Finding You (Pack Bardot Book 1)

by M. K. Harper

  “Holy shit, Batman! I think you just eclipsed the sun! Seriously, are you sure you didn’t eat Dax’s dad?” I look between the two men, my head ping-ponging comically. Caulder’s laughter registers a split second before I realize the word vomit that’s just projectile-d out of my mouth. My whole body flushes with horror.

  “Definitely my soulmate,” Caulder mumbles. A second later Dax’s dad throws his head back and belly laughs. Beatrix and Dax both shake their heads, smiles firmly etched in place.

  “Told you guys you’d love her,” Dax says, looking at me with wonder.

  “You’re gonna fit in perfectly, love,” Beatrix squeezes my shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve heard Carder laugh like that it years. But between you and Caulder, I can already tell the swear jar is gonna earn more dollar bills than a stripper.” I smile, silently thanking whoever is granting me this small mercy.

  “Come on, Itty Bitty,” Carder nods for me to follow. I fall into step beside him as we head inside. I guess no one plans to call me just Linden. If these little nicknames didn’t endear me so much, I might take offense.

  “You and I got some baby photos to go through. Not to mention a whole lot of video footage of the summer Dax decided to wear nothing but a red power ranger costume. Every. Single. Day. Between you and me, I don’t think he washed his ass for a month straight. We couldn’t get him out of that damn costume long enough. I finally just hosed ‘em off in the yard one day.” Carder shudders, probably remembering a hot summer full of stinky boy.

  “Ma!” Dax’s horrified voice is laced with betrayal and I’m doing my damndest to hold back my laughter at his expense.

  “Carder, stop embarrassing your child,” she half-ass scolds him to placate her son.

  “It’s ok, babe,” I nudge Dax with my shoulder. “I think a little power ranger Dax sounds...cute.” Another painful bite of my tongue so I don’t laugh in his face. Dax winces before his father drops the bomb.

  “Little? Oh no, Itty Bitty,” Carder grins maniacally. “Thirteen. His stank ass lived as a power ranger, mighty morphing his way all over pack land for weeks. He even tried to karate chop one of Ms. Brentwood’s calves for some real time action. And boy did he get it. The mama cow chased his squealing ass out the pasture before he could bust out any more so called ninja moves. That’s the day he hung up his suit and put a lid on his power ranger ways...” Carder swipes a fake tear away and I can’t contain it any longer. I double over, laughing so hard I know my abdominal muscles will be sore tomorrow. The look on Dax’s face only spurs me on. A mixture of terror and utter disbelief that this story has been shared.

  Once we’re all inside, I take a minute to look around. The floors are stained and polished concrete. The interior walls are surprisingly smooth, the log cabin exterior just for looks I suppose. They’re a light grey with dark wood molding. Matching wood beams cover the ceiling, adding to the cabin feel. It’s not what I expected but it works really well. Several cowhide rugs in various colorations scatter the floor in front of a floor-to-ceiling stone fireplace. Oversized creme colored couches surrounded them forming a u-shape. They looks so comfy, I have the sudden urge to curl up and take a nap. A gallery wall of perfectly aligned pictures catches my eye and I move closer to inspect them. Most are of Dax at all different ages, but a few are of Caulder as well.

  I’d like to say that, along with the rest of us mere mortals, Dax experienced the awkward years but the boy somehow even made long and lanky look good. His missing front teeth didn’t take away from that boyish charm either. I’m grinning from ear-to-ear when I feel Dax’s arm slink around my waist and pull me back against him. I relax in his embrace and lean against him. Everything feels so right, like all the little parts that I’ve been worried about are clicking into place effortlessly.

  “This is Caulder?” I ask, pointing at the picture of a chubby baby who’s trying to eat a poor cat. All he really managed to do is slobber all over it.

  “Yep,” Dax nods his head and laughs.

  “He knew I was the apex predator, even in a diaper,” Caulder pops up beside me. This kid.

  For the next couple of hours Carder and I sit on the couch, that I can now say for sure is the comfiest thing my ass has ever sat on, and pour over album after album of pictures. Beatrix heads to the kitchen to prep dinner, refusing my help, and Dax and Caulder pile around our feet like little puppies. Content and lazy one minute, and bouncing around the next.

