by Sarina Bowen
“Still the world’s biggest asshole?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m a vault, Cax. Thanks for telling me, finally. And congratulations.”
We hung up a moment later, and I squinted at my phone, just in case Axel had tried to reach me and I’d missed it. While I was doing that, someone knocked on my door.
I smiled. It wasn’t a great idea for Axel to come to my place, but if he had, I’d be really excited to see him. I hopped out of bed.
Then again, if it wasn’t Axel, I was really underdressed right now. “Who is it?” I asked, yanking my robe off the hook on the bathroom door.
“It’s the Henning police. Please open the door immediately.”
My throat went dry. I did as the man said, opening the door to two uniformed officers. “Can I help you?”
“Are you Henry Caxton Williams, Junior?”
I nodded.
“When is the last time you saw Axel Armitage?”
Oh no. I grabbed the door frame for support. “Why?”
“Please answer the question. Have you seen him tonight?”
I shook my head. “This…this morning. When I left his apartment.”
The officer seemed to stare me down. He had a mustache, and for some reason I decided that was a good sign. He was too comical-looking to be handing me awful news. “What’s your relationship with Mr. Armitage?”
“He’s…” I’d never said this out loud. “He’s my boyfriend.”
The mustached officer nodded. “We need you to come to the station with us and answer a few questions.”
“Why? What’s this about?”
“Axel Armitage is unconscious in a hospital bed tonight. We want to know why.”
The room did a dip and a roll.
“He’s going down,” the other officer said.
But I hung on to the doorjamb and braced my knees. “Tell me what happened.”
Mustache Man frowned. “You have to come with us. We’ll sort this out.”
“No way.” I had to go to the hospital. Except I couldn’t think straight. Where were my keys? And my mind was stuck on the word unconscious. And the warmth in Axel’s eyes as he kissed me goodbye this morning. I turned around on shaky legs to find some jeans and a sweatshirt.
“You come with us right now or we’ll have to bring you in.”
I ignored him, looking for my shoes.
The cop sighed. “Fine. We’ll do this the hard way. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law…”
“Wait, what?” This guy was reading me my Miranda rights. “What are you doing?”
“You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one…”
This could not be happening.
Chapter Twenty
Axel
Ow. My head was killing me. And I couldn’t seem to open my eyes. There was something covering them.
Weird.
I was in bed. But it wasn’t my bed. There were low voices nearby. I knew one of the voices, but I usually heard it at work. “Boz?” I tried to say my coworker’s name, but my throat was so dry that it came out as a scrape.
The talking ceased. “Axel? Did you say something?”
“Where am I? What’s this?” I tried to raise a hand to touch the thing on my eyes. But only one of my hands moved, and it was as heavy as an anvil.
“Oh,” another male voice said. “Careful.”
“Um, Josh?” I was pretty sure I heard my landlord now. This was one hell of a weird dream I was having.
My hand was clasped between two big, warm hands. I knew it was Josh from the sound of the sniffle he emitted. “It’s good to hear your voice,” he said.
That confused me. “Why?”
He cleared his throat. “You’ve been out for more than twelve hours. We were starting to panic.”
I tried to understand why that might be. But I couldn’t quite grasp it.
So I slept.
* * *
The next time I woke up I heard my mother’s voice. Now that was weird. “Mom?”
There was a sharp intake of breath. “Axy? Oh, sweetie. Please wake up.”
“Why?”
Her laughter sounded a little manic. “Because I’m worried sick about you. Keep talking.”
“Thirsty.”
She made a little throaty gasp, which I recognized as her fighting off tears. “Let me call the nurse.”
They brought me a drink of water, which I sipped through a straw. “My jaw is killing me,” I complained.
“You took several kicks to the head,” my mother said, her voice grave. “You don’t know how happy I am to hear you speaking to me right now.”
“Why can’t I open my eyes?”
She sniffled again. “You had eye surgery for a detached retina.”
“Gross.”
There was a muffled sob. “It could have been so much worse,” she said, her voice breaking.
The longer this conversation went on, the more aware I became of my injuries. “He got my ribs,” I said.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
One of my arms was pinned to my body, too. “What else?” I asked. “Tell me the worst.”
“Your arm is broken. But it’s not too bad. And they’re watching some internal bleeding. To make sure you don’t need another surgery. So far, so good.”
“What about my face?”
She let out a shuddering breath. “You are really bruised. Quite like a horror movie, actually. But there’s only one bad cut, on your cheekbone. You can decide later if you want plastic surgery for the scar.”
That didn’t sound too bad. Any time a doctor said “decide later” that meant it wasn’t dire. “And my eye?” That was by far the creepiest thing she’d said.
“The doctor will come by later,” she whispered. “They’ll take off the bandage and check your vision.”
I felt a little shimmy of fear at the sound of that. My vision was pretty damned crucial. There was one question I still had to ask. “Where’s Cax?”
She sighed. “He has some things to deal with.”
“But he’s okay?”
“He’s fine, honey. Nobody hurt Cax.”
