Changing Places

by Colette Caddle

  Anna was relieved that Rachel was asleep and Jill was nursing her hangover. She didn’t feel much like talking. She was getting more and more nervous as they got nearer to Dublin. She had pestered Liam to talk to her for weeks, but now the prospect of a frank conversation scared the wits out of her. What if she didn’t like what she was going to hear? Maybe she’d imagined the softening in his tone. Maybe he was feeling guilty because he didn’t love her any more. God, she put a hand to her mouth, maybe he was going to sit her down and tell her their marriage was over. Anna took a gulp of brandy and flinched as it scorched her throat and burned its way down to her stomach. Well, she told herself, there was no point in worrying about it. In less than two hours she’d be sitting next to Liam in the car on the way home to a conversation that could very well change her future for ever.

  Rachel kept her eyes shut tight. She didn’t feel like talking. Her tongue felt thick and dry in her mouth. Her stomach was fluttering with nerves that weren’t entirely due to the turbulence and the baby was kicking her ribs impatiently, as if aware that it was going home to Daddy. Rachel knew her mother was right and that she should talk to Gary, but the prospect still frightened her. What if he went straight up and packed his bags? Or what if he told her she was right, confirmed her suspicions and told her that the late nights at the office had actually been spent in the arms of another woman? Rachel bit her lip hard to stop a sob escaping. God, she’d have to stop all of this bloody crying. How would she get through this if she was an emotional wreck to begin with? She clutched her glass and forced herself to breathe slowly and evenly. If she was going to do this, and she was, she had to do it when Alex was out of the house. Then she had to make sure Gary came home from work early. That wouldn’t be easy. She’d have to come up with some reason for him to be home that he couldn’t wriggle out of. Because if he did, she’d lose her courage and probably let things continue as before. Quite apart from the fact that Bridie would kill her if she didn’t sort this out, Rachel knew she’d go quietly mad if her life continued like this for much longer.

  This week had taught her a lot about how much she’d changed over the last year. She was well aware that she hadn’t been the best of company, Anna didn’t hide the fact, and being away from home had seemed to highlight her sadness. Rachel opened her eyes with a start. That was it. That summed it all up. She was sad. She was grieving for her dead marriage. Closing her eyes again, Rachel kept her lips clamped firmly together and swallowed her tears. Though she was dying inside, there was a certain relief that she had finally come to this point. Things couldn’t really get worse now. And no matter what happened, she realized as she cradled her bump with her hands, she still had Alex and her baby.

  Bridie sat on the balcony wondering what to do. Both her daughters were in crisis and on their way home to God knows what and she was here, miles away, unable to help. When she had left Ireland she had believed it to be the right decision. Now she thought that maybe it had been a selfish one.

  Shay ambled out to join her. ‘Stop it,’ he said, lowering himself into a seat.

  ‘Stop what?’

  ‘Torturing yourself.’

  Bridie blew her nose. ‘I don’t know what you’re on about.’

  ‘I’m not completely thick, Bridie. I don’t know what the crisis is this time,’ he held up a hand, ‘and I don’t want to know, but it’s not your problem.’

  ‘Shay!’

  ‘No, love, I mean it. They’re big girls and it’s about time they sorted out their own problems. They shouldn’t be even bothering you with them.’

  ‘Of course they should – aren’t I their mother? Anyway, it’s not their fault that I worry about them. That’s just the way I am.’

  He smiled. ‘Don’t I know it. But, Bridie, we thought long and hard about leaving Ireland. We weighed up all the pros and cons then, and you know that we did the right thing.’

  Bridie’s eyes met his. ‘I’m not sure we’d still be together if we’d stayed in Dublin.’

  ‘Don’t you think I know that? So how can you have any regrets?’

  She sighed. ‘I suppose I’m feeling a bit selfish, putting us before them.’

  ‘You’ve put them first for thirty years,’ he reminded her. ‘Don’t you get time off for good behaviour? If they need you, you’re at the end of a phone,’ he nodded at the mobile on the table, ‘twenty-four hours a day now, thanks to that bloody thing. And they have Jill. She’s a great girl.’

