Lust & Trust

by Amanda Cain

  I walked back to our table and flung my purse down on the empty chair.

  “What was that all about?” we shouted in unison. If I weren’t so upset, I would have found it funny.

  “We need to leave,” I said, gritting my teeth.

  I didn’t consider myself to be the type of person who got angry easily. I usually held my anger for when someone severely crossed a line, but I was angry. Ryan couldn’t have known it was Michael until I introduced them. Michael was acting very familiar, so maybe Ryan thought he was coming to my rescue? Still, he could have waited until I returned and allowed me to explain. It wasn’t like I was in any kind of danger. My irritation was growing.

  Ryan paid the bill while Sierra and I went to the truck.

  We rode to the house in angry silence. Once inside, Ryan poured us both a drink.

  “Let’s go sit on the deck. I think we should talk.”

  I agreed and went outside. “What was that all about? You did not need to stake your claim! I would have explained when I got back to the table,” I yelled.

  “You are forgetting one thing.” He stared at me, unflinching. His eyes seemed to grow darker with each word. The tension between us was accelerating, but there was no mistaking the passion radiating from him. The air surrounding us seemed electrified.

  “And what’s that?” I snapped, my voice trembling as I tried to remain calm.

  “You’re mine. At least until you tell me differently. And I see nothing wrong with laying claim to what is mine. I also think it’s time you told me about Michael and what he means to you.”

  The contrast between the anger in his voice and the lust in his eyes frightened me and made me hot. How could I need to feel him inside me when I was so damn angry?

  “I am not your property. You don’t own me!” I screamed. Talking calmly when angry had never been my strong suit.

  “You are not listening.” His voice was stern, yet calm. “No, you are not my property, but until you tell me it’s over, we are monogamous, and I will not share your body or your emotions with any other man.”

  I was dumbfounded—and so turned on. I needed him to take me. Evidently, he had the same thought. He pulled me from my chair, tossed me over his shoulder, and carried me into the house.

  “Are you serious?!”

  “Not another word,” he said and threw me on the bed.

  His kiss was not gentle but carnal, filled with desire and need. Ryan took off his own clothes as fast as he could, and he had mine off seconds later.

  I needed him just as much and pulled his body on top of me, begging him to fuck me. He entered me, and I gasped at the force he used. He moved fast, slamming himself into me. Then he turned us over. I rode him as hard as I could. Staring at me, Ryan grabbed my waist and forced me up and down on him faster and faster until we both climaxed. I lay there, my head on his chest, breathing heavily, totally happy, still angry, and utterly confused.

  After a while, I eased myself off him. “I don’t know what we’re doing, but I know I am nowhere near ready to stop doing it.”

  The tension drained from his face as he pulled me closer. “Me neither, Em. Me neither.”

  Chapter 12

  Emma

  Still lying in bed, I remembered the lap pool on the side of the house. I needed some time by myself. Swimming would be the perfect way to be alone with my thoughts for a few minutes.

  Propping myself up on one elbow, I turned toward Ryan. “There is no way I can let that lap pool go to waste. You mind if I do a few laps?”

  “No, of course not. I’ll make us some drinks and sit by the pool while you do your laps. I’m anxious to see that body of yours in a bathing suit,” he teased.

  “Uh … you’ve already seen me naked, so a bathing suit will be kind of anti-climactic, won’t it?”

  Staring down at my sheet-clad body, Ryan grinned like an innocent twelve-year-old boy. “On the contrary. A little cloth covering the right parts, especially when you already know what wonderful adventures are hidden under that little cloth, can be quite intoxicating. And when that body happens to be perfect … what’s the opposite of anti-climactic?”

  “The opposite of anti-climactic would be what we’ve been doing all weekend.” I laughed and threw my pillow over his head as I got up.

  I changed into my bathing suit and retrieved a couple of towels from the linen closet. When I walked out into the kitchen, Ryan was busy making us a pitcher of lemonade.

