Just an Illusion - The B Side

by D. Kelly

I fire off a link for “Hakuna Matata” to which Sawyer immediately replies with a smiley face emoji.

  It’s long after dark by the time they made it back to the hotel. Sawyer came to the room with Noah with a huge stuffed Winnie the Pooh in tow.

  “Sawyer, do you have a plushie fetish we’re not aware of?” I ask. His horrified look is priceless, and Noah is cracking up.

  “Mel, my only fetish is sexy women with flexible limbs. Now the first gift to my nephew is going to be tainted with the words from your dirty mind.”

  “Really? It’s for the baby?”

  He puts the bear into my outstretched arms. “Yes, from his favorite uncle. I got Darren’s baby a big stuffed Eeyore. Saylor and Emme got Tigger and Piglet. I don’t know why, but Piglet seemed perfect for Emme.”

  “And did Uncle Noah try and outdo your shopping spree?” Quirking my brow at Noah, he shoots me a look of pure innocence.

  “I did not,” he states proudly

  “Bullshit,” Sawyer says, coughing into his hand. “I’m pretty sure he brought every princess doll in the park, along with matching costumes.”

  “Yeah, well, you know you play it off like you only bought stuffed animals. Tell Mel what else you bought.”

  My curiosity is piqued, and Sawyer replies with a resigned sigh, “I might have bought a family Disney World package for next summer for a week with the VIP experience.”

  That is a Noah-level good deed. Maybe Sawyer took our talk to heart, or maybe he’s always like this with his family. “That’s awesome, Sawyer, I’m sure they’ll love it.”

  “We’ll all love it,” Noah corrects. “When he says family, he means everyone. Us, my parents, sisters, Jordan, Darren’s family, Wyatt and Anna, Mac and Ryan, Warren and Sam. Everyone, Mel. Babies included. Hotels, tickets, everything bought and paid for.”

  Holy shit, I can’t even imagine the price tag on that. “That was so thoughtful of you, Sawyer, thank you. I’m sure everyone is going to have a blast. Imagine the pictures we’ll be able to get. It will be our first family vacation courtesy of their favorite Uncle Sawyer.”

  “Alright, well, I’m going to go crash. It was nice not having any shows for a couple of days, but tomorrow it’s back to the grind, and I need some sleep.”

  “Thanks for coming with me today. We need to do this more often. Maybe after the tour we can make it a priority to take a brothers’ trip at least once a year. Us, J, Wyatt, and Darren. I know we see each other all the time, but a guys’ weekend is something we haven’t done in I don’t know how long. Not to truly hang out and relax, at least.”

  Sawyer’s eyes soften with Noah’s words, and I think hearing that Noah is looking toward the future and not abandoning him makes Sawyer feel better. “That sounds good, Noah, we’ll make it happen for sure.”

  When Noah closes the door, my eyes are filled with tears. “Are you going to cry again?” he asks softly.

  “No,” I answer with a sniffle as I’m met with his loving arms.

  “It’s okay, Mel, you cry all you want to. I know they’re happy tears.”

  “Did you have a good time?”

  “We had so much fun. I meant what I said, I need time with Sawyer. When we’re out of sync, I feel off. Like my equilibrium needs to be reset or something. I’ve been trying to give him space. I know he’s lonely and trying to figure out what life has in store for him.”

  “He’ll be okay, Noah.” As I caress his back, he keeps me tightly in his embrace.

  “He’ll be better than okay. Sawyer was meant for great things. He’s the most talented person I’ve ever met. I wish he’d go solo and showcase his voice like he’s doing now. At least go into songwriting, something. This industry gives him life.”

  Noah has opened up a door I’ve been wanting to knock on for a while now. Pulling him over to the couch, I take this opportunity to delve deeper. “Why rock? Don’t get me wrong, you guys are at the top of your game. Coming up on the heels of Linkin Park, A Perfect Circle, Incubus, bands like that … I see the appeal. But I’ve heard your vocal ranges and you could have far surpassed any of that.”

  “We were kids in a band who wanted to make music. Darren loved Metallica, and Wyatt was a Korn freak. Sawyer and I didn’t really care what we sang, but we loved the way you could go at it with a guitar in rock. Sawyer loved being able to scream out his aggressions, and we both wanted to be wherever our friends were.”

