He stood at the back of the room, hands deep in his pockets, waiting for her. His dreads were pulled back in the customary low ponytail, and he wore a heavy coat and had his backpack slung over one shoulder. Sienna slowly trudged up the shallow steps of the auditorium and stopped just in front of him. His eyes were unreadable, his expression a perfect poker face.
“Hey,” Sienna said.
“Hey. I thought we could go to the food court to talk. Maybe get some coffee.”
Sienna nodded. At only nine o’clock, the area would mostly be deserted and quiet.
The perfect place to break up with someone.
He kept his hands in his pockets as they walked, a clear sign everything wasn’t fine between them. Sienna zipped her coat up against the wind, glad the rustling of trees at least interrupted the loud silence between them.
Aaron held open the door to the food court, and Sienna stepped inside. Most of the eateries didn’t serve breakfast and were closed, their lights off and signs dark. But the coffee shop had a girl working the counter, and Sienna could smell breakfast food from the sandwich place. After the biting wind, the silent food court was almost louder than the rustling trees had been.
“What do you want?” Aaron asked.
“Just a coffee,” Sienna said. She stepped up to the counter and pulled out her wallet.
Aaron’s hand covered hers, and she jumped at the sudden contact. “I’m paying,” he said.
Sienna swallowed and nodded. Maybe he wasn’t going to break up with her after all. Or maybe he felt guilty making her pay for the I’m-dumping-you comfort drink.
Aaron paid for their drinks, then motioned to a table in a secluded corner of the food court. She wondered if that meant this conversation would take a while, and he anticipated still being here when the fast food restaurants opened and the building overflowed with the lunch rush.
Sienna sank onto the hard chair and watched as Aaron slowly took a sip of coffee. She wrapped her hands around her own cup, feeling the heat seep through the Styrofoam and into her hands. She couldn’t drink anything when her stomach was a tight ball of worry.
The next few minutes lasted a lifetime, but Sienna was determined to let Aaron speak first. She took a sip of her coffee, burning her tongue. She didn’t care. She couldn’t just sit there and stare at him.
“I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days,” he said.
Sienna nodded, relieved he’d finally spoke. Whatever the result of this conversation, she was glad they were having it.
He took another sip of his coffee, his eyes holding hers. “I want to clarify a few things to make sure I have everything correct. That conversation’s kind of a blur.”
“Okay.” Her voice came out soft and squeaky, and she cleared her throat. “Ask me anything.”
“Dane’s the ex-boyfriend who’s been contacting you lately.”
“Yes.”
“Because he wants to see your . . .” He gulped. “Your son.”
“Yes.” Sienna wanted to say more—wanted to jump in with explanations. But Aaron needed to lead this conversation.
“Has Dane been around a lot since Hunter was born?” Aaron said the words quietly, his eyes on the table. Was he jealous?
Sienna couldn’t take the physical distance anymore. She leaned forward and grabbed his hand. “Dane didn’t want anything to do with Hunter. He disappeared as soon as he realized I wouldn’t get an abortion. When he showed up again right after we met, it was the first time I’d seen him since high school graduation.”
“Are you glad he’s back?”
Sienna didn’t even have to think about that. “Absolutely not. But it’s not my choice whether he’s in Hunter’s life. If Kyra and David let him in, then I’ll be around him sometimes by extension.”
Aaron nodded. He flexed his fingers, his words slow and labored. “Have you talked to him since Sunday?”
“We met yesterday. I think he finally understands that I can’t be the middleman. He won’t bother me anymore.”
“That’s good. I mean, I know that’s what you want.” Aaron took another sip of coffee, his eyes far away. Sienna had never seen him so somber.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked.
“I’m trying to understand what made you give your baby away.”
“Place my baby.”
“Place your baby.” It was a small concession, but it felt like a giant leap forward. “I don’t understand what made you do it. Did you give him away because Dane wasn’t around?”
