Lust & Trust

by Amanda Cain

  “Ryan,” I panted.

  “Just let me know when, baby,” he whispered. Moments later, we exploded together. The tingling, mind-numbing sensation rushing through me left me throbbing and helpless.

  He rolled over me, freed my arms, and removed the blindfold.

  “You’re still trembling.” He pushed a strand of hair away from my face, a gesture that was now becoming welcome and familiar.

  “After what you just did to me, I don’t think I will ever stop.” I lay there a while, allowing the feeling of complete satisfaction and happiness flow through my veins.

  I know I’m heading for a world of hurt with this guy, but at the moment, it feels worth it. I smiled, too happy to dwell on the probable aftermath.

  “Mmm,” I finally stirred. “I could lie here forever if I weren’t so hungry!” As I got up, I saw the vibrator lying there.

  “Hey, isn’t that my vibrator?” I said in horror. It was pink, so kind of hard to miss.

  Still lying in the bed, Ryan looked up at me with a sly, impish grin. “I saw it when you opened your nightstand. I figured if you were going to use it when I’m not around, I wanted you to be thinking about me when you did.”

  I felt a warmth come over my face, and knew I was blushing. “Deal,” I said, realizing I couldn’t hide my embarrassment. But he was right. There was no way I could ever pick up that vibrator again without thinking about him.

  *

  For dinner, we went to Pearl Street and stopped at the West End Tavern for hamburgers. I wanted to get to know Ryan better but was afraid of asking something he wasn’t comfortable answering. We needed a safe word for when we weren’t having sex instead of when we were.

  “If you could do anything you wanted … if money was not a problem … say you won the lottery … what would you do?” Ryan asked.

  “Hmm, that’s a tough question. I’d have to think about it.”

  “Nope, no thinking. What’s the first thing that came to your mind?”

  No amount of money would matter unless you had the right person to share it with, was the first thing I thought, which was completely out of character for me and not something I wanted to share with Ryan.

  “I guess I’m lucky. I’m pretty much living a life I love. I love what I do and where I live. Although I wouldn’t mind a house in the mountains. “Oh! I know what I would do …” I said. “I volunteer on occasion at the local animal shelter; I adopted Sierra from there when she was just a puppy. If money were no object, I’d build a big ranch for the dogs, somewhere they could run and play. The conditions at the shelter suck. The dogs have no real room and are in cages most of the time. The shelter does the best they can, but in real life, money is an object.” I suddenly felt sad.

  Ryan took my hand and smiled. “That’s pretty cool. On both accounts. Being happy with your life as it is and the fact that if you could do anything, instead of traveling the world or buying shit, you’d help make a local shelter better for animals. I also like the idea of a house in the mountains.” His eyes flickered mischievously.

  “Turnaround is fair play. What about you? What would you do?” I asked.

  “Build a time machine.”

  “What?”

  “Just kidding. I’m a Sci-fi nerd. Although, if it were possible to build one, it would be pretty cool.”

  “No, let’s go with that. If you could build a time machine, how far back would you travel and would you change anything?” I asked.

  Ryan’s eyes sparkled. “That’s where the fantasy ends. If you altered something in the past, then you would also impact everything touched by that event, drastically changing the present. That’s where the whole time machine thing gets fucked-up.” He laughed. “You can’t change the bad things in the past without it fucking up the good things in the present.”

  “So wouldn’t the answer be not to change the past, but somehow make it right in the present?”

  Ryan looked at me more serious now. “Ideally, yes. You’re pretty smart for a young’un.”

  “Young’un? I’m not that much younger than you. Oh my God, I don’t even know how old you are. How old are you?”

  Ryan laughed. “Last night, you said you didn’t have any other questions.”

  I waded up my napkin and threw it at him. “I don’t think your age is going to give away whatever dark secret you’re hiding. And remember, no more lies.”

  Catching the napkin I had thrown, he said, “Thirty-one. Em, I keep my promises. I won’t tell you any more lies. When you ask a question, be sure you want to know the answer.” He tried to sound like he was joking, but I knew he wasn’t.