  I love getting new insight about them—for the book and for myself. “So when did the song writing come into play?”

  His face softens at the memory. “I’ve always thought that came after what happened with J. Once Sawyer started journaling, he had this funnel where he could let his concentrated thoughts pour free. When the words started speaking to him, I think it was only natural for it to flow onto the paper in the form of a song.”

  “And what about you? Where do you see your future career taking you?”

  Noah blushes. “I’d love to manage Sawyer. Make him an independent artist and watch him rise to the top. I’ve never imagined not working with Sawyer in some capacity for the rest of our lives. Darren and Wyatt as well. Maybe even think about opening a small boutique label one day for indies. Who knows?”

  “But no singing for you?”

  “I’ll sing for you anytime, Mel, you know that … and to our kids, but it’s hard to have a career singing and not tour. I’m done touring. Life awaits us and we’re going to enjoy it. Come on, let’s go to sleep. I’m tired.”

  After Noah falls asleep, I think about what he said about being Sawyer’s manager. I know Sawyer loves Noah, but I wonder if he realizes how much faith Noah has in him. It makes me realize, for the first time ever, the importance of siblings.

  Welcome To The World

  April eleventh is a day I will never forget. It was a Friday, and Darren woke Noah and me up pounding on our door at three in the morning.

  “What’s wrong?” Noah’s frantic tone pulls me from bed.

  “Belle’s water broke and I have no idea what to do. She’s not supposed to have the baby here!”

  Noah jumps into action. First, he pops his head into the hall and tells Mac to pull the car up. Then, he tells Darren we’ll meet him in their room in five minutes.

  “Get dressed, Mel, we’re going to see our niece make her way into the world. I’m going to call Dr. Walter and ask if she’ll meet us at the hospital and take Belle on as a patient. I’m sure she will, I’ll make it worth her while.” Noah has this smile when he’s plotting a good deed, or trying to get something he wants. I can imagine it goes all the way back to preschool and he even swayed many a teacher with it.

  “Yeah, that sounds good. Oh my God, I can’t believe the baby is coming, Noah!”

  Placing a tender kiss against my lips, he replies, “Soon, it will be us.”

  Thinking about labor terrifies me, but imagining our baby after seeing him, not so much. I’m getting used to the idea; he’s coming soon so I’d better be. I officially graduated into my own maternity pants this week.

  Minutes later, Belle is laughing at Darren as he paces the floor in their room.

  “Are you okay, Belle?” I ask, wondering why she’s not freaking out right now.

  “I’m fine, but Darren isn’t. I don’t even feel anything yet. One minute I was sleeping, the next I thought I’d pissed myself.”

  “Alright, guys, let’s get downstairs. Mac brought the car up while I called the doctor Mel went to for her ultrasound. She’s got the best reputation in Orlando, her name is Dr. Walter and she’s agreed to deliver your baby. Grab your extra tickets for tonight, Darren. We’ve got a doctor and a nurse who are going to appreciate your thoughtfulness.”

  Darren rushes to his dresser mumbling, “Good idea, Noah. Good idea.”

  Belle looks at me and shakes her head, but she’s watching Darren freak out in complete adoration. I can’t believe she’s so calm; it’s got to be because the pain hasn’t st
arted yet. After exiting the room, we’re waiting for the elevator as Wyatt, Sawyer, and Warren come running down the hall to catch up.

  The guys help Belle into the SUV, where Mac has already laid out towels. I climb in, followed by Noah and Darren, and the other guys wait for Ryan to pull the other car up.

  Twenty short minutes later, Belle is in a hospital room, gowned and hooked up to a fetal monitor and an IV. Talk about the VIP treatment. This room is a suite, and the nurse said we can all stay until Belle tells us to go. Darren takes one side of her bed and I take the other.

  “Hey, Belle, we don’t want to interfere with your special moment, so if you want us to leave just say so, okay?”

  “Actually, Mel, I’d love for you to stay for the birth. Darren and I already talked about it and it’s only right my sister is here. Especially since my mom isn’t. She’s going to be so pissed. But if I can wake her up in the morning holding a bundle of joy, I’m sure she’ll forgive me.”