“No. If Dane had been on board, it would’ve made a lot of things easier. But it wouldn’t have changed the outcome.” Sienna leaned back, tracing the business logo on her cup. “It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I cried and prayed and talked to my parents, and adults I trusted, and my pastor. I met with a Christian crisis center dozens of times. There were lots of factors that went into my decision, but ultimately, only one mattered. I knew—knew—that Hunter wasn’t supposed to be mine. The first time I saw Kyra and David’s picture, I started sobbing. I knew immediately they were his family.”
“Do you see him a lot?”
“Every time I’m home. I text Kyra a few times a week and video chat with the kids every month or so. It’s not the same as your situation. Hunter knows me. I’m ‘Aunt Sienna’ in their family. He knows he grew in my tummy, but that Kyra and David are his parents.”
Aaron looked away. “This is a huge mental shift for me. I’ve never known a birth mom. I’ve always assumed they chose adoption because it was the easy way out.”
Her heart twisted at the admission. “I can’t speak for your birth mom, but I can speak for me. And I promise you—I made the decision for him, not for me.”
“I met her.”
The words were so quiet, Sienna almost didn’t hear them. “Excuse me?”
Aaron looked up, his gaze steady. “My birth mom. I went to Baltimore yesterday. It was her. My half brother was there, too.”
“Oh my gosh.” Sienna ran a shaky hand through her hair. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Her name is Yolanda.” He quickly brushed at his eyes. “She’s so young. She was only seventeen when she had me. Seventeen, and she’d already given birth twice.”
“Oh, Aaron.” Sienna’s heart ached.
“She works three jobs just to pay for her crappy apartment. Doesn’t even have a high school diploma. I have two more half-siblings.” He shook his head. “That’s not important right now. When I realized what Dane was saying, I felt betrayed. It was like you suddenly became a different person.”
Fear clutched at Sienna’s chest, and she swallowed it back. “I’m the same. I’m right here. Nothing’s changed for me.”
“Meeting Yolanda yesterday . . . it was hard. I’ve spent my whole life believing my birth mom was a selfish person who couldn’t be bothered with me. I’ve struggled my whole life to fit in, to find my identity. I’ve talked with so many others who felt the same way. Birth mom has always been a negative in my mind.”
Sienna’s heart shredded and the remains turned to ice. “If that’s how you think of me, then I guess we’re done here.” She grabbed her backpack and rose, leaving the coffee on the table. She didn’t want his pity comfort drink.
Aaron grabbed her arm. “Wait.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you yesterday. I know adoption’s been hard for you, and I want to help.”
“Sienna—”
“But I won’t apologize for placing my son. I made the right decision for Hunter. He isn’t you, and I’m not your birth mom.”
“I know. When I met my mom yesterday, I finally started to understand on an emotional level. She wanted more for me. For the first time in my life, I really, truly tried to see things from a birth mother’s perspective.” Aaron gently caressed her cheek, making her shiver. “I’ve been letting bitterness and prejudice rule my life for too long. And I’m done.”
Hope sprang in h
er heart, and Sienna held her breath. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I love you. I’m head-over-heels, can’t-eat-can’t-sleep, crazy in love with you. I want to know everything about you, and I want to spend the rest of my life proving how much you mean to me. Please. Allow me that chance. I want to make this work so badly.”
Sienna blinked, tears pouring down her cheeks. She let out a laugh and threw her arms around his neck. “I love you, too.”
His lips found hers, and she kissed him like he was the only man on earth.
He was the only man. At least for her.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers. “I shouldn’t have judged you for something I knew nothing about.”
“And I’m sorry for not telling you sooner,” Sienna said. “I was so scared, and I didn’t know how to start the conversation. Adoption’s been such a negative experience for you.”
“I’m trying to heal,” Aaron said. “Yolanda seems willing to answer my questions. I want you to meet her.”
“I would love that.” Sienna wiped away a tear with a shaky hand. “And I wanted to help you understand how positive adoption had been for me. I want to make this work. We will make this work.”
