Love You Anyways

by Mj Fields

  She smiled and banged her head against my chest and left it there.

  “When can we do it again?”

  She looked up and rolled her eyes.

  “Oh no you don’t. I didn’t get to eat that sweet little pussy yet. But you’re in control here so…”

  “Oh I am, am I?”

  “Time and place is all within your control.”

  “I’ll text you.”

  “You promise?” I didn’t give her a chance to answer. Instead I kissed her, a long slow kiss.

  When I pulled back I waited for her answer.

  “Yes, I promise.”

  Chapter 15

  Spring

  I’m sure there was now a spring to my step; that the smells in the air were all new, that food tasted better, that I looked twenty years younger, and that the entire universe was as ready for tomorrow as I was.

  I decided to send her a text.

  -I should wait for your text but I needed to tell you goodnight, to tell you that this afternoon was the best in my life, and that you are truly amazing. Sleep well Baby…LL

  After fifteen minutes she hadn’t texted back. So what do I do? Call Jade.

  “Hey what’s up?” I asked when she answered.

  “Well hello Lucas.”

  “So what’s going on?”

  “Stop beating around the bush. What is it that you want?”

  “You pissed at me Jade?”

  “Nope but Tessa called, crying…”

  “What did she say?”

  “Lucas this is gonna be hard for her, you know that. What happened to taking it slow?”

  “You’re the one who told her three dates Jade. You basically pushed her into my bed. So don’t…”

  “You mean my son’s bed? Without even changing the sheets, Lucas that’s not alright with me.”

  “Who said it was in your…”

  “No bullshit Lucas.”

  “Fine.” I sat silent for a moment and she didn’t say shit either. “Tell me what to do.”

  “Wait for her. Don’t send her messages. Let her come to you. And seriously, if she can’t handle you telling her you love her, don’t!”

  “She told you that?” I was shocked.

  “Of course she did.”

  Again silence took over for too damn long. “I do you know.”

  “You sure?”

  “Of course I’m sure.”

  “Then let her determine when she’s ready and for God sake don’t go screwing this up.”

  “No shit Jade.”

  “Watch it pal, I technically have your balls in my hands right now.”

  “Yeah. That’s bullshit too you know. This should be between her and me.”

  “Say’s the man who is calling me seeking information.”

  “I love her.”

  “Then be patient.”

  ~

  It had been two days since I had seen her, or talked to her, I was going fucking crazy. I drove by her house, even though it was too far away from the road to see. I had watched like a damn dog out the window every time I thought I heard a car pull in next door. And yeah, I was back to jerking off in the shower. At least I had a much more vivid image of her in my head now.

  Logan was at school and had plans to take that girl out to dinner and I was at home driving myself crazy thinking about her.

  I grabbed my phone to text her, “Fuck it.”

  I pushed the call button and waited for her to answer. She didn’t, but Harper did.

  “Hey Harper, is your Mom around?”

  “Just a minute, she’s packing. Let me grab her.”

  “She going away?” Oh hell no!

  “We are going to South Africa for a few days.”

  Say something. “Oh really, for what?”

  “Mom, its Lucas.” She said to Tessa, “I’ll let her tell you.”

  “Be safe. Is Tomas going? How long will you be gone?”

  “It’s me.”

  “So were you gonna fucking tell me?” I could feel the blood starting to boil.

  “Hey Harper, I’ll be right back.” She said.

  I heard a door shut and then her feet padding down the stairs. Then another door shut.

  “Lucas…”

  “Tessa what the hell?”

  “I don’t think you should call me anymore.”

  “Stop me.” Okay I was pissed and I couldn’t shut my damn mouth.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” She whispered.

  “If I don’t see you before you go I swear to God…”

  “What do you swear Lucas?”

  “Make it happen. Logan is gone for four more hours. If you’re blowing me off have the common courtesy of doing it to my face.”

  Then I hung up because if I said any more I was gonna push her away even further.

  I grabbed a bottle of scotch out of the cupboard and poured it over some ice. I drank it down and took pleasure in the burn. I poured another and did the same. And then another.

  I walked out to the back patio and sat looking at the fucking lilac tree I had planted ten years ago. Lilacs were Tessa’s favorite and I planted a damn tree. I wasn’t thinking of it then but the realization that I never let go slapped me square in the chest. It fucking hurt. I took another drink, hoping to ease the pain in my chest and it didn’t help.

  I sat back and looked up at the sun that was starting its descent and that was of no comfort either. I couldn’t numb this pain. I knew better.

  Ava called to check on me and that made the night better for about twenty minutes. Logan texted that he was going to be a little late. He was still at the movies. He even took a picture to prove he was there. I’d done some shit in a movie theatre before, it really was no comfort but the fact that he was at least trying to appease me was cool.

  “Lucas.”

  I jumped when I heard her voice behind me. Then I stood and turned to her.

  “I don’t appreciate being bullied into coming here.”

  “It worked.” I reached down and grabbed my glass and drank down my drink.

  “Are you drunk?”

  I was looking at her mouth. Those lips were damn beautiful.

  “Are you?” She asked again.

