Finding You (Pack Bardot Book 1)

by M. K. Harper

  “Gonna need you to put on a moomoo, a parka, fuck...a shower curtain will do. Anything but that,” he waves a hand at me. “I’m trying real hard to be a gentleman baby, but you looking like that could make the goddamn pope backslide.” Those green eyes are full of so much heat and I want nothing more than to push him and see how far his restraint can be stretched before it finally breaks. Instead, I hop in the bed and pull the covers up quickly.

  “Better?” I ask him, biting my bottom lip nervously.

  “Jesus Christ...” he groans, eyes locked on my mouth. “You’re asking if it’s better that you’re half naked and in a bed now?” He quirks an eyebrow up.

  “Well, when you put it like that,” I laugh nervously. Dax closes his eyes and tilts his head up to the ceiling, taking a few deep breaths before he starts mumbling to himself.

  “Pimento cheese, socks with sandals, that feeling when you poke your finger in your bellybutton...”

  What the fuck?!

  He seems to pull himself together and looks back at me. I’m all sorts of confused.

  “Uh, you’re gonna need to explain that.” I cock my head to the side, trying to figure out that odd as hell statement. Like, I’ve gathered that he was naming off gross things so he wouldn’t be turned on anymore, but the bellybutton comment has thrown me a bit. I lay on my side and fold my hands under the side of my head, facing Dax. He lays back too, propping himself up on his elbow.

  “Oh come on, you can’t tell me it doesn’t feel weird when you stick your finger in there. It reminds me of one those Chinese finger traps. I got mine stuck in one when I was about ten and cried like a little girl. It traumatized me.” He sounds so serious but it’s too funny not to laugh. I laugh so hard my head is thrown back and I have to fight to catch my breath.

  “How freakin’ deep is your bellybutton?” I manage to get out.

  “Hey! It’s a completely normal depth. See!” He lifts his shirt to show me and all my laughter dies instantly. His rippled stomach has stolen the show. Is that an eight pack? There’s no such thing, right? I absently swipe my mouth for any drool that might’ve escaped.

  “Yep,” I rasp out, not able to hide his effect on me. A smug grin tugs at his lips. Now it’s my turn to list off gross shit.

  “One percent milk, oysters, how it feels when someone touches your weenus.” I shudder at the phantom feeling.

  “Okay, I think you need to explain all of those,” he laughs.

  “One percent milk is self explanatory, it’s like eating your cereal with water. Same for oysters. No different than hackin’ a big ole loogie and then swallowing it. As for the weenus...I just don’t particularly like mine touched,” I explain.

  “You don’t like the loose skin on your elbow to be touched?” He gives me an incredulous look.

  “No. It’s yucky and feels funny.” I scrunch up my nose.

  “Oh really?” he asks, a mischievous look on his face as he grabs for my elbows. I squeal and twist myself back and forth trying to get free.

  “Hey! I’m gonna stick my finger in your bellybutton if you don’t leave my weenus alone,” I wheeze out, laughing hysterically.

  “If anyone heard us, they’d think we’re threatening each other with some twisted form of foreplay,” he grins wickedly. I reach for his stomach, determined to make good on my threat since he’s still pinching at my elbows like a damn crab. My movement comes to a screeching halt the second my hand makes contact with his bare skin. My fingers rest just about his pants. As if they have a mind of their own, they curl against him. I can feel that dark trail of hair that leads south and I have to work really hard to suppress a moan. Dax has stilled above me, all thoughts of weenus tugging long gone. His jaw is clenched and I know he’s struggling just as much, if not more, than I am.

  “Linny,” he says my name like a plea. “I need to say something, but I don’t want to scare you or pressure you.” He looks at me for confirmation to keep talking, so I nod.

  “I love you. I love you so much that I’m not sure how I’ve ever lived without you. Every time I’m near you I breathe easier. Touching you...God, baby. It’s the best high,” he grips my hip tightly with one of his hands. “I don’t want you to say it back, though. Not right now. When you do tell me, I want it to be because it’s what you feel and not a reaction to me saying it. When you think you might die from keeping it all in...then tell me. Cause that’s exactly how I felt tonight, like I’d burst to pieces if I didn’t say those words to you.” My heart is racing, the thumping sound echoing in my ears. Daxton Elias Bardot loves me. Tears well in my eyes and I don’t try to hold them back. I want to tell him I love him too, but I don’t want him to think it’s just a knee jerk reaction to his confession. So I do as he asked and don’t say anything. Instead, I lean up and kiss the corner of his mouth, hoping he feels everything I want to say.

