Starfish Sisters

by J. C. Burke

  KIA

  I heard the tiptoe of Micki's feet across the floor, followed by the sound of her trying to close the door without me knowing. I wasn't asleep, though. I was pretending to be.

  They were all out there surfing, earning extra points, improving their technique, while I was stuck here, inside the stupid bungalow. But that was the way it had to be, at least for today. I was sure I'd be back out there tomorrow.

  The girls were trying to be nice by taking turns sitting with me so, as they said, I wouldn't get lonely (even though that wasn't the truth). But the thought of having to talk to each one of them, having to answer their questions, would only make me want to 'hurt' myself all over again. And there was no way to explain that to them. So I kept my eyes shut and stared at the black.

  Besides, it was my fault. I'd pushed the scissors in too deep. That'd never happened before, the blood suddenly seeping out like a thick purple carpet. It scared me, all that blood. That's why I squealed. Straightaway Micki came running in, almost like she'd been waiting outside the door.

  I pulled my pants down for a check. No blood showing through the bandage, not even purple bruising spreading underneath. Apart from the other cuts and scars, you'd never know anything had happened, and that was the way I had to keep it.

  I began an inspection on my other thigh, the more neglected right one. The scars there were fading. Only one still carried an angry ridge.

  'Hi there.'

  Quickly I threw the sheet over me. It was Georgie.

  'It's not bleeding again, is it?' she asked.

  'No, it's fine.' I smoothed the blanket over me.

  'I brought you up some fruit.'

  Georgie perched herself on the end of my bed and began to peel an orange. To think we'd started camp with our beds wedged together. That seemed like ages ago.

  'I've just had a surf with Jake,' she started to tell me. 'He's giving us all a private session.'

  I tried to keep my face perfectly still but Georgie quickly added, 'Oh, he said he'll give you one tomorrow. When you're feeling better.'

  'Really?'

  'Jake was raving about how good you are.'

  'He was not.'

  'Kia, he was. I swear.' Georgie put down the orange and picked up my hand and held it. 'He said, "Once Kia finds her confidence there'll be no stopping her." '

  I wriggled my hand free. 'Exactly. Once I find it.'

  'Kia, listen. I just spent forty-five minutes in the surf with Jake and for most of that time he talked about you and your potential. Your amazing focus, your determination, your –'

  'What was he talking about the rest of the time?'

  'Kia?' Georgie groaned. 'Why do you do that?'

  'Do what?'

  'Find something bad when there's nothing bad to find!'

  'Yeah, well, I'm just trying to be realistic.' I wanted Georgie to get off my bed. She was irritating me and so was her half-peeled orange. 'The rest of the time Jake was probably raving about how fantastic you or Ace –'

  'He wasn't!' That time Georgie yelled. But still she didn't move off my bed.

  No speaking.

  'I'm not meant to tell you this,' she finally said, 'but I'm going to. Not because I want you to know about it but because I want you to get it into your thick head that the only raving Jake was doing was about you!'

  I wriggled up the bed.

  'Jake basically told me that if Ace didn't get it together she wasn't going to be selected for anything.'

  'No!' Could Georgie really be telling the truth? 'But she's, she's sponsored like fully –'

  'Exactly.'

  'Did he really say that? Honest?'

  'I swear on your goldfish's grave that's the truth.'

  The giggle toppled out of my mouth. Georgie was the only person in the whole world who knew I trod on my goldfish Goggles. It wasn't on purpose.

  'Are you going to tell Ace?'

  'Jake asked me to talk to her,' she replied. 'But he told me not to tell anyone else.'

  'I won't say anything.'

  Georgie stretched out next to me and fed me pieces of orange. I rested my head on her shoulder, sucking the juice out of each one.

  'She's so caught up with Jules.'

  'I still can't believe what she told us last night, how she's broken up with Tim and now she's with Jules.' I hadn't seen that bit of news coming. It'd provided me with some entertainment as I lay in bed all day. And I liked that Ace had only told us, even if she had told Georgie first, and that we were to keep it a secret. 'No wonder Ace was so happy to give me Tim's photo.'

  We laughed.

  'Last night . . .' began Georgie.

