Love You Anyways

by Mj Fields

“What if I’m never ready Lucas?”

  “You will be.”

  The door flew open and Tessa jumped up and off of me.

  “Well what have we here?” Jade laughed as she walked in and sat on the bed.

  “So much for that,” I whispered to Tessa.

  “I’ll kick your ass if you say a damn word Jade.” Tessa snapped.

  “Did it feel the same as before? Did you find the old groove you two use to rock to?”

  “He told me no,” Tessa scowled at her.

  Jade laughed and stood up. “I was gonna tell Tessa breakfast was ready. I’ll go let Ryan know she brought a plus one.”

  Chapter 14

  Feelings

  Logan was home earlier than expected. By one, he and I had been at the gym and went out to lunch. By two, he was ready to take a nap. I sat down at my desk to see what my week looked like. Things around here were about to change.

  Most of the time I could handle things from home. Now I would have to fly to Jersey when I was needed in the office. Ashley wouldn’t be available and I sure as hell wouldn’t ask her to be. I decided if I flew in I could be back leaving him no longer than an hour to have to be home alone.

  I looked at the jobs we had going for the next two weeks and sent messages to the foreman of each job. An hour and a half later I had everything set for the next three weeks and then Logan and I would be taking off for Spring break. I was hoping to get Ava there for part of it. I hated their school schedules being different.

  As much as I tried not to think about Tessa I couldn’t stop myself. Last night was amazing. Holding her, kissing her, and telling her I loved her even though she didn’t want to hear it. I sent her a message.

  -Hey there. Just wanted to know how you were feeling…LL

  I felt like a damn kid waiting for her reply. One that didn’t come.

  After an hour I called Ryan. “Hey man what’s up?”

  He laughed, “Not much.”

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You, Tessa, this whole thing.”

  “Why is it funny?”

  “Well Jade just got off the phone with her and…”

  “I’m not calling about Tessa.” Okay so I was but I certainly didn’t want them to know what a bitch I was being.

  “Oh no?” Ryan chuckled.

  “No. I was going through my schedule and I had a few questions.”

  “Ok, what are they?”

  It took me a few minutes to come up with some sort of bullshit. “If I need some help can you guys help me out?”

  “Why don’t you text Tessa and see if she can…” Ryan started.

  “Fuck you man.”

  “Don’t bullshit me then.”

  “Why the hell is she ignoring me?”

  “She’s still healing Lucas.”

  “Uh huh. Great. This is fuckin ridiculous.”

  “At least she’s talking to Jade now. She wasn’t saying shit before.”

  “She should be talking to me.”

  “Lucas come on she…”

  “I gotta go, talk to you soon man.”

  ~

  I laid in bed trying my best to think of a reason not to jump in my damn vehicle and drive to her. I thought of two. Logan and her. I couldn’t push. I knew this in my head, but fuck if my heart wasn’t going crazy.

  I decided to send her one last text before forcing myself to fall asleep.

  -Sleep well Baby. Don’t overthink this please…LL

  ~

  I spent the day going over bids on jobs and was about ready to lose it when I decided to book mine and Logan’s trip. I booked at Sandos Playacar; looked pretty damn cool and we could explore the Mayan ruins the property boasted of.

  I decided to run off some of this nervous energy before I text her again. Three times without a return would piss me off…worse.

  I threw on my shoes and headed out the door. I looked next door as Tessa pulled in. Now if I was a smart man I would turn and run the opposite direction but right now I wasn’t feeling all that damn smart. I ran up to her as she was about to walk in the door.

  “Wait!”

  She turned and looked at me. “Hi.”

  “Hi? Hi? Is that all I get after the other night?”

  “Lucas, it was a mistake…”

  “No Tessa. There was only one mistake made that night. And let me tell you this right now it won’t happen again.”

  “What are you talking about?” Tessa whispered as she opened the door.