  “Is that a pop-tart?” I squint at the picture of a young Dax, no more four or five, standing on a counter in the middle of the night, shoving something in his mouth. His eyes are wide, knowing he’s been caught red handed.

  “Ah....the dark years,” Carder responds solemnly, trying to fight back a smile. Now I’m all sorts of intrigued.

  “Oh, do tell, Papa Wolf.” I lean in, grinning mischievously. Dax groans from the floor and flops over on his stomach, burying his face in a pillow.

  “For about two and a half years, starting at age three, our sweet little Daxton would randomly wake up in the middle of the night and demand a pop-tart before he’d go back to bed. At first, we refused, but after he called our bluff and waited us out a few nights in a row, we were too delirious to keep up the charade. The boy has the patience of a saint, remember that for future reference,” he gives me a conspiratorial wink.

  “Once we gave in, it was over. Every night, without fail, he’d pop up and wander into the kitchen for a pop-tart. There was one time we forgot to restock his stash, that was a mistake we never made again. And heaven help us if we got the wrong flavor,” he shakes his head.

  “Wait...he had to have a certain kind?” I can’t help but ask.

  Carder nods his head, “Strawberry, unfrosted.” I gasp in horror.

  “Unfrosted?!” I turn my attention to Dax who looks like he’d rather crawl up a horses ass than sit here and listen to all of his embarrassing childhood stories. “Blasphemy! What kind of monster likes unfrosted?” Do I even know this man?

  “Didn’t know you were so passionate about pop-tarts, babe.” He looks amused, rolled back over on his back with his arms folded behind his head.

  “I’m passionate about preserving the natural state of anything sweet. Which is to have as much sugar as possible,” I say with absolute seriousness. Dax breaks out that devastating smile that I’m starting to think is reserved just for me.

  “I promise to never bring any unfrosted pop-tart into our future home.” He holds up a scouts honor, trying hard to pretend this conversation doesn’t make me look batshit crazy.

  “That goes in your wedding vows.” I point at him and he winks, the sweetest look on his face.

  “Weddin’ vows?” Carder snaps to attention beside me, tossing the latest photo album aside. “Y’all planning a weddin’?” There’s an excited gleam in his eyes and I have the sudden urge to say yes just to keep it there.

  “Eventually,” I reply instead, smiling at the big man.

  “I’ll take what I can get. What about grandbabies. You gonna give me some grandbabies, Itty Bitty?” He jumps right in and I choke a little on absolutely nothing.

  “Pop!” Dax scolds, but I wave him off.

  “Well, one of the first things I thought when I saw Dax was that we’d make some pretty babies. I think it’s safe to say that they’re in our future at some point,” I answer, shocking the shit out of Dax. His mouth flops open and he just stares at me like I’ve grown another head.

  “Venus fly trap!” Caulder appears out nowhere, shoves a sock - presumably dirty - into Dax’s mouth and smacks the bottom of his chin, snapping it shut before Dax can process what just happened. He rips it out of his mouth a second later, gagging every few seconds.

  “You little gutter snipe!” Dax yells, followed by another gag. Caulder didn’t waste time sticking around, instead he hauled ass out of there, putting a safe distance between him and his victim. Dax bolts for the bathroom, muttering something about mouthwash as Carder and I nearly fall on the floor from
laughing so hard. Every few seconds we hear Dax gag and we start laughing all over again.

  “Foods ready!” Beatrix yells from the kitchen. We all wash up and head to the dining room. Carder and Beatrix each sit at the ends of the table, and just as I take the seat Dax pulled out for me, Caulder slides into the one beside me, leaving Dax high and dry. He grumbles, and maybe even stomps his foot, as he moves to sit across from me. Caulder’s simply wearing a shit eatin’ grin.

  “Caulder, would you say the blessing please?” Beatrix asks, but we all know it’s not really a question.

  “Of course, Nona.” He plasters on that innocent little smile and grabs my hand.

  “Since when do we hold hands for grace?” Dax grumbles. I roll my eyes and grab Carder’s hand, everyone else following suit.

