by K R Martin
The memory faded in his mind, the pain still filling his chest. "Please no." He called in the black silence that surrounded him. Every night he dreamt of her death, wishing it never happened.
"Renee," he cried, desperate to call her back to him.
"My love," her voice broke through the darkness. Light filled his vision, and he lifted his eyes to see Renee standing before him, framed by the white light that seemed to spread through the entirety of his vision. She was so beautiful, a smile gracing her face as she gazed at him.
"Renee." She was as lovely as when he lost her. How she wished she wasn't a dream. "Come back to me." He knew his please would fall on deaf ears.
"I have, my love.” She stepped toward him. "I promise; I'm right here beside you." Her hands cupped his face, and she bent and softly kissed him. "I love you." she disappeared in the light.
Will awoke as the first rays of dawn caressed his face. He usually dreamed of when he lost Renee, the memory haunting him, but for once, he saw his wife whole. She even smiled at him. Perhaps it was because Varda had entered his life, bringing with her joy and hope. Was he betraying Renee? That's the thought that had arrested his mind, bringing him to stare at Renee's portrait until he passed out.
His gaze drifted back up to his wife's face. She was truly beautiful, especially her eyes. They seemed to sparkle at him in the dawn's light. They had always captivated him, even now. Wait... he felt the eyes draw him in, pulling him to his feet as he stepped closer. How did he not see it?
28
"I still don't think I should do this," Renee said, yet again, as Ama Lei tied her dress's stays.
"You promised," Ama Lei sang as she yanked the ties.
"You keep reminding me." Renee tried to be upbeat, but her body felt as though her nerves were jumping around. She'd been on edge since kissing her husband. She shouldn't have. It was foolish, especially if he had woken up. And with Conrad now targeting her, Renee really had to leave. It was good that Luca told her the Crimson Thorne would be ready to depart in the morning.
"You can't leave without telling him, and he expects to see you tonight," Ama Lei continued. "Besides why wouldn't you want to go?"
"I don't want to put him in more danger..."
"You won't. Arrive late, allowing Will to charm Desiree, and leave early for the same reason. Tomorrow we'll be gone, and Caleb, Sorik, and Little Wolf can watch over Will. Tonight, go enjoy an evening with your husband."
"Since when are you the optimistic one?" Renee teased.
"I'm seeing things a little more clearly lately." Ama Lei's smile was simple no hidden emotions behind it. She was just happy. "Now," she placed the mask on Renee's face, tying the ties behind her. "You are ready. Look."
Ama Lei's hands were gentle as she guided Renee to the mirror.
"Oh, wow," Renee couldn't help but stare at the image in the mirror. Was that truly her? The black gown hugged her chest before flowing out from her waist, its sleeves slit open to flow from her elbows. A blooming red rose covered a large portion of the bodice, petals falling from it through the rest of the skirt. The mask echoed from the design, with a large rose just above one eye on the black. If she dared wear her necklace, it would fit perfectly.
"If only you could wear a tiara," Ama Lei teased.
"I still can't believe Will had these made for me." Renee's voice sounded so far away in her ears. She was still shocked from when the servant delivered them earlier.
"You can blame Luca for leaking your measurements. I think he has a ledger with all of ours that he can find if we need new costumes."
"I don't know if I should praise or punish him."
"Probably both." Ama Lei remarked, causing both to giggle. "Let's enjoy tonight." Renee could only nod before Ama Lei turned to grab her mask. She had chosen one of her nicest gowns, wrapped in layers of pink shades with cherry blossoms embroidered in the dress and painted on her mask. They probably looked foolish, like two flowers, but Renee felt pretty regardless, and the smile on her friend's face told the same story.
"Are you two ready yet?" Mei asked as she skipped in. Renee smiled at the girl, dressed in a green gown of Espan design.
"Yes we are," Ama Lei tweaked her sister's nose. "Then again, I was ready with you."
"True. It was Varda we had to wait on."
