SCARS

by Jaimie Roberts

  Have I ever given him any inclination that I wanted to be more than just friends?

  I honestly don’t remember ever doing so. Right now, however, I doubt myself—even though I know I shouldn’t.

  “You come and visit me waving that pretty little ass of yours in front of me, and you wonder why I want to try something with you.” His demeanor has changed, and I don’t like it. He’s gone from mad to something beastly. He has this dark glint in his eyes as he stalks toward me. I was frightened of him when he was angry, but now I’m petrified.

  “I’ve never asked anything of you before, Lily, but after all of these years, I think you owe me something. I have invested time and energy in you—trying to get you to like me—and all you do is push me away.” He stares down at my cleavage before meeting my eyes again. “You don’t even realize how beautiful you are, do you? You can’t even see it for yourself. Is it any wonder that you make me want you the way that I do?”

  I feel the tears brimming in my eyes. I want him to stop. “Please don’t do this.”

  “I want to be your first,” he sweeps his eyes up and down my body, “and last in everything.”

  I blink and a single tear runs down my face. “Don’t.”

  “Don’t what? Don’t stop? Don’t go? Don’t what? Do you want me to touch you?”

  I step away. “No, Max. Stop it. Stop it!” I shout. But he moves forward with lightning speed, grabbing me and pulling me to him. I can smell the alcohol on his breath. He’s obviously been drinking something other than vodka. The smell burns my nostrils, and I instinctively turn my head away. I feel sick. I feel his hard body pressed against mine, and it feels alien to me. I don’t want him anywhere near me. I want J. I would give anything to have J with me now.

  As Max grabs my hips forcefully, he tries to move his head to mine. I can see and feel him forcing his way to my mouth. He wants to kiss me, but I know I will vomit if he gets that close. “Please don’t do this,” I plead.

  He doesn’t listen. Instead, my words only seem to heighten his pleasure when I feel his hardness digging into me.

  No! Please, God, no. Please don’t let him do this to us.

  Memories of us as children run through my head. I remember playing tic-tac-toe and hopscotch out on the street when we were small. He was sweet with me back then. Here before me isn’t the Max I knew as a child. Here before me is a monster.

  “Max, stop it. Why are you doing this?”

  He starts kissing my neck. His breath is hot and heavy against my skin. “I want you, Lily. I’ve always wanted you.” His hands are rough. They’re pulling and squeezing. Nothing about this is tender. Nothing about this is how it should be.

  “Max, what the fuck are you doing, man?”

  I feel him being yanked off of me, and I look over to see Jerry and Tyler standing there. Jerry looks ready to fight, but I don’t think he would actually. It is only when he pulls his fist back that I realize fighting is exactly what he is planning to do. With one punch, Max falls to the floor. He grunts and wipes his nose. “What the fuck, dude?”

  Jerry stalks toward him, but Tyler holds him back. “You ever fucking touch her again, I swear I’ll—”

  “What’s going on?” A voice asks, interrupting his threat. We turn, and Christine is standing there, staring in disbelief.

  “I came out and found him,” he points at Max “forcing himself on Lily. He was trying to kiss her and feel her up when it was obvious that she didn’t want it.”

  “He’s drunk,” I say, timidly.

  Jerry’s head snaps to me and he points. “Don’t you dare stick up for him!”

  “I’m not!” I say, angrily.

  “Okay, okay. Calm down, everyone.” Christine storms forward just as Max tries to stand. “I think he’d better go home.”

  “Maybe I should take him,” Tyler offers.

  Christine looks at Tyler. “Yes, I think that would be a good idea.

  Tyler walks towards Max and helps him up. He stumbles again, and his eyes nearly roll around to the back of his head. “Fucking hell, man, you’re wasted.” Max just grumbles as Tyler starts walking. “I’ll get him back to his house and come back for you, okay?”

  Christine nods her head. “Just get him out of here before Jerry loses his shit again.” He nods his head and I turn my attention to Jerry. He still looks mad. Once Max is out of sight, however, he stalks toward me.