  Bridie nodded. ‘I think I would have been on the plane back with them if it wasn’t for her.’

  Shay frowned. ‘You’re worrying me now. What is it, Bridie? What’s going on?’

  She looked at him. ‘I’ll tell you if you promise not to interfere.’

  ‘I won’t.’

  ‘And don’t get all worked up, as that won’t do your ulcer any good.’

  ‘Just tell me, Bridie.’

  ‘Anna thinks Liam might be seeing someone else.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘And so does Rachel.’

  ‘Rachel thinks Liam is seeing someone else?’

  ‘No, Gary.’

  He shook his head. ‘You’re confusing me now.’

  ‘Rachel thinks Gary might be messing about too.’

  ‘Gary and Liam? Jesus! I’ll kill the pair of them.’

  ‘You’ll do no such thing, Shay! You’ll say nothing because you don’t know anything about it. And besides, you promised you wouldn’t interfere.’

  ‘Shag that! What the hell do they think they’re playing at?’

  Bridie looked him straight in the eye. ‘You should know better than anyone.’

  ‘Ah, now, Bridie, you promised you wouldn’t throw it back in my face.’

  ‘And I won’t, but don’t go casting the first stone,’ she warned.

  He sat back in the chair, his hands in his lap, looking at her as if she were mad. ‘I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Are you defending them now?’

  ‘Of course I’m not! It’s just that Anna and Rachel don’t have any real proof yet.’

  Shay shook his head. ‘I can’t believe it. They’re both lovely girls, pretty girls. Why would the lads want anything more?’

  Bridie glared at him. ‘You’re really not helping yourself here.’

  ‘Sorry, sorry, it’s just I feel so helpless.’

  Bridie nodded. ‘I know.’

  ‘So what did you say to them?’

  ‘I told them both to go home and talk to their husbands.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Well, what else could I say?’

  ‘Nothing, I suppose. At least they can comfort each other, being in the same boat like.’

  ‘Ah, Shay, would you listen to yourself? They hardly talk to each other, never mind confide in each other.’

  ‘And what’s that about?’ Shay was bewildered. ‘I mean, you and Pat were like chalk and cheese but you were still friends.’

  Bridie nodded. ‘We used to kill each other but it didn’t really mean anything. Anna and Rachel used to be like that too.’

  ‘So what happened?’

  ‘Who knows?’ Bridie said thoughtfully. ‘Like you said though, at least they have Jill.’

  ‘Come on, you two,’ Jill urged as she hurried towards the baggage carousel. Now that she was back in Dublin her tiredness had disappeared and she couldn’t wait to get home. There was so much to think about, so much to work out. She wanted to make a huge pot of coffee, grab a pad and pen and spend the rest of the day alone with her thoughts.

  ‘The bags haven’t even started to come out yet,’ Anna pointed out. She was in no hurry to walk into Arrivals. Coming face to face with Liam, the thought of looking into his eyes filled her with excitement and fear. What would she see there?

  Rachel was the last to reach the carousel. Like Anna, she was a bit nervous about seeing her husband again, but apart from that, her feet were killing her and she was feeling slightly nauseous. ‘Are we at the right one?’ she asked, peering at the tiny
monitor above them.

  ‘Yeah, this is it,’ Jill said.

  ‘It’s always the bloody same,’ one woman said loudly. ‘You’d be quicker going out and getting them yourself!’ There was a chuckle from her fellow passengers and she flashed a rueful smile. ‘Ah, lousy weather and crap service, isn’t it great to be home?’

  ‘Hoorah!’ her son shouted as the carousel started up. ‘They’re coming, Ma, they’re coming!’

  ‘Don’t hold your breath, love,’ his mother warned him.

  As the woman predicted, it was a good ten minutes later before the cases finally appeared.

  ‘If ours are last I’m going to cry,’ Rachel said, leaning heavily against a nearby pillar.

  ‘You go and sit down and I’ll get your case,’ Jill told her.

  ‘Thanks, Jill.’

  ‘She’s very pale,’ Jill said to Anna as Rachel went in search of a seat.

