Changing Places

by Colette Caddle

  Rachel sat in an armchair sipping her camomile tea and not watching Coronation Street. Gary had insisted she put her feet up while he put Alex to bed and read him his new Dr Seuss book but she couldn’t concentrate on the soap. All she could think about was this dramatic change in Gary and what it meant. He had been very attentive all evening and when he hadn’t been checking on her, he’d been on the floor playing with Alex. There was a change in Alex too, she’d realized as she watched them. He was more relaxed and there had been no tantrums or sulking. At one stage when he didn’t win a Yu-Gi-Oh game, he’d started to moan but Gary had distracted him and defused the situation. Rachel had looked on in amazement.

  Her thoughts were interrupted as Gary stuck his head round the door. ‘Why don’t you order our dinner? I’ll only be ten minutes or so. He’s asleep on his feet.’

  Rachel smiled. ‘The usual?’

  He nodded. ‘Please.’

  Rachel picked up the phone, dialled the number of their local Chinese takeaway and ordered the same food that they’d been ordering for years. Beef and green pepper stir-fry for Gary and Satay chicken for her.

  She sighed as she went to set the table. Neither of them had hit middle age yet and they lived such a boring, predictable life. It was no wonder Gary stayed out late. It was no wonder that she was feeling restless. While she had grown to love the baby growing inside her and was feeling excited as her due date grew nearer and nearer, she still dreaded the humdrum, boring life that bringing up a baby entailed. Every day the same – no adult conversation, no job satisfaction – God, how she envied women who worked!

  Sometimes, when she was in the supermarket in her tracksuit and trainers and a woman passed her in a suit and high-heels, she felt like crying. How wonderful to dress up and wear make-up every day! How nice it would be to feel proud of your appearance and get appreciative stares from men again. How lovely to go to fancy restaurants for lunch or drop into the pub after work without feeling guilty.

  Since Alex had started school she got out more, sometimes even going out for lunch. But the difference was that the conversation always revolved around children. It was as if she didn’t exist as a woman in her own right any more. That her sole reason for being was motherhood.

  Rachel leaned heavily against the worktop and wiped a tear from her eye. The few days in Spain hadn’t really helped. Being surrounded by beautiful women in tiny bikinis had made her feel like a monster, especially when she was lying beside her skinny sister. Listening to the conversations she and Jill had didn’t help either. They discussed everything from books and clothes to famine in Sudan and the state of the Irish economy. Rachel didn’t really have opinions on anything other than education, healthcare and child-friendly restaurants.

  Still, it had been nice to see her parents again. Gossiping with her mam made her feel almost normal and when her dad hugged her, she actually felt small! But leaving them had been hard. The holiday had made Rachel realize exactly how much she missed them, and she knew it was the same for Anna. She wondered if her sister had tackled them about leaving. She’d said nothing in front of her although there had been a few smart comments that Bridie and Shay either didn’t notice or chose to ignore.

  Whatever had been said or not said, Mam and Dad were going ahead with their travels and though they were coming home for the birth, Rachel knew that it would only be a visit. She felt slightly jealous of the deep and private relationship they shared. They seemed closer now than they had been when she and Anna lived at home. Maybe kids were just bad news for relationships. Her mam had concentrated on them while Shay went off and found company elsewhere. Just like Gary. Maybe that meant they’d end up together in their old age.

  The doorbell went and she found her purse and went to answer it. After she’d paid the delivery man and closed the door she called up the stairs, ‘Gary? Dinner.’

  Gary emerged from his son’s bedroom. ‘Alex would like to say goodnight.’

  Rachel put down the bag and went upstairs. ‘How was your new book?’ she asked, sitting down on the edge of Alex’s bed.

  ‘Deadly!’ Alex’s eyes sparkled up at her. ‘Thanks, Mummy, for all my presents.’

  ‘You’re welcome, sweetheart.’ She leaned over to hug him.

  ‘Will you play Yu-Gi-Oh with me tomorrow?’

  Rachel was about to refuse but the look on his face went straight to her heart. ‘Sure.’

  ‘Yes! Thanks, Mum.’

  ‘Now, sleep, young man. You’ve got summer camp in the morning. Goodnight.’