  I had on my favorite tiny pale blue bikini that went well with my skin color and played on the blue in my own eyes. He was wearing regular swimming trunks, but on him the ordinary looked delicious. They stopped an inch below his knees but hung low on his hips, exposing that V-line that led to more exciting areas that enticed me. I was starting to understand what he meant about bathing suits.

  “Wow, I was definitely right about you in a bathing suit. I hope you don’t wear that out in public. In fact, don’t wear that in front of anyone but me,” he said.

  I let my eyes roam up and down his body. “I promise not to, but you need to put that weapon away until after I do my laps.” I laughed, pointing to the hard-on that was impossible not to notice.

  “It’s your fault.” He smiled, pointing at my bathing suit. Adjusting himself, he grabbed the pitcher of lemonade. “Let’s go.” I gathered the glasses and towels and followed him.

  Swimming, I got lost in my thoughts. I told myself before I got into this that it was just sex and I wasn’t going to allow emotions. I lied. I barely knew him, but I could no longer imagine not knowing him. After ten laps, I reluctantly got out of the lap pool and went to join Ryan at the swimming pool.

  I ran for the exercise or to clear my head, but swimming was my passion. Swimming was freedom, providing me time with whatever issue was consuming me: a piece of code, a song, Ryan, whatever. Swimming allowed my body to move in ways impossible in any other exercise. It was exhilarating and comforting. My favorite sport, though it never felt like exercise.

  I poured myself a glass of lemonade and sat next to Ryan, who had been sitting on the edge of the pool.

  “You’re an excellent swimmer.”

  “I love doing laps. It’s an excellent form of freedom and movement. Of course, living in Colorado, my swimming opportunities are limited. Did you grow up in Chicago?” I asked. Temporary forgetting the unspoken, no personal questions rule.

  Ryan shifted his eyes, hesitant to answer. He finally replied by shaking his head no.

  I could tell he was weighing the consequences of saying anything more.

  “No worries, Mr. Evasive. You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.” I decided to let him off the hook. He stared at me, and for a moment, I got a glimpse of a tortured man who had been hiding too many things for too long.

  “Denver,” he said, a slow smile working its way across his face. “I grew up in Denver.” His smile came easy, and his face softened. Even the color of his eyes seemed to change with a bright flicker of light intermingling with the more dominant, darker shades of jade. His entire essence seemed content and at peace as he spoke.

  I’m sure Ryan could tell I was surprised. “So, CU in Boulder makes more sense,” I said out loud. There were so many things I wanted to ask him. There was so much I wanted to know about him. How long did he live in Denver? Does he have brothers and sisters? What are his parents like? But there was no point in learning the intimate details that might endear him to me even more. Our relationship was short term. He’s never led me to believe anything different.

  Still, a few questions couldn’t hurt …

  He pushed me into the water then jumped in with me, successfully interrupting any questions I might wanted to have asked.

  We played around and dunked each other in the water for a while. Then I wrapped my legs around his waist and lay my head on the water, letting him drag me around while I floated on top.

  “Hungry?” he asked after a while.

  “Yes,” I said lazily,
“but I don’t want to go out.” I was fearful if we ventured into town we might run into Michael and spoil our last night together. We went inside to raid the refrigerator in search of food.

  “I didn’t pick up anything to cook aside from our breakfast this morning.” He rummaged through the kitchen drawers and found a bunch of menus from neighboring restaurants offering takeout. “How about we choose something, and I’ll go get it?”

  “That works!” I started looking over the menus. Then the possibility of Ryan running into Michael when he went to town crossed my mind, and I thought delivery might be a better option. “Pizza. Let’s have pizza delivered. That way neither one of us will have to go out.”

  “Sure.” He found a local Italian place that would deliver. “How do you like your pizza?”

  “Thin or medium crust, olives, and hamburger.”

  “Don’t be shy, tell me what you like.”

  I walked up to him and rubbed his cock. “Well, I like this.” I began kissing his neck.

  His erection was starting to grow as he removed my hand. “You are insatiable, and I am one lucky man, but food first.”

