Hearts Attached

by Scarlet Wolfe

  “You know what problem you and McKenzie have?” I’m puzzled as I stare at him. Like we don’t have a million he could name off.

  “You both have always been so afraid of hurting the other ones feelings that it causes you to do it anyway. Look at all the years neither of you dated anyone, but you were too afraid of hurting your friendship to be with each other.

  “You’re mindful of what that girl thinks every second, so you know she wants to keep those babies as bad as you do, but you two won’t tell each other out of fear of hurting one another.”

  “I guess we do that.”

  “You’re not doing each other any favors. Do you think Olivia holds back? Hell no, but I always know how she feels and what she wants, and I tell her, too.

  “We’ve had some fights, but we work it out and move on. You two are never going to get anywhere or have what you really want if you don’t speak up.

  “If you can’t work it out after talking about it, at least you’ll both know you tried and were honest with each other.”

  “OK, Dr. Phil.”

  “Hey, I’m just telling it like I see it.”

  “Well, do you want to see Lucy and Mac?” I ask, smiling at him.

  “Your sister will kill me if I see them before her.”

  “We’ll kidnap her in a wheelchair,” I say.

  ***

  “Aww, look at their teensy-weensy fingers and toes,” Liv says. “I want to kiss their little noses, and their hands and feet.”

  Dalton chuckles. “Damn, they’re cute. Even with all those tubes and shit. I thought they would be scary looking, but they are cute, man.”

  “I know. I think they both look like Kenzie.

  “I see you, too.” My sister’s face is lit up as she grins at them. “How cool that Lucy could grow up and look like both Kenz and me.”

  “I think you’re getting ahead of yourself.” Mac is squirming and making a grunting noise. “I wish she’d see them again. They need to hear her voice.”

  “Go talk to her, Luke,” Liv says. “You can’t blame her for not wanting to get more attached.”

  Liv furrows her brow at me. “If you don’t keep them, I better get to say goodbye.”

  “Of course, sis.”

  Dalton takes her back to her room as I head to Kenzie’s. A nurse is speaking to her when I enter, and then leaves with more breast milk.

  “Hi, we need to talk,” I say before sitting in a chair.

  “Yeah, we do. I called the Mannings.”

  I’m stunned as I stare at her. “You did what?”

  “We were leaning toward them, and since you won’t tell me your opinion, I took it upon myself to call them. They are coming tomorrow afternoon to talk, after you get out of school.”

  “No, Kenzie. We should be deciding this together.”

  “You don’t want to decide.”

  “You’re right, I don’t. I have to get out of here.”

  After marching out of her room, I have Dalton take me home. I need my car, and I have homework I have to catch up on.

  I should’ve told her I want to keep Lucy and Mac, but she pretty much made it clear she’s ready to move on. I can’t ask her to work her ass off and give up college, so I can have everything I want.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  McKenzie

  I’m waiting for Luke to arrive. He came to the hospital before school to check on Lucy and Mac and stopped by my room long enough to see that I was doing OK.

  He was visibly upset about Mr. and Mrs. Manning coming this afternoon but still wouldn’t say he wants to keep the twins. My maternal instincts are making it near impossible not to see them. All I’ve done today is pumped breast milk and cried.

  “Hi, how are you feeling?” Luke asks before he kisses my forehead.

  “I’m managing. I found out this morning that I’m going home tomorrow.”

  “When will the Mannings be here?”

  “Anytime, and our parents are coming, too. I guess after seeing the twins, they want to know what the couple is like. I thought after we talk, you could take them to the neonatal unit.”

  Luke looks as if he wants to either cry or hit something. There’s a knock on my door, so I yell to come in.

  “Hi, McKenzie, Luke,” Mrs. Manning says with a nervous smile. She’s thirty five and pretty with her dark hair and eyes. I guess the babies will sort of look like her.

  She’s also a physical therapist and swears she’s going to take two months off to care for the twins and then only work part-time for at least a few years.