  “Are you okay?” he asks, placing his hands on my arms. I nod my head, but the tears suddenly come. “Aww, shit, Lily. Come here.” He wraps his arms around me, and I cry against his chest. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I was just angry that he did that.”

  I nodded against his chest. “It’s okay. I appreciate you defending me.”

  He squeezes me tightly to him. “Anytime, babes. You know that.”

  I pull away from him and frown. “You’re acting weird tonight. Do you know that?”

  He laughs. “I better cut that fucking shit out right now.” We both start laughing. “Seriously, though. Are you okay?”

  I nod, sniffle, and wipe my nose. “I think I will be. I’m just upset that Max could think so little of our friendship.”

  “He’s an asshole,” Christine grumbles. We both turn to her. “He did this to you once already. Yeah, I can understand him making that mistake once and apologizing, but to do it again and more aggressively …” she shakes her head.

  “He did this before?” Jerry asks.

  I nod with a sigh. “Well, sort of. He tried kissing me, and I pushed him away. He apologized for it, and I accepted. I thought we had moved on, but tonight he was weird. Everything was fine until we got in the car and he started talking about how we would feel if we had other partners to take to the dance instead of each other. He just seemed a little off.”

  I feel Jerry stroking one arm. “Well, he’s not here now. Why don’t you come inside and have a dance with me? That is, of course, if Christine doesn’t mind?” We both look at Christine and she looks affronted.

  “Why would I mind?” She rolls her eyes, making me smile.

  Jerry offers me his hand. “Come on then, fish-face. Let’s get them hips moving.” I start laughing, place my mask back on, and take his hand. I follow closely as we all head back into the ballroom. The space is crowded and seems to be full now, compared to how it was thirty minutes or so ago. The music is slower, so I guess that’s the reason. Christine waves at us and tells us she’s getting herself a drink. I turn my attention to Jerry just as “Jealous” by Tinie Tempah starts playing. He raises an eyebrow at me, and I laugh as he pulls me towards him.

  “You really have surprised me tonight.” I start to relax as I let Jerry lead me.

  “Really? How so?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you’re normally joking around and stuff.”

  He pulls back and smirks at me. “And stuff?”

  I smile. “You know what I mean. You’re usually joking around, calling people names, and generally being the loud, obnoxious one.”

  He throws his head back, laughing. “Loud and obnoxious? You’d call me that after I came to your rescue this evening? I’m crushed.”

  I pull at him, making him laugh. “You know what I’m talking about. And speaking of which, my manners need a little kick in the ass. I haven’t even thanked you for what you did.”

  “There’s no need to thank—”

  “I want to nonetheless.”

  Jerry smiles down at me. “Well then, you’re very welcome.”

  We fall silent for a while and concentrate on the dance. It is only when I catch Jerry looking in Christine’s direction that I tug at him. “You should ask her to dance.”

  Jerry shakes his head. “No, I can’t do that.”

  I frown. “Why not? You asked me.”

  Suddenly, his face is serious. “There’s a difference. Besides, she’s with Tyler, and he’ll be back soon.”

  It’s only when I see his face a
nd how deeply pensive he looks that it dawns on me. “You really like her, don’t you?”

  His head snaps to mine. “Me? No. How can you say that?”

  And with his reaction, I know I’m right. “Why don’t you talk to her? Tell her how you feel?”

  He shakes his head, but I can tell he’s actually thinking about it. “I can’t. Things ended between us. Not badly. It’s just that everything was going so well, and it wasn’t until the moment I wanted to get serious that she pulled away. Since then, she’s been hell-bent on showing me just how little I mean to her by making out with other guys.” He frowns a little. “I was so convinced that she felt the same as I did. I guess I’m not that good at reading people.”

  This news shocks me. Jerry has done a good job of keeping this to himself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”

  He frowns. “It’s not your fault. It’s just the way it is.” He looks over at Christine, who is sipping on her drink and talking to another guy. They look like they’re engaged in an intimate conversation.