  I stepped towards her and she stood taller trying to show her tough girl attitude, which kind of worked for me. I took her face in my hands and she didn’t move. “I…”

  “Don’t say it Lucas.” She swallowed hard and tried to act like she was unaffected by my touch.

  “I’m gonna fuck you.”

  “Lucas this isn’t working.”

  I took her hand and placed it on my erection. “Seems to be working just fine.”

  “You’re drunk.”

  I wrapped my hand around hers and stroked myself up and down.

  “Your lucky night.”

  I bent down and nipped at her nipple through her shirt and she whimpered.

  I picked her up and carried her through the French doors and up the stairs into my bedroom.

  “I can’t do it in here.”

  “I didn’t ask.” I pulled the back of her shirt over her head and then off.

  “It’s not right…”

  “Not wrong either.”

  I pulled her pants down without a fight. “For someone saying no do you care to explain the lack of underpants?” I spread her legs wide and dropped to my knees.

  “Laundry day. Oh God!”

  “Mmm.” I stroked my tongue up and down her warm moist, bare as fuck, and tasty little pink pussy.

  Her hands fisted in my hair as I lapped at her clit. I shoved my tongue deep inside her pushing up until I found that spot.

  “Ahh…uhh.” I sucked hard on her clit and her legs closed around my ears. I pushed them apart.

  “Give it to me Tessa,” I growled and shoved a finger inside her taping that spot as my tongue circled her clit.

  “Lucas… Oh…Lucas.”

  And she fell apart. I continued slow deep thrusts with my finger
inside of her as she rode out her climax. I pulled my hand away and opened the nightstand and grabbed a condom as she laid limp on my bed, trying to catch her breath.

  I rolled the condom on over my cock and grabbed her legs and twisted her so she was on her stomach. I bent down and licked her from front to back.

  “You have a beautiful ass Tessa.” I licked her again. “I want in.”

  “Right after I’m in yours.” She hissed.

  I chuckled and spread her legs and rubbed my cock up and down her.

  “Not gonna happen Baby.” I pushed into her and stilled. I rocked slowly, just in and out, not giving it all to her yet.

  “I thought I was in charge,” she whimpered.

  “Says the girl face down ass up bent over my bed who doesn’t know how to return a text.” I shoved into her with everything I had and she screamed out burying her head in the duvet.

  I continued my deep powerful thrusts and she continued taking them. I reached beneath her and pulled her up to me as I continued fucking her. I kissed her and she gave it right back, thank God.

  I turned us and sat down; she was on me reverse cowgirl, riding the hell out of me as I played with her tits. She started to quake and slow down. I grabbed her hips and pumped into her until she cried out my name wrapped in whimpers, and moans. I finally let myself go and came so fucking hard it was almost painful. I laid back pulling her onto me. Her tits were still in my hands. Still rolling her nipples between my fingers as we both came down from one hell of an orgasm.

  When I caught my breath I sat up and wrapped my arms around her. I kissed her neck and ear, then moved to the other side and did the same.

  I stood and took her hand. “Shower?”

  “I have to go.”

  I looked at her and nodded. “I’m here.”

  She looked at her shirt and I bent to get it for her. I pulled it over her head and then kissed her.

  “I need time and space.”

  “How long will you be gone?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What’s the trip for?”

  “To hand control over to the leaders in the community.”

  “You ready for that?” I grabbed her hand and kissed it.

  “I’m not ready for anything Lucas.”

  “And I’m pushing.”

  She nodded and looked at our hands.

  “I need you to be okay.”

  “You need to let me get through this. Be patient. What happens if I wake up tomorrow and I realize this was all a mistake?”

  “I will make sure you know better.”

  “What happens when you wake up tomorrow Lucas and realize you’re hurting and that’s why this is happening?”

  “Then I will know I’ve lost my fucking mind Tessa. I know it bothers you when I say those three words. But it’s all true.”

  “You’ll give me time. Or I won’t come back.”

  “If you don’t come back you better have one hell of a hiding place cause I will look forever to find you. Then I’ll bring your ass home kicking and screaming if I have to.”

  She closed her eyes and shook her head, “Sounds kind of stalkerish LL.”

  She peeked up at me through those thick black lashes and smiled a sweet little smile.

  “No Tessa, just someone who admires your assets.”

  “WOW-- does that normally work for you?”

  “Every fucking time.” I smiled and pulled her into a hug.

  She wrapped her arms around me and let me hold her for a long time.

  “See Baby. I remember everything too. Let me make it right. I swear to God I won’t disappoint you. Not ever again.”

  She didn’t let go. She stood holding me as tight as I was holding her.

  “Don’t push okay?”

  “Don’t hide. I told you at least every two days. A call, a text. Something to let me know I don’t have to push. Cause I will not give up on you and I, ever.”

  She looked up at me and rubbed her thumb across my lips. “I have to go.”

  I kissed her thumb. “I know I was rough with you tonight. I don’t want you to leave without knowing how I feel.”

  “Please Lucas…”

  I pulled her head towards me and whispered. “LYA.”

  She smiled and kissed my cheek.

