SCARS

by Jaimie Roberts

  I place the gear in reverse and turn the car around, so it’s facing the rickety little road in front of me. Apart from trees, there is nothing around me that I can see, but I know there is a clearing up ahead which will lead me to a road. I start to drive and watch behind me as the dust kicks up, shadowing the little house which had been my home. In a sense, I will miss it, but I don’t know why. It was a period of time in my life that held boredom, loneliness, desperation, and fear. But, it also represented him … and that is the biggest part I can’t shake.

  As I turn onto the main road, there is no one else here apart from me. I am unsure of where I am, but I have a rough idea. I turn left and head in the general direction I know will lead me somewhere familiar. I drive along this road for a good two miles before it starts to open up a little. I see the familiar mountains of Logan, and I feel a twinge of pain at the knowledge that nothing but emptiness and pain will greet me as I return to what is left of my life. As I head towards the hospital, I let the tears flow. I may be eighteen and able to look after myself, but I’m frightened to death by what will greet me once I get to the hospital. There will be endless questions, endless probing, and none of it will take away the fact that I have no one left. Will I be homeless? Will I be able to survive on my own? The thought petrifies me.

  As I approach the intersection of N 600 E and Hospital Road, I pull up on the side of the road, put the car in Park, and take the keys out. I place them in the sun visor. I know that’s not the greatest of places to put them, but J did say he was watching me. I just have to trust that he is.

  I wipe my tears away, and with a few sniffles, I take a few deep breaths and get out of the car. It’s blisteringly hot again, but the hospital isn’t that far. I put one foot in front of the other, noticing just how tired I am. It seems being kept inside for three weeks has made my fitness level drop to almost nothing. By the time I reach the hospital, I’m sweaty, practically staggering, and my eyes fill with tears again. I can see people watching me as I take one step after the other, reaching for the door. More people stare, and I start to feel as though I’m on display. What’s everyone’s problem?

  I aimlessly float in and wonder what I’m supposed to do next. By now, people are whispering and pointing, including a couple of nurses. As I step towards one, she in turn hurries toward me. “Lily?” she asks, confusion and shock marring her face. “Lily Campbell?” My eyes widen at the knowledge that she knows my name, but I nod silently at her question. “Oh, my God! Betty, call ICU and let them know Lily Campbell has just arrived. I’ll get her into the ER now.” There is a flurry of activity as this Betty starts running around to the reception area and picks up the phone. The other nurse, who is now holding my arm, tugs at me. “Come on, sweetheart, we need to go check on you.”

  I go with her, but I’m confused. “What’s going on?”

  She keeps leading me towards some big double doors, but turns to me briefly. “Honey, you were in an accident. Do you not remember? You’ve been missing for almost three weeks.”

  I knew all that, but how come everyone here seemed to know that too? I keep quiet as she leads me towards a big room filled with beds. There are several doctors and nurses running around, and the faint beeping of machines can be heard in the background. “Come and sit in here, and I’ll get a doctor to come check on you, okay?” The nurse leads me to a bed, and just before she closes the curtain, I see at least a dozen sets of eyes land on me. What is with everyone?

  I sit there as confusion and panic rise within me.

  Why did J send me here? Was it to make sure I was okay after the accident?

  I know I’m fine. I can feel it. I’m tired, but I know that’s due to lack of exercise and the walk in the heat—not because there’s anything wrong with me. Is he that protective that he has to make sure I’m examined at the hospital just in case?

  I don’t know how long I’m sitting there for, but the longer I do, the more I want to go. In fact, I am about to get off the bed when the nurse comes back with a young male doctor. He smiles brightly at me and instantly puts me at ease. “Hi, Lily. I’m Doctor Neil. I was told by Nurse Claire here that you wandered into the front entrance.” I nod. “Do you know what’s happened to you and where you’ve been?”

