No More Lies

by Sandy Appleyard

  Truth is, I miss her. I miss the ranch. I miss everything. Which is why I didn’t put up a fuss. Plus, if I’m ever going to be able to show my face around there, I better start now. Grayson probably hates me, but he’ll get over it. Just like Kurt.

  As I pull up, I see Kurt in the pasture. He sees me get out of the car and comes over. “Hi,” he says.

  “Hi,”

  “I miss you.” He says honestly, but he doesn’t make a move to come closer.

  I nod but I don’t reciprocate the sentiment. I can’t. Even though I miss him like I haven’t had oxygen since the last time I saw him, I can’t tell him that. I can’t tell him any of it. “You feel like talking?”

  “No, Kurt.” I sigh.

  “Not yet, huh.” He hangs his head solemnly.

  “I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready, Kurt.” I say, my voice cracks.

  He nods with his head angled towards the ground. “Okay.” He says and walks away.

  When I walk inside, Laura is sitting at her desk. I can tell that she saw everything from the front window in her office. Her toe is tapping on the floor. She only ever does that when she’s annoyed. “Did you talk to him?”

  I draw in a deep breath, not looking at her. I know that my eyes are red as roses from stopping the impending tears. “No, I didn’t.”

  She rounds on me. “Why not?”

  I lift my hand. “Look, Laura, if you invited me over her to berate me, I’ll just leave. You asked me to come over and—”

  Laura rises. It’s been a week since I’ve seen her. I look her over and see that there is a little baby pouch starting to present itself in front. “Oh my God.” I whisper, as if I didn’t believe that she was actually pregnant until now.

  “What?” she says.

  “Your belly. You have a baby belly.”

  She looks down. “Yes, I do. That’s why I told you I need to go baby shopping. And you know me with clothes. These pants are so tight on me I can’t do them up anymore.”

  I can’t help but giggle. “Oh my God, for the first time in your life, Laura, you’re fat.”

  She cracks a smile. “I’m not fat, I’m pregnant. Now, come on. I need clothes.”

  ***

  “You suck.” Laura says, watching me slide into a slim-fitting dress. I’m hosting a dinner for clients, and I asked her to come over and help me with some of the food. She makes the best lasagna, and I wanted to serve that tonight.

  “You suck too, now shut up and help me with the zipper.”

  “When are you going to stop hiding out here? The boys have been asking about you. Even Clint. They miss your daily dose of flirting.”

  “Well, your husband and brother-in-law hate me, so I best keep my distance.”

  “Nobody hates you, Lisa.”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t have any fans, either.”

  “Maybe if you were honest with everyone, and tell us what’s really going on, we can make some progress.” Laura states. “It’s been three weeks, Lisa. Either shit or get off the pot.”

  “Laura, I told you it wouldn’t work out with Kurt, and I meant it. It’s done. He’s free to go see anyone he wants.”

  “And you?”

  “I’m free, too.”

  “Then how come you haven’t been dating anyone? Or have you, and you just aren’t telling me anymore, for fear I’ll judge you.”

  “Laura, you’ve always judged me anyway, what’s the difference?”

  “Well, are you or aren’t you?”

  I look at her like she’s just asked me if I’ve had a recent sex change. “Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.”

  She believes me, and lets it go. “I’m having a little dinner thing tomorrow night. Would you like to come?”

  “Is this another one of your, ‘hey, let’s all get together and get Kurt and Lisa back together’ kind of things, is it?”

  “No, it’s not. We have a bunch of food leftover from the wedding, and it’s taking up too much room in the freezer. The boys are sick of eating it every day.”

  “Well, I can’t, anyway.” I say. “My parents are home. I’m meeting them for dinner.”

  “Oh yeah?” she breaks a smile. “How was the flight back?”

  “I don’t know.” I chuckle. “Who knows, with them. With my luck home is a stopover for their next destination.”

  “I heard from your mom a couple of days ago.”

  “You what?”

  “Yeah, she called to congratulate me on the wedding and the baby.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.” She laughs. “You’re acting like it’s unusual, Lisa. Your mom and I have been close for as long as I can remember.”