  “Tomas is going with you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Don’t make me lose my damn mind Baby. Text and let me know you’re okay.”

  “If you promise to let me take the time I need, I promise I will.”

  I couldn’t help but frown.

  “Please.” She took her thumb and pushed up between my brows.

  “LYA Tessa.”

  I walked her down the stairs and out the door. I held her hand as we walked across the back yard to Jade and Ryan’s where her vehicle was parked. “I wish you’d let me do this with you.”

  “I wish you’d let me do what I need to do.”

  I kissed her again and opened her door. “See you soon?”

  “Yeah.” She smiled and I stepped back as she pulled out of the driveway and watched her taillights disappear into the night.

  The pain in my chest worsened and I took several deep breaths before I willed myself to turn and walk back home.

  “You alright?”

  I looked over and saw Jade standing at the back door with two glasses of wine. I walked up and she handed me one.

  “Nope.”

  “She had to get through all this. Her trips are closure to a life she built with the man she buried four months ago. If she doesn’t do this she won’t be able to move forward.”

  I swallowed down the red wine and looked at Jade. “Have I ever told you how much I hate shrinks?”

  “A few times.” She laughed.

  “Good.”

  ~

  I sat at my desk and decided I was going to order a new bed. I didn’t want to make love or fuck Tessa in a bed that she wasn’t comfortable in. I looked through the dozens of webpages and decided on one I wanted and ordered it. I ordered three new sets of sheets and all new bedding and curtains. I was gonna paint the room too.

  I attached the pictures to an email and sent it to her with the subject line that said, Out with the old…waiting for you…LYA.

  I assumed she wouldn’t respond so I went and showered and sat at the kitchen bar waiting for Logan. I hoped he’d be home soon because I was fucking beat. My phone beeped alerting me of a message.

  -Nice color. I like blue…TT

  I replied immediately.

  -Oh wow I didn’t know that…LYA

  But I knew and she knew I did.

  -Goodnight…TT

  -Check out the song Fall for You by Secondhand Serenade. Impossible to find but I did. Impossible to replace and I never will. Take your time Baby but remember I won’t fail you again, ever…LYA

  I didn’t expect a response but three minutes later I got one.

  -Goodnight…TT

  -Goodnight…LYA

  Chapter 16

  Confused

  I walked into Jade and Ryan’s.

  “Is she home yet?” It had been five days since I had seen her and no, she hadn’t texted me. Instead she gave Jade the reigns.

  Jade was the one to tell me she was okay. Every fucking two days she would text me.

  -She wants you to know she’s fine…Jade

  “She is but they’re leaving again. She needs to get through this Lucas. Back off for a while, let her come to you.”

  “Nice advice but I don’t think so.”

  “Lucas, don’t be such an ass.”

  “I know you think you know everything Jade, but I know her just as well if not more than you do.”

  She laughed. “Really.”

  “Fuck yes. She’s trying to get through her loss. Now add to that the guilt about her and me. I won’t let her feel guilty. This isn’t wrong.”

  “Then why are you keeping it a secret?”

  “For her!”

  “No
t for your kids Lucas?”

  “Fuck no. Is that what she thinks?” I stopped and thought for a moment. “Good, you let her know I’m gonna let my kids know so she doesn’t have to feel guilty.”

  I walked out the door and to my house.

  I wasn’t home two minutes when she texted me.

  -I DO NOT want anyone to know…TT

  - Why?...LYA

  -I thought we were keeping it between us…TT

  -Us as in you, me, and Jade? Or us as in you and I? I ask because I’m a little fucking confused…LYA

  -I need to talk to Jade sometimes…TT

  - I need to talk to YOU once in a while…LYA

  She didn’t reply.

  -Okay then so you won’t mind if I tell my kids I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!...LYA

  I turned my phone off and threw it on the bed. Game on.

  An hour later there was a loud knock on my back door. I stood up and took off my shirt, I wouldn’t need it.

  I ran down the stairs and opened the door to a very angry looking, yet beautiful Tessa.

  “Well hello there gorgeous! What brings you…”

  Her hands fisted in my hair and her lips crashed into mine. Fuck yeah.

  I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around me and I carried her up the stairs.

  Mouth against mouth, both fighting for control.

  I set her on my new bed and pulled her shirt over her head and took her breast in my mouth. I leaned over, pushing her down on the mattress and yanked her leggings off and tore her underwear in two. I pulled myself free from my jeans and bent down to taste her.

  “No. My rules.” She pulled my head up by my hair. Fuck that felt good.

  “Baby…”

  “No. Lay down.” Her voice quivered a bit. She cleared her throat. “Now.”

  She didn’t have to ask me again. I laid down and she climbed up from the bottom of the bed like a little tigress. Sexy as hell. But her eyes didn’t show the ferociousness she was trying to portray.

  She leaned down, spread my legs apart and her mouth captured one of my balls and she sucked pretty damn hard.

  “Easy Baby.” I hissed.

  She did it again and no less forceful than before. Then, she rolled the other in her hand and tugged on it.

  She let my ball drop from her mouth and then looked at me. “I’m in control.”