"Hey!" Everyone laughed at Renee's mock hurt. It was true, the sisters had prepared for the night together before joining Renee.
"Oh! And Spera is happily playing with their highnesses," Mei added.
"Thank you for taking her," Renee said.
"Of course!" Mei dropped her voice. "They are well guarded, so do not worry." Renee squeezed the girl's hand, grateful for that reassurance.
"Now then," Ama Lei spoke up. "Shall we go? The night’s festivities await!"
It had been a long while since Will enjoyed a good ball. Not that there hadn't been balls since Renee's passing, but he usually felt more obligation than enjoyment. Tonight, he found he was actually having a grand time. He immediately picked Desiree out, mostly due to the pink rose necklace, and gave her a couple turns on the dance floor. She was enjoyable to be around, but it felt different; perhaps it was because she no longer was looking at him as the potential suitor. If he wasn't mistaken, she was even trying to help him find another, which would explain why a good portion of their conversations revolved around Varda.
As he circled the room yet again, he enjoyed guessing who was behind the masks. Caleb was the first he spotted; after all, almost no one matched his height, especially with his muscles. Sonia stayed at his side, and he kept sneaking glances at his wife. And there was Jonathan. After growing up with him, Will could easily recognize his best friend.
There were a few others he could pick out. Little Wolf stood out due to his darker complexion, plus, the boy kept his eyes glued to the opening. Will could almost chuckle; that boy was smitten with Mei and it seemed she cared for him too. Luca also stood out, but it was hard to miss his darker skin tone. Will wondered what his story was, hoping he could one day get to know the man better. Wait, was that Fedor with Desiree? He could be mistaken, but he could've sworn it was the Vikievan prince in the pirate mask. The way Desiree seemed to laugh and just, well, sparkle, she must not have known it was Fedor. Given how he gazed at her, he probably didn't know either. That was going to be fun to see play out the next day.
Will found his gaze drawn once more to the same opening that held Little Wolf's interest. She still hadn't shown; she accepted his gift, so it would be easier to spot her in the group but even if not, there's no way he'd miss those eyes again. Forcing himself to move, to not draw attention, he found his feet moving towards Jonathan.
"Very nice costume," Jonathan said behind his silver mask. Will had to admit, his friend looked good in the simple blue suit, especially as Katie was dressed similarly, as an old goddess of the moon.
"Thank you," Will accepted the comment, glad he chose the simple black suit, with a simple black mask.
"So, highwayman, have you seen the king? He seemed to have disappeared." Will chuckled at his friend's jest. Sure, Will arrived in full royal regalia even if his costume was based on the kings of old. It felt good when he snuck away and changed into the simpler outfit.
"That was the point. Think it worked?"
"Definitely." Katie said, nodding to a figure in the room's corner. Conrad was fixated on his daughter, a bit of frustration filling his gaze. But, since he wasn't glaring at Will, he didn't recognize him yet. He hoped he could end the evening that way.
Jonathan's eyebrows rose. "Well, well. Looks like Little Wolf can stop pacing."
Will turned to the entrance. Sure enough, Little Wolf was already making his way to the younger Jenhan lady. The boy was adorable as he awkwardly bowed to the girl. Ama Lei seemed to nudge her sister forward before Mei took his hand and allowed him to lead her farther into the room. After watching her sister for a moment, Ama Lei turned her attention to the rest of the room. Her searching eyes lan
ded on Will, and her knowing smile grew.
Ama Lei turned, seeming to call behind her before stepping aside.
Every breath left his body. She was a vision, the black dress framing her perfectly and the mask only making her eyes sparkle. And with the veil gone, she truly was another woman.
A hand nudged him forward, and he almost stumbled over his feet. Looking back Jonathan gave him a knowing smile. Go. His friend mouthed. Turning, his eyes locked with hers. They called him, drawing him forward, his feet carrying him to her side.
When Ama Lei gave her an all clear, Renee expected to sneak into the room. She did not expect Will's gaze to latch on her almost immediately. And oh, he was handsome. Dressed as a simple highwayman, he was certainly the man she fell for.
