Nobody's Perfect

by Steve Kirby

  “Well I’ve noticed some of our neighbours are Asian they don’t eat burgers and sausage they have to have their own food.”

  “Are you going to invite them then?” Colin says softly.

  “Ha Ha you make them sound like aliens they are our neighbours you know, you are not a racist Colin, are you?” Colin started looking a bit flustered.

  “Err Err n-n-n-no certainly not I work with them lot every day, get on great with them all even sold my house in Ravenscliffe to them. No I’m defiantly not a racist me.” Sam shakes his head and laughs.

  “Ha and next you’ll tell me you’ve got a black cat to prove it”

  “What you on about Sam”

  “Nothing Col it was just my attempt at humour mate never mind. Any way I’m going to B&Q tomorrow to get four fence poles and panels for the back garden, do you want to go half with them, it doesn’t matter if you cannot afford I’m going to do it anyway to keep the kids in the little buggers will be in your house and digging up your plants if I leave it open plan”

  Colin’s face turned bright red Rachel could see he wasn’t pleased with Sam’s comment.

  “What do you mean if I can afford? We were going to do it soon but if you want to get the panels and do it for the weekend that’s fine by me, just bring the bill round and I’ll sort you out with half.” Sam laughed.

  “I was just kidding mate you will have to get used to my sense of humour if we are going to be neighbours Col. Right I’ll get them first thing in the morning and we should have them up by tea-time what do you think?” Colin looked down at his feet looking a bit uneasy.

  “W-w-w-well me and Rachel were going to take the kids to the coast tomorrow for the day” Sam shook his head smiling.

  “That’s fine Col me and Becks will crack on and get it done tomorrow. We work well together have it done in no time at all, she’s a dab hand with a pick and a spade ha ha I just have to supervise.”

  “Cheeky sod!” Rebecca said thumping Sam on the shoulder.

  “Ow that hurt.” Sam said laughing a fake pained expression on his face, he gave Colin a sly wink.

  “Right then Col can’t stand here chatting all day I have to get on and sorted, so I’ll catch you later alright Col.”

  “Sam will you do me a favour please.”

  “Anything Col what’s on your mind?”

  “Will you please call me Colin not Col I don’t want everyone calling me it round here” Sam looked at him a bit puzzled.

  “Well I’ll try mate but I always called you Col when we worked together at Wormalds.”

  “Well you don’t work there now so if you don’t mind?”

  “Alright Col ha ha just kidding Colin. So we’ll see you both next Saturday, bring some beers we’ll have a right laugh.”

  “Aw, next Saturday?” Rachel Said looking disappointed.

  “We can’t next Saturday we are going to my Mum’s caravan in Skegness she has a static there, it’s been arranged for weeks Colin, don’t you remember?”

  “Oh yes sorry Sam we won’t be able to come.” Colin say’s nodding knowingly at Rachel.

  “Aw pity, still no problem Col sorry Colin, I’ll save you a burger.”

  When Sam and Rebecca had gone in Rachel turned to Colin.

  “I’m sorry but I just couldn’t stand the thought of being in that man’s company any more, I hate him and she’s no better, this was our dream home and those two are turning it into a nightmare.”

  “Don’t upset yourself darling. We will sort them, they won’t ruin it for us we’ll ruin it for them.”

  The following Wednesday before Sam saw Colin again, he was in his front garden when Sam came home from work.

  Colin walked over as Sam got out of his car.

  “Hello Sam how are you?” Sam was taken aback by Colin’s politeness.

  “I’m fine thank you Colin. What are you up to then, checking your grass?”

  “Still the joker Sam, Well if you must know Rachel and me have been talking and we have decided we don’t like this open planned thing out front, so, if it’s alright with you I would like to put a fence up between our two gardens.”

  “That’s fine by me; Do you want me to give you a hand put it up?”

  “No that won’t be necessary I have got a company to come and do it on Friday.”

  “Right then how much do you want for my share I’ll deduct it off what you owe me for the back fence. By the way what do you think of it then? Not bad eh? Me and Becky do a good job don’t we?” Colin looked like he didn’t want to be there.

  “ Look don’t worry about this fence I’ll pay for it myself and as for the money for the back fence, I hadn’t forgotten wait here and I’ll go and get my wallet, How much do you want anyway?”

  “Whoa Col there’s no need for the attitude mate I wasn’t being funny about it.”

  “But you are Sam everything’s such a big joke to you isn’t it, well I’m not laughing anymore and I’ve told you before my name is Colin, Ok?” Sam couldn’t understand Colin’s attitude, he was beginning to feel embarrassed.

  “You know what COLIN! Forget it; forget the money for the back fence you keep it and buy yourself a sense of humour.” With that Sam went in.