  “I hope those are happy tears,” he whispers against my ear. I nod and cling to him, pulling him tighter. Dax rolls and brings me with him, securing me to his side. That blessed contentment fills me as he wraps his arm around me.

  “I missed sleeping with you last night,” I confess.

  “Me too, baby. Not much longer and you won’t ever have to go another night without me,” he kisses me on the head. “Try and get some sleep. I’m not going anywhere until your mom gets here.”

  I sigh and snuggle into him. I’ll take what I can get for now. It doesn’t take long before my eyes close and I drift away.

  Chapter 22

  The next few days pass by in a blissful blur. I go to school, swoon over my Econ teacher, steal playful glances at him during lunch hour, go home with Dax to his parents’ house after school and then he brings me home and stays until I fall asleep in his arms. Wash, rinse, repeat. But you know what’s worse than him not being there when I fall asleep? Him not being there when I wake up. It’s a mindfuck to fade away so peacefully each night but then feel that pit of emptiness when my hand brushes over the cold sheets next to me, reminding me that he left hours ago. Every day gets harder. Being around him at school and trying to keep up this charade of nothing more than a student/teacher relationship is pure torture. It’s like my body is hardwired to touch him in some manner when he’s close enough, so when I don’t, it starts to revolt at being denied something that should be so natural.

  Christian and Allana have been radio silent, and that unnerves me more than if they were confronting me every day. I caught them whispering in the hall once and all of my spidey senses flared to life, screaming that something was off. If it weren’t for Chevy, I think I may have lost my shit this week. Having to pretend I’m nothing more than Dax’s student is heart wrenching. Pack Ames and Pack Bardot members obviously know, but I doubt the rest of the staff would take too kindly to our relationship. At school we’re one thing, and outside of school we’re another. The whiplash is starting to become painful. I want him all the time, forever and ever. And I plan to tell him tonight after we have dinner at his parents’ place. I look over at the man I plan to bond with for life in just two short days. This week has given me everything I needed to know, but mostly it confirmed that I love him more than should be possible and I have no reservations about being with him in any sense.

  “What’s on your mind?” he asks when he catches me staring at him.

  “Just thinking about how ready I am to not have to hide. I don’t want to be your dirty little secret and it’s starting to feel that way.” I cringe, hating that I just voiced all my insecurities. I can see Dax flinch, a pained look on his handsome face.

  “You really feel that way?” His voice is low and steady. I bite my lip and shrug, not wanting to admit just how much damage it’s doing to me and it’s only been a few days.

  “It’s not your fault, I just have my own demons and they’re exacerbating the situation. I always thought I wasn’t good enough for my dad and that’s why he changed and started treating me the way he did. For years I was convinced that there was something wrong with me.
That there had to be, because why else would one of the people who’s programmed to love you unconditionally treat you like a piece of trash. So when I’m placed into certain situations, even when they aren’t on the same level, it brings it all back to the forefront and I can’t help but question my worth. I hate it. I worked hard to get to that place where I accepted that it wasn’t me or anything I did.” I finish just as we pull to a stop in front of Beatrix’s and Carder’s.

  “I’m gonna make this quick because we only have a few seconds before Caulder flies out the door like the hounds of hell are after him,” he smiles at the thought. “But I need you to listen and hear me when I say that you are the love of my life, Linny. I want to scream it for the whole town to hear and I sure as shit would if it didn’t put you in danger. But I swear to you, the moment we’re bonded, there won’t be a soul in Pleasant Falls who doesn’t know who you are to me.” My eyes well with tears. I knew everything he said without him actually needing to say it, but hearing the words makes me sigh in relief. That simple reassurance breathes a little bit of life back into me. A loud bang makes me jump, and just as predicted, Caulder has thrown the front door open and is charging the car impatiently. I open my door and step out, a huge smile spreading across my face as I lay eyes on the tiny monster. Dax joins me as we round the front of the car, reaching for my hand. His fingers barely brush mine before Caulder swats Dax’s hand away.