Jonathan nudged Will, at least she assumed it was him. No one else would tease Will like that. Then his eyes caught hers, and he moved toward her. She couldn't look away, and her heart raced. As he strode across the room drawing closer, all she could think was that she was his, always. He stopped just before her.
"You are beautiful." The words were breathy, making her heart patter in ways she'd forgotten.
"Thank you," she managed to release.
"My lady," he bent before her, sweeping her hand to his lips. "Might I have the honor of stealing you for a dance? And perhaps, if I am lucky, I just might steal your heart."
Renee giggled. "You could try, sir. But I fear you may have found I am not easily swayed by flowery words."
"Ah, but my lady, you forget: you are the flower, words are mere words." His tug was gentle as he led her to the dance floor. Other couples joined them, taking their positions opposite each other.
The music began. Renee couldn't stop the jolt, or the widening of her eyes. She knew this music, knew it well. Her feet moved on their own, following the steps of the first dance she ever danced with her husband. As her gaze lifted back to Will's, she saw them shine with understanding. He wanted to share the same dance he danced with his wife. How could he? The night before he was calling out to her, to Renee, but now there was no denying the adoration with which he gazed at Varda.
Every time their hands touched, the heat spread from her hand through her body, only to cool the moment they stepped apart. His gaze held hers captive, and her heart raced from his intensity. Time disappeared, and all she could see was her husband. The dance ended without a word spoken between them.
"Come with me," he spoke low in her ear before taking her hand in his, leading her from the great hall. The path might have been familiar, but all Renee could see was Will's hand as it held hers. It felt intimate, having her hand atop his as he guided her. She felt his eyes turn to her and she lifted her gaze to his. They were so warm held so much affection in their depths; it took away all ability for her to speak.
He turned back, and she had to force air back into her lungs. She wasn't a girl anymore, ready to be swept away by romance with a handsome prince. But, this was her husband, the love of her life; he knew her darkest secrets and still gazed at her warmly. Would he still gaze at her with such care if he knew she was hiding from him? She was terrified to risk it. With him looking at her like she was the most precious person to him, she couldn't tell him... she couldn't lose him. Not now.
"Here," he finally spoke as he led her into the garden. "A beautiful rose deserves to be gazed upon by the moon's glow." Not even the night air could cool the flames filling her face. His feet stopped, and he gently tugged her closer.
They stood in the center of the roses, her skirt brushing his feet at their nearness. Gazing down at her, a gentle smile graced his lips, causing her chest to flutter and clench at the same time.
"Do you know, the first time I saw you, I thought you had to be the loveliest girl in the world." Will began.
"You exaggerate." Renee tried to brush away the feelings his words stirred.
"No, I could never tell you a lie." The smile left, replaced by raw honesty. “You are stunning, my lady. You still hold yourself with dignity, grace, and strength, even after suffering so much." The catch in his voice caused Renee to swallow the lump in hers. "You are by far, the most remarkable woman I have ever known. I beg you to forgive me for not realizing it sooner, my love."
A moan escaped Renee's trembling lips. "How could you love me?" She broke his gaze, focusing on the ground as she bit back the tears. "I am so broken. Tainted and dirty. You couldn't possibly love me."
"There you're wrong. For I have always loved you, my beloved Espan Rose."
Renee gasped, her eyes flying to his. Warmth flooded her lips, and she felt her eyes close, surrendering to her husband's kiss. His arms wrapped around her, pressing her against his chest as he caressed her lips with his. Renee melted against him, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Tears escaped the corners of her eyes. He loved her. He knew, everything, and he still loved her.
He managed to pull back, and Renee opened her eyes to meet his. His hand reached up, gently brushing her tears away. "I've missed you."
"I missed you too," Renee breathed. It was a good thing one arm was still wrapped around her waist. The relief at knowing he knew, having his love still, threatened to remove all strength from her legs.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was ashamed. How could you accept me after I betrayed you?"
