All That's Been Said

by Doherty, Emma

  An ugly smirk crosses her face and she straightens her back.

  “I wanna see Ethan.”

  “He’s busy.”

  “Look, Evie, maybe we should just go?” Lila says, looking behind me nervously. Neither of us pay attention to her.

  “I know what you’re doing,” she hisses at me. “I know you’re trying to come between us.”

  I start to laugh. “You’re delusional if you think I even think about you at all, Evie. I wouldn’t waste my time.”

  She steps in closer to me. “You won’t do it,” she assures me. “You won’t break us up. You might be his sister, but I’m the person he loves. He’d pick me.”

  I scoff. I have no idea if Ethan loves Evie. I really hope he doesn’t and I had no intention of making Ethan pick between us, but if that’s what she wants, if there’s even a small chance he’ll pick me and Evie will finally be off our radar, I’ll take it. “Fine,” I say, throwing my hand out towards the kitchen where I last saw him. “Go ask him who he picks.”

  She pales, and I know she thought I wouldn’t call her on it. By the look on her face, she’s not nearly as confident about him choosing her as she says she is.

  “It’d be me,” she insists, not tearing her gaze away from me, her dark blue eyes flaring angrily. “There’s no way he’d pick a messed-up, drunk, drug-taking slut like you.”

  I hear the words, but it takes me a minute to register the total silence around us. Even the music has stopped, and I look around to see dozens of people surrounding us, having come out from the various rooms. Ethan stands in the doorway to the kitchen, his eyes fixed on Evie.

  She notices him at the same time I do and she panics. The fear on her face is clear. “Ethan…I didn’t mean…I didn’t see—”

  “I pick Izzy,” he says flatly.

  I blink in surprise. I didn’t think he’d actually choose me.

  “No, no,” she says immediately. “I didn’t mean that. You don’t have to choose. Nobody has to choose.”

  “You need to leave,” he tells her.

  She rushes towards him. “Baby, come on. I didn’t mean it. You don’t have to pick. Your sister and I get along fine. Everything’s good. We’re just getting back on track.”

  Ethan glances over at me. I haven’t moved from my spot. I wasn’t expecting that to happen. I wasn’t expecting things to blow up like this.

  “Ethan,” Evie pleads, and I actually feel a little sorry for her. She looks desperate right now.

  “I pick my twin,” he says calmly, “every time. Now get out of my house.”

  After all the drama with Evie and all the crying and shouting and begging that followed our argument, the party finally settles back down after twenty minutes or so once Matty finally convinces Evie and Lila to go home.

  I’ve had enough. I’m sat in one of the formal rooms off to the left of the house with Rachel and Paul, and Logan has just joined us, but I’m totally over the party. Rachel thinks it’s hilarious that Evie finally got shut down, but Pippa has been panicking about Evie taking it out on her, and it was only when Ethan came to reassure her and offered to make her up a drink that she finally calmed down and let him lead her away.

  I’m slouched back against the sofa.

  “Izzy, who’s that girl with the big boobs?”

  I turn my head to face Logan. “Who?”

  “The one with the dark hair who you were talking to earlier.”

  Oh. Jessica. “Don’t even go there,” I tell him. “She has a boyfriend.”

  That clearly doesn’t bother him at all.

  I roll my eyes. “He goes to Burdown. She’s really into him.”

  His eyes light up like I’ve issued him a challenge, and he gets up and shuffles out of the room.

  “He’s such an idiot,” Rachel declares as he leaves.

  “So why do you do his homework?”

  Rachel levels me with a stare. “Have you seen his body?” A smile plays over her lips as she remembers something. “And he knows what to do with it.”

  My jaw hits the floor.

  That I was not expecting.

  A throat is cleared in the doorway, and all three of us turn to see Finn standing there. My heartbeat immediately picks up and I bite my lip and look away. He’s just too good-looking. I find it hard to think straight when he’s around.

  “Could you give us a second?” he says to Rachel and Paul.