  I already believed he wouldn’t lie, and I had also already found myself not asking questions that might tell me more than I wanted to know.

  He changed the subject. “Did you need a college degree to become a programmer?”

  “It’s not necessary. There are a ton of books out there to teach you the languages. But I did get my BS in Information Systems at CU in Denver.”

  Ryan smiled. “CU? Good school. I went to CU for a business degree here in Boulder.”

  “Here?” I was surprised. “When? What made you choose Boulder?”

  The waitress brought our bill. Ryan paid, and we headed for the truck without him ever answering my questions. I was getting good on knowing when not to push for answers.

  I believed Ryan was more than a hard body, gorgeous face, and terrific lay. I always enjoyed our conversations. However, what I learned about him, outside of our bedroom antics, only happened in small bits and pieces—and I was left to fill in the gaps.

  On the way back to the house, my phone went off. It was Char again. I didn’t answer it.

  “If you don’t call her, she’s going to report you missing to the police,” Ryan joked. He might have been joking, but it wasn’t out of the question.

  “I know. I will when we’re back at the house. Just not sure what I’m going to tell her.”

  “Chicken shit. Tell her the truth.”

  “She will ask me all the things I’m not asking you.”

  “Tell her I’m a drug dealer on the run from the Feds.”

  I looked at him in horror, “Ryan are …”

  “Seriously, Emma? I understand it is hard to believe me under the circumstances, but you are going to have to if we are going to continue. Remember the things you asked. I’m not fucking anyone but you, and I’m not involved in anything illegal. You have my word.”

  I nodded. He was right. If I was in this, I was in it. Playing by the very rules I created.

  Back at the house, I called Char and listened patiently while she spent five minutes lecturing me about friendship, caring, and how I scared the hell out of her. She was pissed that I didn’t pick up my phone, especially since she wasn’t sure if Randy came with me.

  I knew she was right. If the tables had been reversed, I probably would have driven up the mountain to Boulder to find her.

  I took a deep breath and told her the truth. When I told her I was with Ryan and not to worry, she really let me have it.

  “What? Are you crazy? Did you know all along that you were going hiking with him? I insist you at least get his fucking last name!” Her voice rising with each sentence.

  I was surprised to hear Bob’s voice in the background. “Back off, Char. If Emma wants to spend time with Ryan, let her be. He seems like a decent guy.”

  “We will talk about this later. In the meantime, be careful and call me once you’re home,” she said, a bit too gruff. Bob was about to get an earful. I hoped he at least enjoyed the Rockies game with Brandon.

  I was relieved the conversation was over, but I couldn’t help wonder about Bob defending Ryan. It was unusual for him to offer his opinion when it involved Char and me, especially if it wasn’t what Char wanted to hear. I’m sure it was just guys sticking together; they appeared to have hit it off.

  Ryan walked in. “I see you survived your conversation with Charlotte. Ready for me to whip yo
ur butt at a game of pool?”

  “As if!” I said, giggling. I sucked at pool, but I planned to distract him with a few well-placed shots bending over the table.

  He racked up the balls. “What are we playing for?”

  “Oh, we’re making this a game of stakes, are we?”

  “Of course,” he said, his eyes traveling over my body and the pool table, not trying to hide the perverted thoughts going through his mind.

  “I win you are in my debt and must do whatever I say for the rest of the night.”

  Like I haven’t already?

  “And if I win, you, sir, are at my mercy and must do whatever I say!”

  “Sounds like a win-win for me. Deal.”

  “Deal,” I agreed.

  Chapter 11

  Emma

  “Ouch!” Ryan slapped my butt. I was bent over the table about to take my next shot.

  “Don’t think I’m not mindful of what you’re doing. If you think that beautiful ass of yours can distract me and keep me from winning, you might be right.” He turned me around and kissed me. I felt the sparks fly through me as our lips touched and thought about just how much I was going to enjoy losing this bet. Despite my best efforts at distraction, I lost our game of pool.

