Starfish Sisters

by J. C. Burke

  They looked at me like they'd just realised I was there. The room had only been big enough for the two of them. Neither of them spoke.

  But I was willing to sit it out.

  'You're right,' Georgie said. 'Sorry. That was pretty pathetic.'

  Ace gave a shrug and a mumble but I took that to mean she agreed.

  Then, over the other side of the room, Kia squeaked, 'This is all my fault, isn't it?'

  'No!' the three of us yelled at exactly the same time.

  Suddenly, our laughter erupted, almost splitting the walls with its heartiness. The Starfish Bungalow smiled.

  Kia was being so brave. Some of the things she was telling us made me want to cry, because she had had no one to talk to. All by herself she'd carried around this thing that made her so ashamed of who she was. Out of all of us, I knew exactly what that felt like.

  'It's like when I do it I get this instant relief,' Kia explained. 'You know when you're dying of thirst, like when you're walking home from the bus stop in February and you just can't wait to have a big cold glass of water? When you do, you feel like "Ahhhh." It feels so good.' Kia's eyes were shut. 'That's what I feel when I cut myself. All the pressure and chatter that goes on in my head disappears for that moment and it's like "Aahhh."' She opened her eyes. 'But then it comes back and you feel double as bad because of what you've done. Then you've got to hide it, make excuses, and it starts all over again.'

  'I'm so sorry I got pissed off when you wouldn't wear a bikini,' Ace apologised. 'I've got to say, Micki, that was a pretty speedy excuse you came up with. That's the kind of thing I do.'

  'I think I saw Kia's wetsuit in my hands and it just came to me.'

  'You mean your wetsuit, Micki,' Kia said to me.

  'You don't have to give it to me. They're heaps expensive and I know you were trying to –'

  'Please, Micki,' Kia interrupted. 'I want you to have it.'

  'So, that day when I was up here getting ready for my first rendezvous with Jules,' Ace said to me, 'and you asked me, "What would you do if you knew something really bad but you weren't allowed to say anything?" that's what you were talking about – Kia?'

  I nodded.

  'And I thought it was about your dad.' Ace almost laughed.

  I sat up straight, bracing myself for the next question. Could I be brave like Kia?

  Instead, Georgie said, 'Do you think you're going to be able to stop it, Kia? We don't want to dob you in but then we don't want you to . . . hurt yourself.'

  'I'd like to be able to stop,' Kia said. 'Sometimes the cutting sort of feels like a friend. You know, the only one that understands me. Then other times it feels like my total worst enemy.' She shrugged. 'It's weird.'

  'If your oldies found out that we knew about' – Ace paused – 'it, we'd be seriously busted, you know.'

  'Maybe you guys knowing will help me stop?'

  'Maybe.' Georgie was looking straight into Kia's face. 'Maybe when we go back to school you should go and talk to the school counsellor. I can go with you, if you want?'

  'Maybe,' Kia whispered.

  'I vote we make a pact.' Ace held out her hand and gestured to us to do the same. 'As Starfish Sisters, we vow that Kia's secret will become our secret. But only on the condition that she does something about it and doesn't do it anymore.'

  'Or tries her best not to?' I whispered. I had learnt these words softened the disappointment that hid around that corner.

  The four of us placed our hands on top of one another's and declared, 'The Starfish Sisters!'

  The following morning started with a before-breakfast group training session. The four of us had a ball. Kia nailed a series of lightning backhand snaps like the freak she could be; Georgie was getting barrelled, coming out then getting barrelled again; Ace's timing and balance had her skating across floaters like she was on air; and I found power in the pockets that had my snapbacks spraying.

  Jake was pumped. 'What did you girls do overnight? Drink some vitamin potion? You were all on fire!'

  'Oh, we have our secret strategies,' Georgie boasted on our behalf. 'But if we tell you them we'll have to kill you.'

  To that we burst out laughing. I was holding my sides as Kia slammed into me; Ace was doubled over and Georgie was snorting so loud it sounded like a wild pig on the loose.

  Jake stood there not having a clue.

  ACE

  'Are you meeting lover boy tonight?' Georgie asked through the mirror as we were brushing our teeth. 'Hubba hubba?'

