parents. If a half-wolf and a full-wolf, or pure wolf as packs call them, have babies, enough of the Lycanthrope gene will be passed to the offspring to generate the shift. It’s not impossible for a half to shift, but I’ve only heard stories about there being one that’s ever succeeded.” Dax pauses and gages my reaction. His eyes seem to hold pity, but I’m not sure why. If I wolfed out as kid, I think I would’ve shit myself. Some people are cut out for certain things and some aren’t. It’s safe to say I don’t think I’m cut out to shift into an oversized dog.

  “Pack Bardot has never discounted a human or a half-wolf as a mate, and at one point, Pack Ames didn’t either. But with them breeding outside of mate bonds for the sake of pack numbers, they seemed to have gotten desensitized to feeling any sort of compassion and began to treat anything less than a pure as if it were beneath them. Something to bend to their will and use as they see fit. It started with finding women who were vulnerable. Low income, dead beat parents, someone passing through town who didn’t have anyone to look for them. They prayed on their insecurities and offered them a better life, and most of them agreed, thinking they were lucky to have found someone who wanted to take care of them. Little did they know, they were simply a means to an end. I’m guessing because you’re a half-wolf Christian set his sights on you. He’s at the age where his parents are probably pushing him to mate, regardless if he’s found his or not.” Dax’s hands fist at his sides as he says the words. The idea of being with Christian in that way makes me want to vomit.

  “So what do we do? I have no problem telling Christian that he and I will never, ever happen. I’m your mate.” My eyes lock with Dax’s and I can see the smug gleam in those beautiful green orbs at hearing me say I’m his.

  “I wish it were that simple,” he sighs, a grim look twisting his handsome face. “Saying you’re my mate isn’t enough to seal a mate bond. I first have to stake my claim to the pack, which I intend to do tonight. And then we have to have a bonding ceremony. I’d prefer to wait until your birthday...” he says, giving me a heat filled look.

  “Until then, we need to keep you as far from Pack Ames members as possible. I wouldn’t put it above them to try and pull something. When I stake my claim, it’s pack courtesy to inform any other packs in the area. Even though they sure as shit don’t do the same for us. We just need to get through this next week,” Dax declares, but I can see the apprehension he’s trying to hide. I don’t like this plan.

  “I don’t understand, why would we wait? What exactly do you think Christian is going to try?” I ask, not really sure if I’m ready for the answer, though.

  “I think me staking my claim is going to piss him off and he’s not going to take it well. He’ll see it like he’s lost something to me, even though it wasn’t his to begin with. Honestly, I’m not sure what he’ll do. For his sake, I hope he doesn’t do anything and walks away quietly,” Dax replies, but I can tell he doesn’t believe any of what he just said.

  “This is crazy! Why not just do the bonding ceremony tomorrow? He freaking knifed me with his overgrown fingernails! I don’t really want to see what else he has up his sleeve, Dax,” I look at him pleadingly. He shifts nervously on his feet and looks at my mom. Why the hell is looking at her? Her nose scrunches and she looks away, thoroughly uncomfortable.

  “Can we discuss it later? In private?” he asks. I give him a confused look, but nod my head anyway.

  “For now, let’s just make sure Linny has one of us with her at all times. I know that might seem a bit overboard, but I won’t take any chances where your safety is concerned.” He looks around the room at each of us until we all nod in agreement. I want to be annoyed but this no bullshit Dax is kinda hot.

  “Alright!” Mom claps her hands together as she stands. “Enough with the heavy. How about I whip up some tacos and we watch something funny?” I gasp, placing my hand over my heart.

  “But it’s not even Tuesday!” I feign outrage.

  “Smartass.” She shakes her head at me as she walks in the kitchen to start making dinner. God I love that woman. If there’s anyone who knows how to turn a somber moment around, it’s her. Heaven knows she’s had to do it countless times when I was younger and didn’t understand why she was sad or hurt. Instead of drowning in her sorrow, she would make up games for us to play and before long I wouldn’t be thinking about the bruises on her face or the haunted look in her eyes.

  Once we’ve all consumed enough tacos to feed a small army and laughed till we cried while watching Deadpool, everyone’s starting to yawn. With our bellies full, we’re all content enough to crash. Chevy is the first to finally drag himself from the pallet he made on the floor and give Mom and I goodnight hugs. Standing at the door with him, I squeeze him tighter, so thankful that our paths crossed. He’s the only real friend I’ve ever had and I hate that he’s being dragged into my drama.

  “You have so much to tell me you, ho bag,” he scolds me. I laugh, knowing that lecture was inevitable.

  “Tomorrow,” I promise.

  Mom heads to bed shortly after Chevy leaves, giving Dax and I both a kiss on the cheek. We clean up the kitchen in silence. When we’re finished, he snags my hand and pulls me against him, swaying us back and forth.

  “What are you doing?” I giggle.