  “Well, good for you.”

  I slap her lightly. “Oh, stop being so jealous. Did you…tell her about Kurt?”

  “Yes,” I mock. “I told her about Kurt. And I get the lovely privilege of telling her that it’s over, too. A lot of good that did me.”

  “I still don’t understand, but far be it for me to ask again. I know you’ll just fill my head with lies.”

  “Laura, I don’t want to get into this with you again. Now, can you please help me set up for this shindig?”

  ***

  As I check the mail today, I see an envelope from the Kelsey Ranch. My heart sinks. It’s Kurt’s handwriting on the front, and my heart pounds as I open it. It’s a card that reads, “Miss you.” In beautiful calligraphy. Inside, he writes, ‘Thinking of you still…always…love, Kurt.”

  He’s a man of few words, but he uses the right ones. As I’m about to cross that line of thought where I actually attempt to think about calling him, I stop myself. I know that now is not the time to cave. He’s going to forget about me some day, and the longer I leave it, the more chances there are of that happening. My phone rings, breaking me from my thoughts. It’s my mom. “Hey, mom. How are you?”

  “Very well, dear. Your father is a little under the weather…just some leftover jet lag. How about you come over here for dinner?”

  “Sure, mom. That sounds good.”

  Mama is my twin, only she’s completely snow white on top, and she’s a tiny bit shorter. Dad could pass for an older version of Quentin. He’s tall and still has his youthful build, as well as a full head of hair, now salt and pepper. “Mama!” I gush. They were in Alaska for a month, so that’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen them.

  “Baby!” she opens her arms, hugging me tight.

  Daddy is behind her, waiting for his turn. “Sweetheart, how are you?” he asks, hugging me.

  “I’m good. How was the trip?”

  “Very nice. Alaska is beautiful.” Mama says.

  “I’d never go there again, though.” Daddy comments. “It’s too desolate for a country boy like me.”

  I chuckle. “Oh, daddy, only you would say that.”

  “So, what’s this I hear that our Laura got married? And is having a baby, too?” Mama asks.

  “Yeah, she’s got a little pot belly and everything. You should see her.” I say.

  “It’s a wonderful thing to be able to have a child, especially before it’s too late, like for her.” Mama comments. “Why, she and you are just about the same age, by about a year, right?”

  Sure, hit me where it counts. “Yes, that’s right.”

  “It’s a shame you weren’t able to have children, dear.” Daddy says. “You still see that…quack of a doctor out in Dallas?”

  I roll my eyes. “Yes, daddy. I still see Dr. Drexler. And he’s not a quack.”

  Mama slaps him lightly on the shoulder. “Dad, don’t get her started, now.”

  “All the problems you’ve had and the man has never sent you to a specialist.” Daddy raises his brows. “Heck, I had a bad stomach ache once and that Doctor Kelsey, Laura’s brother there, sent me to a specialist. That’s how I found out I had a kidney stone.”

  “Yes, daddy, I remember your kidney stone.” I’m
monotone, as I listen to daddy’s boring story traveling down memory lane, his health version.

  “Now, how come you don’t go to him? He’s a fine doctor.” Daddy asks. “Or…or, isn’t Laura’s new husband a doctor? How come y’all don’t go to him? I bet he’s a fine doctor, too.”

  Why every conversation travels down this tangent, I’ll never know. But it happens all the same. That’s part of the reason I go to Dallas for my medical issues. My parents are overbearing and nosey. I mean, they know about my medical history, but it’s on a need-to-know basis, and has been since I was old enough to know better.

  “I don’t go to Clint for the same reason I don’t go to Grayson; I don’t like my friends seeing my personals, daddy. Think about it.”

  “She’s right, Charles.” Mama points out, but then she turns to me. “But all the same, that doctor Drexler ain’t right. That time he gave you them pills when you had…troubles? My friend Suzanne’s sister said she had the same thing and she had to have surgery for that.”

  “Well, then obviously she didn’t have what I had, mama. Otherwise, I’d pretty much be dead by now.” I’m growing very tired and irritated, and almost wishing that my parents would hop on a plane back to Alaska.