  I’m touched by her offer and a little fearful. Seeing her give birth is going to be a scary wake-up call for me. It will be worth it to see her baby come into the world. “I’m honored, Belle, thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, but the other guys … yeah, they’ll have to go when the action starts. This is only a show for us three.”

  “Consider us gone. I don’t think my player mentality can handle watching a woman give birth,” Sawyer calls out, making the guys laugh.

  Dr. Walter comes in right then and pauses in her tracks. When her eyes make their way across the room and she realizes she’s got the entire band here, she’s starstruck. Unless you were looking, though, you’d never know it; she recovered like a boss.

  “You must be Belle. Seems like congratulations are in order because today is going to be your baby’s birthday. I’m Dr. Walter … and you must be dad?” She extends her hand to Darren.

  “Yes, I’m Darren Miller. Thank you for coming and taking care of the two most important women in my life.”

  I start crying again. After this tour, I’m going to invent a pregnancy patch that somehow blocks the sporadic waterworks in pregnant women.

  “Alright, let me wash up and we’ll see how you’re progressing. Mel, Noah, it’s good to see you again. Thank you for trusting me with your friend.”

  Dr. Walter makes me wish if I were going to deliver anywhere, it would be with her. Noah’s research has paid off in spades; I’m so thankful for him right now.

  “Alright, guys, you heard the doctor, time to get out. We’ll call you back in a few minutes.” Darren gets up and ushers them all out the door in protective papa mode.

  Belle giggles from the bed. “I’m pretty sure not a single one of them would want to see this, except for maybe Noah, and only because he’d want to know what to expect.”

  “Belle, put your feet up on the bed and spread your legs for me. You’re going to feel some pressure, but it’s only me feeling with my fingers to see how dilated you are.”

  “Ugh …” Belle groans, squeezing my hand. The monitor lines start moving rapidly, and Dr. Walter pulls her hand back, removes her gloves, and goes to wash her hands again.

  When she comes back, she smiles up at Belle. “You’re in active labor. Right now you’re about four centimeters dilated. That contraction you had while I was checking you was pretty mild in intensity, but every woman is different. How do you handle pain? Do you want an epidural or any pain medication? The hospital was able to get your records, but I didn’t get a chance to review the birth plan yet.”

  “I’m not sure. I was still trying to figure that out because she wasn’t supposed to come for another month.” Belle is understandably upset; this wasn’t how she was expecting her baby to enter the world.

  “Yes, well, we find babies come when they’re ready. You have time to think about it, but don’t wait too long. It can sometimes take a while if you opt for an epidural and lots of moms end up missing the window and going natural. We can give you something to take the edge off if the contractions get bad, but it will wear off before you deliver. I’ll check back with you in about an hour. If you make a decision about the drugs before I return, press the button for the nurse. Try and rest, it could be a long night.”

  For the next hour, Belle powers through her contractions amazingly well. Once the guys saw how much pain was involved they all decided to go into a private waiting room the hospital set up for them. Except for Noah, he was fascinated with everything.

  In the end, Belle opts for drugs but not an epidural. It’s shortly after eight in the morning when Dr. Walter checks Belle for the final time and announces it’s time to bring this baby into the world. Noah goes to the waiting room, leaving me wishing I could go, too. This is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.

  With one hand wrapped around Darren’s and the other around mine, Belle begins to push. When the baby’s head comes out, Darren looks down in amazement. “Belle, I can see her head. She has so much hair.” His excitement is palpable, but I’m not even sure any of what he said registered with Belle. She’s exhausted, in pain, and trying to push a watermelon out of her hoo ha.

  Three more pushes and the baby is all the way out. Dr. Walter suctions her mouth, allowing her to release the loudest scream I’ve ever heard. I get it; it was probably just as traumatic for her as it was for her mom.

  “Happy Birthday, baby girl!” Dr. Walter announces, holding her high for Belle to see. Belle’s bawling at the sight of her baby.

  “Oh my God, Darren, we made that beautiful little girl,” she sobs hysterically.

  Darren kisses her sweetly. “We sure did, Belle.”