  “Dancing. What does it look like?” he replies sarcastically.

  “There’s no music,” I say, laying my head against his chest, knowing I couldn’t care less. I’d sway with him forever without a single note being played.

  “I wasn’t aware it was a requirement of yours,” he whispers against my ear. “I’ll have to fix that.” And then he starts to sing. His voice is low, just loud enough for me to hear. My heart thumps rapidly in my chest as I listen to the words he’s singing.

  “Cause all I know is we said hello, And your eyes look like coming home...”

  Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran. I want to pick at him and ask if he’s a Swifty, but I’m too shocked. I listened to this exact song the day I met him. It came across my Spotify after my playlist ended and I’d never heard it before. I remember thinking how perfect it was for how I f
elt. That I somehow knew everything had changed with that one look we shared. I’ve never put much thought into fate, but standing here in Dax’s arms while he sings to me, it’s hard not to think that someone, somewhere, brought him and I together. Of all the states, of all the towns we could’ve ended up in, we chose the place that held the other half of my soul. Whoever is responsible, whether it be God or fate, or maybe just pure dumb luck, they deserve a gold fucking star.

  Chapter 16

  “I can’t stay tonight,” Dax says, tugging me to my room. I want to protest but I know he’s been with me all weekend and we both have to be at school in the morning.

  “What are you wearing tomorrow?” he randomly asks. I look at him oddly, not sure why that’s important.

  “Uh...” I walk to my closet and grab a white fitted tee, a pale pink long cardigan and some light wash skinny jeans. “This?” I say. I usually just throw something on in the morning, not giving it any thought the night before. He takes the clothes from my hands and starts rubbing them all over his shirt and arms. I watch him with amusement, doing my best not to laugh. Five minutes later he hands them back, that smug look in his eyes.

  “Are you sure you’re finished? You don’t want to pee on me?” A sexy smirk takes over his face.

  “I’m not really into that sort of kink.” He pulls me flush against him and speaks, his voice a low rasp, against my ear. “But I can’t wait to mark you in other ways...” He runs his tongue over my ear and then tugs it between his teeth. The air in my lungs evaporates and my knees go weak. I’m positive I’d fall on my ass if his arm wasn’t around me.

  “About that conversation we needed to have in private...” He pulls back, looking down at me. I’m still a mess of want and need, meanwhile his breathing is completely normal and his hand tucked beneath my shirt, lazily stroking my bare back, doesn’t seem to be effecting his ability to think like it is mine.

  “Yeah?” My voice sounds like something out of a cheap porno. He leads me to the bed and lifts me up. Sitting in front of me, he takes my hand in his.

  “The bonding ceremony? It’s sealed through consummation. I have to bite you at the same time, and my mark will be made permanent.” My eyes are probably big as fuck as I process what he’s saying.

  “Will it hurt?” I ask.

  “Which part?” His nose scrunches adorably. My cheeks heat, and I know I’m blushing.

  “You biting me,” I answer.

  “No, it won’t hurt,” he smiles shyly. “I want you to know that we don’t have to do the bonding ceremony so soon. That’s just the earliest I was willing to have you in that way. I don’t want the threat of you being a consenting adult to take away from what that day will mean. If you aren’t ready to take that step, I’ll wait for as long as you need. And please don’t make the decision because you’re scared of Christian. I’ll take every precaution necessary to make sure you’re safe. It’d kill me to know that you rushed into this for the wrong reasons. I want you to go into it for no other reason than you’re ready to spend your life with me and have no reservations. Okay?” His eyes probe mine.

  “I....” I don’t know know what to fucking say. I’m crazy about him. I’m honestly thinking I might love him, but I keep pushing that craziness away because I’ve only known him a week and just two days of that have been spent getting to know him more intimately. I know that I can’t imagine my life without Dax, but am I ready to give him that part of me? We haven’t even kissed.

  “Take some time to really think about,” he says, obviously seeing I’m struggling to find the right words to say. I nod, starting to feel like a bobble head doll. He seems to render me speechless so often that all I can do is basic head gestures.

  “Come here.” He opens his arms up and I crawl into his lap and feel that wave of contentment wash over me the moment we touch. I’ve never felt so safe in my entire life as I do when I’m with Dax. We sit there for a while, him holding me and running his fingers through my hair while I trace the tattoos on his arm.

  “I should go.” He checks his phone for the time. “They hold a pack meeting every Sunday night at ten o’clock. They start late so everyone can spend time with their families and prepare for the week ahead. I need to get going so that I can make it in time to state my claim on you. My mother’s probably gonna try and figure out your address so she can come meet you immediately.” He laughs and I tense up. Holy fuck, how has meeting his parents slipped my mind? What if they hate me and think I’m not good enough for him? Oh, god.

  “Hey.” He tilts my chin up so he can see my face. I’m sure I look somewhere between panicked and crazed. “She’s gonna love you. And so is my dad. You’re my mate and they take mate bonds very seriously. They’re going to be extremely happy. Trust me.” He seems to genuinely believe that, and it helps a little, but not entirely.