  I cringed at those words. In one way I felt safe with Georgie – I was pretty sure she wouldn't blab – but then in another way I think I felt the most ashamed with her.

  'Last night,' she continued, 'when it clicked that Ace wasn't in her bed, that she'd snuck out without telling me, I wanted to kill her. I was so angry.'

  'I didn't even realise she wasn't there.'

  'You saw them together when we went to get Micki's card.'

  'Yeah, I worked that out this morning,' I told her.

  'I'm sorry I couldn't tell you.'

  'That's okay.' And I meant it. 'So when are you going to tell Ace what Jake said?'

  'That's what I've been trying to figure out,' Georgie said, then yawned. 'She's going to spew.'

  'Fully, fully spew!'

  'The other night she wanted to play truth or dare. But we didn't because Micki came bursting in with the news of the scouts.' Georgie snuggled up to me and closed her eyes. 'Maybe I'll suggest we play it tonight,' she whispered. 'I'll suss her out a bit. See if she suspects anything. She might be a blonde but she's not dumb. Oh, this is all getting so confusing.'

  Three seconds later Georgie was snoring. Gently, I patted her shoulder and for the first time allowed myself to think that maybe – maybe – what Jake'd said about me was true.

  Dr Ace and I walked down to dinner together. According to her assessment, my bed rest was over. Her diagnosis was that it was safe to walk and run and surf. It was tempting to say, 'I know. I have been here before.' But no way. She already thought I was a big enough freak show.

  When I walked into the dining room everyone went, 'Kia!' Except Megan, who shrieked like she'd seen a ghost and shouted, 'She's alive!'

  If only she knew how I almost wasn't. But I didn't want to think about that.

  The heat rose up into my cheeks and I pretended to laugh along with everyone else.

  'Hey, Kia!' Jake called. 'Over here, I want a word.'

  He was standing by the water fountain.

  'I am so unco with these fat fingers,' he said. 'Can you press the tap down and I'll hold the bottle.'

  Silently we stood there until the water brimmed over.

  'You feeling better?' he asked.

  'Yes, thanks.'

  'Hey, I'm sorry if you thought I was tough on you yesterday,' he said. Again the heat started to invade my cheeks. There was no need to talk about this. 'But when I'm dealing with someone of your potential, I want you to push yourself till you reach it. I'm not like that with everybody.' He gave me a wink. 'Only the ones who have the X factor. The ones who really rip.'

  Did he really mean what he was saying or did he just feel bad for me?

  'Stop frowning, Kia!'

  'Huh?'

  'I owe you a private session. Tomorrow at nine am?'

  'Straight after breakfast?'

  'I can't do it any earlier 'cause I'm taking Megan and Georgie out to Merrimen's Point.'

  Merrimen's was a lethal right. It was one of those notorious breaks. I was happy for Georgie that she was going there. I really was.

  Fish was on the menu again. At home, we ate it every now and then, 'cause Dad said we had to. One thing I'd perfected over two and a half weeks here was how to eat fish while blocking my nose. I'd have to teach Charlie the technique when I got home 'cause he hates fish too.

  'I need
more lemon,' Ace whined. 'Brian puts this one scabby piece on our plate.'

  'Have mine,' I offered.

  Georgie had already scoffed her fish down and was stealing bits from my plate.

  'I reckon Brian's cut our portions in half,' she yawned. 'It's either that or all the exercise we're doing.' She yawned again. 'I have definitely lost some weight. I can tell from my boardies.'

  'You're looking buff, girl,' Ace said.

  'You should get an early night,' Micki told Georgie. 'What time are you leaving for Merrimen's?'

  'Merrimen's?' Ace dropped her fork. 'Who's going to Merrimen's?'

  'Jake's taking Megan and me tomorrow at five-thirty am,' Georgie replied.

  Georgie didn't look at Ace when she said it. She just kept picking little flakes of fish off my plate.

  'Why wasn't I told?' Ace was looking around the room. No doubt for Jake. 'I've surfed there heaps of times. I've even done a photo shoot there. It goes off. I want to go. Why hasn't Jake told me?'

  Luckily for Georgie, she didn't have to answer. Ace had already upped and left. She didn't even take her plate.