  ‘’Night, Mummy. Love you.’

  Rachel paused in the doorway. ‘I love you too.’

  Gary was standing on the landing waiting for her. ‘He really missed you,’ he murmured as they went downstairs together.

  ‘I doubt that,’ she laughed.

  ‘It’s true.’ Gary carried the food out to the kitchen and fetched himself a beer. ‘What would you like to drink?’

  ‘Just some water, please,’ Rachel said, as she opened the cartons.

  ‘I did too,’ Gary said as he took his seat beside her.

  ‘Did what?’

  ‘Miss you. I missed you.’

  ‘Oh!’

  ‘Look, darling, I want to say sorry.’

  Rachel closed her eyes briefly, and gripped the edge of the table. ‘Sorry? For what?’

  ‘Not being here, really. Being at home with Alex this week has given me a taste of what your life’s like. Just a taste,’ he added hurriedly as she went to interrupt. ‘I know you left food in the freezer and clothes ironed and all of that, but I suppose I got a feel for the day-to-day . . .’ He searched for a word.

  ‘Monotony?’ Rachel offered.

  ‘Yes, that fits.’

  ‘If you think it’s monotonous now, try taking a week off after the baby arrives. At least Alex is capable of conversation, even if it is only about Beyblades, Scooby-Doo and Yu-Gi-Oh.’

  ‘Are you sorry you got pregnant?’ Gary asked as he forked beef and rice into his mouth.

  Rachel put down her knife and fork and met his eyes: ‘Yes, I am.’

  Gary nearly choked on his food and he hastily reached for his beer.

  ‘Sorry. Are you okay?’

  He nodded, staring at her. ‘Why didn’t you say something?’

  She shrugged. ‘What difference would it have made? It’s not as if we’d have got rid of it.’

  ‘No,’ Gary agreed, ‘but you still could have talked to me.’

  ‘Too late for that now.’

  ‘But it’s not too late for me to help out more,’ Gary told her. ‘And I will. Rache, you just tell me what you want done and I’ll do it.’

  ‘Even the bins?’ Rachel’s eyes twinkled.

  ‘Even the bins. You know, I learned a lot this week, mainly about how little I know my son and, to be honest, that hurt. And I realized how great a mother you are because he is a great kid, Rache, and that’s all down to you. And I now know that I don’t want to be a stranger to my kids. Lately, I’ve only seen Alex for an hour in the morning and maybe a few minutes at bedtime. That’s got to change. I want to do things with him, with both of them. And you too, of course.’

  ‘Of course.’

  He sat back and watched her, wiping his mouth with a piece of kitchen towel. ‘You don’t believe me, do you?’

  Rachel shrugged. ‘Anytime I complain about the long hours you work, you tell me there’s nothing you can do about it, that that’s the job.’

  ‘Maybe it’s time to change jobs.’

  Now Rachel shot him a look of pure disbelief. ‘You’re going to walk away from your big salary, your BMW and your shares?’ Gary had dreamed of making it to the top of his company for years. There was no way he’d give that up. Unless . . . ‘You’ve been offered another job, haven’t you?’

  ‘Not exactly.’

  ‘Then what, Gary? What’s going on?’ Rachel pushed her plate away and leaned forward.

  ‘Well, I’ve been talking to a few contacts a
nd I’m thinking of going out on my own.’

  Rachel stared at him. ‘You want to set up your own windows company?’

  He nodded enthusiastically. ‘Yeah, I think I could do really well. I’ve made a lot of contacts in the industry and Jack Brennan would come with me, and he’s the best fitter we’ve got.’

  ‘But where would you get the money?’

  ‘I’ve saved a few thousand and the bank would give me a loan, no problem.’

  ‘Let me get this straight,’ Rachel said, her voice dangerously quiet. ‘We’re about to have a baby and you want to risk our life savings and put our whole world at risk? Have you taken leave of your senses?’

  Gary scowled. ‘It’s nice to know you have such faith in me.’

  ‘Oh come on, Gary,’ Rachel exploded. ‘Get real! We have a young family and I’m not working. We can’t afford to take risks like this! And anyway, what about what you were saying earlier, about spending more time with the children? If you were running your own business, we’d never see you.’

