SCARS

by Jaimie Roberts

  With his breathing still labored, he slowly releases my wrist. “It’s okay. Carry on.”

  I do as I’m told and bring both hands together to feel the bridge of his nose. It’s small, but not too small. In fact, it feels perfectly formed. As I gently graze my fingers against his soft cheeks, my breath catches at the thought of coming to my favorite part—his lips. I take position, running my thumbs across his top lip. My God, he has the most kissable top lip. It’s full and moist. His lips are the perfect heart-shape. Some women would kill to have lips like this.

  I run my fingers across both his top and bottom lip, noting that his breathing is getting heavier … as is mine. I stop altogether, though, when he opens his mouth and pushes his head forward to take my finger into his mouth. I moan out loud as he swirls his tongue around my index finger. His mouth feels incredible… So incredible that my own mouth is feeling jealous that it’s not getting the same attention. Before long, though, he pulls my finger out, grabs it, and gently nibbles at the tip. I throw my head back and close my eyes on another moan.

  How can this feel so erotic?

  “Do you like that?” he asks, and I can tell there’s a hint of amusement in his voice.

  “Oh God, yes.”

  He laughs softly, but continues to tease my finger with his tongue. He then pushes my finger back into his mouth and grazes his teeth along the ridges as he pulls it back out. It’s the last straw for me.

  “J,” I pant—unable to hold my desire in any longer.

  “Yes?”

  “Show me now. Not on my birthday. Please, show me now.” I’m begging him because it feels as though my whole body is blazing with an intensity I’ve never before experienced. It’s seeking out more of his touch, his smell, even his taste. It’s like my brain has turned into horny, mushy goo.

  He grabs my wrist, pulling me into him. I instantly feel how hard he is, and it makes me want even more of him. I have never felt this turned on before. “So impatient.”

  “I won’t tell anyone I swear. It will just be between you and me. No one else has to know.”

  “What is it that you want me to do?”

  “I don’t know. Something. I feel like I’m burning up here.” I hear him laugh. “This isn’t funny.”

  “Oh, darling, believe me when I say that I don’t find it funny either. Do you know how desperate I am to get in-between those thighs of yours?”

  “As I said, no one has to know.”

  “I’ll know.” He cuts me off with those two little words. I feel angry, and I don’t know why. I can’t seem to get my head around these feelings. “You’re over-thinking again. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “If I’m being honest, I’m angry. I feel angry, and I know I have no right to feel this way. It’s juvenile and I hate immaturity.”

  I feel his thumb rub against my own in a soothing gesture. “I’ve turned you on, and now that you know I’m not going to relieve you, it’s made you frustrated.”

  “Yes.”

  That’s basically it in a nutshell.

  “It’s perfectly normal to feel this way.”

  I shake my head. “No, it’s not because if it were the other way around …”

  “I know what you mean. Step back. Take a deep breath.” He releases my hand, and I feel him move away. I’m instantly lost without him near me. I do as instructed, though, and take a deep breath. I start to calm and instantly feel stupid for letting my emotions get away with me. “Do you feel better now?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. At least I know one thing that drives you crazy. That’s good for me to know.”

  “What? That sucking my finger drives me crazy?”

  He laughs softly. “Yes. I’ve obviously found one of your erogenous zones. That’s one to definitely take note of for later.”

  I suddenly frown, thinking just how insane all of this is. “Am I crazy?”

  “Crazy, how?”

  “You follow me around. You send me text messages and leave lilies at my door. I don’t know what you look like, but yet here I am, meeting you in a darkened room and letting you suck my finger. Doesn’t that sound just a little cuckoo?”

  He starts laughing. “You’ve made it sound that way.”

  “I’ve just told it how it is.”

  “You call the shots, remember? Do you want this to end?”

  “No,” I answer honestly. I don’t want it to end. I love how he makes me feel when I’m with him.

  I feel his hand against my cheek as he strokes it tenderly. I close my eyes, savoring the feel of him. “I’m never going to make you do anything you don’t want to.”