“Where’s his dad? He’s the one who…”
She squeezed my hand. “The police are going to want you to tell them about it. They’re looking for him.”
“Seriously?” Everything was so confusing. So I decided to take another nap.
* * *
Two days went by before I felt even a little bit like myself. The nurses kept telling me that the body heals on its own time. Apparently I didn’t have a lot of say over it. I kept drifting off in the middle of sentences. “You have a concussion, too,” people kept telling me. “Take it easy.”
As if I had a choice. My mother was like a dragon at the gates. She regulated who was allowed to see me and who was not. I had brief visits from Boz, who had apparently helped the EMTs carry me out of the woods to the waiting ambulance. Not that I remembered. “I guess I…owe you a case of beer?” I suggested. What did one get for the guy who’d hefted your broken body off the frozen pathway?
“At least,” he said. “You’re heavier than you look.”
The ophthalmologist kept making return visits to check on my vision. I was having trouble focusing my right eye, and it freaked me right out. “I know the blurriness is odd, but that might be 20/20 a month from now,” my female surgeon assured me more than once.
I wasn’t blind, anyway. So that was something.
The other thing that freaked me out? Cax never came to see me, and nobody would tell me why. Each time I woke up from one of my many naps, I’d look around the room for him with my blurry vision.
He was never there.
Chapter Twenty-One
Cax
It was late—nine o’clock already. I had no idea if they’d let me see him, but I had to try. Room 412 was at the end of a long hall, and just knowing he was down there somewhere made me start to jog.
Nobody stopped me.
I was afraid that Axel wasn’t going to want a thing to do with me now, not after all the trouble I’d caused him. It would break my heart, but I’d understand. When he was well enough to leave the hospital I imagined that he’d go somewhere far away from here. Probably back to Ohio…
The door to room 412 was ajar, but it was completely quiet inside. The soft, yellow glow of lamplight shone on the walls. I nudged the door open and looked at the sleeping figure on the bed. Half his face was obscured by a big bandage, and the other half was bruised purple and green.
A sob pulsed in my throat. I clamped a hand over my mouth. What had I done?
Someone rose from the chair beside the bed. His mother. She looked exactly the same as I remembered from all those years ago. Yay—another person who surely hated me now. But when I braced myself to meet her eyes, I found her face softening. “Cax,” she whispered. “You look just the same.”
Did I? I didn’t feel the same.
“He’s been waiting for you,” she said.
My throat was twisted tight. “I’ve been…”
“I know,” she said, resting a hand on my back. “You have a lot on your plate.” To my surprise, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me.
I just stood there feeling stunned. I almost got this woman’s son killed, and now she was hugging me? “I’m sorry,” I said.
She only held me tighter. “You’ve been through so much, you two. But it’s going to get better now.”
Was it? I wish I believed her.
Ms. Armitage stepped back, and I could see that her eyes were damp. “I’m going to go to his apartment to shower and sleep some. Can you stay a while?”
“A couple of hours,” I whispered.
She nudged me toward the chair. “Sit. I’m going.”
I sat and made myself take a good look at Axel—at the destruction I’d wrought. One arm was in a cast. His face was discolored and looked so very painful. He breathed peacefully enough in his sleep, though.
His good hand lay right there beside me, and I wanted to pick it up and kiss it. But I didn’t do it. He needed his sleep. I’d done him enough harm already.
I leaned my elbows on the edge of the mattress and propped my head in my hands. I was so, so tired. It was hard to believe that I’d ever feel upbeat about anything again.
I must have nodded off. My head had sagged against the edge of the mattress. And now there was a warm hand sifting through my hair…
On a gasp, I sat up.
“Sorry,” Axel whispered. “Couldn’t help myself.” He smiled at me.
The sight of that familiar smile set into his beat-up face made my eyes suddenly hot. I gulped back tears. “I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice breaking. “You… I…”
His smile faded. “Don’t cry. It’s not as bad as it looks.”
“It is, though.” I grabbed his hand and held it in both of mine, kissing his palm. “He could have killed you!” A sob escaped my throat.
“But he didn’t,” Axel said quickly. “I’m still here. But for three days I’ve been wondering where you were. And nobody would talk about you. Where have you been?”
Tears ran down my face, and I swiped at them. “Well, after I got out of jail…”
“What?” Axel’s good eye got round. “What the fuck?”
“Nobody told you about that?”
He shook his head a little and then winced. “No. Why were you in jail?”
“I got arrested for your assault. Because of that sexual harassment claim, they thought I might have…”
“Jesus,” Axel gasped. “They asked me when I’d last seen you.”
“Yeah. It was messy. And I was freaking out because my brothers were home alone. There was talk of sending Scotty to a foster home, because the asshole ran.”
“Nobody told me any of this,” Axel whispered, squeezing my hand. “I didn’t know.”
“I think they were trying not to scare you.” I sighed. “Anyway, it took a day to straighten that out. They gave me a polygraph test and everything. I might still be in there if my father hadn’t fled the state, making himself look guilty as fuck. When they let me out, I had to round up the boys and sort of half-explain why their father was apprehended in Connecticut and is now in jail. And then I had to find a family-law expert to be my lawyer.”