  ‘That would just be for the first few years until I got established.’

  ‘Oh well, that’s fine, so. When I’m forty and the kids are practically raised, we’ll have plenty of time together.’

  ‘Okay, enough! Forget I mentioned it.’ Gary banged the table and stood up.

  Rachel stood up too, her hands shaking as she pushed the chair in. ‘I’m going to bed. Now that you’re the soul of domesticity, you won’t mind cleaning up, will you?’

  Gary said nothing as she walked past him and went upstairs. God, what was he up to, she thought as she closed the bedroom door and slumped on to the bed. First all this New Man crap and now this bombshell. Had that been what all today’s performance was about? Had he just been buttering her up? And where did his girlfriend or girlfriends fit into this picture? Rachel shook her head in confusion. He was too young for a midlife crisis but something had to be going on. Getting to her feet, Rachel moved to Gary’s wardrobe and opened it. She hesitated for only a second and had just slipped her hand into the inside pocket of his favourite suit when the phone rang. She quickly closed the wardrobe and was just sitting back down on the bed when Gary walked in.

  ‘It’s Jill.’

  Rachel took the phone and watched him leave. ‘Jill? What’s happening, how’s Josie?’

  ‘She’s a bit shaken but she’s going to be fine,’ Jill told her. ‘Apparently she tripped on the steps on the way into Mass and broke her ankle.’

  ‘The poor woman. So she’s still in there, is she?’

  ‘Yes. I’m just on my way home.’

  Rachel gasped. ‘You’re only leaving the hospital now?’

  ‘Yeah. While we were in Casualty, only Liam was allowed to stay with Josie and Anna had to wait outside. I didn’t like to leave her on her own.’

  ‘So when will they let her out?’

  ‘Tomorrow, I think. The place is a bit chaotic and Josie was still on one of those bloody trolleys when I left.’

  ‘Still, Liam must be relieved. It could have been a lot worse.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I didn’t get much of a chance to talk to him but I’m sure he is.’

  ‘So is Anna still with them?’

  ‘I’m not sure. I think Liam was trying to persuade her to go home without him.’

  ‘I can’t believe she didn’t call me,’ Rachel complained.

  ‘Sorry, but we weren’t allowed to use the phones in the hospital and it was pissing with rain outside.’

  ‘Oh, right. Blimey, Jill, you must be exhausted. After the night we had last night!’

  Jill laughed. ‘I’m ready for a nice warm bath, that’s for sure. Can you believe how cold it is?’

  ‘Freezing.’

  ‘Ah, it’s great to be home! Bye, Rachel.’

  ‘Goodnight, Jill.’

  Rachel hung up and wondered if she should call Anna. But why bother her? Jill had filled her in, Anna was probably tired and Liam might be trying to get through. And, Rachel admitted, she didn’t feel up to talking to her sister right now. Going out on to the landing, she left the phone on the top stair and went back inside, closing her door firmly. If Gary didn’t get that hint then he was totally thick.

  As quickly as her bulk allowed, she crossed back over to his wardrobe and resumed her search. There was the usual mix of parking vouchers, receipts – which she scrutinized carefully – and mints. Other than the fact that he seemed to be spending a lot of money on books, Rachel didn’t make any discoveries. Her husband was either very clever or he was innocent. Rachel wished she could believe the latter. Surely he wouldn’t be buttering her up and talking about their future if he had another woman? Maybe he really had been putting in long hours at the job. Or maybe he’d been meeting all of these so-called contacts who were going to help him start his own business. She could almost hear Bridie say, ‘Well, you won’t know until you ask him.’

  Rachel sighed as she undressed, turning away from the reflection of her swollen body in the mirror. She knew she’d have to do it sooner or later, but there had been enough excitement for today. She needed to sleep.

  Chapter 30

  Anna turned over, opening one eye to look at the clock. Eleven-thirty and still no sign of Liam. Where the hell was he? Josie was probably sleeping her brains out now after all the excitement of the day and there was no need for him to be at the hospital. Anna could have cheerfully throttled the woman when she finally got in to see her. Josie was sitting up in bed looking the picture of health and enjoying all of the attention whereas Liam was at her side looking white-faced and haggard. Anna’s heart had gone out to him and for a moment the misery of the last couple of weeks was forgotten. After kissing Josie’s cheek she’d moved to his side, taken his hand and squeezed it tightly. Liam had shot her a grateful look before turning his attention back to his mother.