  'No.' I flicked my toothbrush at her. 'He's camping at Mount Warning tonight. He wants to climb to the very top so he can watch the sunrise tomorrow morning.'

  'So he's a bushwalker?' she said, smirking. 'Lovely.'

  'Shut up.'

  'Where do you meet him?' Kia called from the bedroom.

  I popped my head out to see her stretched over my bed taking pictures with my mobile.

  'I'm going to put those photos on myspace, Kia Braidwood,' I threatened. 'And there's nothing you'll be able to do about it.'

  'You know I really thought I'd miss my phone.' Kia was still snapping herself. 'But I haven't at all.'

  'Yeah, it's been kind of nice, hasn't it?' agreed Georgie.

  Those two needed a lobotomy. Life was not livable without a phone.

  'I want to do that myspace,' Micki said. 'Everyone at school has it.'

  'You have to get it,' Kia told her. 'That way we can post heaps of messages to each other.'

  'We have to promise to keep in contact.' Georgie was peeling little flakes of skin off her nose. 'I put so much cream on today and yet I still got burnt. Why did I have to be born with this complexion?'

  'I'm going to really miss this place,' Kia sighed.

  'We might all be back together in six months,' I told them. 'Jake was stoked with our surfing this morning. The way he was talking, even though I pretended I wasn't listening 'cause I'm still pissed with him, was like we are in the training team for sure.'

  No one said anything back. But I guess for Georgie, Kia and Micki it was such a huge dream that to agree with me could have seemed like jinxing themselves.

  'Hey,' Georgie said, 'I have an idea. Let's play truth or dare.'

  'Hey, yeah,' I agreed. This was the perfect night for it. Jules was away and then when I saw him tomorrow I could give him all the details.

  We dragged the pillows and blankets into the middle of the room and made a little camp site like we had the night we sat up with Kia.

  'I'll go first.' Georgie sounded very serious. Hopefully she'd rehearsed the way she was going to ask Micki what was wrong with her dad.

  'Micki?' Georgie sat up. I swear I saw her throat gulp.

  Micki elected truth.

  'Do you think you'll be selected on Friday?'

  Why was Georgie asking that? She was meant to lead in with a couple of questions like did she miss her mum, and then ask the big one.

  Micki held her face in her hands and sighed. 'I really, really want to be,' she admitted. 'But I'm scared my age is against me.'

  'I'll go next?' Kia squirmed.

  Now we were going to have to go around the whole circle before we got back to Micki.

  Georgie asked the same question about Friday.

  'Well.' Kia rocked from side to side thinking about her answer. 'Probably not. But I would sooo love to be selected for the training team. Today I was thinking maybe I could make it next year. Maybe?'

  'What about you, Ace?' Georgie asked.

  'Hang on.' It was hard to get Georgie's attention without the others noticing. 'I haven't said if I want truth or dare.'

  Georgie shrugged. 'I know, but I wanted to ask whether you think you're going to get into the team.'

  Micki and Kia looked at each other, then at Georgie.

  'You can't really ask me that, Georgie,' I whispered. 'It's not really fair.'

  Georgie was the only one I'd told that I was a sure thing, and that I was just here at the selection camp because I had to
be.

  Georgie was staring at me but in a weird way that was starting to give me the creeps. 'What? Why are you looking at me like that?'

  'Ace, I don't think . . .' Georgie began. 'I don't think it's – definite – you'll be selected on Friday.'

  No sound came out of my mouth. Did Georgie really just say that? Me, the only sponsored one here, not selected?

  I couldn't think of anything to say. Not one single thing. Georgie was being deadly serious.

  'You've been distracted,' she continued.

  Was she loving this? No! She wouldn't be loving this. We were friends. I was the one Georgie spoke to when she was unsure if she still wanted to compete. Not Kia. Not Micki. Me!

  'Ace, I feel so bad about saying it.'

  Micki and Kia nodded in agreement.

  I sat there feeling like I'd just been nailed by some freak wave that'd rolled into the bungalow unannounced.

  'Maybe it's not too late?' Kia's voice gurgled through the silence in my head. 'Jake said, "Ace'd better get her act –" '

  'Jake?' A barking sound erupted up my throat. 'Jake! When did Jake talk to you? What did he say?'