  Oh, Christine.

  “Maybe it’s just that Christine doesn’t realize just what a great guy you are.”

  He shakes his head. “I tried. I really did. I told her that I may be a joker, but my feelings for her were no joke. She immediately clammed up and wanted nothing to do with me.”

  I couldn’t understand it. If I can see now just what a great guy Jerry could be for her, then why couldn’t she? I like Tyler, but I never thought they were a good match. She and Jerry, however, seem to fit.

  “Look, I know she seems tough on the outside, but on the inside, she’s a really sweet, kind-hearted girl. Why don’t you ask her to dance? Only one dance out of friendship. You never know what tonight—or even tomorrow—may bring.”

  He looks over to Christine and then back to me. Suddenly, his expression turns from unsure to pure determination. “Okay, I’ll ask. It doesn’t need to mean anything.”

  I shake my head with a smile. “Of course it doesn’t.”

  He glances back at me with a worried expression. “What about you?”

  I squeeze his shoulder. “I’ll be fine. Honestly.” He nods his head, and I watch as he walks towards Christine. I smile as I see him approach her, and I am about to move away when I feel an arm wrap around my stomach. I know who it is without even hearing his voice.

  “Do you know how long I’ve waited to get you on your own like this?” he whispers in my ear just as “See You Again” by Wiz Khalifa starts playing.

  “It’s almost like they knew you were coming,” I say, referring to the song the DJ has decided to play.

  He spins me around, and I resist the urge to close my eyes when I take in his sweet, peppery scent. At first, I can’t look at him because I’m afraid of what I might see. “I always look forward to the times when I can see you again. In fact, I can’t quite keep away from you, Lily Campbell.”

  Those words probably would have frightened me once. Not anymore, though. The knowledge that he can’t stay away from me makes me smile. It fills me with a sense of purpose—like right here is where I’m meant to be.

  “Why are you smiling?” I will myself to look up to him, and when I do, I’m met with the most beautiful lips I have ever seen. I’ve kissed those lips what seems like a hundred times, but I know I will never tire of them. Right now, he’s covering his face, but at least he has given me those lips. At least I have that much.

  “I always think what we have should scare me … should make me run away. But every time you’re with me, and every time you touch me, all those fears fade away.” I look up further to find his striking green eyes staring at me. Those eyes look like they hold a world of pain, a world of hope, and a world of promise all at once. They’re simply breathtaking.

  “You should never be afraid of me. I tell you so often enough.” I watch, mesmerized, as his lips move. I almost forget how to talk.

  “I know you do, but you should frighten me, J. You realize that, don’t you?”

  He releases his hand from my hip and places his thumb against my lip. I close my eyes, unable to hide the wanton reaction within me. Once I open them, I shudder, and I watch as those lips curve up into the most beautiful smile I have ever seen on a man.

  “It’s not about how you’re supposed to feel, it’s about how you do feel. I can tell how much I affect you when I touch you. I can feel the little quiver in your body when my hand touches your skin. I can taste the desire on your tongue. I can hear the violent thundering of your heart when I’m near you. You can’t tell me you should be feeling anything but what your body tells me you do when I’m with you. I will never do anything that you don’t want me to.”

  I see the snarl on his lips, and immediately, I know. “You saw, didn’t you?”

  I feel him tense against me, and I know the answer before he even replies. “Do you realize how hard it was for me to watch you suffer under his venom and not do anything about it? I was going to wait until you really needed me. I knew that if he touched you I wouldn’t care who saw me. I needed to protect what’s mine.”

  Max said the word “mine” earlier, and from his lips, it seemed polluted and tarnished. When J says it, however, he says it with a protective tone that sets my heart fluttering. “But you held back.”

  His grip tightens possessively, and I know it’s because he’s fighting the anger boiling inside of him. In a sense, I’m glad he didn’t get to Max. I know how much of a punch this man can pack, and despite Max being an asshole, I don’t want to see him getting beaten to death. “Only because when I was running toward you, Jerry turned up and did the job I should have done.”