  “Dear, eight pound, six ounce baby Jesus,” Caulder begins and my eyes snap open. Beatrix clears her throat and glares at him. I’m certain he can feel it, even with his eyes still closed. My God, just when I think I couldn’t possibly love this kid any more, he pulls out the big guns and quotes Ricky Bobby.

  “First, I’d like to thank you for Nona’s delicious cooking. My belly always feels better after I eat her food, and not like the gnawing pits of hell.” Carder shakes beside me, repressing a laugh. “Second, I’d like to thank you for Uncle D’s visit today.” I look up as Dax opens his eyes, smiling fondly at Caulder. “Only because he brought me my soulmate. He can leave now so we can live happily ever after.” A baby snort escapes me. I press my lips together as I chance a look at Dax. The fond smile is no longer there, it’s more of a glare of betrayal now. “And last, but certainly not least, I’d like to thank you for the angel sitting next to me. I just know she and I were meant to be.” His little hand squeezes mine and I have the sudden feeling that his words carry a much heavier weight. “A-Man to the Jesus Man!” He ends with a closed fist thump to his chest and then raises it in the air in solidarity. I don’t even know what to say, so I just sit back and smile, watching this family, my family, laugh and enjoy each other’s company.

  Chapter 21

  “Dinner was delicious, Beatrix. Thank you so much for having me,” I tell her while hugging her goodbye. The roast and potatoes she made might be the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.

  “Anytime, love,” she kisses my head. “You’ll come back soon?” The hopeful glint in her eyes makes my heart melt. I have no idea why I was so nervous to come here today.

  “Tomorrow too soon?” I joke and we both laugh.

  “Tomorrow isn’t soon enough, sweet girl.” She gives me another tight squeeze before I’m passed to Carder.

  “Papa Wolf,” I look up at the beast of a man. The slightly grey hairs at his temples and the short, salt and pepper beard he wears so well make me think of what Dax might look like in twenty years.

  “Itty Bitty,” he responds, looking at me like I hung the moon. “You take care of my girl son, ya hear?” He levels Dax with a glare.

  “When the hell did my girl become everyone else’s too?!” He throws his hands up in exasperation. Carder pulls me into a surprisingly gentle hug, his arms alone engulfing my small frame.

  “Lindy!” Caulder yells as he barrels down the porch, his freshly bathed feet padding through the dirt and grass as he runs to me. When I realize he isn’t planning to stop, I open my arms and catch him in just the knick of time. I stumble back with the force of his weight slamming into me but quickly tighten my arms around him and spin us around a few times, both of us giggling.

  “Were you gonna leave without saying goodbye?” His big blue eyes hold a sadness in them that someone his age shouldn’t yet know.

  “No way!” I tell him truthfully. “I’ll never leave without some goodbye snuggles from you first. You’ll always be my last stop, ‘kay?” I speak quietly to him, his face right in front of mine from where I’m holding him up. He nods eagerly, that familiar carefree smile back in place. “You be good for your Nona and Bear,” yes - he calls the wolf, Bear. “I’ll see you real soon, Little Tyrant.” I kiss his button nose and he wraps his arms around my neck, squeezing me sweetly. I get this angsty tingle all over and I realize I don’t want to leave, so much so that it’s making me anxious. I don’t want to leave any of them, but mostly Caulder. With more willpower than I thought I had, I pass him to Beatrix and Dax leads me to the car. Tears prick my eyes the entire way and I have to fight back a sob. It’s ridiculous. I have no idea why I’m so emotional but the farther Dax drives away from them, the more empty I feel.

  “You okay?” Dax’s voice pulls me away from my thoughts, the sound easing some of the ache.

  “You were right,” I say quietly. “They felt just like family. I’m not even sure how it’s possible for someone like me to recognize that, considering I’ve only ever had that sort of connection to one person. I didn’t want to leave.” I look over at him with watery eyes. His fingers interlace with mine and he runs his thumb over them.

  “You never mentioned Caulder.” I bring up the one thing that’s been a mystery all night. I know he’s an only child, so I don’t see how he can be an uncle. And yet, he treats Beatrix and Carder more like grandparents. It’s a bit confusing.