  “Mama, can we change the subject? Don’t you want to tell me about your trip?”

  “I told ya, darlin’.” Daddy says. “I’d never go back there.”

  I sigh.

  It’s going to be a long night.

  Chapter 17

  Kurt

  It feels like it’s been a lifetime since I’ve seen Lisa. I miss her so dang much, but she doesn’t want anything to do with me. Figuring she was just going through a rough spell, I sent her a card a couple of weeks ago. No phone call, nothing. She doesn’t even come around the ranch anymore. I haven’t the slightest clue what I did wrong. Or what’s going on with her, for that matter. We were great together. We love each other, or at least, we loved each other. I’m starting to believe that she never really loved me. She told me she did, but then, less than twelve hours later, she broke up with me.

  Women are confusing sometimes, you know, I’ve been out with some real strange ones, but none that put me through the wringer like Lisa has. I still love her, and I think part of me always will, but I’m not sure how healthy it is for me to keep hanging on. Don’t get me wrong, I have no interest in seeing anyone else, and it’ll kill me if I hear of or see her with another man, but if she doesn’t want me anymore, what’s a guy supposed to do?

  She’s the sweetest, smartest, funnest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever been with. That’s why I fell in love with her. I sit here night and day just thinking about her. I miss her like nobody’s business. Grayson’s trying his hardest to keep me occupied, Laura too, but no matter what I do, I can’t keep my mind off Lisa. As I lay in bed, reading a book, I hear a knock at the door. “Yeah,”

  “You decent?” It’s Grayson.

  “Come in.”

  He opens the door and closes it behind him.

  “What are you doing up so late?” I ask, sitting up, putting a bookmark in the paperback.

  “I was about to ask you the same thing. I saw your light on when I was taking a walk.”

  “Why were you taking a walk at this time of night?”

  “Ah, I couldn’t sleep.”

  “Or were you just checking up on me.” I comment. “Making sure I’m not out here slitting my wrists or anything.”

  “You’re funny.”

  I scoff.

  “It’s not okay to worry about my brother?” Grayson asks.

  “No need to worry. I’m a big boy.”

  “A big boy with a broken heart is like a little boy, Kurt.”

  “Yeah, well. I’ll be fine.”

  “I know you will. I just…wanted to see where you were at, that’s all.” He pats my leg. “You still thinking about her a lot?”

  “Some.” I nod, lying. “I bet she isn’t thinking about me though.”

  “Wha, you think she’s out traipsing around with some other guy, do ya?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Laura tells me that she isn’t.”

  “Maybe she doesn’t tell Laura everything.”

  “She does.”

  I look at him, and suddenly my blood is boiling. My voice raises. “Oh yeah? If she tells Laura everything, then how come Laura doesn’t know why in hell the first woman that I ever loved like that…walked out on me? Huh?” my hand gestures out furiously. “No rhyme, no reason, no…nothing!” I rise, take a few steps and hit the wall. “Not a goddamn clue what happened. One night we were making love like we’d never made love before, the next morning it’s over.” I punch the wall, leaving a mark, but I don’t care. “I mean, what the hell, Grayson. I deserve better than that.”

  “You’re right. You do.” Grayson agrees.

  “Is that why you came all the way down here? To tell me I should get over it? Forget about her?” I’m almost yelling. I never yell. I’m a pretty level-headed guy even at the worst of times.

  “I’m not telling you to do anything that you don’t want to do, Kurt.” He says levelly. “I’m just telling you that you deserve better than this.” A pause. “Young guy like you, sitting in here, reading a book, alone. You’ve spent every night in since she dumped you. It’s not healthy, man.”

  “What do you suggest, Grayson?” I tip my chin at him. “I don’t want anyone else. She’s it, man. And now it’s over. I might as well pack my bags and go back on home to El Paso. Back to mama and the goddamn brothers who bust my chops and drive me nuts.”

  “Least they get you out.” Grayson adds. “Maybe heading back is best for you.”

  I rake a hand through my hair. “Maybe.”