  “Uh…sure,” Paul replies, immediately standing and leaving the room with Rachel right behind him.

  I hold my breath as he comes closer to me, concentrating on pulling at a loose thread on a cushion I have planted on my knee as that weird, familiar tension that’s always between us when he’s around builds. I don’t know what to say to him. I never know what to say to Finn. All I seem to do when he’s around is show him my worst possible side, and for some reason, I hate that. I hate that that’s how he sees me.

  “I’m glad Evie showed up.”

  This does make me look up. “Yeah?”

  He nods. “Ethan’s been done with her for a long time. He just needed that push to make it permanent. It was always going to happen sooner or later.”

  I hope that’s true. I hope he was starting to see for himself exactly what she’s like and why he shouldn’t have been with her. Finn’s words make me feel less guilty about him picking me over her. I never thought he’d do that.

  “I didn’t think he’d pick me,” I hear myself mutter before I can stop myself, and I want to slap myself. This keeps happening—I keep opening up to Finn above anyone else, and I don’t like it. I don’t like it because it makes me vulnerable.

  “He’ll always pick you over anyone else,” Finn tells me matter-of-factly, like it should be obvious. “Always. I told you that. You’re his family.”

  But I didn’t think it was true, not after the way I’ve treated him, not anymore. Not after everything that’s gone down between us.

  He steps closer and takes a seat on the coffee table across from me, sitting down then leaning forwards with his hands on his knees, his eyes focussed on me, and it’s too much. For some reason, I can have guys at bars and parties standing inches from me and talking all sort of trashy pick-up lines, but I can’t have Finn sat a metre away and focussing his attention on me.

  “I need to go check on things,” I tell him hastily, tossing the cushion aside and standing up.

  “Sit down, Izzy.”

  He says it so decisively that I don’t even consider not following his instructions. I bite my lip as I try to pull myself together—from what, I don’t know—and I manage to look him in the eye.

  “Let’s play a game.”

  I shake my head. I’m not playing a game with him.

  A soft smile flitters across his face. “Come on, Iz, play a game with me.”

  I smile, a quick grin I can’t hide. It’s really hard to say no to him when he’s like this, when he’s focussed on you, when his full charm is all trained on you. “Fine,” I finally concede.

  I’m rewarded with his perfect smile, and I shift in my seat. I don’t like feeling like this. I don’t want to want him.

  “You ever played two truths and a lie?”

  I nod.

  “Well we’re going to play it for each other.”

  I raise an eyebrow, unsure where he’s going with this.

  “We’re going to say three statements we think about the other and then we’re going to guess which one is a lie.”

  “About each other?”

  He grins. “Yup. Let’s hear what we think about each other, and what we don’t.”

  I’m confused. “This is what you want to play?”

  He nods. “You first.”

  I pause for a minute, unsure what to say, but he just stares back at me and I know he’s expecting a response.

  I hesitate for a second, trying to think about what I know is fact about Finn. “You have an amazing family. You’re really lucky.”

  He smiles. We both know t
hat one’s true. He’s so lucky to have such a big family that would do anything for him.

  I wait for him to say something about me, but he shakes his head. “You’re still up.”

  I don’t bother to argue. The sooner I do this, the sooner I can disappear and avoid him for the rest of the night. I don’t like the feelings he brings out in me.

  “I can’t believe you dated Lila Smitt for two years. I feel like you must have been thinking with your dick because there’s no way your mind told you that was a good idea.”

  He chuckles and shrugs good-naturedly. That one’s also true. “I was fourteen and she put out.”

  I laugh and shake my head. Typical boy.

  “I have one more, huh?”

  He nods.

  I rack my brain, trying to come up with a lie since the other two are clearly true. “You’re a crappy friend to Ethan.”

  He grins at me. “You know you’re supposed to make this hard for me, right? Not the easiest lie in the world, because we both know that boy would cry if I wasn’t here.”