  “You’ve had her all day, it’s my turn. If this joint custody thing is gonna work then you have to quit being so stingy. Do I need to create a schedule?” Caulder’s blue eyes glare at Dax and I bite my tongue to hold in a laugh. The shit that comes out of this kid’s mouth. Dax gives him an unamused look before he huffs indignantly and heads inside. Caulder wraps his little hand around mine and I swear I feel it around my heart as well, claiming another chunk.

  “I missed you.” That voice of his melts me into a puddle of goo.

  “I missed you, too, LT,” I tell him. The truth of my words nearly knock me on my ass. I’ve been here every day this week so I just saw him yesterday, and I still missed him. I lean down and scoop him up, smacking a kiss on his chubby cheek.

  “Did Nona cook something good?” I rub my hands together excitedly as I release him from the hug. He gets that faraway, glassy eyed look he only gets when he thinks about food. The child is a bottomless pit.

  “She made enchiladas...” Caulder moans a little and I laugh.

  “Well, come on,” I spin around and squat for him to jump on for a piggyback ride. “Let’s go before Dax eats them all!” He hops on so fast I almost drop him.

  “Haul ass, woman!” he shouts, pointing forward. I’m once again, biting back an inappropriate laugh.

  “Caulder James, swear jar!” Beatrix yells from just inside the house. He groans but heads straight for his piggy bank as soon as I release him. I make my way into the kitchen, knowing that’s where I’ll find Beatrix.

  “You’re hearing is impeccable,” I grin at her, placing a kiss on her cheek and pulling myself up on the counter to sit.

  “Perks of being part wolf,” she winks at me. “You’re gonna have to start correcting him, ya know. If you don’t, it’s gonna be zero to sixty when you have to discipline him.” She looks at me like she knows something I don’t, but doesn’t have any plans to clue me in either.

  “Why on earth would I ever discipline that precious angel who can do know wrong?” I’m laying it on thick, but really, I don’t see it ever happening. Dax snorts as he walks into the kitchen to grab a beer.

  “More like a tiny drill sergeant, hell bent on stealing my girl,” he mumbles, popping the top off and taking a long drink from the bottle.

  “I’m sorry, has your jealousy of a six year old drove you to drinking?” I ask sarcastically, secretly admiring the way his throat moves every time he swallows. He stalks over to me, erasing the few feet between us.

  “You can’t shame me into feeling embarrassed, sweetheart. I’m an only child. It’s safe to say I never really learned how to share. Especially with the things I love most, and you, baby? You hold the number one spot.” His husky voice rolls over me, eliciting chills. Dax’s arms are braced on either side of me, his face so close I can feel the heat from his body and smell the mint and Corona on his breath. I couldn’t move even if I wanted to, but all I really want his to capture that plump bottom lip of his between my teeth and give it a tug. I want to know what sound he’ll make, if it’ll be the thing that finally breaks his resolve.

  “Ah shit...” Carder’s voice snaps me out of my haze of lust. “You broke her again. Stop givin’ the poor girl bedroom eyes, Daxton.” My eyes widen and a tiny squeak escapes me. I glare at Dax, knowing my cheeks are an unnatural shade of red. He takes another sip of his beer, hiding his smirk. This cat and mouse game has been building all week. He hasn’t kissed me, but he says all the right things to make me so full of want for him that I zone out, kinda like Caulder does when he thinks of food. I must say, Dax does look good enough to eat.

  “Get over here Itty Bitty and give me some love before I have to kick your mates ass for looking at you that way.” Carder side-eyes Dax again before focusing back on me. I shake my head before hopping down and walking into his embrace. You’d think I was his daughter and Dax was the not-good-enough-for-his-baby-girl boyfriend. Carder has become a bit protective of me, even from his own son. Beatrix and I find it hilarious that poor Dax is getting cockblocked from all the men in his family. But damn, it feels good to be so loved.

  “Knock, knock,” Mom’s voice trails in from the front door.