  ‘It’s fright,’ Anna assured her. ‘She’s always been terrified on planes. When she was small she used to throw up before the plane had even taken off! Oh look, there’s my case, and isn’t that yours behind it?’

  ‘Thank God for that,’ Jill pushed her way into the carousel, grabbed the two bags and handed them to Anna. ‘Now all we need is Rachel’s.’

  It was another ten minutes before Rachel’s bag appeared. ‘About bloody time!’ Anna snatched it up and carried it over to where Jill and Rachel were sitting. ‘Let’s get out of this place.’

  Rachel rose slowly to her feet and swayed slightly.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Jill took her arm.

  ‘Yeah, just a bit tired.’

  ‘You’ll be home in no time,’ Anna promised. ‘Come on.’

  As they walked out into the Arrivals area, Rachel forgot her tiredness and aching feet as a small figure hurtled towards her.

  ‘Mummy!’

  Rachel bent and pressed her son close to her chest. ‘Hello, darling, how are you? Oh, it’s so wonderful to see you. Have you missed me?’

  ‘Yeah, what did you bring me?’ Alex’s eyes went to her case.

  ‘All in good time.’ Gary had joined them. He bent and kissed Rachel’s cheek. ‘Welcome home, Rache.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘I don’t see Liam.’ Anna looked around her.

  ‘He’s not coming,’ Gary told her as he led them towards the exit. ‘He got a call just before he was about to leave for the airport. His mother’s been taken ill.’

  Anna stared at her brother-in-law in disbelief. ‘And of course he went running!’

  Gary shot her a strange look. ‘Well, he is the next-of-kin.’

  Anna stopped. ‘What do you mean? What’s wrong with her?’

  ‘All I know is that she’s in hospital.’

  ‘Oh, my God!’

  ‘That’s terrible!’ Jill put a comforting hand on Anna’s arm.

  ‘I’d better get over there.’

  ‘We’ll drop you,’ Gary said.

  ‘No, that’s okay—’

  ‘We’ll drop you,’ he insisted.

  Rachel shot him a grateful look. ‘Would you like me to come in with you?’ she asked her sister.

  ‘No, there’s no need. Anyway, you’re exhausted.’

  ‘I’ll come with you,’ Jill told her. ‘I can get a taxi home from the hospital.’

  ‘Thanks, Jill.’

  They reached the car and Gary loaded their luggage into the boot.

  ‘Can I have my present now, Mum?’ Alex ventured, oblivious to the mood.

  ‘No, darling, you’ll have to wait until we get home.’

  The little boy’s smile disappeared. ‘Ah, Mum!’

  ‘Another word from you, young man, and there won’t be any presents at all,’ Gary said quietly but firmly.

  ‘Sorry, Daddy,’ Alex said and hopped into the back seat, clambering into the middle so he could have Anna on one side and Jill on the other.

  Rachel stared at Gary in amazement. What on earth had been going on in her absence? On the rare occasion that Gary corrected his son, Alex usually ignored him. But not only had Alex listened this time, he’d obeyed Gary without question. Rachel got into the passenger seat, closed her belt and then stared out of the window as Gary guided the car out of the car park. She should be thrilled at this new development but it actually made her feel surplus to requirements. Alex was more excited about his present than seeing her, and Gary’s kiss had been almost brotherly. Rachel’s resolve to tackle her husband started to falter. She had a horrible image of a look of total relief crossing Gary’s face and him asking her for an amicable break-up.

  ‘Are you okay, love?’ Gary was looking at her, a frown on his face.

  ‘Fine.’ She smiled weakly. She twisted in her seat so that she could see her sister. ‘Had Josie been sick?’

  Anna shook her head. ‘No. She’s always complaining about something or other but she’s basically quite healthy.’

  ‘Is she going to die?’ Alex chipped in.

  ‘No, of course not!’ Rachel rolled her eyes at her sister.

  ‘But she’s very old, isn’t she?’ he persisted.

  Anna smiled and ruffled his hair. ‘Only about sixty.’

  He wrinkled his nose. ‘That’s ancient!’

