Worthy of Me

by Ramnath, Yajna

  Three weeks after knowing him we walked into a bed and breakfast. I did the one thing I was always warned not to do. Don’t give your virginity to someone you don’t want to remember. Don’t sleep with someone who isn’t worth it. Don’t sleep with someone whose just going to disappear once all is done.

  But I did it.

  I was numb. As he moved over me and entered me—I blanked it all out. I made the appropriate sounds and even though I wasn’t experienced I knew how to pretend to orgasm. I let him murmur how much he loved me while he thrust and I told him that I did too.

  A few weeks later… he disappeared.

  ***

  Chapter Nine

  Present Day…

  I hadn’t had sex with anyone since then. It was two years since that day, Shane had contacted me and apologised for his disappearing act. He didn’t need to apologise because I had forgotten him. He was that hazy memory that didn’t serve any importance. Thinking back to Aiden, he could’ve had his way with me whenever he wanted, but he never forced me. There was only one thing to do.

  “Dianna?” I said as soon as she answered her phone.

  “Yeah, honey?”

  “I need you to do something for me,” I smiled into the phone.

  An hour later Aiden burst into the house with a panicked look on his face.

  “What happened?” he panted. I gestured my head to the kitchen and Aiden followed closely behind me. “Dianna said something happened here at the house and you couldn’t—”

  He cut himself off when he noticed the dinner set up and the candles strewn on every surface. I had a massive casserole in the centre with Chicken Alfredo and I had a bottle of wine and his expensive dinner set lay out.

  “What is this?”

  I gestured for him to sit and he did so tentatively, I served him a helping of the Alfredo and poured wine for him. I poured a glass of water and served myself some of the dinner. We ate in silence and after I cleared the dishes, I sat opposite him.

  “I was never good at relationships. I don’t know if it was me or whether it was my ability to attract all the people who would screw me over,” I started. “When I was fourteen, I had my first relationship with a guy older than me. Things were great because we didn’t exactly give a name to what we were. Sometime later in the months he became distant. Then I found out he kissed my best friend. At that age I was a believer that if you kissed someone it was important, it meant you loved them. I guess that was why I never kissed him.”

  “Never?” Aiden asked in shock.

  “Nope, he was a good guy and he never forced me. I wasn’t as open as my best friend was. Anyway, I couldn’t understand why he would do that to me. I thought he was in love with me as I was with him. I didn’t want to lose either of them because I was tired of losing people,” I sighed. Ignoring the confused look in Aiden’s gaze, I continued, “I lied to them. I made them believe I was in love with someone else. Someone who was a great friend of mine, and I hurt him. I hurt that friend because I used him. I watched everyday that my best friend and this guy were together and it shred a little piece of my heart each time.”

  Aiden shifted in his seat watching me intently but my gaze was on the bottle of wine, watching the condensation drip on the sides of it.

  “A few months later I found out that my best friend had convinced him that the reason I never kissed him or even gave a name to our relationship was because I had someone else. Of course me using my good friend to cover my hurt kind of cemented the fact,” I laughed. “Anyway, I was on a rebound after that. I dated a lot. I never kissed them though but I would hang out with them. By the time I got to school on a Monday however, the entire school would think I had already slept with those guys.”

  Aiden winced.

  “Finally, I decided it was time to get into a relationship be serious about someone. I did. He was sweet, said all the right things and even told his parents about me. Then four months later I find out that he had lied about his name, where he lived, even whether or not he was in school. He took his brother’s identity and presented that to me. I became a joke among the girls at school. Naturally I became vengeful, I dated his brother and flaunted it in his face.”

  I cleared my throat. It was becoming tight and embarrassment was creeping up on me but he had to know.

  “I then met someone else. He hid the fact that he was dating a good friend of mine. He broke up with me and then flaunted the fact that he was with her. Luckily, nothing happened with us. But no one else believed that. The same year in school some guy that I had never spoken to went around telling everyone that I was obsessed over him and even wanted to commit suicide over him,” I shook my head. “He had no idea that if I didn’t do it with all the things I was already going through, then why the hell would I do it over him? The following year in my last year of school I got a boyfriend who was so possessive that I couldn’t even let my phone go unanswered. It wasn’t long after that I found out he lied about his age and basically did a similar thing like the other lying guy.”

  Taking a sip of water, I continued, “Finally there was Kade, he was my forever until distance got in the way. Things got hard and he got going. After that I was on another rebound and lost my virginity to an asshole that I never saw thereafter. Although I was grateful for that, I wanted to have all my experiences so I didn’t have to dwell much on them later on. Ever since then every guy I have ever met always wanted to make out or persuade me to have sex with them instead of get to know me and have relationship.”

  “Wow,” Aiden mumbled.

  “So now you know why I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t answer your questions or get into your bed because I had finally decided before coming here that I was done being a play thing. I was done being the girl they all wanted to fuck but didn’t want to date,” I shrugged.

  Aiden was quiet and I was sure that I had driven him away with my story telling. He got up from his seat and then made his way over to me. Getting on his knees, he turned my chair while I sat on it as if I weighed nothing; he held my hands and looked into my eyes.