Aaron laughed, kissing her again. “You have no idea how good that is to hear. I thought for sure you’d kick me to the curb.”
“I thought you would kick me to the curb.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. And then he kissed her again.
Five Months Later
Sienna gripped Aaron’s hand tightly as the plane dove steadily downward. She held her breath as the runway rose to meet the wheels. The plane landed with a thump, and her ears filled with the roar of the engines as the runway sped past. The plane slowed, and Sienna relaxed her grip on Aaron’s hand.
“You okay?” he asked.
She nodded.
“I didn’t peg you as a nervous flyer.” He popped a piece of gum and handed her one.
“Thanks,” she said, taking it. Hopefully it would unplug her ears. “I’m usually not scared of airplanes. But the audition has me on edge.”
“You’ll do great.” Aaron kissed her on the temple. “And even if you bomb it, I’ll love you either way.”
She whacked his chest. “Thanks.”
“I’m teasing. Juilliard would be an idiot not to accept you.”
She hoped he was right. “Thanks for coming with me.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Sienna turned on her phone and found a photo text from Kyra. She laughed, showing the picture to Aaron. Hunter sat proudly on the toilet, butt naked and grinning.
“Looks like he finally went potty like a big boy,” Sienna said.
“Of course he did,” Aaron said. “That kid is awesome. We have to find a Statue of Liberty stuffed toy for him and Sophie. I promised them both.”
“That’s a great idea,” Sienna said, her heart bursting with happiness. “We won’t forget.”
“Let’s send them a picture, so they know we got here safely.” Aaron pulled her close and held up his phone. “Smile.”
Sienna couldn’t stop smiling, even if she tried.
They collected their baggage, and then went outside to wait for a taxi. The whole trip felt startlingly familiar, but different at the same time. The air was unseasonably warm for March, just like it had been last year. The curb was packed with people waiting for taxis, just like last year. The air smelled like exhaust and body odor, just like last year.
Aaron squeezed her hand, offering a reassuring smile. His dreads were pulled back in the low pony she loved. He smiled, and her heart flipped. Even after five months, that hadn’t changed. Whatever the outcome of her audition, she’d be okay. She still had Aaron, after all. And Hunter, too.
The last five months had been a blur. They’d had a lot of good times, and a few difficult ones as well. In December, Sienna had brought Aaron home for Christmas. With Kyra and David’s blessing, she’d introduced Aaron to Hunter. The meeting had gone better than she could’ve hoped for, and the two had instantly fallen in love with each other. By the end of the trip, Hunter had called him Uncle Aaron and begged him not leave. It had only made Sienna love Aaron more.
Dane had been to Utah twice and met with Kyra and David both times. He’d even brought a gift for Hunter—a football signed by his entire team. Kyra and David seemed happy with how things were progressing, and said Dane seemed in it for the long haul. They weren’t ready to let him meet Hunter, but said they’d consider it if things continued going well. Sienna hoped they would—for Hunter, and for Dane.
Aaron continued to develop a tentative relationship with his birth mom. Sienna had finally met Yolanda over Thanksgiving, and the two had instantly bonded. There were still a lot of unresolved feelings on Aaron’s end. But he was making progress, and Sienna was grateful he’d allowed her to be a part of it.
“Cab’s here,” Aaron said, pulling her out of her trance.
The inside smelled like stale coffee and cigarette smoke, but Aaron didn’t seem to notice. He pulled Sienna close, excitedly pointing out landmarks he recognized as they drove past.
“I can’t wait to see everything,” Aaron said.
Sienna laughed. “There will be plenty of time to sightsee after my audition. I can’t believe you’ve never been to New York.”
He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “I’m glad. That means I get to experience it for the first time with you.”
Sienna blushed, her stomach fluttering with a different kind of excitement. She couldn’t wait to explore the sights with him.
