The Way We Roll

by Stephanie Perry Moore

“You ladies know each other?”

  “Yeah, I know them,” Trisha said.

  “We’re a part of the same sorority.”

  “Y’all need to be careful out here. It’s a windy road, and it’s dark. It’s too dark for college students to be out at night.”

  Cassie got into an ambulance, and I panicked. “Wait, what’s going on? I thought she was going to be okay. Why are they taking her away?”

  The softening officer said, “They’re going to take her in for precautionary measures to get her checked out to make sure she doesn’t have any internal bleeding or brokenbones.”

  An hour later, we were at the hospital. Hayden came up to me, and I’d never seen her face look so distorted. She had apparently been crying for a long while, and her eyes were puffy, her cheeks red. She ended up in my arms. “Thank you,” she said.

  “What? I should have stopped them. Why are you thankingme?”

  “You tried to do what I couldn’t. I just stayed away. Sharon told me all of it. You told Kade to get back togetherwith her.”

  Caught off guard, I asked, “She told you that?”

  “She’s so happy about it. She hadn’t been doing anythingthe whole pledge process, and tonight I guess she just wanted to be around. It might cost her everything.”

  I turned away. I hadn’t heard from Kade, so it only made sense that he was working things out with Sharon. Good for them, I thought, remembering she was clinging to her life.

  Hayden turned my discouraged face back to hers. “But listen. He still wasn’t feeling it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “They weren’t going to get back together. Sharon was trying to take her mind off that, but she was happy you tried for her. I honestly don’t think she’s ready to give up, but ...”

  A woman suddenly came from the ER, screaming, “I been in this hospital before, and my daughter almost didn’t survive then! Now, fooling with this crazy hazing stuff, my grandchild is dead! Somebody’s going to pay!”

  Hayden started crying again after hearing the news. “Oh, no, Sharon lost her baby.”

  I could only hold on to Hayden. I had no answers. We were told that Sharon had had to have an emergency C-section, but it had been too late to save the baby. I couldn’t make anything better, but I could be there for Sharon. I hoped it would a difference.

  I had to call Kade. He had to know what was going on. Before I could call him, though, my phone rang. “Kade?”

  “No, this is your mother. Why haven’t you called me, girl, and let me know what in the world is happening with those Betas over there on your campus? I’m getting calls at all hours about some car accident. Please tell me this is a joke.”

  “No, Mom,” I said in a somber tone. “Far from a joke.”

  “And you were out there? You were on the scene? If any underground stuff is going on, I know you’d be smart enough not to participate in any of it. Plus, I thought they weren’t doing anything crazy. I mean, you had given me your word.”

  “No, Mama, I didn’t give you my word that they weren’t doing anything. I told you I wasn’t.”

  “Then why were you out there, Malloy?”

  “Because the girls on the line ...”

  Then I thought about what I was saying. I didn’t know how all this needed to spin out. I didn’t know what I needed to do to protect my fellow line sisters from all the craziness they had been through. Though I disagreed with it wholeheartedly,this was going to be more than anyone had to endure. Why should they have to pay the price twice?

  Playing it safe, I said, “Mom, it’s just crazy here right now. We got to talk later.”

  “Baby, please tell me are you’re okay. I need to know the facts.” I knew my mom couldn’t sleep unless I assuredher.

  “Yes, I’m fine, but a Beta is dead.”

  “Oh, no! Malloy, are you serious? As parents we send you guys to school hoping you’ll make right choices, putting you in organizations that believe in something, and you guys get together and just lose your mind.”

  “Two other girls are in critical condition right now. One of them was pregnant and lost her baby.”

  “Goodness. All right, I can’t come up there as the NationalPresident, in case there are any legal issues. If someonesues our organization, I need to know as little as possible now. But I’m on standby as your mother. You need me, you call me right away. I’m going to make sure the Regional Coordinator is there. This is horrible. God be with us all and that precious young girl that’s with Him now. I love you, Malloy.”

  “I love you, too, Mom.”

  As soon as I hung up, I called Kade.

  “Yeah?” he said in a rocky tone.

  “I know this will be a little weird, but I need to talk to you.”

  He perked up. “Malloy—hey, babe. What’s up?” “There’s been a terrible accident, Kade.”

  “You all right?”

  “No, it wasn’t me. It was Sharon and some of the other Betas. The car ran off the road and hit a tree.”

  “What?” he said, really concerned. “How’s she doing? She’s all right?”

  I started getting choked up as I found the words to talk about all this. Though Hayden had said Kade wasn’t tryingto get with Sharon, he hadn’t reached out to me. Maybe he had been trying to take the daddy stuff in and then get with Sharon.

  “Malloy, tell me, is she okay?”

  “We don’t know right now. She’s in intensive care.” I sighed. “But she has lost the baby.”

  “What?”

  There was silence. I didn’t want to pry, but I needed to know what he was thinking. So I asked.