  Becky was in the kitchen as he walked in, she could tell from the look on his face that he was angry.

  “What’s the matter Sam? Bad day at work?”

  “No it’s that prat Colin next door; He’s just had a right go at me over the money for the fence.”

  “What do you mean?” Sam told her about the fence at the front and him offering to pay half and deduct it off what he owed for the back and Colin’s reaction.

  Just then there was a knock at the door Becky went to answer it while Sam got himself a beer from the fridge.

  Five minutes later Becky walked in waving some money.

  “That was Rachel she gave us seventy quid for their half of the fence, is that enough?”

  “Yah it was only Sixty five so we owe them a fiver, I’ll get Jack to call back round with it after tea, don’t want them to say I’m ripping them off.”

  After tea Jack was sent round with five pounds, He came back in looking red and flushed.

  “What’s matter Jack?” His mum said.

  “Mr Wilson has just had a go at me.”

  “What about?” Sam asked looking up from his paper.

  “About me playing with Scott and Brandon. Says he doesn’t want their kind down here, said if I brought them down here again he was going to tell you and have me grounded.”

  ”He said what! He’s no right to tell you who you can and can’t play with, what did you say son?”

  “I told him they are my friends and I will bring them down to my house when I want.” Sam got up and rubbed Jack’s head.

  “Good for you son I don’t know who he thinks’ he is but don’t let him bully you. “

  “I won’t Dad; I’m off to the park now to play footy with George from next door, what time do I have to be in Mum?” He shouted running towards the front door.

  “Eight tonight jack it’s a school night remember.” The door slammed as she finished the sentence knowing he hadn’t heard her, she would have to call him at half past eight.

  Chapter 11

  The barbecue was a huge success almost all the estate came throughout the day, It was open house people called in stopped for a few drink’s everyone was having a good time the weather was fantastic.

  Sam had a friend who has a bouncy castle business so he managed to hire one cheap, the kids loved it some of the parents had a sneaky go as well.

  Mr Khan came with his wife Sarvinda and their two girls Sofia and Natasha, they brought a tape of their favourite music and the children did a traditional Indian dance everyone loved it.

  The last people to leave were Lisa and Craig at one thirty in the morning.

  No one knew but they had been spied on from next doors bedroom, Colin had arranged for his Mum to look after Sally and George for the day, h
e had taken them at seven o’clock before anyone had seen, then put the car back in the garage, he and Rachel had spent the rest of the day in their bedroom watching and listening to what was going on next door.

  Colin kicked the pillow across the room.

  “Did you hear them? Laughing and joking, I heard my name mentioned a few times God I hate those two, why did they have to move in here.” Rachel put her arms around him.

  “Calm down Colin I’ve never seen you like this before, you’re frightening me.”

  ”Well he’s not going to make a mockery of me I’ll see to that!”

  They went to bed but Colin couldn’t sleep he tossed and turned eventually he got up and sat in the lounge planning.

  The following Thursday Sam came home from work as usual went into the kitchen, Becky was making tea he gave her a big sloppy a kiss and got a beer from the fridge. He flicked the television on and sat down to watch the news.

  Just then Jack came in with tears in his eyes.

  ”Dad him from next door is out there he wants a word with you.”

  “What about Jack you haven’t been cheeky to him have you?”

  “No Dad he’s just going off on one again about Scott and Brandon he’s told them to go home.”

  Sam marched to the door and yanked it open.

  “What!” Colin stepped back a bit shocked.

  “Are you going to have a word with that kid of yours, I’ve told him I don’t want those two down here but every day he disobeys me and brings them back.” Sam stepped forward moving Colin away from the door and onto the drive.

  “Look that KID of mine has a name it’s JACK! And he is not disobeying you because I’ve told him he can play with who he likes and it’s nothing to do with you.

  So I would appreciate it if you kept your nose out of my family’s affairs and looked after your own.”

  “He’s short of a good hiding that kid and if he gobs off at me again I’ll give him one even if you won’t.” Sam took another step forward forcing Colin to retreat further.

  “You do that Colin and it will be a big mistake.”

  “Well how about if I give you a good hiding?” He said moving closer to Sam.

  “Now THAT would be the biggest mistake you ever make, but you are welcome to try.” Just then Rachel came to the end of Sam’s drive.

  ”Colin! Come away, don’t lower yourself to their level they are just scum.” Colin turned to knowledge his wife his face looking grateful for the intervention, as he walked away he turned back to Sam.

  “Well if you aren’t going to sort out your kids I will.”

  “I’ve told you Colin, if you lay one finger on my children I’ll sort YOU! Out understand? You know I don’t know what’s happening here Colin or why are you acting like this?”