  I smile back because it’s true. Finn and Ethan’s friendship is special. I’ve only been around it for a few months and I barely spend time with them, yet I can see it. They’ll be best friends forever, no matter who they’re with or where they live. Their bond won’t be broken. It makes me long for Kristen so bad I want to cry.

  “My turn,” he says, looking at me so intently it makes my stomach flip. I suddenly don’t want to hear this. I have a feeling Finn’s been thinking about it; there’s no way he would suggest this otherwise. He knows exactly what he wants to say to me, and now he’s found the perfect opportunity. If it’s anything like the last time he gave me a piece of his mind, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to hear it. I could kick myself for letting him put me in this situation.

  “I should go check on Pippa,” I say weakly, again standing to go.

  “Sit down, Izzy,” he instructs again.

  “She might need me,” I protest, but it’s pointless. I already know that.

  He shakes his head. “Ethan’s with her. She’d probably kill you if you interrupted them right now.”

  I can’t argue with that. I have a feeling Ethan doting on her is the best birthday present she could imagine.

  “You ready?”

  I nod. I don’t really have much of a choice.

  “You’re sad,” he starts. “You’re so sad all the time and I hate it. I hate that this is how I’m meeting you when you’re going through all this and can’t think about anything but how unhappy you are here, because I know this isn’t you. I know this isn’t what you’re normally like and I’m jealous of all the people you had in your life before your mom died who got to see you at your best.”

  My breath catches in my throat.

  “And you’re kind. You’re so kind you spent hours decorating this house for Pippa so she could have the perfect party she wanted. You invited everyone knowing it’s what she’d want even though you don’t care at all. You just wanted her to be happy, just like you were with Matty when that shit went down with Ethan. You saw him and were there for him when he needed you.”

  I swallow thickly. It hits me hard that he thinks I’m kind, that he doesn’t think I’m a horrible person who’s trying to screw everyone over like I thought he did.

  “The third one is that you love Ethan.” This really does make me want to burst into tears. “Even though you want everyone to think you hate him and don’t need him, you love him. You love him so much it scares you, and that’s why you push him away. You can’t stand the thought of loving someone and losing them again. You hate giving him that power to hurt you if it doesn’t go your way, and you’re willing to pretend you don’t need your brother because you can’t stand the thought that he might leave you again.”

  My eyes start blinking rapidly. I don’t know what to say.

  “And the last one—”

  I shake my head. “There’s only supposed to be three,” I whisper weakly, but a slow smile spreads across his face and I know it’s no use. He’s going to tell me what he thinks no matter what I do.

  His eyes find mine and I can’t look away. I can’t look away from his warm green eyes as they pin me still. “You’re beautiful.” He smiles, not breaking eye contact. “You’re so beautiful that sometimes when you look at me, I can’t concentrate. I can’t think of anything at all when you look at me.” He pauses to make sure I’m listening. And I am. I’m hanging off his every word. “And on one of those special, rare occurrences when you smile? When you smile, Izzy, the whole world stops moving, just for a second.”

  I’m breathing heavily but I don’t look away from Finn, and I don’t want to. I want to be with him. I need to be with him like I’ve never needed to be with someone before. It’s all I want, and I hate that. I don’t want to want anyone. I don’t want to need anyone.

  “So, what?” I manage to croak out. I clear my throat. “Now I guess which one is a lie?”

  He shakes his head, the laughter gone from his eyes, his expression dead serious. “None of them are lies. They’re all true. I just knew you’d never let me say it without playing a dumb game.”

  Kristen: I’m bored of not talking to you.

  Kristen: Please, Izzy. I really miss you.

  “Who’s that?”

  I glance over at Matty as we walk down the hall after chemistry.

  “Just a friend from home,” I mutter, pushing my phone back into my pocket and trying not to think about the fact that I miss Kristen too. So much. I wish I could reply to her messages, but the shame of what I did to her keeps stopping me.

  His eyes narrow on my face. “Everything okay?”