  “It sounds as though that thought annoys you.”

  He stares down at my lips, and instinctually, I lick them. He notices, and I watch as his pupils dilate with desire. Suddenly, evidence of my own desire is present. I can feel the wetness in my panties. I want him. That still hasn’t changed.

  “It doesn’t just annoy me, Lily. There are things you don’t know about me. The fact that you’re safe with me doesn’t mean that I am safe.”

  I frown. “I don’t understand.”

  “I am a bad man. If I were to be alone with that fucker, there would be nothing to stop me from wrapping my hands around his neck and squeezing until his eyes glazed over. I would do it and think nothing of it.”

  “You won’t, though.” He goes to speak, but I stop him. “I know you could do what you say. I have no doubt in my mind about it, but you won’t because you respect my wishes too much. I wouldn’t hesitate to send you away—just like you said I could.”

  I watch him grit his teeth in annoyance. “You can’t ask me to be any less of a man.”

  It suddenly dawns on me. “You’re planning to go to him, aren’t you?”

  “I won’t allow that behavior, Lily. He must pay for his actions.”

  “What? By killing him?!”

  “What’s to stop him from doing it again with another girl? What’s to stop him from going further next time? You have to see my logic.”

  “I don’t see any logic in deeming yourself his judge, jury, and executioner.”

  He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. “It hasn’t stopped me before.”

  “I swear that if you touch him, I will never want to see you again. Do you hear me?”

  He looks angry. “Why are you defending him?”

  That’s twice I’ve been asked that question tonight, and I’m starting to wonder that myself. “I’m not defending him. I just don’t want to see someone who was once my best friend dead. Hopefully, you can see the difference.”

  Suddenly, out of nowhere, he pulls me closer, and a smile creeps up on his lips. “You drive a hard bargain, Beautiful.”

  And just like that, my annoyance from the conversation is gone. “How is that you have this uncanny way of making my emotions fly all over the place?”

  He smirks. “All over the place?”

  I bite my lip and he watches me. “Yeah. All ove
r the place. One minute, I’m angry. The next, I’m happy. With just a flip of the switch, you have me.”

  “I have you?”

  I stare into those intense green eyes and nod my head. “You know you do.”

  “Scars” by James Bay is now playing, and the dancers are in full swing. They may as well not even be here, though, because all that matters right in this moment is the two of us and the fact I am right where I belong. As I let James Bay’s words surround me, I lift my hand up to touch his face. “What has caused your scars? What have you lived through, J?”

  I watch as he closes his eyes, and I know there is pain there. I don’t want to know that, but I can see it, and I wish I could erase that pain. I wish I could capture this time I have with him too. Christine’s words ring true now more than ever. “Nothing lasts forever…” But I would like this moment to. I want to capture the way he closes his eyes as my fingers caress his scarred cheek underneath that mask. I can feel it on my fingertips as I slide them underneath the one thing which comes between me and his face. This mysterious face belongs to him … to the faceless man who haunts me. “Believe me when I tell you that you do not want to know.”

  I want to push him, but I don’t. Instead, I drop my hand, but he grabs it before I can let it fall. I watch in surprise as he guides my hand to his chest. It is a strong, broad chest, but I know that’s not the reason for his actions. Through his shirt, I can feel the vibration of the music, but I can also feel the beating of his heart. It’s thumping so hard that I can almost hear it over the music. “Just know,” he says, pulling my gaze up to his eyes, “that you have this.”

  I don’t know what to call what we have. Maybe it’s crazy. Maybe it’s weird. And maybe it would even be considered dangerous for some—but not for me. He was right when he said that I should just go with what I feel.

  And right now, I know just what I want.

  “Can we go?” I ask, desperately needing to be alone with him now.

  He nods his head, pulling my hand away from his chest, but holding it tightly. “If you trust me, then I know where we can go. I promise to take you back home whenever you’re ready. All you have to do is say the word.”