  “Yeah,” he scrunches his nose in that adorable way he does when he thinks he’s in trouble. “I honestly didn’t know if Ma would have him there or not and he’s kind of hard to explain. He doesn’t typically take to strangers. The way he was with you tonight? I’ve never seen him open up like that so quickly.” His voice takes on a sense of awe and I can’t help but do happy dance on the inside.

  “Caulder’s had a rough life, and he’s only six. Ma homeschools him so he’s more comfortable. His mom is my cousin, Amelia. We call her Minnie cause she’s a little pixie of a thing. Kinda like you,” he shoots me a playful smirk. “Caulder’s little for his age too, but we aren’t sure if it’s genetics or from him being born prematurely. He’s smart as a whip and acts a hell of a lot older than he is, so I don’t think his early arrival delayed anything mentally. Minnie had a fling with a Pack Ames member, that’s all we know. They disappeared for a while and then she randomly showed back up with a three year old. She stuck around for a couple of days and then Ma found a note taped to the fridge when she and Caulder got back from the grocery store one day. It said she was sorry, but she wasn’t cut out to be a mom. We haven’t seen her since. Ma and Pop got legal custody of Caulder shortly after. Minnie’s parents, Pop’s brother and his wife, passed in a car accident a while back so we were the only family he had. He’s been terrorizing my ass for three years, but I love him to death.” His hand tightens around mine and I know he means every word. Dax exhales audibly after delivering that novel. I’m not sure he even took a breath, but I get the sense that he wanted to get it all out in one go.

  I don’t understand how someone could walk away from that little boy. He’s something special, and I know that after just a few hours with him. How could you possibly have him for three years and then just let him go? I grit my teeth, forming an immediate dislike for Minnie. Silence settles between us until Dax starts singing the words to the song playing quietly in the background. His voice starts to lull me to sleep, eyes heavy with exhaustion from our long day.

  "Hey, Dax?"

  "Yeah?" he chances a brief glance at me before directing his eyes back on the road.

  "Did you tell Allana about my dad?" I didn't want to bring it up tonight and ruin what has been a great day, but it's been hanging over me like a dark cloud all day.

  "What?!" his head jerks back like he's been slapped. "God, no. A few pack members were informed, mostly higher ups, but only so we can all protect you better. Allana's father was probably one of the few and he must have told her. I swear I'd never tell her anything about you, Linny." A deep exhale leaves me. I honestly don't think I even needed to ask him that question. In my heart I knew he'd never betray my trust like that. I smile at him sweetly and lean my head against the window.

  "Baby,” Dax’s voice tri
ckles into my head, consciousness grabbing hold of me and bringing me back to the present. I groan, not ready to wake up and definitely not ready to tell him goodbye. He’s already opened my door and unbuckled me, his hand resting against my cheek. I pry one eye open and glare at him, annoyed at being woken up.

  “Five more minutes,” I mumble around a yawn.

  “You can sleep all night if you just spend five minutes getting to your room,” he counters and I briefly consider punching him in the throat. “Need me to carry you, baby?” He says it teasingly, but it actually sounds like a good idea.

  “Yes, please.” I reach my arms up for him. He laughs but lifts me anyway. I lean into him, my head resting against his chest as he walks us to the front door. He fumbles for my keys in my backpack he has slung over his shoulder. The Jeep isn’t in the driveway, so I’m guessing Mom is still at work. Once we’re inside, he kicks the door shut and locks it back before heading to my room. Dax sits me on my feet and I instantly miss the contact. I grab some sleep shirts and a cropped band tee to sleep in then turn for the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. The second I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I know I’ve done fucked up. My ass is practically hanging out of my shorts and I refuse to sleep in a bra so my tits are on full display in the thin shirt. This is gonna look so intentional. I brush my teeth, wash my face, even consider painting my toes...anything to avoid opening the door and facing Dax looking like this desperate. God, he probably thinks I’m in here taking a shit. With that thought, I swing the door open.

  Dax’s eyes don’t widen, there’s no sharp intake of breath. A slow blink is the only inclination that he’s still alive at all. Slightly offended that my lack of clothing didn’t cause some sort of physical reaction, I wave my hand in front of his face and snap my fingers.

  “Hello?”

  He swallows, his eyes moving from my toes all the way up to my face in the slowest perusal I’ve ever seen.