  I nod and follow him as he turns into a classroom and goes to a large storage room in the back. He opens it up and I gape as I see the amount of food stored there. Tins and tins of canned goods line the shelves. Dried products and other things too. Old clothes, jumpers, socks and shoes. Anything and everything is in here. Brand-new toothbrushes, shaving cream, deodorants, toothpastes. I watch in disbelief as Matty opens his bag and deposits some more cans of food on the shelves.

  “What?” he asks at the look on my face.

  “What is this stuff?”

  He narrows his eyes on me. “It’s Ethan’s drive for the homeless shelter.”

  “His what?”

  “Are you being serious? It’s all the team has been doing for the last two weeks. Next Monday we’ll pack it all up and take it down to the local homeless shelter and to the ones in Houston.”

  Is this what Evan was talking about the other day? I scan over the stuff as my mind tries to rake over the last couple of weeks and I remember the posters I’ve not paid attention to and announcements people have made that I’ve not listened to.

  “Explain it to me.”

  “Do you pay attention to anything?”

  “Obviously not.”

  He smirks. “When we were freshmen Ethan arranged a collection for the local homeless shelter in the first semester. He got everyone involved and made us all help collect stuff and talk to people about donating. I dunno, I guess the football team gets better results or something. Anyway, he’s done it every year since and it gets bigger every year. This isn’t even half of it. There are a bunch of other closets that are filled up more than this.”

  I just gape back at him.

  “Why does he do it? Did someone tell him to?”

  Matty shakes his head. “He just said he wants to, something about you need to remember the homeless when it starts to get colder and leading up to Christmas.”

  Tears prick my eyes. He’s my mother’s son all right. He’s her all over. They’re so alike it’s insane.

  “He didn’t tell me.”

  Matty shrugs. “He doesn’t like to make a big deal out of it. He does it on the downlow, getting other people to make announcements and stuff but he’s the one behind it and the one organising it all. He’d never admit it, but I know he donates a bunch of his own
money as well to help.”

  She’d be so, so proud of him.

  Matty rolls his eyes at me. “You two are ridiculous, you know? I swear if you actually communicated you wouldn’t have any issues at all.” He adds his new stock to the shelves. “We get passed stuff throughout the day. This is my second visit here today. Anything and everything is welcome.”

  I’m honestly speechless.

  He chuckles at my reaction. “You and him are a lot more alike than you think you are. You just need to see it.”

  That’s an insult to Ethan—I never would have thought to arrange something like this, and certainly not on this scale.

  “Come on, I’m hungry.”

  I fall into step with him as we exit the classroom and join the crowd heading for the cafeteria. I follow him to the lunch line, selecting my food and checking the ingredients, and I yawn as I pay and follow Matty as he steps towards his table.

  “See you later,” I say as I look towards my own. There’s a geography trip taking place today, so there’s only Paul, Pippa, and Rachel over there.

  Matty hesitates, looking towards his usual table. Evie and Lila are already sat there with a bunch of their friends. A couple of the guys from the football team are there too. “Can I sit with you today?”

  I raise an eyebrow, surprised.

  He shrugs. “I can’t deal with those guys today. Evie is driving me crazy asking about Ethan all the time, and I can’t believe I didn’t notice how bitchy she was until recently. I just want a drama-free lunch.”

  I glance at my table again and smile to myself, thinking about Matty, one of the most popular guys in school, joining us. “Sure.”

  We make our way over together, and Rachel looks up in surprise as Matty places his tray down. She opens her mouth to say something but then decides against it and snaps it shut.

  “Hey guys,” Matty greets them. “You don’t mind if I crash your lunch, right?”

  Pippa and Paul exchange a quick look. “No, not at all.”

  Matty grins back at them and launches into easy conversation about his weekend plans, managing to pull Paul and Rachel into talking about the best bits of Pippa’s party from last Saturday, and I hold back a smile. He’s such a great guy. I really hope he’s feeling better about things.