  Ryan had me bent over the table and began pulling my shorts off, tickling me.

  “Time to collect my winnings. Anywhere, anytime, anyway!”

  “Wait!” I was laughing so hard I could hardly talk. “Air hockey,” I managed to let out in between bouts of uncontrolled laughter as Ryan continued to tickle me.

  Ryan stopped. “Air hockey?” Intrigued, he glanced at the table. “You are not proposing that you can beat me at air hockey, are you?”

  I struggled to gain control of my breath. “Of course I am,” I bragged. “That’s my game, and I am positive I will win!” This time I meant it. I really was good at air hockey. Char and Bob had a game in their basement, and I almost always won against Bob.

  “Hmm…” Ryan stroked his chin “…why should I take your challenge when I have already won my prize?” He raised one eyebrow up and gave me a playful, knowing half-smile.

  “Well, we still have tomorrow.”

  “Same bet?”

  “Same bet.”

  “Deal.” He held out his hand so we could shake on it.

  “Wait, hold on. Just in case, even if I should somehow lose, I get an hour,” I said.

  “An hour?”

  “Yes, an hour where you are at my mercy.”

  Ryan shook his head slowly. “Em, I already am.” His words knocked down my defenses. For a moment, I almost forgot that there was no future here.

  “No,” I squealed as he deflected my last chance at getting a goal. “I can’t believe I lost. I always win this game!”

  “While your skills are incredible and you put up a good fight…” he pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms around my waist “…you have no chance against me.”

  “I agree, Mr. Smith, you are quite skillful.”

  His face tightened, and he grew serious when I called him Mr. Smith. I tilted my head inquisitively.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I … Nothing, just a little exhausted. If we’re going to hike in the morning, we should get to bed.”

  “Um, sure. You’re right. Tomorrow will be a long day.” Wow, talk about an instant mood change. I guess he isn’t planning on collecting his winnings tonight.

  Sharing the bathroom, we got ready for bed. His mood seemed better but still pensive. I was sure he was holding something back. Should I push it? Ask him why the sudden change? No. If he wants to tell me, he will. I decided to try another tactic …

  “Good night, Mr. Smith.” I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek. He looked down at me, twisted a strand of my hair around his finger, smiled, and kissed me. The kiss wasn’t passionate but loving and gentle.

  “Good night, Em. I’ll be done in a minute.”

  I let out a sigh as I got into bed. Maybe it was my imagination and his mood change had nothing to do with me using his last name. He probably was just tired. Despite his funky mood, I could really get used to brushing my teeth next to that man every night. Think short term. You could get used to brushing your teeth next to this man for a little while, my inner voice corrected.

  I woke up the next morning with my arms around Ryan and his around me, our legs intertwined. The sun was beginning to filter into the room, and Sierra was restless. Noticing I was awake, Sierra leaped up and tried to snuggle her way between us. Ryan opened one eye and smiled.

  “Sierra must know she is going hiking with us today.”

  At the mention of her name, Sierra crawled the rest of the way up to Ryan and planted a big sloppy kiss on him.

  How could this be so comfortable this soon? There was no way this was gonna end up in any way but heartbreak. Mine.

  I got out of bed to start some coffee. Ryan pulled me back down, kissing me.

  “I’ll make breakfast,” he said.

  “You cook?”

  “I am an excellent cook, and you are in for a culinary treat.”

  “I lost our bets, and you’re cooking? I love it!”

  I ran to the bathroom for my shower before he had a chance to change his mind. By the time I was done drying my hair, Ryan had eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy, and strawberries on the kitchen island. I sat down on the stool, eyeing the biscuits and gravy hungrily.

  “This is a lot of food!” I leaned over and stole a small piece of bacon from the pile.

  Ryan sat down beside me and passed me a plate. “I need to keep your energy up. Dig in,” he said, feeding me a strawberry.