  “I know,” I sigh, and somehow I do know. Call it intuition. Call it me being crazy again. I don’t know, but I can tell in my heart of hearts that what he says is the truth.

  I feel him come closer to me, and I wait in agony—wondering what he’s going to do next. He grabs the back of my head and pulls me in for another kiss. At last, my mouth is getting a taste of what my finger was getting earlier. He feels incredible. My lust rises again, and I know I will be left feeling frustrated, but I also can’t help myself. I’m like an addict.

  But just as I’m getting into our kiss, he breaks away, swiping his finger over my lip. “Turn around,” he instructs, and I do as he asks. He pulls my hair away from my neck and starts kissing me. I push my head back against his shoulder and savor all of the warm, wet kisses he plants on my skin. My God, he smells incredible. I’m burning up again, wanting and needing more. Desperately needing more. As he moves his lips up toward my earlobe, he gently nibbles before pressing his hot mouth against my ear. I’m standing still—my heart beating erratically—as I wait for his next move.

  “Time’s up, Beautiful,” he whispers into my ear.

  I close my eyes, but I don’t make a move. I can hear him, though. A couple of the steps creak, giving him away before he opens the door and leaves me. At first, I can’t move. My feet remain fixed to the ground. I feel that anger bubbling up again. He keeps doing this to me, and I can’t help but hate him a little bit for it. I sigh, knowing that I’ll have to move soon. I can’t stay here for much longer. It’s scary enough as it is with the both of us here, let alone now that I’m completely on my own.

  I turn, walking back towards and up the steps. Stepping through the door, I give my eyes a moment to adjust to the dim light of the house, which is lit only by the street lights shining through the windows. Heading for the front door, I take the key from my pocket and leave the house the way I entered it, returning the key to the same place I’d retrieved it from earlier. I look around me, but the street is eerily quiet.

  Has he just disappeared on me again?

  As I think this, my phone pings.

  SMIHG: Don’t worry. I’ll walk you home.

  For some reason, this makes me smile. Walk me home? Man, this is fucked up. I shake my head, but turn to make my way home. It’s colder now that night has really fallen upon us. I almost feel as though I’m in one of those horror movies where a lone female is walking the dark, empty streets at night. The only thing missing is some mist for that extra effect.

  I glance down at my watch and notice that it’s already way past ten. Have I really been gone over an hour? How does time seem to go by so quickly with him?

  Around twenty minutes later, I’m back at my house. The lights are still on inside, so I know at least Elle is still in and up. As I put my key in the door, my phone pings again.

  SMIHG: You look beautiful tonight. Sweet dreams, Lily. Dream of me.

  My heart does a little dance. I shouldn’t dream of him, but I often do. One day, I will have to end this craziness, but for now, I’m enjoying the thrill and excitement it sparks within me. It was true what I said to him back at the house. I feel more alive when I’m with him. I feel safe, I feel wanted, and I feel like the most beautiful girl on earth. These emotions—although bizarre—always take precedence whenever I am with him.

  Me: Goodnight, J. xx />
  SMIHG: Goodnight, Beautiful. Sweet dreams.

  I smile again, unlock my door, and walk in. Elle is where I left her perched on the sofa, watching Desperate Housewives. She frowns when she looks up to me and checks her watch. “You weren’t lying when you said you’d be back early.”

  I place my keys down and sit next to her. She’s eating popcorn, so I delve my hand in to grab a fistful. “It was only a quick drink.” I smile, placing a few pieces in my mouth. I look at the TV and see Eva Longoria shouting at her onscreen husband. “How’s it going?” I motion with my head towards the screen.

  She shrugs. “I still have another season to get through, but I’m almost done with this.”

  We sit together for a while in silence at first. I can’t help but want to ask her some questions. “Elle?”

  She reluctantly takes her eyes off the screen. “Yes?”

  “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

  She smiles. “Sure, go ahead.”