  “Dad, would you like to cut the cord?”

  Darren looks horrified. “Um, I think I’ll pass on that one, but thanks for asking,” he tells her, watching with rapt attention as she cuts the cord instead.

  “Let the nurses check her scores and her oxygen levels. She seems perfect, but we’ll want to be on the safe side since she’s pre-term. Then they’ll clean her up and give her back, it will only take a few minutes. In the meantime, lets finish up with you first.”

  While Dr. Walter is tending to Belle, Darren is hovering over the nurses, making sure the baby is okay. The nurse calls out scores, oxygen levels, and weight before Dr. Walter gives her the green light to bring the baby to mom and dad.

  “I’m going to step out now. Enjoy these precious moments. Darren, come get me when I can hold her and learn her name.” Belle seems like she wants to say something, but I cut her off. “You did good, Belle. I’m so proud of you.” With a kiss to her cheek, I go find the guys to give them the good news.

  “She’s here and she’s perfectly healthy. They’re going to take some time to bond and call us in. She’s so cute, you guys. Tiny like Belle, but boy does she have a mighty cry.”

  “Seems appropriate, another crying woman to add to the mix. Between you and Belle, there’s been nothing but tears the past few months.” Sawyer’s response might have made me laugh if I weren’t so tired.

  “How was it?” Noah asks earnestly as I take a seat on the couch and curl up against him.

  “It looked like torture, but I’d say the end result was absolutely worth it.”

  “Are you scared now?” he asks, concern on his face.

  “I’ve been scared but even though it looks horrific, she also sailed right through with no problems. I think I’ll be okay. I’m not a fan of pain, so I might go for the epidural option. Seems like it would make the whole thing a bit more peaceful, or at least less stressful. But I don’t want an audience, Noah. Just the two of us.”

  He nuzzles his head against mine. “That sounds like an excellent plan.”

  After about a half hour of waiting, Darren comes to invite us all back into the room. The guys all hug him, and he and Sawyer seem to have a moment of sorts before we go in to see Belle. She’s beaming at her baby girl in her arms.

  “Everyone, wash your hands if you plan on touching
this baby,” I announce firmly as I lead the way to the sink. My grabby hands are itching for a turn. Once I’m finished, Belle kisses her softly on the head and passes her to me with a smile.

  “Meet the newest member of our family. Cadence Melody Miller.”

  “You picked a musical name, but it’s not a messed up one at all, it’s absolutely perfect. Happy Birthday, Cadence, I’m Auntie Mel.” Noah is smiling down at her over my shoulder and I pass her to him next.

  “How do you feel, Belle? Can I get you anything?” I ask, feeling useless after what I just witnessed her go through to bring Cadence into this world.

  “I’m okay, Mel. Thank you for being here with me. We already called Veronica and she’s trying to make plans to see her already.”

  Darren speaks up as the baby makes it into Wyatt’s arms. “Hey, guys, I need to ask you something important. Especially you Wyatt and Warren.” All eyes are on him except for Wyatt, who’s entranced by Cadence. “Now that Cadence is here early, Belle has to go on maternity leave. It will push her all the way up to when she was supposed to come on tour with us anyway. Not trying to put you on the spot or anything, but would you mind if they just came now? I know it will be an adjustment and …”

  “Darren, stop,” Wyatt commands as he passes the baby straight to Warren. “It’s your family, and your bus, too. You don’t even have to ask, at least not me. You already know Mel and Noah don’t care.”

  “I don’t care. I think a baby might be just what the doctor ordered to end this tour right,” Warren says, passing Cadence to Sawyer.

  Sawyer cradles her in his arms, never breaking his gaze on her. “Hell, I’m her all-time favorite uncle already. She can be my sidekick anytime. I might even change diapers if you’re lucky.”

  “Alright, it’s set then,” Warren announces. “Welcome to the tour. Speaking of … you guys need to get some sleep. I’ll push the interviews back to after the show. Darren, rest as much as you can, but we need you there tonight.”

  “I’ll come back and sit with Belle while you guys are at the show. You can relieve me when it’s over, Darren,” I say, with the hope of relieving the conflict crossing his face.