  The other girls, led by Megan it seemed, broke into spitting whispers.

  Us three just looked at one another.

  'Oops! Am I bad?' Micki uttered. 'I just assumed Ace knew.'

  'Poor Jake,' Georgie cringed. 'He is going to get it.'

  When Georgie and I came out of dinner, we found Micki sitting at the public phone like a statue. She'd probably just hung up from her dad. We still didn't know exactly what was wrong with him. When anyone asked how he was doing, Micki'd say stuff like 'He's much better now, thank you' or 'He needs to take better care of himself.'

  She never actually said: he's got this disease or that disease. But I had decided that as soon as I got home I was going to ask Dad straight out what the hell was wrong with Davo.

  'Micki?' I called. Micki was still sitting there like a statue. 'Micki! We're going to see if Jake and Ace are in the office having a catfight.'

  'Okay.' Micki stood up and started walking.

  We only got a couple of steps when behind us we heard Jake's call.

  'Hey Starfish, where's your fourth sister?'

  I stopped, Micki's eyes went wide and Georgie uttered, 'Shit.'

  'Girls?'

  The three of us turned in unison.

  'Have you seen Ace?' Jake asked.

  The three of us shook our heads. 'No.' At least Georgie managed some sound with hers.

  'Well, when you do,' he said, 'you can tell her that if she's sufficiently calmed down, I'll be in Carla's office for about an hour.'

  'Okay,' croaked Georgie.

  'Good night, girls.'

  'Good night,' we chimed.

  'You don't think she's,' I whispered, 'snuck out, do you?'

  'It's not even nine o'clock,' Georgie replied. 'If she has, she's an idiot.'

  It was midnight and Ace's bed was still empty.

  'I've got to get up in five and a half hours,' Georgie moaned. 'Plus I got about two hours' sleep last night.'

  Each reminder was like a sharp, stinging slap across the face. I felt about two centimetres tall. Or maybe that was actually wishful thinking. So I could go and find a crack in the wall and crawl into it.

  'You go to sleep, Georgie,' I offered. 'I'll keep awake. It's the least I can do.'

  'I didn't mean it to come out like that, Kia. I'm just mighty pissed off. There is a ten pm curfew. Well, there's meant to be.'

  'Do you know where Ace meets him?' Micki asked Georgie.

  'I think down at the beach. But I can tell you now we're not going looking for her.'

  'And this is all over her not being invited to Merrimen's?' Micki said. 'I mean, Kia and I weren't asked, either.'

  I caught Georgie's eye, wondering if she was going to fill in the blanks for Micki.

  She did, and like me, Micki was blown out, but in a different way.

  'Ace hasn't been focused,' Micki agreed. 'She's been surfing okay but not great. I just thought that seeing she was Courtney McFarlane and fully sponsored and pretty, that her selection'd be a sure thing. That's what happens to girls like her. Doesn't it?'

  'So much for Ace saying we were all going to have a big talk tonight.' Georgie was spitting! 'Make a pact and all that crap. Please don't take this the wrong way, Kia, but after what happened last night I thought she'd be wanting to stick close. You know, keep the four of us together.'

  Again the slap and the feeling small. 'I'm really, really sorry about last night.'

  'You better not try that again, Kia. Next time you mightn't be so lucky.'

  Georgie was right. Last night had scared the hell out of me. So why did her words make me want to run to the bathroom and do it all over again?

  MICKI

  After my Merrimen's foot-in-mouth moment at dinnertime, I decided it was a good time to slip out to ring Dad. All the girls were gossiping and arguing about why Ace had walked out, so I wouldn't be missed.

  'Hello, it's Micki Elvich,' I said to the nurse on the line. 'I want to talk to my dad, David Elvich?'

  'Hold on, love,' he replied. 'I'll see if I can find him. He may've gone out for a smoke.'

  I craned my neck to look down the corridor. The dining room door was still closed. It'd be a while before the girls started trickling out on their way to watch the evening DVD. I probably had a good ten minutes.

  Some crackling and voices on the other end of the phone made me sit up and push the receiver closer to my ear.

  'Micki?'

  'Hi, Dad,' I answered. 'At last they found you.'

  'Sorry about the wait. I was in the hospital café having a chat with the cleaner.'