  “When you were with Art, how did he make you feel?” Art was the boy I suspected she lost her virginity to. Like me, Elle is a very private person. This is the first time I have ever asked her about the two of them.

  Elle looks at me with a frown. “That’s such a deep question. I suppose that, at the time, I felt I was in love.”

  I shift a little to face her more. “In what way, though? Did he make your heart flutter whenever you saw him? Did he make you feel like you would burst when he kissed you?”

  Elle immediately takes the remote and pauses the TV. “Lily, what’s brought this on?”

  “I’m sorry to pry. I guess I’m just wondering… Well, I’m turning eighteen soon, and in a few months, I’ll be going to college. I’m just wondering if I will meet someone there, and if I do, I just wonder what it might feel like around him.”

  Elle smirks at my question, and I wonder if she’s making fun of me. “I’m no expert at this. The only thing I can say is that I think you’ll know.”

  I frown. “Know what?”

  “Whether he is the one for you. If you really feel all the things you just said, then I think he would definitely be in the running at least.”

  “Did you ever feel that way with Art? You don’t have to answer. I’m just curious.”

  Elle looks away, deep in thought, for a moment. “He made me feel special. He pressed the right buttons whenever I was with him. As far as feeling like I would burst if he didn’t kiss me, then no. I think if I ever had felt that way, then I would still be with him.”

  “Do you mind me asking what happened?” I know their split seemed to be pain free, but it could be that Elle was just hiding her pain at the time.

  “We just grew apart. He didn’t want to stay here for college and I did. If we were strong together, then we wouldn’t have let the distance come between us, but it did. I think it was the excuse we both used to get out. By the time we split, I was very fond of Art, but the spark we once had was lost. I suppose it just happens that way sometimes.”

  I pick up a cushion and start playing with the edges. “And you have no regrets?”

  She shakes her head and pops a piece of popcorn in her mouth. “No regrets. I’m happy where I am now. In fact,” she turns to me with a big smile on her face, “don’t tell mom and dad this, but I’ve been chosen by a headhunter based out of New York. They want me to start in June.”

  I gasp. “You’re kidding me?” She starts laughing and shaking her head. “Oh, Elle, that’s awesome!” I grab her, pulling her in for a big hug. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thanks,” she muffles into my shoulder.

  I pull away, though, frowning at her. “Why haven’t you told mom and dad yet?”

  She shrugs her shoulders. “I just thought I needed a few days to think about it. I’m going to give them an answer on Monday.”

  “And do you know now what that answer will be?”

  She nods her head with a smile. “I’m going to say yes.”

  I squeal, hugging her again. “Does this mean you can’t come to Montana?”

  She pulls away. “I’ll get to have a couple of weeks with you, and then I’ll come back to prepare for my trip. No matter what, I don’t want to break the family tradition. I will speak with Mom and Dad about it, though. I’m sure we can come to some agreement.”

  “So, when are you telling them?”

  “Tomorrow,” she rolls her eyes, “after church.”

  I grab her hand, giving her a gentle squeeze. “They’re going to be so proud of you, Elle. You’ve worked so hard for this. No wonder they want you. How did they find out about you?”

  She smiles. “My professor knows the CEO. He sent him some of my work, and he was so impressed that he wanted to set up a Skype interview. I couldn’t fly over and miss any of my exams, so that was the quickest and best way to meet face to face.”

  “And without going, you’re really sure?”

  She nods. “I did my research, and I’m kind of familiar with the area. My friend, Stacy, is living not too far away from there, and she’s offered to put me up. It’s a win-win situation.”

  I nod with a smile. “It sounds as though it was meant to be.”

  “It does, doesn’t it? It’s amazing how fate can lend a helping hand sometimes.”

  I nod my head in agreement and look back at the screen. “Sorry I’ve kept you from Desperate Housewives.”

  She shrugs. “No sweat. Besides, I like our little chats.”