  “I told you no many years ago and that screwed everything up. I tried to be what you needed then and I wasn’t. I am standing right here Tessa, the man you knew I could be and as much as I knew I wanted to be I couldn’t. Not until it was too late. I have a second chance to love you the way you deserve me to love you. I can right every fucking wrong. I can take away your nightmares, ease your pain, and make you love me again. I’m so sorry that you lost him, Baby. I really am…”

  “Don’t. Please just don’t. I can’t betray my love for him. I can’t do that. Don’t you get it Lucas? He is still in here.” She held her hand to her heart. “There is no room for anymore.”

  “You’re wrong Tessa. You. Are. Wrong.”

  “Leave it alone…”

  “I won’t. You deserve to be loved again.”

  “So do you! I’m not the one to do it Lucas.”

  “You’re the only one who can. And I’m the only one who can do it for you.”

  “Not now.”

  “Then when?”

  “I’m here to see Jade, Lucas…”

  “She’s not here but I am. I’m standing right here. Don’t shut me out.”

  Tears started falling down her face and I immediately regretted pushing. “Three months ago I lost Collin. Two nights ago I’m drunk and asking you to do me. How fucked up is that? I can’t talk to you about this Lucas because it’s about you. It’s about how disgusted I feel about wanting you because I am still grieving the loss of a man who would never hurt me.”

  “I’m a different man now. I know I hurt you. I also know you’re going to try to sabotage us. Because you’re doing it right now. You’re making me doubt who I am.”

  “That’s not what I’m trying to do.”

  “Then what are you trying to do? We talked about this.”

  “You promised not to talk about anything. I can’t, not this soon. Maybe not ever.”

  “Just to me? Can you talk to Jade?” She nodded and I wiped her tears. “You know why that is?” She shook her head no. “You don’t think I can handle it. You think that it’ll hurt me. It won’t Tessa. I kind of loved the guy too.”

  She nodded.

  “And I know he gave a shit about me too.”

  “Because he knew that I did.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. Like Ashley said at least he doesn’t have to…”

  “Oh no,” I pulled her into a hug. “Your guy knew I wasn’t competition. Maybe not at first but very soon after. He was kind of full of himself you know.”

  She looked up. “Sure of himself.”

  “Right.” I kissed her head.

  “Do you think I hurt him by keeping you in my life?”

  “My wife is a bitch, something I didn’t really know until recently. She said it to …”

  “Make me hurt and carry her guilt.” She nodded.

  “Jade?” I asked assuming that’s where Tessa got that idea from.

  “Yes Jade. But she called it projecting.”

  “Yeah she and I had the same conversation.”

  “We aren’t supposed to talk about this.”

  “What else did Jade say, Tessa?”

  “She said I pushed her to take a chance with Ryan after Tommy died and it had only been four months.”

  “What else?” I liked where this was leading.

  “That I’m not a slut. We’d been on two dates already.”

  “You and I?”

  “No me and the man on the moon,” she tried to jo
ke.

  “Well we technically have been on three. The game. The elevator ride to almost have dinner with Jose. What the hell was the other one?”

  “The wedding. Apparently I danced with you, which counts.”

  “And that’s three?” She nodded. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “That it’s acceptable after three dates.”

  I smirked and whispered in her ear, “Are we talking about sex?” She laughed. “Well then you’re behind because we also had dinner together, drinks, and a make out session that resulted in dry humping and some heavy petting.”

  She looked at me and I looked at my watch. “What are your plans for this afternoon?” She shrugged her shoulders. “Well I just cleared my schedule and I am going to take you home and have my way with you.”

  “Now?” Her voice squeaked it was so damn adorable.

  “Yeah now. I’m gonna pick you up. You’re going to wrap your legs around me and I’m walking you to my place and taking my time reacquainting myself with every inch of your body.”

  “Not in your house.”

  “Yours?”

  “No. Not there either.”

  “You are a pain in the ass.”

  “Here.”

  “Luke’s room?”

  “It worked before.”

  “Yeah it did.”