  “Those guys were all jerks, and I am sorry you had to go through that. Telling you that you shouldn’t base one relationship on every other one thereafter, sounds lame because it seems your every relationship was doomed.”

  I frowned at Aiden. “Are you trying to make me feel better? Because if you are, you’re doing a sucky job of it.”

  Aiden held my face in both his hands and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “I’m trying to say that I would like to be your first good relationship. I’m not saying we’re going to be that perfect couple that exchanges promise rings and rides off into the sunset, I’m saying that I’m going to be your work in progress.”

  The tears I had spent my life trying to hide came rushing down. I clung to Aiden as I cried. I cried for each time I needed my dad and he wasn’t there. I cried for every drink, every harsh word and every beating that my mom had me endure. I cried for each friend that let me down. I cried for each time a guy crushed my heart into a pulp. I cried for the heart that suddenly wanted to beat, wanted to feel and more importantly, wanted to feel the love that this beautiful man wanted to give it.

  Slowly but surely, Aiden was making me whole again.

  Chapter Ten

  A loud knock had me hopping on one foot to slide on my sneakers and stumbling down the stairs. It had been a week since Aiden and I decided to try a relationship. So far we hadn’t managed to get any time together. The holiday season was kicking in and Kingston was closing later each day. Apart from that, exams were on me and I was working really hard to get my grades up since they were sliding.

  I swung the door opened to find Mrs. Kingston on the other side of the door.

  “Mrs. Kingston, what…? How…? Uh.”

  Mrs. Kingston laughed heartily at my incomprehensible word vomit. “Hello dear. It’s so good to see you! Is Aiden here?”

  “Uh, no,” I answered.

  “Great! We must go now. We have m
uch to do!”

  I frowned as she pulled me out the door and headed over to her sleek silver Mercedes.

  “Where are we going?” I asked her as I buckled in.

  “Shopping for Aiden’s surprise party!” Mrs. Kingston chirped as she drove towards the town-square.

  “Why? What party?”

  “Oh you ask too many questions, dear, Aiden’s birthday party this Saturday!”

  I froze with my mouth hung open. Aiden’s birthday? How did I not know that?

  “From your expression it seems he didn’t tell you, did he? That boy,” Mrs. Kingston shook her head. “He doesn’t like big deals being made of his birthday.”

  “So, why are you having a party for him then?” I asked, wincing because Mrs. Kingston made me very aware of how many questions I asked.

  “I’m his mother, when do I ever listen to him?” Mrs. Kingston chuckled.

  The rest of the day was spent with me running behind Aiden’s mom choosing decorations, gifts and even his suit. She chose a beautiful royal blue dress for herself and bought me a stunning sea green and silver dress that showed off curves even I didn’t know I had. Everything was stored at her house since it was only Monday and she didn’t want Aiden finding out.

  The rest of the week leading up to Aiden’s birthday was all hush, hush. He knew something was happening but he played aloof. Saturday morning I knocked on his door, when I didn’t get an answer I turned the knob and crept into his room.

  Aiden’s room was neat. Large windows were on either side of his king-sized bed. On one side of his room was a desk set up with his laptop and papers. On the other side were shelves lined with CDs and frames. One frame caught my eye. I tip toed closer and let out a silent gasp. It was of the two of us. I was in my Kingston uniform, my hair tied up with a seductive smile on my face, my right hand on the bar counter and the other on my hip with my gaze on Aiden. Aiden who looked down at me with so much of affection it seemed surreal, the blonde in his hair shone under the lights, his dimple winked out and his right hand was reached for the one on my hip. Someone had snapped this when we were not looking. They captured a moment where both our guards were down, where all our feelings were shown.

  I glanced at the man on the bed. He was a vision. His head facing the wall, his arms flung on either side of him, his muscled body on show, every ripple expanded and contracted with his deep breathing, and finally the sheet that settled so low on his hips that I knew he was naked underneath.

  I quietly got onto the bed and was amazed that he didn’t stir. He was a heavy sleeper. Well, I hoped not, this would get really awkward if he was.

  I placed a light kiss on his forehead, his nose, his lips, his neck, his chest, his abs and finally to the spot just below his belly button. I felt him stir then, he mumbled something which sounded a lot like my name but I didn’t have any hopes of that. I slide the sheet off him and gasped.

  He was magnificent. I always heard girls talk about how gross they thought a guy’s dick looked but I wasn’t one of those people. I found them fascinating which sounds creepy but anyway. He was long and thick, I had big oh my God moment wondering how he was going to fit in me. From all the books I read, I hoped that he would find a way to put it in. I slid my hand around his length and started caressing him, up and down. I watched in amazement as he got bigger and harder.

  His breathing was ragged and he was moaning. He was still half in and out of sleep, I felt I needed to turn thing up a notch. I lowered my head and took him in my mouth. Mission accomplished, Aiden’s eyes snapped opened and he gasped as he watched his dick slide in and out of my mouth.

  “Mia! Fuck!” he gasped.