  Mr. Manning is thirty-six and a purchasing manager at a manufacturing company. He has blonde hair and is noticeably tall. Mrs. Manning is unable to have children, and they’ve spent thousands of dollars on unsuccessful fertility treatments.

  “Hi, come in and have a seat,” I say.

  Luke moves his chair next to the bed and takes hold of my hand, but he doesn’t speak. Small talk is made about the accident and what led up to the early birth. My mom arrives next and then the Harris’s.

  It’s awkward at first, but David and Mr. Manning begin talking about their jobs and sports, and the tension eases some.

  The Mannings tell us a great deal more about their extended family and goals for the future. We had discussed pertinent details at our first meeting with them.

  “Luke, you haven’t said much since we arrived. Is there anything you want to ask us that would ease your mind about the adoption?” Mr. Manning asks.

  “There isn’t anything you could say that would make me feel better about giving them up. I don’t want to do it.”

  I snap my head to Luke. “You don’t?” I ask quietly.

  “No, Kenzie. I feel that’s been apparent, but I don’t know what other option we have,” he replies at almost a whisper.

  We stare at each other for several seconds. I realize the room is silent, so I turn and see everyone looking at us. Mom is biting on her lip the way I do, and I fight the waterworks yet again.

  Glancing back to Luke, I swallow hard.

  “I’ll take them, Luke, so you don’t have to.”

  Squeezing his eyes shut, he tightens the hold on my hand, and it causes me to have a flashback.

  ***

  Age 8:

  “It’s so hot out,” I say as I push my sweaty hair off my face. “Let’s go in and get something to drink.”

  “Sure,” Liv says.

  “Luke, are you comin’?” she asks.

  He tosses his baseball in the air before catching it inside his glove.

  “Yeah, I’m thirsty, too.”

  All the cups are dirty, so I climb up on the counter and open the cabinet to get glasses.

  “Don’t fall, Kenz,” she says with a giggle.

  I hand her three of them carefully before I hop off the counter. My bare feet hit the floor, making a thumping sound.

  “We should practice our backflips outside next,” Liv says before she scratches at a bite on her leg.

  “Yeah, but we should go to your house since my dad is cutting grass.” I fix all three of us glasses of Kool-Aid and go into the family room. Luke takes his and sits on the couch.

  “I bet I can catch this baseball five times in a row from as high as the ceiling,” Luke says before he slings the ball into the air from his glove.

  Liv frowns at her brother when he catches it the third time. “Luke, you’re going to spill your drink.”

  “I have it in this hand,” he says before he looks to the ceiling and slings the ball from his glove again. He doesn’t get it as straight this time, so he has to lean to the side to catch it.

  His glass tips over in his hand, spilling red drink all over the light tan carpet.

  “Luke!” Liv jumps to her feet and runs to the kitchen. His eyes are round, and he looks worried.

  “Kenzie, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s OK, Luke,” I say before Liv comes back with wet paper towels.

  “No it’s not. Your dad is going to flip.�
��

  “Good one, Luke. I told you to watch your drink. Kenzie’s going to be in so much trouble now.”

  Liv, Luke and I drop to the floor and try to clean it up.

  I hear my dad come in the back door. Oh, no. The stain isn’t coming out. The sink comes on, and I hear him get a glass from the cabinet. Maybe he won’t hear us and will go back outside.

  Holding a finger to my lips, I show Luke and Liv that they need to be quiet. The footsteps get closer, and I know I’m in trouble.

  “What are you three doing?” my dad asks as he wipes sweat off his forehead. I watch as he notices the red stain on the floor.

  “Who did that?” Oh, no. He’s angry.

  “I–I did, Mr. Baker,” Luke replies. “I’m sorry.”

  “I did it, Dad. Luke just doesn’t want me to get in trouble.”

  “That’s not true. I did it,” Luke says before scowling at me.

  “Olivia, did McKenzie spill the Kool-Aid?” Dad asks.

  Her eyes are big as flying saucers. “Um, I don’t know.”

