Lust & Trust

by Amanda Cain

  Chapter 13

  Ryan

  Emma was all I could think about on my flight back to Chicago. I might have wanted to but I hadn’t expected to sleep with her. My intentions were somewhat honorable. So I told myself. I just wanted to see her, to be around her and was willing to give friends without benefits a try.

  I’d never met anyone like her. She laughed easily, a hardy laugh for such a little thing, one that turned heads and made you smile. Her body was awesome, but her sensuality came from within. It was just there in everything she did. My feelings about Emma were new to me. Was I becoming attached?

  How long could we make this work? How long would she want to? How much was it going to hurt when it reached its inevitable end?

  She had been great about not asking a lot of questions, but I think she was hoping, maybe we both were, that we could fuck each other enough over the weekend to get it out of our systems and move on. That didn’t happen. Not for me, and not for her. I wanted her more now than ever. Did it have to end? How could I make it work? It had been a few years since I talked to a lawyer. Maybe I should try again.

  *

  When I arrived at Lindsey’s, she was getting ready to go out.

  “You’re late,” she snapped. “Melissa said you wanted her to stay with you for a week. You are supposed to talk to me first before putting ideas in her head! As it happens, I’m planning an outing with some friends, so it all works out. But next time you want Melissa, you go through me first!” she said, waving her finger at me.

  She was still a complete bitch, but I had noticed some changes in her since I moved out. She seemed more independent. She hadn’t asked for my help with anything around the house for months. Lindsey hadn’t had any friends—that I knew of—since high school. If she was meeting new people, it might make it easier for her to consider a divorce. I decided to take the high road.

  “I’m sorry, Lindsey, you’re right. I should have talked to you first.”

  “Yes, you should have.” Her tone was still combative.

  “I am glad you’re making new friends. Are they interested in antiques?”

  Lindsey eyed me suspiciously. “Yes, one of them buys and sells, I have bought several pieces from him.”

  It was the closest thing to a civil conversation we’ve had in many years. She looked anxious, and I didn’t want her to think I had any ulterior motive for asking. “That’s great. Is Melissa ready to go?”

  I was used to Lindsey hating me, but for Melissa’s sake I hoped we could find a way to get along.

  Melissa and I got in my car. “Sorry, Dad.”

  “For what?”

  “Saying anything to Mom. I was just excited.”

  “No worries, kiddo. Everything is fine. I’m excited about spending this week together. “

  “Me too! Where’d you go last week?”

  “Boulder. I had some business to handle.” I smiled as memories of my business in Boulder ran through my head.

  “Cool. Maybe next time you go to Colorado, I could go with you? I love it there.”

  “Me too, sweetheart. We’ll see.” I touched her face where the bruises had been and was thankful they had faded.

  “How about a trip to the zoo tomorrow?” Melissa loved the zoo, particularly the polar bear exhibit. I was not a fan of keeping wild animals in captivity, but at least the Lincoln Park Zoo did a decent job mimicking areas around the Arctic Circle with rolling terrain and cooling pools for the bears.

  “That would be great, Dad! Can I bring my friend Stacy?”

  “Sure, if Stacy’s mom doesn’t mind.”

  Melissa was excited and talked enthusiastically about the different animals at the zoo. She thought it would be fun to work there or become a trainer and work with the animals. My daughter’s excitement made me feel content and happy as well.

  The next morning we went to pick up Melissa’s friend. Stacy’s mom came to the door wearing a short dress and sandals, looking like the perfect MILF. She was quite attractive.

  “Hi,” I introduced myself. “I’m Ryan, Melissa’s father.”

  “Yes, I know who you are.” She smiled, a hint of seductiveness in her voice. “Melissa, Stacy is upstairs getting ready. Why don’t you go up and help her?”

  “I’m Jenna. Can I get you a cup of coffee or soda?”

  “Thank you, a glass of water if you don’t mind. Do I know you?” I asked, confused.

  “No, we’ve never formally met. I started at CU in Boulder the year before you left. You were, well-known at the time.” She reached out and touched my arm. “I am sorry about your parents.”