  I swallow wondering how to answer him. J told me he wouldn’t blame me if I told the authorities about him taking me, but I love him too much to ever mention him. Even now, I want to protect him from harm. I know it makes no sense, but I feel just as fiercely protective of him as he does of me. In a sure sign of nervousness, I start to ring my hands together. My hair clings to my forehead, so I know I must look a mess. I don’t know how to answer, but then a thought occurs to me. I was hit on the head on the day of the accident. I could have been confused, wondering where I was. “I woke up by the side of the river, and I didn’t know who I was or what had happened to me.”

  The doctor nodded his head with a smile. “I understand. Do you know what happened now? Who you are now?”

  I nodded. “Yes. I have been trying to get home since yesterday. I guess I must have travelled a little far out.” I smile, but it’s a nervous smile. The doctor and the nurse just smile sympathetically.

  “Claire, can you order a CT for me? We will also need a CBC and urinalysis.” She nods her head, disappearing, and the doctor moves forward with a small flashlight. He shines it in my eyes and checks my heart and lungs with a stethoscope. “Can I ask what you remember of the accident?”

  “My dad was driving, and he couldn’t slow the car down. We went over the bridge, and somehow, I managed to escape what I expected to be my death. I must have drifted for some time, and then I woke up—not knowing who or where I was.”

  He pulled the stethoscope out from his ears and looked at me. “That must have been very scary.” I nodded, and he leaned forward, pointing his finger up in front of me. “Can you follow my finger?” I did as instructed, and once he was satisfied, he started making some notes.

  “Do you know what’s going to happen to me? Do I have a home to go back to?”

  Doctor Neil stares up from his notes with a frown. “Of course you have a home. What makes you think you don’t? Everyone has been worrying about you. The police have been up and down that same river looking for you.” He winces slightly, and I can tell why.

  They were looking for my body.

  “I’m sorry this has happened to you,” he says, looking sheepish. “I’m also sorry for your loss.”

  Tears prick my eyes again, so I lower my head in embarrassment. I don’t want this stranger to see me cry. “Your sister was so young.” I don’t look up. I just nod my head. I know how young she was. I know all that she’s left behind and how much she will miss now that she’s not here anymore. I think of Paul. He must be absolutely heartbroken.

  The nurse comes back in with a syringe and a few vials. She smiles as she approaches me. “I will take this in a minute. You have someone who wants to see you first. He’s been absolutely beside himself.”

  I frown. Who could possibly be here? Maybe it’s Max, but I doubted that after what he did. Besides, he was shipped away pretty quickly after that video leaked. “J?” I ask, without thinking.

  The nurse frowns. “J? Who’s—”

  “Lily?” I snap my head up when I hear that voice. I would know it anywhere. I stare up at him, and as I feel the unbidden tears rushing violently to the surface, I rush straight into his arms.

  “Dad!” I scream as I hug him tightly. He looks tired and gaunt, and I know he hasn’t shaved in the last few days, but he’s here. My dad is here. I pull away, confusion running through my veins. “I thought you were …” I couldn’t say the word.

  He shook his head. “They found me by the side of the river. I was out cold. Apart from a concussion, I had a few cuts and bruises. I was lucky. Your sister and mother weren’t.” I see the tears prick his eyes. “Elle, she …” a sob catches his throat, and I fight hard not to break down in front of him. I want to scream at the
injustice of it all. How could life be so cruel?

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” I say, euphoria running through my veins.

  He cups my face in his hands. “What happened to you? Where have you been? The police have been out looking everywhere for you.”

  More hot tears trickle down my face. What can I say to him? “I woke up by the side of the river. I didn’t know who I was or where I was. I was confused, scared, lonely—you name it. I sought shelter in the woods for a few days until I came across a house. I stayed there and rummaged for food. I didn’t want to see anyone. I was afraid of what might be out there. It wasn’t until yesterday that I remembered who I was. I hitched a ride from Evanston.”