  “That’s what I thought. Luke and Olivia, you two get home.” Dad leaves the room, and I hear him stomping to his bedroom, surely to get his belt.

  We all stand up, and Luke grabs my hand. His eyes squeeze shut like they do every time I’m about to get a whipping.

  “I’m sorry I got you in trouble, but you shouldn’t have lied for me,” he says. “I’ll make it up to you, Kenzie. I promise.”

  ***

  “No, Kenz, you’ve been through enough. I’ll do this for us,” he whispers.

  My heart is splitting in two. Luke and I feel each other’s pain, and it’s why we try to protect each other’s feelings at all cost. Reluctantly, I let his hand go.

  “I’ll take you to see them,” he says.

  David clears his throat and looks to Lisa.

  “Um, we better check on Liv.”

  Mom stays, and once they’ve all left the room, I unravel and release a resounding sob. In seconds, she’s pulling me to her waist as she stands next to the bed. She cradles my head, and all I want is to cradle my babies.

  “Mom, I love them.”

  “I know, sweetheart. I know.”

  My eyes weep and heart bleeds for all that we’re losing and all that could’ve been.

  “I promised Luke our love could conquer anything, but Mac and Lucy aren’t something to conquer. They’re part of our love.”

  Mom pushes me back and frames my face.

  “McKenzie, you listen to me. If you already believe you’re going to regret this the rest of your life, then you have to speak up. That nice couple will be devastated, too, if you do it later.”

  Heartache rains from my eyes.

  “I’m betraying his love, giving the impression that I don’t think we have what it takes to raise them. I can’t give up a part of Luke, Mom. I can’t do it.”

  She squeezes my face. “Then let’s go. You have to tell him. I could’ve never given you up, baby, so I told you from the beginning that I would support you. We’ll figure it out. You two can have the whole upstairs of the house if you want.”

  I get up from the bed as swiftly but carefully as I can. Luke told me he doesn’t want to give them up, so I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep them.

  Luke

  As the Mannings follow me to the neonatal unit, I feel as if I’m walking down a dark tunnel, away from Lucy and Mac instead of toward them.

  I take the couple through the drill of what they’ll need to do every time they come to see them, swallowing my pain repeatedly. We approach the twins, and I hear the same ewws and awws that our family voiced, but it’s not the same.

  Ultimately, they’re strangers. I’m about to explain the medical equipment and health of the twins when Kenzie and Charlotte begin walking toward us.

  “Luke, I can’t tell them goodbye.”

  “I know, honey. I told you I’d do it. It’s OK.”

  “No. I mean ...” She looks at the Mannings. “I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Manning, but I can’t ever tell them goodbye.”

  “Kenzie, are you sure?” I ask.

  “Absolutely.”

  My eyes dart to the couple that think they’re getting our babies. Mr. Manning looks frustrated, and his wife’s eyes are getting teary.

  Kenzie continues walking until she can throw her arms around my neck. “I should’ve said it sooner. I’m sorry, Luke. I can’t give up any part of you–of us.”

  I grab the back of her head and pull her snugly to me. “Oh, thank you, Kenzie. A part of me was dying here. I didn’t know how I was going to say goodbye.”

  “Let’s go, Lee,” Mrs. Manning says, taking hold of her husband’s hand.

  Kenzie turns to them. “I’m sorry. I tried, but I can’t do it.”

  Mrs. Manning brushes a tear from her cheek.

  “It’s OK, McKenzie. I’m heartbroken, but honestly, we were surprised to even get another call from you. I could tell the first time we met that this wasn’t what you wanted, and if anyone at your age could make this work, it’s you and Luke.”

  Kenzie hugs her. “Thank you for understanding.”

  Mr. Manning sticks his hand out to shake mine.

  “Good luck, Luke. I’m disappointed, but I’d rather find out now, before we’re attached to them.”

  They leave and Kenzie is in my arms again.

  “I’ll work and do whatever it takes to care for them, and you’re going to do everything you planned at Dartmouth. They belong with us, and I have faith that our love will see us through.”