  “Thank you, but that was a long time ago.”

  Jenna studied me and then turned to get me a glass of water. “I’m thankful the girls get along so well. Anytime you need a break, just let me know. Melissa is always welcome here. She’s so polite and no trouble at all.”

  I watched as Jenna wrote her number down and pressed the piece of paper into my hand. Her hand lingered a little too long on top of mine as she enclosed my fingers around the folded paper. “In case you run into any problems today with the girls, you can call me,” she said. “Or if you ever need anything, anything at all, call me,” she continued, putting an emphasis on the word anything while staring suggestively.

  “Stacy’s dad?” I asked out of curiosity, based on her flirtatiousness.

  “Car accident, a few years back.”

  “I’m sorry. I know how difficult that must be.”

  Stacy and Melissa came barreling down the stairs.

  “Let’s go, Dad! I can’t wait to visit the polar bears!”

  Before Emma I might have encouraged Stacy’s mom’s flirtations. I chuckled at that thought and began humming “Stacy’s Mom,” an old Fountains of Wayne song from 2003.

  The week went by fast. I always enjoyed spending time with my daughter. When we were together, she seemed more at ease, more like a kid than a kid pretending to be an adult, which was the vibe I often got from Melissa when she was with her mother.

  On our last night together, I pressed her to tell me about how things were going with her mother.

  “Everything’s cool, Dad. You don’t need to worry. It’s not like there is anything you can do.” My heart broke, especially since she was right.

  “I don’t want to put you in this position, honey, but if your mom is going out and leaving you at home or if she is drinking a lot … we could try,” I said, taking her hand.

  She smiled. “Everything is fine, Dad. You worry too much. Can we watch a show?” I took the hint that she wanted to change the subject and downloaded one of our favorite movies, Leap Year. Yeah, I was that guy. It was a romantic comedy, but I had a fourteen-year-old daughter. Besides, what guy could resist Amy Adams? We sat on the couch together, eating popcorn. Occasionally, I’d sneak a peek at her. She caught me once and playfully punched me in the arm.

  “Stop worrying, Dad.” She laughed, trying to make me feel at ease. I wish I could have a better feel for her safety, for how well Lindsey was taking care of her. Maybe I should talk to my lawyer again. It was worth a try.

  I had only spoken to Emma twice this week, and they were short calls. It was challenging talking to Emma with my kid around, but I wanted to be sure she knew I was thinking about her.

  Shit, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Now that we were … well, as she put it “riding this thing out,” I wanted to be with her every minute. I wanted to know every inch of her body and experience every nuance while I had the chance. I had no idea how long we could sustain our relationship and didn’t want to waste a minute of our time. I hated that I couldn’t make it to Denver this week, but I felt Melissa needed some Dad time.

  I dropped Melissa off Sunday evening and rushed home to call Em. I was annoyed that Em was consuming my every thought and had to keep reminding myself that this was not going to end well. I also knew I needed to see her, be with her, hold her … Shit, I thought, shaking my head. This was not good.

&n
bsp; Chapter 14

  Emma

  Surprisingly, Char hadn’t mentioned my trip to the mountains with Ryan. In fact, she hadn’t mentioned Ryan at all. Although it made the workday pleasant, I was worried that dinner would be difficult. How could I make her understand something I, myself, didn’t understand?

  We had a favorite restaurant around the corner from work, where we always ate, and true to form we went there tonight. Char waited until we ordered and our wine glasses were sitting in front of us before bringing up my long weekend with Ryan.

  “You know I’m hurt that you lied to me, right?” she finally said.

  “Yes, and I don’t blame you. I’m so sorry. I just really needed to work through this thing with Ryan first.”

  “And? Have you made any decisions or asked him anything else about his life?” she asked.