  'How are you feeling?'

  'Tops,' he replied. 'How about you? Tell us about camp. You wowed them all?'

  'I'm not sure about that.'

  'I bet you have. You're just being modest.'

  Dad sounded good. Bright almost.

  'I can't believe it's nearly over,' I said. 'Five days left.'

  'What day are they sending me home?'

  Dad had his own record of time. He measured it by his morning visits to the clinic. The other twenty-three hours didn't seem to count.

  'They're sending you home on Thursday, Dad.'

  'Yeah, they said something like that.'

  'And I'll be home by Saturday morning. I think the train gets in at about five-thirty.' Dad'd be about to say, 'I'll meet you there, Micki.' And he'd mean it too, even though the chances of him actually making it were below zero. So before he had a chance, I said, 'I'll get myself home. It's too early to come and pick me up.'

  'I'll have a nice breakfast waiting.'

  The chance of that was probably slightly above zero.

  'It's going to be okay,' he said. 'I'm not going to bust again. I give you my word. I really mean it this time.'

  'Well, just try your best, Dad.' How many times had I regurgitated this line? 'That's enough for me. See you on Saturday morning.'

  Ten seconds' recovery was all I gave myself before I stood up and went to Kia and Georgie, who'd just come out of dinner.

  Luckily, that was about all I needed these days.

  It was hard to get to sleep after I'd finished the day's diary entry. I loved recording everything but sometimes it was hard too. Like tonight, talking to Dad on the phone, hearing his voice full of the usual hopes and promises.

  So much for me only putting in the good stuff. But then I had to remind myself that there was heaps of good stuff. The most good stuff I'd ever had to write about.

  It was close to two am when Ace crept in.

  The light went on in the bathroom and the pipes squeaked as Ace turned the water on. Then she tiptoed across the floor, climbed into bed and sighed.

  Last night this room had been united. Tonight we were each on our own.

  To all the others, I'm sure us Starfish Sisters looked like we were going about the day as usual – except for Ace, who was sulking. Everyone knew abo
ut it, as suddenly the girl who always had so much to say could only manage a sullen 'Yes, please' or a 'No, thank you.'

  Together the four of us muddled through mealtimes, our training session, our training video analysis, another tag team relay, a Pilates and stretch class, and to top it off, a 'performance and goals' lecture.

  Usually when the day had been tough, our reprieve had been getting back to the bungalow that night, crawling into bed and laughing at all the things that hadn't seemed very funny a few hours ago. Or if we couldn't manage that, we'd muck around with Ace's phone, taking photos of ourselves in ten thousand different poses.

  But not tonight. Tonight the atmosphere was thick and expanding and ready to explode.

  'So, Ace?' I knew it would take Georgie to get it going. She was fired up after surfing Merrimen's. 'What happened to that little talk we were meant to have last night? Us three were ready for it. The problem was, you pissed off.'

  'So I changed my mind.' Ace's voice was a monotone, like it had been all day. 'You could have had the "little talk" without me.'

  'But it was your suggestion. And we were all involved in the other night.'

  'I had my own stuff to deal with.'

  'And we don't?'

  Kia and I were like spectators in a tennis match. Georgie smashes, Ace returns it.

  'Well, let's have the talk now.' Ace got up off her bed.

  Georgie followed. 'Okay.'

  'So where do you want to start, Georgie? I presume you're the chairwoman?'

  'Chairperson,' corrected Georgie.

  'Okay, chairperson,' Ace mocked. 'What's first on the agenda?'

  Back and forth, back and forth, Georgie and Ace bickered. The further they went, the further they got from what was really important. Kia.

  Only a couple of weeks ago, one week ago even, I would've been too nervous to interrupt Ace and maybe even Georgie. But I was over them now, because as I watched them play the 'I'm better than you' game I realised that they hadn't really ever had anything bad happen to them. Not really bad. A dead great-aunt, a dead dog, divorced parents for Ace – but none of it was life-threatening. It wasn't going to make them hide in corners, lie about who they were or cut themselves.

  'Stop it, you two!' I stepped in between them. 'You're just going around and around in circles and not even talking about anything . . .' I hesitated, '. . . real.'