  I had a proud moment when I caught sight of his fists clenching the sheet. I relaxed my throat and breathed in through my nose, taking him deeper till he touched the back of my throat. His moans got louder and his breathing short and heavy. I loved a guy who wasn’t afraid to voice his pleasure. I felt the tightening of muscles and watched as the veins in his neck started to pop out and I knew he was close. A few seconds later she shouted his release and I quickly swallowed, pushing back my gag reflex. I crawled up the bed and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

  “Happy birthday, handsome,” I whispered and quickly got out of bed before he could make a grab for me.

  ***

  After making a huge breakfast for Aiden and making sure he got ready for his day out with his dad, I made my way over to the Kingston mansion since Aiden left his car behind. There were people rushing all over the place trying to set up, I almost didn’t recognise the family room with all the drapes and tables.

  “Wow, you’re really going all out,” I smiled at Mrs. Kingston.

  “He’s my only boy, and he needs a good party before he starts believing he’s too old for them,” Mrs. Kingston chuckled. “Now, you go on and get ready. I have a stylist coming in to do yours, mine and Allison’s hair. We are the main women in his life we need to look presentable.”

  I laughed at her statement and made my way up the stairs. One of the helpers led me to Aiden’s room where my dress was hung and a selection of jewellery.

  “So your big speech was for nothing, huh?” Allison’s snippy voice rang out through the room.

  I sighed. “Things happened.”

  “Yeah, things like all the money my brother has and the stuff you are getting because my parents think you really care about him,” she laughed.

  “What is your problem? Jesus, I care about your brother,” I paused. “You know what? I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

  I made a move to go passed her but she grabbed my wrist.

  “Allison!” Mrs. Kingston shouted. “What in the ever loving world is wrong with you?”

  “You cannot see what a gold-digging whore she is? She is nobody! A good for nothing piece of trash that was probably not even wanted by her parents which is why she had to come here. She is a good for nothing bitch that’s here to steal my brother’s money and use him,” Allison shouted.

  I stood with my hand over my mouth, shocked at her words.

  “Allison! You will apologise right now!”

  “No!”

  “It’s okay,” I finally aid in a calm voice. I had no desire to rip apart a family. “You have no idea what is going on between your brother and I. I care about him, hell, I love him. And you are right, my parents didn’t want me. I am a good for nothing bitch because I was told that over and over again as a child while you grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth.”

  I grabbed my purse and my cell phone. “I hope you said all you had to say, Allison, because I’m leaving. I’m going to go back to the house and I’m going to study or do something or another. Your brother is going to come home to his party and notice I’m not here and then he’s either going to leave or he’s going to stay out of obligation to your parents and be miserable. You’ll try to shove some better than me girl in his lap and it will ruin your relationship with him because what he wants is me.”

  I walked to the door and turned around, “I may be a bitch, trash and a gold-digging whore as you called me. But at least I have respect for my elders.”

  ***

  Aiden had tried to call me a few times but I switched my phone off. I turned all the lights out and locked the doors, cuddling under my blanket I took out Fifty Shades and decided to get lost in the fantasy of Christian Grey. I must have fallen asleep somehow because the next thing I knew was someone lifting my book off of my chest and leaning over me to put it on my side table. Aiden smelt like pure man and cinnamon and even a hint of whiskey.

  “Hmmm,” I murmured. “You smell nice.”

  Aiden chuckled deep in his throat. I watched as he quickly stripped down to boxer briefs and slid under the covers. The heat of his body settled in behind me and he wrapped his strong arms around my waist. His thumb flicked the material of my tank and he traced circles around my navel.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear.

  “For what?” I answere
d in a breathy voice.

  “Mom told me the things Allison had to say. I couldn’t stay there while you were here all alone,” he sighed.

  “I don’t think everyone will be very happy with you for leaving your party,” I mumbled.

  “There wasn’t any party.”

  I turned around lightening fast which caused Aiden’s hand to move over my hot skin and rest on the small of my back. I shivered at the contact. “What do you mean there wasn’t any party?”

  “Mom knows I wouldn’t have stayed if you weren’t there,” Aiden shrugged. “So before I got there, the house was back to its normal self. I think that clued me in.”

  “I’m so sorry, Aiden,” I gasped. “I’m ruining everything for you.”

  “No, Mia, you are as important to me as my family—even more so. I want to be the reason you smile, I want to be the guy you dream about, I want to be the one that chases all the demons away,” Aiden stared into my eyes, his bright blue gaze fixed on my teary green ones.

  “Why, Aiden?” my voice trembled.

  “Because I love you, Mia,” Aiden pushed my hair behind my ears and wiped the tears that fell from my eyes. “I don’t care if you had a bad childhood, I don’t care if you’ve dated the whole of the tri-state area and more than anything else, I don’t care about others’ opinions of you. I love you. I love who you have been these last few months.”

  I gasped and threw myself further into his embrace my lips plastered to his. He gasped at my sudden assault giving me entry to slip my tongue between his luscious lips. We kissed like starved humans stranded on an island. I manoeuvred myself so that I was straddling him, my hair creating a veil around us. I bit playfully into his bottom lip while he slid his hands up the flat of my stomach and to the mounds of my breasts. He squeezed and played with my nipples until I moaned and clawed at his t-shirt.