  'He, he didn't talk to me,' Kia muttered. 'He sort of mentioned something, something in passing to Georgie.'

  'What! What did he say to you, Georgie?'

  Georgie wouldn't meet my gaze no matter how hard I glared at her.

  'He said that you hadn't been focused and that you were wasting your talent,' she said. 'And that the time here had almost run out.'

  'Exactly,' Kia said. 'Almost run out. He didn't say it had run out and that Ace had no chance.'

  Quickly I looked to Georgie to gauge her response. But she just shrugged. This had to be a joke. Well, it was a bad one.

  'What about if Ace worked really hard from now?' Kia was consulting Georgie about my future! 'Do you reckon Jake would reconsider?'

  'There's still the reserve position?' Now that, coming from Micki, was really waaaay too much.

  I jumped up. I had to get out of here.

  There was no point going into the bathroom because when I came out they'd still be here. I couldn't text Jules to meet me, thanks to some stupid quest of his to see the sunrise. And Tim, well, there was no Tim anymore. Anyway, all he'd probably say was, 'You'll still have your sponsors 'cause you look good,' which'd make me want to scream and shout more than I already did!

  So I left the bungalow door shaking in its frame and started walking.

  Soon, I was running. Angry, spitting thoughts were charging through my head like bullets.

  I am Courtney McFarlane, the Ocean Pearl girl! Fully, one hundred per cent sponsored. I got my first sponsor when I was twelve! Georgie hasn't signed a thing and she's almost fifteen! Less than two years ago I was picked as a wild card for the nationals! I have won more titles than Georgie's shoved hamburgers down her fat throat! What the hell would she know?

  In less than a second, the thoughts drained from my head. Three guys, totally off their faces, were stumbling along the beach towards me. It was like they'd appeared out of nowhere. I hadn't seen them coming. I hadn't even heard them and now they'd spotted me.

  It was too late to turn and go the other way. Suddenly they were right there, right in front of me. Face to face.

  'Hey gorgeoush.' The taller one stepped towards me. 'Whad are you doin' ta'night?'

  The other two started laughing and coming closer. One of them was playing with the fly on his jeans and kind of wiggling his pelvis like I wanted him.

  My heart was banging and the air in my throat was being squeezed out. A word spiralled through my brain. It was big and black: RUN!

  I ran.

  Behind me I could hear them calling, until soon their voices became my voice screeching through my brain. Courtney McFarlane, promising Ocean Pearl-sponsored surfer who could've had a big future on the women's pro circuit, found raped and mutilated on Coolina Beach.

  My feet pounded along the sand, faster and faster, until I felt the grass, the soft damp grass underneath my feet that told me I was almost home.

  GEORGIE

  The zinc was so thickly pasted on my face that it was almost hard to talk. But I had not come to surf camp to lose my nose. My thighs perhaps. But not my nose.

  'Do I look like an idiot?' I asked Micki.

  'Yes!' answered Kia.

  'Here, give me some.' Micki wiped her finger across my cheek. 'I'll put some on my nose.'

  'I really need to wash this stuff off my hands.' I held up my glistening white palms. 'I wish Ace'd hurry up in the loo.'

  'Do you think she's talking to us?' Kia asked me.

  But like Kia, I had no idea. Except that today could be – interesting.

  The door handle clicked and we all looked over as Ace came out of the bathroom.

  Quietly, she said, 'Good morning.'

  We gave a mixture of mumbles that formed a 'Hey', 'Hi' and 'Morning'.

  'Hey, Georgie, what's after breakfast?' Kia asked. ''Cause I think they were going to change it to –'

  'A stretch class. That's what they changed it to,' Ace answered. 'Then after that are surf groups until lunch, then the same after lunch.'

  'Oh.' Kia nodded. 'Thanks.'

  I finished making my bed. So Ace had read the timetable. Did that mean we'd got through to her?

  'I'm, I'm sorry about the way I behaved last night,' Ace said.

  'Where did you go?' Kia was always so clumsy.

  I puffed my pillows waiting for Ace to bite. But she didn't.

  'I just went for a walk,' she replied. 'I needed some air. So – do you forgive me?'