  “Yes, no, well … sort of,” I answered honestly. “I know he hasn’t been truthful or upfront about things, and I know he’s still hiding something. I also know he isn’t married or a criminal.” I took a sip of wine. I had cotton mouth so bad it reminded me of the few times during my teenage years when I had smoked pot. This time it was caused by nerves. Char was not going to like my next statement, but I wanted to be honest.

  “I’ve decided to keep seeing him, for a while anyway,” I said.

  “With or without finding out more about him, like what he is lying about or hiding?” she asked.

  “Without,” I replied.

  The look in her eyes was one of complete disbelief. My answer was not what she was expecting. She threw her arms up in the air.

  “Seriously, Em? Is the sex really that great?” Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

  I laughed. “Yes, Char, it is that great. But that isn’t my only reason for continuing to see him. There’s more to it, and I’m happy. I’ll deal with the consequences when the time comes.”

  She shook her head. “Last name?”

  “Smith.”

  My friend finally smiled and then her smile turned into uncontrollable laughter. “Smith?” she repeated as she continued to laugh.

  I started laughing with her. “Yeah, Smith.”

  “Have you Googled him?” she asked.

  “What would be the point? Ryan Smith? I figure there is a ton of them in Chicago.”

  “Em, are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

  “No, Char, I’m not sure. I just know I have to. You’ve always wanted me in a relationship … this may not be what you meant, but with Ryan there’s just something different. Something I need to explore.”

  “Then why not ask him upfront? Find out what he is hiding?” she asked.

  “Give me some time. Maybe if we get to know each other first, whatever he is hiding will be easier for both of us to deal with.”

  “I hope you’re right, but either way, I’m here for you.”

  She changed the conversation, and we left it at that. For now.

  *

  It had been a couple of days since I talked to Ryan, but he finally called late Sunday evening. Not seeing him was making me crazy. How could he stay away so long?

  “I miss you.” I heard Ryan’s voice as I picked up the phone.

  I let about thirty seconds of silence hang in the air before speaking. Miss me? Then why aren’t you here? What is keeping us apart—or who is keeping us apart?

  “I miss you too, but it’s been a busy week. How’s work?” I asked.

  “Work’s good. I’ve managed some free time. Would it be alright with you if I came for a visit on Wednesday and stayed until Monday? Of course, I’ll have to find a place to stay.”

  I was so happy I was shaking. “Sure, there is a Hyatt not too far from me.”

  “I was thinking of this place I know called Emma’s Bed and Breakfast,” he countered. I could visualize his face as he talked. That slow, cocky, adorable boyish grin spreading across his face.

  “I’m familiar with that place. The food sucks, but the bed is extremely cozy. I’ll make reservations for you. What time shall I tell them you will be arriving?”

  Ryan laughed. “So you don’t mind if I stay with you?”

  “Mind? No, but I might require your services in exchange for free room and board.” I giggled.

  “Deal,” he said, laughing.

  “I know you’ll be at work during the day. I should be there around 6:00 PM if that works for you?”

  “Great, I should be able to make it home by then.”

  “It’s been a long week without you, Em. I’m looking forward to it.”

  “Me too.” My voice rose a few octaves, I was so excited. I hoped I didn’t sound too eager.

  “Give Sierra a big hug for me. I’ll be there Wednesday evening. Bye, Em.”

  So far he hadn’t been much for long phone conversations. It must have been hard to talk without the wife hearing. Stop it, Emma, I scolded myself. He said he wasn’t living with a wife or girlfriend, but I was starting to believe one or the other existed even if he wasn’t living with her. I had intended to ask him if he had a wife or girlfriend. When I spoke the words, it came out, “Are you living with a wife or girlfriend?” Who phrases a question that way? Someone afraid of the answer.

  But he did agree to be monogamous. Maybe I was overthinking this.

  *

  “It’s Wednesday, yay!” I did a little happy dance in our office when I got to work. Charlotte shook her head. She had given up arguing with me about my decision to see Ryan and decided to let me be happy—even if it meant she would have to be there to pick up the pieces in the end.

  “So, Saturday, Grand Lake, boating, are we on?” she asked.