They spent the evening admiring Times Square, then video chatted with the Petersons for a while. Liv called, too, eager to tell Sienna about her date with the man of the hour—an international business consultant named Aidan with a British accent. Eldon was long gone, which no one was particularly sad about. Sienna thought something might be different about Aidan, though. Liv had a sparkle in her eye that Sienna had never seen before.
Sienna slept fitfully, audition stress waking her up every hour. When the cab finally pulled up to Juilliard the next morning, her nerves were frayed.
Sienna stared at the building, her heart in her throat. The ultra-modern design with sleek, sharp lines and large windows was as intimidating as ever.
Aaron paid the cabbie and grabbed her bag. “Ready?” he asked.
She nodded and took his hand, walking into the building. One hour until her audition. She could do this.
Sienna checked in, then went to freshen up. She changed into a simple black audition dress, then reapplied her makeup and fluffed her hair.
A student employee ushered Sienna and Aaron to a classroom to wait. Sienna couldn’t sit still, and instead paced. The room was small and nothing spectacular. There were desks for twenty and a white board at the front. Two other students sat in the room, a girl and a boy. They both looked impossibly young, maybe sixteen or seventeen. Surely they couldn’t be seniors. Were they graduating high school early? Sienna turned, tracing her steps back up the length of the room. She was getting too old for this. Today—her last Juilliard audition—she’d put it all on the line.
The door opened, and the employee spoke with someone on the other side. She turned, pointing to Sienna. “You’re next,” she said. “Get ready. You have about five minutes.”
Sienna nodded, her breaths coming more rapidly. She wanted this so badly.
“Hey.” Aaron grabbed Sienna’s hands, pulling her to a stop. “Take a deep breath. You’ll do awesome.”
“What if I don’t get in again?” she whispered.
“Look at me.”
Sienna blinked, focusing on his face—the strong line of his jaw, the kindness in his eyes.
“You’ve got this,” he said.
“It’s time.” The employee motioned for Sienna to follow her.
Aaron grabbed her bag, and they trailed the employee down a long hallway.
They paused outside a black door.
“Only Sienna can go in,” the employee said, an apologetic smile on her lips.
Aaron nodded. He crushed Sienna to him in a hug. “I love you. Now go slay that audition.”
Sienna gave him a quick kiss, then opened the door to what looked like a professor’s office. A grand piano stood in the center of the room, and the panel of judges sat in a line of chairs.
Eight pieces. Fifty-five minutes. She could do this.
She introduced herself to the judges, then sat down and started playing. She pushed everything else out of her mind and focused on the music, harnessing the emotion she’d perfected in Aaron’s Melody and channeling it into each piece. She forgot about the judges, the audition, and her nerves, and just played.
On the last note of the last piece, the room came back into focus. Sienna gulped, then rose in what she hoped was a graceful manner. The judges’ faces were impassive, giving nothing away. After two prior auditions, she’d expected nothing less. She thanked the judges and left the room.
As soon as he saw her, Aaron pulled Sienna into his arms, kissing her soundly. “How’d you do?” he asked.
Sienna paused, considering. She’d played every note correctly, infused the correct amount of emotion and technique into each piece. She’d never felt better after a performance, audition or otherwise. “I think this was my best audition yet. But it doesn’t matter.”
Aaron’s brow furrowed. “Huh?”
“I realized something as I left that room.” She held out an arm, motioning to the school at large. “I would love to come to Juilliard. It would fulfill a life-long dream. But Juilliard isn’t what’s important to me anymore.”
He ran a finger over her cheek. “And what is important to you?”
“You.” She placed a hand lightly on his chest. “Whether I get in or not, I’ll be okay. Because I have you. Juilliard is no longer my goal. Building a life together—that’s what I want.”
Aaron laughed, burying his face in her neck. “I love you. If you get in—and you will—I’m coming with you. I’ll transfer. I’ll do whatever I have to. Your dreams are my dreams. We’re in this together.”
Tomorrow's Lullaby Page 19