  Kia's 'Yes' hit the ceiling while Micki's and mine hardly got off the floor.

  'Georgie?' Ace said. 'Are you mad with me?'

  I wanted to say, 'Mad? No, I'm not mad. But I'm really sick of you leaving the bungalow in the middle of the night and not coming back for ages.'

  Instead, I settled for, 'I thought you were mad with me.'

  'You were just saying what someone else told you.' She shrugged and started to pick her clothes up off the floor.

  I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I did not feel like this.

  'Carla wants to speak to you and Ace,' Shyan told me, as I was demolishing my third bowl of muesli.

  'What, now?'

  'Finish your breakfast,' she laughed. 'She's in her office.'

  'Where is Ace?' Kia asked.

  I glanced down the length of the table. I'd assumed she was sitting away from us. Even though she'd asked for forgiveness and stuff it was obvious there was still something up her bum.

  'She's still in the surf,' Megan told us. 'She told me she wasn't hungry.'

  'See you later.' I took my bowl and left the table.

  I couldn't be bothered going down to the beach to get Ace. It'd be easier to see Carla on my own.

  'What do you think Carla wants?' Kia had followed me to the mess table.

  'No idea,' I answered.

  Kia was watching me, her forehead all crinkled and worried. So many times she'd looked at me in this way. I'd never understood how deep that frown really went. But now I did.

  The cutting thing – well, I'd never get that. But I understood that the doubt and uncertainty I could see in her was what drove it.

  'I'll tell you what Carla wanted when I get back.' I smiled at her. 'I promise.'

  'Hey, Georgie,' Carla called from her desk. 'Come in.'

  'Thanks.'

  'Is Ace behind you?'

  'No,' I replied. 'I came on my own.'

  Carla handed me a bit of paper and a pen. 'Write down what you want me to print out about the fashion parade tonight. Can the girls order the bikinis? Are you going to say it's a board fund for Micki or have you –'

  'We're not having the fashion parade.'

  'Oh?'

  'Sorry,' I sighed. 'I think I thought that 'cause we hadn't said any more to you that you presumed it was off. Sorry, Carla.'

  'But Ace told me a couple of days ago that i
t was going ahead,' Carla explained. 'She even asked me about some friends you guys had around here – if they could come and watch too.'

  My back sunk into the chair. Friends? How about friend, singular? One guess who that was.

  'So is it on?' Carla asked. 'Otherwise I'll arrange something else for tonight's activity. I think you've all watched just about every DVD on the planet.'

  'It's off.' I stood up to leave. 'Completely off.'

  I spied Ace walking up to the bungalow. My legs switched into fast gear, as I cut across the grass towards her.

  'Ace?' I called.

  Didn't she hear me? Or did she just not bother stopping?

  'Ace!' I called louder.

  She turned and waved.

  My pace accelerated into something between a half-walk, half-run that had my bum swinging from side to side.

  Ace waited at the doorway to our bungalow. 'What's wrong, Georgie?'

  'I want a word with you,' I panted. 'Inside.'

  I shut the door behind us and stood against it. My heart was thumping.

  There was a part of me that wanted to cry and another part that wanted to grab Ace's blonde locks and pull them till she screamed for forgiveness.

  'What is it?' she asked. 'I thought we were sorted.'

  'Well. We're not,' I answered.

  Ace shrugged.

  'Was there something you'd forgotten to tell me?' I spat. 'About tonight? Hmm?'

  Ace muttered a 'huh?' before the recognition flashed across her face.

  'The parade.'

  'Yes, the parade,' I repeated.

  'I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you I spoke to Carla about it.'

  'No, Ace. You forgot to tell Carla that we aren't having the parade.' The pace of my heartbeat had quadrupled. 'You had no right to go ahead and organise it! They're not your bikinis. It's not something you can just –'

  'I thought we were doing it for Micki. That's why I went ahead.'

  'Bullshit!' I shouted. 'You went ahead 'cause you were going to try and get Jules up here so he could watch you strut around.'

  'How dare you!' Ace screamed back.

  'Carla told me that you asked about some' – I wiggled my fingers as I spat out the word – ' "Friends" that we knew around here, coming to watch the parade.'