  My father frowned and searched my eyes. “Evanston? That’s over a hundred miles away. Jesus, Lily.” He takes me in for another hug, and again, I let the tears fall. I have such a whirlwind of emotions swirling around that my head is spinning. I thought he was dead. All this time, I thought my dad was dead.

  As my head clears a little, I begin to realize something. Did J know this? If he did, he kept it from me this whole time. He led me to believe that my whole family was dead. I hug my father tightly, and my hot tears turn to anger as I think about the lie that J told me. Why did he keep this from me?

  “Sir, is it okay if we treat your daughter now?”

  My father pulls away and wipes the tears from his eyes. “Sure. I’ll be just outside.” He reluctantly lets go of me, and I watch as he leaves me.

  “I need to give you the once over, honey. You’ve been through quite an ordeal. Although, I must say that the nasty cut you have on your leg is healing well.” I pry my eyes away from the curtain and stare down at my cut. I chuckle inside. Yeah, that may be healing, but I doubt my scars on the inside will do as well. The nurse checks me over, and apart from some old bruises, I’m fine. She tells me she has booked me for a CT and is about to leave when I grab her arm.

  “I need the morning after pill,” I whisper. I want to cry again, but I stop my tears. I’ve had enough of crying already.

  She stares down at me, her widened eyes searching mine. “Why do you need that, hon?”

  I close my eyes on a sigh. I could tell her everything now, but for some reason, that fierce loyalty to my captor wins out. Right now, I should hate him. I should spit fire at him. Still, I can’t find it in my heart to tell her the truth. “I needed a ride back. I had no money. I …” I close my eyes again and look away. I can’t believe I’m going to tell her this, but it’s the only explanation I can think of. “The only way I could get a ride back was if I …” I sigh, and I know she gets my meaning. She pats my hand.

  “No need to explain. Although, whoever drove you home sounds like an asshole.” I nod my head in agreement. J is an asshole. How could he ever do this to me? “You will need to get tested … you know … for STD’s and such. I recommend you come back in twelve weeks for that. Shall I set you up with an appointment?” I nod my head, but I know in my heart of hearts that J is clean. I would never have let this happen if I thought otherwise. “I’ll go work on getting you that morning after pill now. You just sit tight.” She pats my hand again and walks away with my blood. All I’m left with now is a cup that I have to pee in.

  The moment the nurse leaves, my father heads straight back in and sits opposite me. “You look tired.” I frown the moment I say it. “How did you get here so quickly anyway?”

  He looks at me like I’ve grown two heads. “I was here … up in the ICU.”

  I shake my head. “ICU? I thought you weren’t hurt badly?”

  “No, not me. I was fine. It’s your mother, Lily. Your mother is on the ventilator in the ICU.”

  I didn’t think I could be shocked more than I already was. My mother is seriously injured, but she’s alive. I can’t believe she’s alive. The moment I heard the news, I went rushing with my father to go and see her. To hell with the tests. I knew I was fine. I just needed to make sure with my own eyes that my mother was okay.

  “She has a punctured lung and had a ruptured spleen,” her nurse explains. “Unfortunately, it had to be removed. She also has bleeding in her brain and a fractured skull. If she survives, she will be on medication for the rest of her life. We’re keeping her monitored, but she’s still in a deep coma and needs a breathing aid to pump oxygen into her lungs.”

  I look at my father as he stares towards my mother’s small frame. She almost looks so childlike that it scares me. “Speak to her. She might hear you.” I look towards the nurse who’s smiling at me. I take slow steps towards my mom, but I’m afraid I may break her just by breathing in her direction.

  I sit beside her and listen to the beeping of the machine and the whoosh of the pump that’s helping to keep her alive. With a shaky hand, I reach out and touch hers. It’s a little cold to the touch, and that observation scares me even more. “Mom,” I say, but there’s no reaction. She’s been lying here like this the whole time, so I know I’m not going to suddenly snap her out of it. “I thought you were gone. I thought you were all gone.” I close my eyes on a sigh, and I will the tears away. I can feel the pain and the joy, but I also feel anger … anger towards the one person who I need answers from the most. He said in the letter that I was chosen before he had even met me, so what was I to him? Just a game?