  He pats my leg again. “You think about it. Whatever you decide we’ll support you.”

  “What about a Lead Hand?”

  “You let us worry about that. You came here on a favor. We never expected you to stay forever, even though you’re welcome to all the same.”

  He tips his hat at me as he walks out.

  The thought of going back to El Paso doesn’t make me feel better. Truth is, I like it out here. I needed the change of scenery at any rate. But maybe to get as far away from Lisa as possible is best. Otherwise, I’m just going to drive myself crazy for who knows how long. I decide to sleep on it. By morning, things might look different.

  ***

  Laura

  “Did you talk to him?” I ask Grayson, as I hear him come into the bedroom. We’re both still up. Funny thing about pregnancy is that once the morning sickness dissolved, now I get terrible insomnia.

  “Yeah,” Grayson says, taking off his clothes, getting ready for bed. “He finally let it all out, just like you said.”

  “Good. Does he seem any better?”

  “He’s thinking about going back to El Paso.”

  She hesitates. “Well, maybe that’s for the best.”

  “He said he’d think about it at any rate.”

  Grayson snuggles in behind me, placing his hand on my belly. “Won’t be long now, darlin’, and we’ll be feeling that little one move in there.”

  “I know. I can’ t wait.”

  He kisses my shoulder as I yawn. “Finally tired, baby?”

  “Yeah. I’ve got lots of work to do in the morning, too.”

  “Have you interviewed anyone yet to help you out?”

  “No, not yet.”

  “Laura…” Grayson warns.

  “I have an ad out. I’m just collecting resumes. I’ll start interviewing next week.” I insist.

  “Alright.” Another kiss. “Goodnight, baby.”

  “Goodnight.”

  ***

  Grayson is home this morning, since he’s working a shift at the hospital tonight. I’m trying to wrap my head around a bunch of things, when I hear the front door open, and see Kurt’s head pop in. “You busy?” he asks.

  “Co
me on in.” I say.

  He tells me a couple of things that he’d like to do with the horse’s pasture. It’s starting to look a little dated, so I give him permission to move the horses temporarily. “Grayson’s home this morning, too. He can probably give you a hand.”

  “Yeah, I saw him out there chewing the fat with Lloyd.”

  I look at him. “Given any thought to whether or not you’re staying?”

  He gives me a weak half-smile. “I figured that was your doing. Laura, I don’t know. Half of me wants to get as far away from here as possible, but the other half says hell no. Especially with a little niece or nephew coming my way soon.”

  “Maybe wait it out a little longer. See what happens.” I advise. “You got to do what’s right for you, Kurt. Not what’s right for me or Grayson, or…anyone.”

  I see Lisa’s car pull up out front, and it shocks me. Kurt sees the look on my face. “Unexpected visitor?” he asks, and the tone tells me that he knows exactly who it is.

  “Yeah.” I look at him. “You can sneak out the back if you want.”

  He sighs. “I’m a big boy, Laura. I can handle it.”

  I can see from the window that Lisa is on a call. “She’ll be a minute, anyway. She’s on the phone.”

  “Okay.” He tips his hat and walks out the front door. He doesn’t even look Lisa’s way. I shake my head.

  Rising, I meet her on the porch. “Hey, stranger.” I say, thinking that maybe things are looking up. She hasn’t come around the ranch in a while. She’s carrying a gift bag. It’s all fancy with crinkled paper and a silk cord for a handle. “What’s this?”

  “A gift for the baby.” She says, smiling. “I saw it in a store window the other day, and I just couldn’t resist.”

  I open the bag and it’s a baby blanket. Quilted. Looks antique, like someone’s grandmother made it like fifty years ago. Kept well though, maybe in a cedar chest. “Oh, Lisa, it’s gorgeous! Where did you find it?”

  “Antique store. I was walking along the waterfront with my parents the other day. Saw it there. I thought maybe you could hang it on the wall, like a tapestry.”

  “Thank you.” I kiss her cheek. “Come on in.”

  “Well, you’re sprouting like a healthy mama there, I must say.” Lisa comments.