  “Fine,” I fake pouted. “I’ll go clean up while you order the pizza.”

  When I came back into the room, Ryan was on the phone. He glanced up and saw me. “Well, I have to go now, yes, me too. Bye.”

  The hair began to rise on the back of my neck. Who was he talking to like that? If I asked, he would tell me. Did I want to know? Twisting my lips, I could see the muscles in Ryan’s face tense as he braced himself for my questions. If we were going to continue being together, then shouldn’t I have faith in him? But in the back of my mind, I could hear Char’s voice screaming, “Ask dammit! He owes you an explanation!”

  We had been locked in awkward silence for too long.

  “How long before the pizza arrives?” I finally asked.

  He relaxed a little. “Any minute,” he said, exhaling. He pulled me to his lap. I could tell he was nervous. We were both grateful when the doorbell rang.

  “Yay, food!” I leaped off him and ran to the door.

  After dinner, Ryan went to shower. I walked into the bedroom. Ryan’s phone was sitting on the dresser. I was tempted to look through it and see who his last phone call had been. “No,” I admonished myself. Trust him. In reality, while it’s true trust is important, I was more afraid of discovering something that would force me to end our time together. I wasn’t ready to stop this. I wasn’t sure I could.

  I walked out to the deck. I loved Boulder. The view of the foothills was breathtaking, the air crisp. I wished this night could last forever. Ryan came out wearing nothing but a towel and wrapped his arms around me.

  “The view is amazing,” he whispered.

  I turned around to face him. Ryan cupped my face in his hands, and as he did, his towel slid off. Standing before me was the most perfect specimen of man I had ever seen.

  “The view is amazing,” I agreed. Kissing his chest, I began making my way down. “Truly amazing.” I slid my tongue around the head of his shaft and pulled him as deep into my mouth as possible. I wanted to make him happy, but I also needed him. Needed this. I looked up at Ryan, who was looking down at me with a look of such adoration it made me melt.

  As I moved up and down, he became a part of me. I could feel him swell and knew he was about to come.

  “Emma, I’m going to …”

  “Shh.” I moved faster.

  He exploded, and as I took him in, a wave of contentment consumed me. Excited that I could please him, happy that he was here with me.

  “Emma, Emma, Emma.” He pulled me up. “What you do to me. No one has ever made me …” and then he stopped himself.

  Kissing me, he guided me off the deck onto the bed where we both fell asleep.

  I woke up as the sun was starting to set. I took a long sip of the water, which was sitting on the nightstand, and watched Ryan as he slept. The word love entered my subconscious, and I immediately chastised myself. This is a short term thing with a guy you know nothing about. You’re allowing yourself this so you can get him out of your system and move on! At least that is what you’re telling yourself.

  Ryan woke up. “I’d ask you what you’re thinking, but by the look on your face, I might not like the answer.”

  “Want something to drink?” I asked, avoiding any kind of response to his statement.

  “Sure.”

  I put on Ryan’s shirt that had been draped over the chair and went into the kitchen to get us a couple of beers. When I came back, Ryan was standing on the deck, wearing only his boxers.

  “Emma, I don’t want you to see Michael while I’m gone.”

  “I said I wouldn’t. Monogamous, remember?”

  “No, not just monogamous. I don’t want you in the same room with Michael. Call him if you need to, but only to tell him it is over. Trust me, it is not over for Michael. He still wants you. Is it over for you, Em?

  “Yes, Ryan, it is. You don’t need to worry, I’m not going to sleep with him, I promise.”

  “Emma, tell me you will not be in the same room with him.”

  I hesitated, and I could see his face tense as he clenched his teeth. I had seen him do this enough to recognize it as a sign he was upset.

  “Fine, I will not be in the same room as Michael while you’re gone.” I hadn’t decided if I thought his request was unreasonable. But the irrational little girl in me was excited that he was jealous.

  “Excellent.” He nodded, his jawline loosening as the tension eased from his face. “Now, I believe it’s time for me to collect on our bets. As cute as you look in it, please take my shirt off.” His body was calmer, his voice leaving no room for argument.