  “Please don’t leave me. I thought you were dead once. I don’t think I can go through that again.” I feel a hand on my shoulder, and it makes me jump slightly. I look up and find my dad smiling softly at me, and it hits me that I do have my family here. Elle is gone, but my mom and dad are still here. I’m not as alone as I thought I was.

  I don’t know how long I sat there, holding my mother’s hand. At one point, I was taken away for the CT scan, but I was back by my mother’s side once it was done. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to the sound of whispering voices.

  “Apart from the big scar on her leg and some cuts and bruises, she’s fine,” a nurse whispers.

  “But how does that explain her not remembering anything?” my dad asks.

  “The doctor said that it could have been a coping mechanism. She believed that you had all died and that was her way of shutting it all down.” I hear him sigh, and then shortly after, the nurse speaks to him again. “The police are here. They want to talk to her.”

  “She’s sleeping!” I hear him snap.

  My eyes open then. If they want to speak with me, then it’s best I get it over and done with now. I sit up, rub my eyes, and look at my mother briefly. She’s exactly how she was when I fell asleep.

  I turn to look at my dad, and his eyes immediately land on mine. “How are you, pumpkin?”

  I smile, thinking how much I had missed him calling me that. I thought I would never hear it again. “I’m fine, just tired all the time. Did the nurse say that the police were here?”

  He wraps his arm around my shoulder. “Yes, but you’re tired. They can come back another time.”

  “It’s okay. I can speak with them. I would rather get it over with.”

  He studies me a moment before nodding his head. “I’ll let them know.” I watch as he walks out of the room, and nurse Claire steps towards me.

  “I was wondering when I would get the opportunity to hand this to you.” She hands me a packet with one pill inside. She also hands me an appointment card for the STD clinic. “Take that when you’re ready. You may get a little sick on it, but it’s better than the alternative.” I smile and take the pill and the appointment card from her. I slip them into my pocket just in time as my dad appears with two men following behind him.

  “Lily, the officers want to talk to you somewhere more private.” I nod my head, getting up and heading towards the door. Two men greet me right away. The first man is black with the softest smile I have ever seen. He’s tall and athletically built with the most unusual shade of green eyes. The other officer is white and clean shaven with blonde hair. He’s a little shorter than the first guy, and he doesn’t look as fr
iendly.

  Luckily for me, it is the first and friendlier man who chooses to address me. “Miss Campbell, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Detective Levy, and this is Detective Rawlings. We just need to ask you a few questions. It won’t take long.” He motions towards another door. “Shall we?” I nod my head and walk towards the door he’s pointing to. Another nurse opens it for me. I smile and thank her.

  As I walk through, I notice this looks like a doctor’s office. It has a big desk and three chairs all conveniently waiting for us. “One of the doctors kindly let us use his office for a few minutes. Please, sit.” He motions to one of the chairs, and I sit down. Detective Rawlings sits beside me, which makes me feel self-conscious and more nervous than I already am. Detective Levy takes a seat on the opposite side of the desk.

  “Now, is there any chance you can tell me from the beginning what happened? I don’t want to bring up bad memories, but I just need it for my report. It lets my boss know that I’m doing my job properly.” He smiles at me, and I instantly warm to him.

  “It’s okay. I would rather do this now. I will have to at some point.”

  He nods his head. “Good.” He takes his notepad out and poises his pen, ready for me to begin. Once he looks up at me, I take it as my cue to tell him everything. I tell him about us leaving and how happy we all were. I tell him about my dad looking more and more panicked about something. I tell him about the car going faster and faster until suddenly we were flying over the bridge and how I almost drowned. I told him the truth up until the part about J taking me.