  I beam back at her. “I do too. I’m so glad we’ve always gotten along so well. For the most part, we have anyway.” I start laughing when I think back to the time when I was ten and Elle was fourteen. She thought I had taken her iPod even after I swore I’d never touched it. A huge fight ensued, and our mom had to calm us down. As it turned out, Elle had dropped it and kicked it underneath her bed without realizing. It was a hard apology for a brooding fourteen-year-old at the time, but she swallowed her pride and did it.

  “We’ve had our ups and downs, but, you’re right, mostly we’ve gotten along. There’s never been any jealousy between us, and I think it’s great.”

  I smile. “There’s never been ‘just cause’ for jealousy. I don’t like it myself.”

  Elle smirks. “You just wait until you get a boyfriend. At some point, either side can’t help feeling jealous usually.”

  My mind immediately thinks back to that night when Max tried to kiss me. It’s all water under the bridge now, but I can’t help but wonder if my stalker did it because—like he said—he was protecting me or if it was out of jealousy. Either way, he shouldn’t have done it. I told him as much afterwards, and again when I saw him last time.

  “Did you ever feel it with Art?”

  “Sometimes. He was quite popular at school. Other girls flirted, and I reacted to it several times. I couldn’t help myself at the time. Mind you, Art was just as bad. The number of fights we had over Paul!”

  Paul is Elle’s lifelong best friend. They’re very much like Max and me, except that Paul has never tried to go beyond the friend barrier. I used to tease her a little when I was younger, but since being friends with Max, I understand how you can be friends with a guy without feelings getting in the way. I just hope that—one day—Max will finally accept that’s all we can ever be.

  “Have you seen Paul lately?” She squirms a little uncomfortably. “Has something happened between the two of you?”

  She bites her lip, and I can tell she’s wondering whether to tell me something or not. Obviously, her dire need to tell someone takes over. “Two days ago, we slept together.”

  I gasp. “No way?!” She nods her head. “And you’re regretting that now?”

  She thinks about my question for a moment. “In one sense, I do because we’ve been friends for so long. In another sense, I don’t because it was one of the most incredible experiences of my life, and I want more.”

  “Have you told him how you feel?”

  She shakes her head. “I’m afraid
to. Ever since that night, he’s been texting me, but I’ve been avoiding him. I don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

  “But they are awkward due to the mere fact that you’re avoiding him.”

  Elle sighs again. “I know. I guess I’m just frightened that I’ll end up saying something I’ll regret. It may ruin our friendship, and above all else, that’s the most important thing in my life.” She smiles. “We celebrated the New York thing. The celebration got a little out of hand. I guess I was just high off the buzz from getting offered my very first job. That’s my excuse, anyway.”

  I nudge her. “You need to text him back… Put him out of his misery. He may feel like you’re rejecting him by not texting or calling back.”

  She looks at me, biting her lip. “I know. I’ll text him now.” She pulls out her phone, so I make a move to get off the sofa.

  “I’ll give you some privacy. I’m feeling tired anyway.”

  She looks up from her phone at me. “Okay, sweet dreams.” I smile, thinking of my stalker, but turn to leave her to it. “Oh, Lily?” I spin around to see her smiling at me. “Thanks for our chat.”

  I smile. “You’re welcome. I enjoyed it too. Goodnight, Elle.”

  “Goodnight, Lily.”

  I run up the stairs, clutching my phone in my hand. I’m dying to reply back to him all of a sudden. As I get undressed and slip into bed, I light up my screen and stare at his text messages. First off, I think I need to change the SMIHG to J. I do just that and start typing.

  Me: Sweet dreams to you too.

  My phone pings right away, alerting me to his response.

  J: You took a while to respond.

  Me: I was having a sisterly chat with Elle.

  J: That’s nice. Family is important.

  Me: I know. What about you? Do you have much family?

  J: My family is dead.

  I bite my lip frowning at his response. It saddens me that he seems all alone in the world. Just as I think this, my phone pings again.

  J: Don’t feel pity for me.

  Me: It’s not about feeling pity. It’s about wishing you had that family to be here and care for you.

  J: I can take care of myself. Have for years. Goodnight, Lily.