  It took no time for me to lift her up and less time for her legs to wrap around me.

  My hands were up her shirt and cupping her tits before I was up the stairs. Her mouth was on mine two seconds later.

  “God Baby, I love the girls.” I said as I sat on the bed and pulled her shirt over her head.

  “Ladies now. Three kids later Lucas and they just aren’t the same.”

  I unsnapped her bra and pulled it down her arms. “Liar.” Was all I could say before my mouth was taking in as much as I could.

  She started to pull my shirt off. “Fuck Baby just rip it off.” She laughed and I lifted my arms. She pulled it up slowly. “This is no striptease Tessa; I’m like a fuckin’ starved man in front of an all you can eat buffet. I love the girls so damn much.”

  I pulled my shirt off and flipped her on her back. I leaned over and played with her rosy pebbled nipple and sucked hard on the other. “Oh God.”

  I reached down and unbuttoned her pants and shoved my hand inside. “Damn Baby always so well groomed.” I took her tit back in my mouth as I ran my finger up and down her seam.

  “Lucas.” She moaned and her hand traveled down my stomach and then my running pants.

  I pushed a finger inside and found her spot immediately. “Awe. Oh God. Lucas not yet. Oh God don’t stop!”

  I continued tapping her spot, rubbing it as she tried to control herself. “Your right there baby, give it to me.”

  “Not yet.”

  I used my thumb to tease her clit as I continued rubbing her hot spot until she clenched around me. “Let go Baby. Now damn it!” I sucked her nipple hard in my mouth and she let go, shattered in my hand.

  “Yes, yes, oh yes!”

  She lay limp and I continued caressing her now soaked pussy and sucking and kissing her tits.

  I leaned down to kiss her as she opened her eyes and smiled shyly while biting her lip.

  “Good?”

  “Very good.”

  “We can stop. If that’s all you want…” Her hand began stroking me again. “Damn.”

  “Damn.” She leaned up and kissed me as her hand continued up and down my shaft. “You haven’t lost your touch Links.”

  “Nah, my fingers just remember the best place it’s ever been.” Her thumb rubbed my head and I swear I almost came right there. “Baby you know the song Closer to the Edge?”

  “I think so.” She looked at me like I was crazy.

  “It’s by 30 Seconds to Mars. You keep that up and that’s all I’ll have for you.”

  I bent down and pulled her lip with my teeth. “I don’t want it to end that quick.”

  “Your pants are still on.” She pushed her mouth against mine.

  “So are yours,’” I pulled my hand out of her pants.

  I stood up and grabbed her pants and pulled them down. I allowed myself to take the time looking at her body. Aged to perfection.

  “You know how beautiful you are Tessa?” I bent over and kissed her stomach.

  “Your pants are still on.”

  “Damn girl give me a minute to enjoy disrobing you.” I smiled at her. “I’ve wondered if you’ve changed and you haven’t.”

  “I have and you’re making me a bit uncomfortable please just…”

  I pulled her down so her ass was at the edge of the bed and put her feet on my shoulders. “You are bare as a baby’s ass. When did you do that?”

  “Yesterday. Your pants Lucas.”

  I smiled and looked up at her, “For me?”

  “Lucas.”

  I dropped my pants and boxers and she closed her eyes and swallowed. “Eyes open Tessa.”

  I rubbed my dick up and down her seam.

  “I could stay like this all day.”

  “Please.”

  “Let me take my time.”

  I pushed in a little and she clenched, “Ahh fuck. You have the tightest little pussy in the entire world Baby.”

  “Please just...” I pushed in further, “Yes, oh more please.”

  “Fuck,” I hissed. “Promise me if this goes all wrong you’ll give me another shot?”

  “I thought I was in charge. You said I could be in…” I slammed into her. “Ahh! Ahh!”

  I stopped and looked down at our bodies’ connection. I was inside, plugged in, balls deep to a woman I never dreamed I would ever be in again.