  ‘It seems to be a straightforward enough break so that’s a good thing,’ he’d informed Anna, ‘but I’ve been telling Mum she’s going to have to take it easy for a while.’

  Anna nodded. ‘He’s right, Josie.’

  Josie regarded her plastered foot. ‘I don’t have much choice, do I? But who’ll clean the house, and make the dinner and keep the garden tidy? Houses don’t run themselves, you know, and I couldn’t live in a messy house.’ The last comment was delivered with a pointed look at Anna.

  ‘You won’t have to lift a finger, Mum, will she, Anna?’

  Anna looked at him in alarm. ‘Er, well, of course we’ll help as much as we can . . .’

  ‘No, you have your job to worry about. I’ll look after Mum, I have the time, after all. I never thought there’d be an up-side to being unemployed. It would probably be best if I moved in with you for a few days, Mum. At least until you get used to using the crutches.’

  Anna stared at him.

  ‘It won’t be for long,’ he said, his eyes pleading for understanding. ‘She needs me.’

  Josie was trying to hide her delight and failing badly. ‘Well, I suppose I should have someone there in case I took another tumble.’

  ‘Then it’s settled.’

  ‘Right.’ Anna forced a smile. ‘We’d better get home and pack a bag for you.’

  Liam looked slightly shocked. ‘Oh no, I’d prefer to stay here for a bit longer. I can throw a few things together in the morning before I come to get Mum.’

  ‘Aren’t you lucky having such a good son?’ A nurse had bustled in to check Josie’s blood pressure.

  ‘I am,’ Josie agreed with a proud smile.

  Liam and Anna had moved away to let her do her job. ‘You go on home, Anna. You look tired.’ He handed her the keys of her car.

  ‘Not half as tired as you. You look awful. Come home with me. There’s nothing else you can do here and I’m sure sleep is the best thing for Josie now.’

  ‘I was hoping to have a word with one of the doctors.’

  ‘You can do that tomorrow.’

  ‘Well, I’ll just stay with her until she
drops off.’

  And reluctantly, Anna had left him there. God knows what Josie had done now to keep him by her side. But then, it wouldn’t take much to persuade Liam. Irritating, frustrating and annoying as Josie was, Liam loved her and would be devastated if anything happened to her. Thank goodness it was only a broken ankle. He’d be in a right state if it had been anything serious. Anna turned over her pillow and thumped it in an effort to get more comfortable. Josie’s timing could have been better, she thought as she pulled the duvet up under her chin. She had been very anxious about seeing Liam again and thrashing things out. Now that would have to wait. She’d be lucky if he ever came home again. She’d seen the way Josie’s eyes had lit up at the idea of having him staying with her. And then there was Tara.

  The thought of Liam staying next door to that bitch made Anna sick with jealousy. She could just imagine Tara popping in and out to ‘help’. And what would Liam do? Would he weaken? Had he already? Anna buried her face in her pillow and groaned. If they managed to come through this then they could come through anything. ‘Sleep,’ she muttered to herself. She had to go to work in the morning and could imagine the state her desk would be in. It didn’t help matters that she wouldn’t have the car. Liam would need it to collect his mother. If she had to do any visits, she’d have to borrow Mark’s car.

  Anna glanced again at the alarm clock. It was just coming up to midnight. Liam had probably decided to stay the night. That was their last chance of talking out the window and God only knew when they’d get another one. Maybe that conversation was destined never to happen. It was nearly an hour later before Anna finally fell asleep. By which time, the pillow was soggy with her tears.

  A few hours later, Anna slipped out of the house and closed the hall door as quietly as she could. Liam had finally climbed into bed beside her at one o’clock and immediately fallen into a heavy sleep. Anna had crept around the place this morning, trying not to disturb him. She would call him in a couple of hours. He’d told her, before conking out, that he had to pick Josie up at about eleven. Anna walked past her car and began the ten-minute walk to work. At least the rain had stopped and it wasn’t quite as cold as yesterday.