“Jesus. Why?”
“Because I have to sue for custody of my brothers before my father gets out. His bail hearing was today. I went to it to testify against him.”
“Holy shit,” Axel said. “You have been busy. So…” His tired face creased with confusion. “Where is he now?”
“They caught him in Stamford, in a car he’d rented with cash. The rental agent called the cops when she saw his face on TV.”
“TV?”
“Yep. Manhunt. Anyway, he’s in the county jail. He was denied bail, thank God. Otherwise I’d be in a real panic right now, hoping he didn’t show up to scare me away from the boys. He actually yelled at me in court today. ‘Keep the pervert away from my sons.’”
“Oh baby, I’m sorry. You don’t need that.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be sorry. He only made himself look crazier. My lawyer is fast-tracking my petition for full custody. We don’t know what kind of sentence he’s going to receive for hurting you. So I have to be ready.”
“God damn.” Axel took a deep breath and blew it out. “Your life is blowing up all over the place.”
“Yes and no.” I kissed his hand again. What I really wanted was to climb in bed with him and hold him tight. And I’d do that if I could be sure I wouldn’t hurt him. “I always wanted to take care of my brothers. I think I’m going to get that chance. And as long as you’re okay, then nothing else matters.”
Axel regarded me sleepily. “I’m okay.” His eyes fluttered closed.
“Ax? I’m going to have to go home soon. I’m sorry. But I’ll come back tomorrow when Scotty is at school.”
“Okay,” he mumbled.
“I love you,” I whispered to the sleeping man in the bed. Tomorrow he’d probably think things over and realize that the almost-boyfriend who almost got him killed was now a parent to three kids. And he’d realize that I wasn’t ever going to live the fun lifestyle that a young, gay man should enjoy.
That kind of life just wasn’t in the cards for me.
But as long as Axel recovered, I was going to be okay. When he moved on to someone with less baggage, my heart would break. But I would survive. I’d have to.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Axel
After I got out of the hospital, my mother and I spent several days cooped up in my little apartment. Mostly I lay around watching TV and popping aspirin. Once, Mom and I went downstairs to Josh and Caleb’s for dinner. But I’m ashamed to say that a couple hours sitting up and being social tired me out.
A couple of times I talked to Cax on the phone for a few minutes. The last time, I’d timed it badly, catching him when he was trying to fix a meal for his brothers. “I really need some cooking lessons,” he whispered into the phone. “I’m making entire meals out of stuff from the frozen foods aisle.”
I stopped short of offering to come over and help, because I was afraid he’d refuse. Cax had some major family issues to work through. I could only imagine what The Month Dad Went to Jail was like for Scotty and his older brothers.
Also, I was pretty sure Cax hadn’t told them about me.
The following week I started feeling a lot better. “You need to get home,” I told my mother.
“I know,” she said with a sigh. Mom was a high school teacher, and she’d already taken an unholy number of personal days. “Do you want to come with me?”
“No,” I said immediately. But then I took a second to think about it. I wasn’t expected back at work for another week or two, depending on how I was healing up. And Cax and I had reverted to email as our primary means of communication. With his brothers’ needs and my lack of privacy, there
just wasn’t time or opportunity to talk on the phone, let alone see each other.
But in the end, I decided to stay on in Massachusetts.
Mom finally left after making me promise to call her every day. “I will. God.”
She kissed me for the hundredth time and finally got into a cab to the airport.
That afternoon, Josh and Caleb dropped by. “You could come with us tonight for dinner at Maggie and Dylan’s,” Caleb offered.
“Maggie is a caterer. The food always rocks.” Josh winked.
But I wasn’t feeling it. I was lonely and in a funk and I preferred to sulk by myself. “Thanks, but I’m going to bed early.”
The next few days were cold and dreary. I watched too much television and ate a lot of homemade soup that my mother had cooked and frozen before she’d left.
Twice each day—like clockwork—someone stopped by to visit me. I was positive they’d scheduled it that way. Josh was always one of my visitors. Sometimes Boz came by, and once my boss Arnie brought me a meal of fast-food chicken. That was nice and all, but I missed Cax.
Even Jason came to visit me. He brought take-out cheeseburgers from Bruisers and a six pack. “I heard you were going to miss a couple of intramural basketball games,” he said. “So I brought the bar to you.”
“That is really, really nice of you,” I said, touched.
“Well…” He grinned at me. “When I asked you out, you said you were hung up on someone. I guess I can work out who that is now.”
“Can you?” I teased. “You must read the newspaper.”
He nodded, biting his lip. “I asked Cax once if he was gay, and he made a face like I’d just accused him of being an ax murderer. At the time I got kind of offended. But now I get it.”
I took a bite of my burger before answering. “Cax spent a lot of years trying not to get the shit kicked out of him by his dad.”
“But then you got his beating instead.”
“Yeah. I knew the guy was pretty crazy. But I didn’t see it coming.”
He flinched. “Sorry, man. Dating me woulda been simpler.”