  “I’m not a pure-wolf, Dax,” I say, hating that there’s a freakin’ pedigree - among werewolves for Christ’s sake!

  “Pack Bardot doesn’t see you as some lesser version, baby. I told you that. Please don’t ever think that. None of us are pure fucking wolf. We’re human ninety percent of the time.” Dax’s eyes are hard and I can tell he doesn’t like me thinking that way about myself.

  “Okay,” I relent, praying he’s right.

  “I’ll see you first thing tomorrow.” He kisses my cheek sweetly, and then moves to the other one and doing the same. My eyes close instinctively, a small sigh leaving my lips. I want to feel his lips pressed against mine so badly. I want to know what he tastes like. Instead he places one last kiss on my forehead and it makes me want to scream. My eyes open and he’s looking at me with so much emotion it makes my heart squeeze. Moving to my knees, I run my hand through his dark hair and then trail my fingers down the side of his face. Across the stubble covering his jaw. Bringing my other hand up, I slide my thumbs gently over his eyelids, closing them. Without those piercing greens watching my every move, I feel a tad bit braver. I place a whisper of a kiss on each eye, then move down and place one underneath his jaw on both sides. Going lower, my lips meet the hollow of his throat. I can feel him swallow and I love that I’ve effected him just as much as he did me. I raise back up, staring at those plump, perfectly kissable lips. With more restraint than should be legal, I graze my tongue over the corner of his mouth before placing a tender kiss there. His sharp intake of breath makes me squirm.

  “Are you trying to fucking kill me,” he groans breathlessly. His head drops against my chest and I smile, running my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck.

  After a very reluctant goodbye, Dax heads home and I take my first ever necessary cold shower. What’s the lady version of blue balls? Because I definitely fucking have them. Once I’ve showered and brushed my teeth, I climb into bed. Alone. My pillow smells like Dax but the damn thing feels like a sack of bricks. I toss and turn for hours. I fall asleep and then jolt awake. It’s an exhausting pattern. Daxton Middle-Name-Unknown Bardot has ruined me for sleeping alone ever again.

  Chapter 17

  By the time morning comes, I’m doing an excellent job of playing the part of an extra on The Walking Dead. My eyes feel like they’ve been rubbed with sandpaper and to say I‘m grumpier than my already morning afflicted self normally is, is a gross understatement. The only reason I drug my ass out of bed was to see Dax. Just the few hours we’ve spent apart has been more than enough for me. I’m sure if I sat down and really thought about the insane turn of events my life has taken this past weekend, I might need to be admitted for a psych evaluation. How I’ve come to accept all of these new revelations so easily? I’ve no fucking idea. That first admission from Mom had me thinking she’d officially lost her mind. Maybe it was her pleading tone for me to hear her out, or just not wanting to think the last person I had left was crazy. It definitely helped that I saw Christian wolf out right before my eyes, even if I thought I might have somehow accidentally ate some shrooms and caused some sort of weird ass hallucination. Dax aiding
her vivid storytelling didn’t hurt either. So somewhere about midway through, I became a believer. Which leads me to now. Sitting at the island, scarfing down a bowl of cereal, very unladylike, so that I can get to school and see me teacher-slash-mate. What a clusterfuck.

  “You ready?” Mom asks from beside the door as I rinse my bowl and place it in the dishwasher. I nod, grabbing my things to follow her out.

  Our drive to school is spent mostly in silence. I’m sure this weekend has been a lot for her to process as well and we haven’t exactly had the chance to talk about everything alone. Less than a mile from school, she finally speaks.

  “I’m sorry, Indy.” Her voice is meek and completely void of the strong woman that has raised and protected me my entire life.

  “What for?” I turn to look at her, confused as hell.

  “Your father,” she sighs. “We created you, but that didn’t mean we had to stay together and let him become what he has. I feel responsible, like you’ve lost this special person that you never even got to know. And now all you’re left with are these tainted memories of what our love did to him.”

  “I do have good memories,” I say quietly, not really wanting to go into detail about how little I do remember. But I do know he wasn’t always like he is now. It’s something I’ve always had a hard time reconciling, but at least I have an answer now.

  “He was a sweet soul, Inds. We just didn’t have a clue how serious it would be to ignore the mate bond. Or should I say lack thereof. His pack was so small, even before they were wiped out, that not much in the way of pack history or customs was ever passed down. And if it was, it wasn’t the full picture. We damn sure never thought things would get as bad as they did...” She has to stop and clear her throat, emotion cutting off her words. My heart hurts for her. I don’t understand anything really about Lycanthrope heritage, but I can say I don’t understand how loving someone can ever be a bad thing. So bad that eventually you become something that haunts them, when they’re awake and asleep. How cruel to have something so precious used against you.