  “Because your kids are running riot and are bringing all sorts down here, my children can’t play in the park because of your kids and their friends swearing, smoking and threatening the other children. You’ve no authority over your kids you think everything is one big joke, well your ruining it around here for everyone why don’t you pack up and leave? No one wants you living here so my suggestion is move or we’ll make you move.” Sam walked forward backing Colin down the drive and onto the road. When Colin was off his property Sam stopped.

  “Two things Colin, One DONT EVER! Threaten me or my family again and two DONT EVER! Come on my property again unless I ask you to, from now on you keep yourself to yourself I don’t want anything to do with you or your family, Is that understood?” Colin scurried to his wife’s side.

  “Don’t worry mate you won’t be here long we’ll see to that!”

  “Give it your best shot COL! But my advice would be to leave me and my family alone and you get on with your sad little lives, there were more people came to our barbecue than your little “get together” makes you wonder who the neighbours want here and who the pain is! Now do as your wife tells you and go away.”

  Saturday morning Sam was out on his drive washing his car when two Community Policemen approached him.

  “Mr Hawksworth?” Sam looked around a bit confused.

  “Yes that’s me.”

  “The taller of the two stepped forwards.

  “Well I’m PCO Dobson and this is PCO Walker, could we have a word with you?”

  Sam put the sponge down and wiped his hands on his trousers.

  “Sure. What about?”

  “We’re following up a complaint by one of your neighbours with regards your son Jack apparently he has been verbally abusive and damaging property.”

  ”I’ve told him about being cheeky to people I’ll kill the little sod.”

  ”That won’t be necessary in this instance we just want a word with both of you to let him know this sort of behaviour is not acceptable and to inform you of your duties with regards your son.”

  When the PCO’s had gone Sam marched into the kitchen where Jack was.

  “Right you! You’re grounded all weekend.”

  Rebecca looked surprised, Sam told her about his conversation with the Police.

  “But dad I haven’t done anything honest, He’s lying.” Jack said bouncing down onto the settee.

  “Well why would he make this up Jack?”

  “I don’t know but I’m telling you the truth.”

  “I don’t believe you Jack I know you can be a bit lippy at times. I know I have told you to stick up for yourself but not by being cheeky and swearing. So, you’re grounded for the rest of the weekend.”

  “That’s not fair you all believe him because he’s an adult, but he’s lying.” Jack stood up and stormed out of the kitchen and went upstairs stamping on every step on the way up for effect.

  Over the next three weeks Jack was reported to the neighbourhood police team on eight occasions.

  They were both at their wits end.

  Sam and Rebecca sat Jack down one evening to sort it out.

  “Jack.” Sam started pacing the room.

  “Both your mum and me are absolutely fed up having the police at our door every two minutes, him next door has really got it in for you now and we have had enough of all the upset, we have told you god knows how many times to ignore him and stop winding him up but it doesn’t seem to be sinking in.

  So both your Mum and me have decided that if you won’t do as your told then you will be grounded for a month.” Jack sat looking down shaking his head.

  “You will go to school then straight back home no going to your mates or any after school clubs.” Sam stopped and looked at his son.

  ” Do you understand, all this upset stops now, we have had enough we both work hard every day and the last thing we want is to come home to all this crap every day, Do you understand Jack?”

  Jack looked up at Sam his eyes full of tears but a look of defiance on his face.

  “That’s not fair I’ve been grounded all week already he’s the one who starts it he waits till I’m on my own then he starts calling me an idiot and a retard and says he is going to get us thrown out of here, and what about my football practice, I’m being picked for the first team this season they’ll throw me out if I don’t go to practice.” Sam shook his head.

  “Tough Jack, you should have thought about that before you started all this trouble with him next door.”

  Just then there was a knock on the door, Sam went to answer it leaving Jack pleading with his mother not to be grounded.

  Sam opened the door to a very large ginger haired police sergeant.

  “Mr Hawksworth?”

  “Yes.” Sam said looking up.

  “I’m Sergeant Walker form the neighbourhood policing team is it convenient for me to have a quick chat about your son with regards his anti-social behaviour?”

  “Yes certainly.” Sam walked into the kitchen followed by Sergeant Walker. When Jack saw him he stood up quickly.

  “I’m off to my room I don’t need any more hassle.” Sergeant Walker blocked his way.

  ”I’d rathe
r you stayed young man if you don’t mind.”Sam shot Jack a look that made him sit down immediately.

  “Well sergeant my wife and I had just been having a word with Jack about it, we have decided to ground him for a month until he starts behaving himself.”

  “That’s fine but I am here regarding a complaint made against your son tonight.”

  “Tonight?” Sam said looking very puzzled.