  I started to go inside.

  “No, out here on the terrace.”

  The area was secluded but still … Oh well. I unbuttoned the shirt and slid it down my shoulders.

  He moved closer to me. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” The sound of his voice alerted my body of the pleasure to come.

  A man of his word, he was back in seconds. Coming up behind me, he massaged the back of my neck and ran his hands down the back of my arms. Turning me around to face him, he pressed his knee between my legs, spreading them apart. He slid his fingers into me with one hand and twisted his hand around my hair with the other. Pulling my hair back, he lifted my chin up and lightly ran his lips over mine. “Go get on the bed and spread your legs.”

  I did as he asked. Desire and excitement coursed through my body in anticipation of what he might do. He always managed to bring out both the woman and the little girl in me. Ryan got on his knees. I could feel his breath between my thighs. Something began vibrating, but not like my vibrator. It was like his tongue was vibrating!

  “What are you …?” I started to sit up. He glared at me, his eyes demanding, “Don’t move. If you move, the game will change.”

  I lay back down, loving this new sensation too much to take a chance of him stopping. While this strange vibrating tongue continued its assault, he put a small object just slightly up my other end. I squirmed, not wanting to go there. He held me down and gently, very gently, let both ends take me to places I had never been. Within minutes, I was screaming in ecstasy and panting like a wild animal. I came and seconds later I came again! How would I ever be able to give this up?

  Lying there naked, I was physically and mentally unmasked, all my protective barriers knocked down. I was vulnerable to his whims and desires.

  He crawled up beside me, smiling down at me. “You are so beautiful. I don’t think I will ever get enough of you.” Then he entered me. I loved watching Ryan move inside me. I had never felt so attached to another human being. I wish he could stay inside me forever.

  We woke up early the next morning. I knew the day was going to be bittersweet.

  “What time do you have to leave?” I asked.

  “Flight leaves at 2:00 PM.”

  I forced a halfhearted smile. “Gues
s I better pack.”

  We cleaned out the fridge and packed up the truck. We stopped in town to eat before heading home. As Ryan and I walked into the local restaurant, I saw Michael. He was sitting in his car, watching us.

  Great, now he knows I stayed the night with Ryan. I would have preferred he didn’t find out this way. I felt like I had played with Michaels’s emotions and led him on, even if it wasn’t intentional.

  Back at my house, we had an hour before Ryan had to leave for the airport.

  “Do you want to talk?”

  “No.” I walked over to the couch. “Lie here with me. I’ll set the alarm so you won’t miss your flight.” Ryan lay next to me, spooning and caressing me. Facing away from him, he couldn’t see the tears that flowed silently down my cheeks.

  Standing in the doorway about to leave, he went to kiss my forehead. I pulled back.

  “No, parting kisses on the forehead. I want a real kiss!”

  He parted my lips, kissing me passionately. “I’ll be back, I promise.”

  “When?”

  Ryan flashed his most apologetic smile. “I’m not sure yet, Em. Soon as I can.”

  He kissed my forehead jokingly, and I good-naturedly punched his arm. Then he was gone.

  Fuck, I was going to miss him. I was already into this emotionally more than I had planned. I hated not knowing when I would see him again. I hated that he was gone. I hated that I hated that he was gone! How was this man getting to me so quickly? I feared he was getting into places in my head that I had never allowed any man. Not even my ex.

  I called Char. “Hey, want to grab a bite to eat after work tomorrow?”

  “You’re back, good! Yes, I’ll tell Bob he’s on his own, and we can go to dinner. Anything you want to talk about tonight?”

  “No, I’m exhausted. I’ll tell you all about it at dinner tomorrow.”

  As I unpacked my suitcase, I found Ryan’s shirt, the one I had worn for a few short minutes while we were in Boulder. He must have packed it when I wasn’t looking. I unfolded it and held it to my nose. It smelled like him, clean, like fresh soap. Manly.