  Gary laughed. ‘You’d better not say that to either of your grannies or you’ll be in big trouble.’

  ‘Why?’ Alex asked.

  ‘Ladies don’t like getting older,’ Jill told him.

  ‘I do, I love it. I’m five and three-quarters, nearly six, isn’t that right, Mum?’

  ‘Yes, sweetheart, you’re getting very old,’ Rachel agreed as Gary turned into the hospital grounds and drove around to the Accident & Emergency entrance.

  ‘Thanks, Gary,’ Anna said as he stopped the car.

  ‘No problem. Would you like me to drop your case off at the house?’

  ‘Oh, would you? That would be great.’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Call us when you have some news, won’t you?’ Rachel said as Anna and Jill climbed out.

  As Gary went to the boot to get Jill’s bag, she bent her head to smile at Rachel. ‘I’ll give you a call later, Rache. Thanks for a great week.’

  Rachel smiled back at her cousin. ‘Thank you. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.’

  ‘Bye!’ Anna called.

  ‘Bye, good luck. Give Liam our love.’

  ‘Will do.’

  ‘So, how was the holiday?’ Gary asked as they drove away.

  ‘Yeah, it was fine.’

  ‘And your dad?’

  ‘He’s great but giving out like hell about his diet.’

  ‘He must be missing his pint.’

  ‘He still has the odd one, not that we’re supposed to know that.’

  ‘And what about the cigarettes?’

  ‘He’s given them up.’

  ‘You’re kidding?’ Since Gary had first dated Rachel he’d been amazed at the number of cigarettes Shay got through in a day.

  ‘Well, apparently he’d already cut down to five a day so it hasn’t been too hard.’

  ‘I’m impressed.’

  ‘Yes, I was too.’

  ‘I thought maybe we could order in tonight,’ Gary told her. ‘I knew you’d probably be too tired to cook and I didn’t want to inflict my cooking on you.’

  ‘Sounds good,’ Rachel agreed, amazed that Gary had even thought about dinner. ‘We probably should do a shop on the way home,’ she added, stifling a yawn.

  ‘Alex and I did one yesterday.’

  ‘Oh!’

  ‘I’m sure we forgot lots of stuff,’ he laughed, ‘but we got the basics. There should be enough food to keep us going for a couple of days.’

  ‘Great, thanks.’ God, she was definitely redundant. What had prompted this New Man act – a guilty conscience, maybe? Or maybe he’d also decided it was time to talk and he was preparing the ground.

  ‘Aren’t you visiting the obstetrician this week?’ Gary was saying.


  ‘Yes, Thursday.’

  ‘If you like, I could come with you.’

  Rachel stared at him. ‘Why?’

  He looked slightly embarrassed. ‘It’s just an idea.’

  ‘Yeah, that would be great, thanks.’ Now Rachel was completely confused. But she didn’t have time to think about it as Gary had turned into the driveway and Alex was bouncing up and down.

  ‘Presents time, presents time. Come on, Mummy, hurry up!’ He opened the door and jumped out, hopping impatiently from foot to foot as his father fetched the case and Rachel levered herself out of the car. Gary opened the front door and carried the case into the living room. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked, all concerned as Rachel gasped when she went to sit down.

  She made a face. ‘Fine, just Baby is doing somersaults and giving me sore ribs.’

  Gary crouched down beside her and put a hand on her stomach. ‘Not long now, Baby, hang in there.’

  Rachel gulped at his tender expression.

  ‘Come on, Mummy,’ Alex pleaded. ‘Pleaaaaase!’

  ‘Okay, darling, okay.’ She laughed as she unzipped the case and handed him out his toys. ‘I’m afraid I went a little bit overboard,’ she told Gary, as Alex yelped with delight at the jeep, the Yu-Gi-Oh cards, a Dr Seuss book and a Pokémon DVD. She’d also bought a model of a 737 in the plane on the way home.

  ‘It’s like Christmas,’ Gary said, smiling at his son. ‘Have you anything to say to Mummy, Alex?’

  Alex ran to hug her. ‘Thanks, Mummy, you’re the best mummy in the world!’

  Chapter 29