  “Lucas?” She panted.

  I looked up at her flushed face. “I fucking love you.”

  “Don’t say…”

  I pulled out and slammed into her again and she screamed out my name. “I love you Baby always have and always will.”

  Her eyes started to tear up as I lowered her legs and pulled her up. I grabbed her by the ass and lifted her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and tears began to fall. “Don’t cry.” I kissed her as I sat on the bed. She sat back and rested her hands on my knees. I wiped her tears away. “You ready to come again?” She forced a smile. “Hang on Baby.”

  I held her hips as she held my legs and I slide her up and down my cock drenched with her juices.

  “You feel so damn good… Too damn good.” I thrust into her harder over and over again. “You come with me?”

  “Yes, oh yes.”

  I grabbed her ass and stood. “Against the wall.”

  I pushed her against the door and pumped into her. Hanging on as much as I could until she fell apart again. “Condom. Oh fuck Lucas!”

  I pulled out as I came all over her inner thigh.

  We both panted, looking into each other’s eyes.

  I stepped back and wiped the sweat from her forehead and then mine.

  “Baby I thought…” I stopped and grabbed tissues off of the dresser and cleaned her up. “You haven’t gone through the change yet?”

  “NO!” She gasped.

  “Okay well I pulled out, we’re all good.” I kissed her and she scowled. “Tessa don’t be like that please.”

  “Are you trying to get me knocked up?”

  I grabbed another tissue and cleaned myself up. “No, of course not.”

  She walked past me and grabbed her shirt and threw it on.

  “Baby don’t…”

  “Don’t call me that,” she hissed.

  “When did you have your period last?”

  “I don’t keep track.” She pulled her underwear out of her pants and started to put them on.

  “Slow down okay? Just let’s talk about…”

  “I have to go.”

  “Wow, really?”

  She turned and looked at me and then down at my dick. “Look you even have it tattooed on you T N T. That thing’s a weapon and you didn’t even con
sider condoms.”

  I grabbed her and sat her on the bed.

  “First of all, that thing just had you screaming my name. The N was only put there when Ash and I got serious. The T and the T was a reminder.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “I don’t know TT what do you think it means.” I grabbed my boxers and pulled them on.

  “TT as in me?”

  “Tessa the Terrible. Yes you.” I grabbed my pants and pulled them on.

  “Wow. I guess things don’t change with us huh?”

  “Look, I didn’t come here planning on nailing you against the wall. You didn’t even answer my damn text messages.” I pulled on my shirt. “But you went and got waxed so maybe you’re pissed at yourself.”

  “Unreal.” She stood and pulled on her pants.

  “No shit.” I grabbed her bra off the floor and handed it to her.

  “Gee thanks.”

  She went to walk around me and I stood in her way. “Please move.”

  “No. Fuck that. This is crazy. We’re fighting after what we just did?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. I want to leave.”

  “No.”

  “Lucas move.” She started to shake and I grabbed her and held her against me as she started to cry.

  “Okay just listen. A woman your age has a very slim chance of getting pregnant.”

  “You’re such an ass.” She tried to pull away and I held her head against my chest.

  “So I’ve been told. But it’s true about the eggs.”

  “And about you being an ass.”

  “Fine I’ll give you that. But in my defense, Ashley went through her change about five years ago. I just thought you had too. But to be honest I wasn’t even thinking about it. Damn it don’t leave this way. Please Baby.”

  “I’m not a Baby! Apparently I’m an old woman with faulty eggs.”

  I leaned back and looked down at her. “You are perfect Tessa. I’m sorry.”

  “Me too.”

  “You can’t shut me out.” I wiped her tears away. “What just happened was amazing.”

  “You’re pretty impressed with yourself aren’t you?”

  “Honestly? Hell yes. I was sure I was gonna cum all over your hand. I kept it together for a very long time considering the circumstances.”

  “You want an applause?”

  “Oh you don’t have to! You already gave me a few.”