"No. Don't you dare believe that lie. A monster attacked you, but you never betrayed me."
"I'm still so sorry." Tears poured down her face.
"You shouldn't be," his voice was as kind as his caress as he brushed more tears away. "You're here now, with me. I finally have you back." Oh, the pain she felt as she once more gazed at the ground, hating the words that would need to be released from her mouth.
"I can't come back, Will."
"What?" his body tensed with his voice.
"I'm so sorry, but I can't return, not yet." Her gaze roamed as much of the garden as she could without moving her head. They had been gone for so long, and she was so wrapped in the moment, there was a high chance someone was watching them, even if she couldn't see them.
"I need you to listen to me carefully. No matter what I say, you have to school your features, appear as though you just poured your heart out to Varda and she is rejecting you."
"I don't understand." The anguish in his voice nearly broke Renee's heart.
"Schwarz Feur works for Retanny's emperor." The tension was swift as it filled his body, but he barely moved. Hopefully only she noticed. "The plan was to kill me so Desiree can marry you. Conrad knows, and if he learned that I was alive... I fear what kind of drastic measures he might take. That is why I must leave."
"No. Please don't leave me..."
"I have to. And you have to court Desiree. She's as much a pawn as all of us, but she can play the role until I return. And I promise I will return. But when you see her next, you have to act like Varda refused your love and broke your heart."
"I don't like this."
"Neither do I, but I need you to trust me. I leave in the morning, but I will return soon. We could use all the allies we have, and I'm the only one who can gather them." She finally allowed her eyes to lift to his, the pain threatening to undo her. "I'm sorry."
"Please..." the pleading in his voice struck deep inside her.
"I'm so sorry." She turned from him. He grabbed her arm, pulling her back to him as he claimed her lips with his, pouring all his love, and frustration, into the passionate kiss. As he pulled back he pulled her back into his arms.
"Please come back to me soon," the words were so soft in her ear, but spoke volumes in her heart. He trusted her, and he would wait for her. She couldn't contain the sobs as she broke from his grasp, dashing as far away from him as she could before her heart betrayed them all.
"Here you are," Ama lei said as she stepped into Renee's room. Spera was fast asleep, snuggling on her mother's chest as Renee rocked her in the rocking chair. Renee's eyes seemed to gaze nowhere even though they were pointed in Ama Lei's direction. "Yo
u know, if your goal was to push your love into another's arms, you succeeded."
Renee winced at the words, even though Ama Lei's tone was playful. "So, he went to her?" Dejection seemed to fill Renee’s voice, and Ama Lei swiftly closed the door and pulled a chair near her friend's side.
"What happened?" Ama Lei gently placed her hand atop Renee's.
"He knows. He knows who I am, and he doesn't care. He kissed me." Ama Lei felt her jaw drop. Will knew everything, and based on the tone of her friend's voice, he wanted her back. "I had to tell him to go to Desiree, that Retanny needed to believe I'm dead."
"So, you told him Conrad’s identity?"
Renee shook her head. "If he knew it was Conrad, he'd never be able to restrain himself."
"What do we do now?"
"We leave in the morning. Find help. And return so I can get my husband back." Determination strengthened Renee's voice and her eyes hardened. There was the great Captain. Ama Lei nodded; it was time to stop spying from the shadows and take a fight to their enemies.
"Everything's ready," Luca told Renee form the doorway.
"I'll be there soon," she replied. He nodded, understanding she needed a few more moments. The room had been her home for the past few months, welcoming her back to the life she had left. How could she leave her home behind again?
"Mei says Spera's already running on the ship." Ama Lei's voice replaced Luca's and Renee was glad she sent her daughter with the sisters earlier. It was a bit surprising that the toddler was that awake while the sun still slept. Or, she supposed the rays of dawn were reaching above the horizon.
"This will be fun having her completely mobile now." Renee joked as she turned to her friend. Her heart jolted at the sight of the figure standing behind Ama Lei. Her friend turned, noticing their newest addition.