  I kiss her temple. “I love you, and Lucy and Mac Harris have the bravest mother ever.” After we spend time with them, we go to Liv’s room. Charlotte follows to show her support. Mom, Dad, Liv and Dalton are all present.

  “How did it go?” Dad asks.

  “We’re not giving them up, and I don’t want to hear your speech. I’m still going to do what you expect of me. We’re going to live with Charlotte, and Kenzie is going to work while I go to Dartmouth. No, we don’t have all the details figured out, but we’re raising Lucy and Mac. Period.”

  “Yes!” Liv yells with a huge grin.

  My dad scowls at Liv before he looks at my mom. She shrugs her shoulders.

  “They’re adults, David. They love each other and those babies.”

  He lets out a loud breath. “Alright then. I hope you’re mentally prepared for all the responsibility you’re about to have.”

  “No, Dad, I’m not, but Kenzie and I have the kind of love that will navigate us through this.” I squeeze her hand tight. “We’ve been holding each other up our whole lives.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  McKenzie

  “Wake up, honey.”

  I open one eye and glance at the clock.

  “Don’t call me honey when you’re waking me up at one in the morning.”

  “I’m not waking you up, he is,” Luke murmurs before rolling over.

  Only Mac is crying, and if I don’t get up, Lucy will join in, so I drag my butt out of bed. Luke has to get up in less than three hours to go to work at his part-time job for a shipping company. It’s only temporary until he starts school in a month, but it helps pay the bills.

  The twins just turned four months old and are thriving. Mac’s blue eyes stare back at me from his crib as he coos and smiles. He and Lucy have been home for about seven weeks.

  “Are you talking to me?” I ask him with a grin. “You have to do it quietly so you don’t wake up your sister.” He coos again and kicks his chubby legs. “Shoo wee, you have a stinky diaper.”

  I get Mac changed and rock him back to sleep. At least one of them will get me up another time tonight, and I have to be up for good at six-thirty to get ready for my full-time job as a bank teller.

  We don’t like it, but the twins must go to a sitter three days a week, and Luke’s mom watches them the other two work days.

  After Liv and I were released from the hospital, Amanda and Shelby
gave us a baby shower. All of our friends pitched in to buy us many of the baby items we needed.

  I don’t think our male friends ever dreamed they would be attending a baby shower at the age of eighteen, but they were good sports about it and showed up, too.

  Before the twins left the hospital, I was having panic attacks over them coming home. After several talks with Luke, I realized I was worrying about my ability to parent because of the abuse I suffered from my father.

  Even though I had never behaved violently in my life, I had fears that I would lose my temper and harm the babies. Luke convinced me to finally share with my mother the secret I had kept from her for so many years.

  She took it hard, and I found out my dad had abused her at times. We went to several counseling sessions together, and it did more for us than I ever imagined. I realized I should’ve shared it with her when I was young.

  We’re closer than before, and it helped us both begin the healing process from the abuse and abandonment we felt from my father. It helped my mom so much that she has gone on a few dates with a male nurse.

  After putting Mac back into his crib, I slide into bed and spoon with Luke. Without entirely waking, he pulls my arm around his waist and places it against his chest. I love this man.

  Luke

  The alarm clock goes off, and I struggle to get out of bed. It’s four in the morning, and I have to go to work soon.

  I’m about to hit the shower when I hear Lucy begin to cry. I stand at the bathroom door, debating whether to hurry in and let Kenz get her, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

  “Hi, baby girl.” Lucy smiles, batting those eyelashes like her mommy. It makes my heart feel something most eighteen year old males don’t get to experience.

  I change her diaper, which was something that took a little time to get accustomed to. She kicks her legs the entire time, making it quite a challenge.

  “Lucy, I have to get in the shower. You need to cooperate. Remember, this family operates from teamwork.” She grins at me, and I wipe away the drool on her chin.

  I’m not sure if it’ll work, but I turn on the contraption attached to the side of her crib that plays soothing music and projects colorful stars on the wall. I pray it has her drifting back to sleep.