  “Mom?” My brows dip in confusion, a hint of worry carrying me forward to make sure everything’s okay. “What are you doing here?” My eyes roam over her, looking for any sign that something’s wrong.

  “Good to see you too, Daughter,” she deadpans. “Dax invited me, he wanted us all to officially meet.” She wrings her hands nervously.

  “Sorry, it just worried me. I had no idea you were coming. I’m really glad you’re here, though,” excitement seeps into my words. “Come on, let me introduce you!” I grab her hand and start pulling her towards the kitchen. I can feel her reluctance. I can’t blame her, I felt the exact same way at first, but I know she’s gonna love them just as much as I do.

  “Mom, these are Dax’s parents. Beatrix and Carder,” I motion to them both. The kitchen has fallen silent. Beatrix has that same wistful look she had when she first saw me and I can already see what’s about to happen. As predicted, she pulls Mom into one of those hugs that can soothe the worst kind of ache. They embrace for a long while, sharing a few whispers. When they finally separate, Carder extends his hand to her.

  “Glad to finally meet the woman responsible for giftin’ us with Itty Bitty.” He looks at me lovingly and I feel that overwhelming sense of belonging. Of finally being home. My eyes seek out Dax instinctively. He’s already focused on me, the sweetest smile tugging at his lips, and I know we’re thinking the same exact thing. It’s all so very right. I glance back at Mom and can see that she’s on the verge of tears. I know she feels it, too. And it’s probably even more difficult for her. To feel like you belong somewhere after years of thinking no one wanted or loved you. Having been deprived of any sort of emotional connection outside of each other, it’s an overload of the best kind to find out otherwise.

  Just then, Caulder comes waltzing in. He shoves a dollar in the swear jar and then stops dead in his tracks, spotting the new face that’s joined us. I can see the slight stiffening of his shoulders, the way his eyes seem to assess every exit of the room in relation to where Mom is standing. Rage consumes me as I watch him, knowing exactly what it’s like to have to plot out the quickest escape and why. The why kills me. To think someone has so much as said an unkind word to him makes me stabby as fuck. But the idea that someone has hurt him physically? Well, that makes me downright murderous. And if there’s anyone I’d take a premeditated murder charge for, it’s that little love. It’s only been seco
nds since Caulder stopped moving, but it feels like a lifetime. I can see the nervous look on Dax’s face and the way Beatrix and Carder glance at each other. Caulder doesn’t give it a second thought before he launches himself at me, wrapping himself around me like a snuggly little koala. Something inside of me clicks into place the moment he chooses me for comfort over the three people he’s known the longest and I hold him tighter.

  “Who’s this handsome man?” Mom asks in a soft, even voice. She can tell there’s something more than a shy kid at play. It’s easy to spot the broken pieces that match your own.

  “This,” I pause, pushing his blonde hair out of his face. “Is the other love of my life.” Mom’s eyes bore into me, I can feel it. But I’m too focused on the precious boy in my arms. “Caulder,” I whisper to him. “This is my mom.” His head lifts from my shoulder, looking at Mom in a different way now.

  “You’re really Lindy’s mom?” he questions her, only a slight hint of skepticism in his voice.

  “I sure am,” she smiles at him.

  “Cool. I’m her soulmate,” he grins at her. Just like that, the entire mood in the room changes. I can see relief and a bit of shock on everyone’s faces at how quickly Caulder decided that Mom was good people. He’s made no move to leave my arms, but I’m not complaining.

  “Oh, really? And how does Dax feel about that?” she asks him playfully, having no clue the can of worms she’s just opened. I can almost hear his retort before he’s had a chance to open his mouth.

  “We’ve come to a mutual agreement. Fifty-fifty shared custody but I can call her anytime I want. Uncle D could use a refresher on sharing though,” he gives the man in question a scathing look. “Even though it’s a common courtesy learned in kindergarten, he leaves much to be desired.” Yep, that’s about what I thought he’d say. The look of shock on Mom’s face is priceless and a disbelieving laugh follows.

  “Ma, quit letting him watch Judge Judy! I wouldn’t be surprised if he wrote up an official custody order and had the damn thing notarized,” Dax complains.