  She may not like hiking, but like me, she loved being near the water. Taking their boat out always mellowed her. She and Bob often rented a cabin at the lake, and last year they bought a small Monterey Cruiser. The Cruiser probably cost as much as my small house. They had been saving for a while, and it was really nice. Top of the line for its size. They had both decided to put off a wedding until they had saved enough for their boat, and then they would start saving for a wedding. I was sure the rock Bob had put on Char’s finger set him back quite a bit.

  “I haven’t asked Ryan about Grand Lake yet, but he will be okay with it. My problem is will you?”

  “You mean without asking him what he does or if he is married or a sociopath?”

  “He can’t have a wife, not if he can be away so much,” I argued, trying to convince myself more than her.

  “Then what are the lies, and why are you okay with knowing he has or is lying? Seems shady to me.”

  “Char, you’re right, and we’ve been friends long enough you should get that this isn’t normal for me.”

  “I do, Em. That’s why I’m concerned. It’s not like you. For someone who usually has pretty good judgment, I’m worried you’re off on this one. I think you might be letting sexual attraction override common sense.”

  “You need to have faith in me. Whatever he’s not telling me isn’t illegal or immoral.”

  “Fine, you win. I know you want me to give you time. No inquiries about his personal life, I promise.” She threw her arms up in mock surrender. “I will be a shoulder if you get hurt emotionally, but if he turns out to be psycho and hurts you physically, I will kill him.”

  “Don’t worry, Char, I’ll visit you in jail,” I joked.

  She rolled her eyes. “Gee, thanks. You’re a true friend. I hope you know if it weren’t for Bob taking a liking to him, I would be more persistent about learning the details of Ryan’s life. For some reason, Bob is on his side, though I don’t get why he feels so strongly about it after only spending a few hours at the cookout with him.”

  “I will have to remember to thank Bob.” I laughed. “Bob picked you, so his judgment is pretty damn good. Besides, it’s not like this is serious. We’re just enjoying a short fling.”

  “Yeah right,” she mumbled under her breath. “Saturday morning bright and early!” she called over her shoul
der as she left the room to meet with a client.

  Chapter 15

  Emma

  Hearing the knock on the door, the knot in my stomach tightened. The sound of my heart beating seemed so loud; I feared he might hear it through the door.

  “Hey,” I said, finally opening the door after forcing him to wait outside while I calmed myself down.

  “Hey, Em.” He walked in without any suitcases.

  My concern registered on my face.

  “My bag is in the truck,” he said, reading my mind. “I thought I would make sure there was still room at Emma’s Bed and Breakfast before I carried my stuff in.” He kissed my forehead to reassure me.

  “I’ll provide the bed, but you’ll need to provide the breakfast. Cooking is not my strong suit,” I admitted.

  I went to the kitchen to grab him a drink while Sierra pounced on Ryan, bestowing him with her best welcome back reception. Steadying myself against the refrigerator, I tried to keep my nerves at bay. Following me into the kitchen, he eyed the wall and then turned his attention to me.

  “Hmm…” he started backing me against it, his erection giving away his intentions “…I believe this is the wall where it all started. I would reenact the crime, but it has been too long since I’ve had you, so I think I’ll jump to this part.” He threw me over his shoulder and walked to the bedroom. He’s back! I was doing my happy dance inside my head.

  Tossing me on the bed, he unbuttoned his shirt. The muscles in his forearms pushed against the rolled up sleeves. His gaze was dangerous and hungry, overwhelming me with his eyes, his dark brows a stark contrast to his vibrant green eyes.

  By the time he had his shirt off, the area between my legs was pulsating. He ripped off my top, popping off the first few buttons, and pulled my shorts down, tugging them off me in slow motion, his eyes more mischievous when he reached my panties as he taunted me shamelessly.

  “I’m going to fuck you,” he whispered, his hands caressing my body.

  I wanted to scream. I wanted him in me, filling me. Our chemistry was stronger than anything I had ever experienced. His lips worked their way down my belly with the confidence and sensuality of someone used to pleasing women.