  I took the first bite of my biscuits and gravy. “Mmm, this is yummy. How did you learn to cook like this?”

  “You like?”

  “I like so spill … who taught you how to cook?”

  Ryan sighed. “Sometimes it’s necessary to step up and do things for yourself. Turns out I’m pretty good at it.”

  I wanted to press him for more information, but the sadness in his eyes made me decide to let it go for now. We ate in silence since I kept shoving food in my mouth. After eating, we cleaned up the dishes, packed our backpacks, and set out for the trails.

  Ryan liked to hike as much as I did, and I appreciated that he didn’t feel the need to talk constantly the entire time. We seemed instantly comfortable with each other, joking around or just being quiet together. Except, of course, when it came to discussing his personal life. As we got close to the end of the trail, Ryan took my arm and turned me around, a cocky half-smile spreading across his face. Recognizing that look, my panties began to moisten. Wet panties were definitely becoming a casualty of being with Ryan.

  “Anywhere, anytime,” Ryan reminded me.

  “People. What if other hikers—”

  Ryan cut me off. “Sierra, stand watch.” Then he pulled me behind the rock.

  Wrapping my hair in his fingers, he pulled my hair back and tilted my face up. “I have been walking behind you, dreaming about your gorgeous butt all day.” He undid his pants and slid my shorts off.

  We heard Sierra barking wildly and could hear people talking on the path, not too far away. We both started giggling and scurried to get our clothes back on, our escapade foiled.

  “Sierra, come here, sweetie,” I yelled.

  She ran behind the rock, looking for us, and I put her leash on so she wouldn’t scare any hikers. Sierra was a big baby, but she looked intimidating. As we reentered the path, the hikers passed by us, nodding.

  We reached the bottom of the trail around 2:00 PM and ate at a local brewery that allowed dogs on the patio. Sierra was content with her hamburger, while Ryan and I shared some appetizers.

  I sat there taking in the beautiful day, trying not to ruin it by thinking about Ryan leaving.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” I shook my head.

  “Em, I may not have known you for very long, but I can tell when someth
ing’s wrong.” He rolled his eyes as he took my hand.

  “I was thinking about when you have to leave. Usually, after two days with someone, I can’t wait to be by myself.”

  “Oh, so now you can’t wait to get rid of me?” he joked.

  I leaned over and kissed him. “No, the problem is I’m not ready for you to leave yet.”

  “Em, let’s not spoil today. I will be back, and we can talk on the phone or Skype.”

  “I know. So why don’t you order me another glass of wine and then when we get back to the house you can order me to do something perverted,” I teased.

  I got up to go the ladies room and was halfway there when I heard someone call my name.

  “Emma? Emma, is that you?”

  Michael was sitting at a table with his buddies. “It is you!” Standing up, he wrapped his arms around me and leaned in for a quick kiss. “Char with you?”

  I didn’t want to be rude or embarrass him, so I responded with a return kiss and hoped Ryan wasn’t watching. “Michael, what are you doing in Boulder?” Michael grabbed hold of my hands as I stepped back.

  “Came up this morning to do a little tubing. After lunch, we’re going to hit some trails.” He let go of my hands and put his arm around my waist. “Hey, why don’t you come with?”

  I took a step back, forcing Michael to release my waist. “Sorry, Michael, I’m … um …”

  “With someone.” Ryan finished my sentence as he came up behind me and slid his arm around my waist. The same waist Michael had his arm around two minutes ago.

  “I’m Ryan, and you are?” He reached out to shake Michael’s hand.

  “Michael,” he said as he shook Ryan’s hand and looked at me, obviously confused.

  I glared at Ryan as I released myself from his arm wrapped around me.

  “Michael, I was on my way to the ladies’ room. We’ll talk soon, I promise.” Without looking at Ryan, I walked away.

  I stayed in the bathroom for several minutes, trying to calm down. I had planned to tell Michael about Ryan, but not like this. Last week he asked me if I was dating anyone. I had said no, which was true at the time. When I came out of the restroom, Michael was gone.