  “I honestly feel bad that I’m relieved a little,” he said. There was silence again. “I wasn’t trying to be no father, I tried to tell you that. You pushing me away didn’t make me go into her arms. I’m not saying she trapped me or whatever, but she told me she was on birth control when we were together. For her to get pregnant, I don’t know, I guess I should have used protection anyway. But make no mistake about it, I want her to be okay. I’m just numb about a baby I didn’t want.”

  This was hard. How could I blame him for not being overly sad? We talked some more, and we prayed for Sharon. Then I got off the phone to be with my sisters.

  I looked all around the emergency room and saw so many sad faces, such high emotions. This accident had ripped us apart, but Cassie was okay. We found out she did have a couple broken fingers and some deep bruises. However, we still didn’t know how Keisha and Sharon were faring.

  What we did know was that the Beta from the University of Southeastern Arkansas was gone, and Sharon’s baby, too. This accident had been more than severe. It had damageda part of us we could never get back. As I looked around the room, I saw through the sadness to the bondingI was a part of. Just when we were about to find hope in each other, the doctor came out and announced the driver’s situation.

  To over forty of us from my chapter and the University of Southeastern Arkansas chapter waiting, the doctor said, “I’m sorry, it’s grave.”

  12

  PRESENT

  “Grave? What do you mean, grave?” Hayden asked amidst all the sobs.

  We hadn’t been one unit—the pledges and big sisters. However, at that moment we were a unit. Girls were sittingin each other’s laps and holding hands. I was in the back, so I didn’t know how or when they had all arrived, but all the faces were weary and broken. We weren’t going home, though. We certainly were forced to see each other through this.

  “Keisha’s just come out of surgery, and for the next twenty-four hours, we’ll have to see if she comes through on her own. The other young lady, Sharon, has come around. She’s resting. Of course she’s devastated. Personallyshe has asked to see a couple of you guys, but her mom is in there with her now. Depending on what her mom says, she really may need a couple of you to give her comfortafter dealing with her tremendous loss.”

  Cassie came out of the emergency room, and we all got up and gathered
around her. Just to see one person walkingfrom the accident was a miracle.

  “Thank you guys for caring about me. I have never been so terrified in my life. I didn’t want Keisha to drive, but she told me she had it. And now they’re telling me she might not make it. This is a lot, y’all. This is a lot. Malloy,Loni, Torian ... where are you?”

  “We’re right here,” I said, and girls made way for the three of us to get to her.

  “Thank you three. I should have had the guts to step up and stand up. I should have taken a more active role. I’m the Line Vice President, and I let everybody down.”

  “It’s okay, it’s okay,” I said as I held her.

  She then went over to get hugs and encouragement from everyone else. Loni and Torian were so happy. Hayden pulled me to the side and said, “Sharon’s mom said I can go talk to her for a second. I just wanted to let you know in case anybody is looking for me.”

  “I want to go, too,” I said.

  “I don’t understand. You hate Sharon.”

  “Sharon just lost her baby. I don’t know, I want to let her know I care.”

  Hayden put her arm around my shoulder, and we walked into Sharon’s room.

  “I guess I owe you a bit of thanks,” Sharon said grudgingly.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “They told me you acted quickly. Had we been there any longer, if I hadn’t gotten to the hospital sooner, not only would I have lost my baby, but I would have been gone, too.”

  She looked weary and had bruises and cuts on her face and arms. I rushed over to her side and held her hand. I was so thankful she was okay. I just remembered the mangled car. God had given her back to us.

  “You talked to Kade already?” she asked.

  “What?” I said, trying to play it off.

  “I said, have you talked to him? I’m sure you did. I bet he’s not too sad that the baby is gone, huh?”

  “He wasn’t ready to be a father, Sharon, but I have told him that you’re okay, and that was his main concern.”

  “How am I ever going to be okay? My baby’s gone.”

  Hayden came closer. “You’ll have plenty of time to have another baby when you get married, girl. Have a family and be able to take care of the child. Maybe this was just God’s way of saying—”

  Clearly upset, Sharon interrupted. “Don’t even put God in this. The only thing He’s saying to me right now is that I’m such a horrible person I don’t even deserve to be a mom. That’s why he took away my baby.”

  “Okay, let’s not even look at any of this like that. God spared your life. That’s a blessing, Sharon. Don’t get worked up. You’re still weak,” I told her.

  “I ain’t got no beef with you, Malloy. Not only did you help save my life, but you tried to get Kade and I back together.He told me the whole thing. Got mad props for you, girl. I love him, though, and I do plan to keep fightingfor him. If you feel bad for me, stay away.”

  Not knowing what I would say, Hayden put her finger over her mouth, telling me to keep quiet. I was so torn. I cared for Kade as well. I was not prepared to make Sharon any promises I couldn’t keep. Then she moaned out in pain. Boy, this was hard.

  Before I could walk out, she said, “The police want to question me about what happened. I had bad heartburn, you guys. I needed some Tums, and we were just going to the store to pick up a few things. That’s all. I was too tired to drive. Is Keisha going to make it?”

  “Right now we’re just glad you pulled through. We’re going to keep praying for her, okay?” I squeezed Sharon’s hand.

  “When it all comes down to it, us Betas really stick together.Thanks, Malloy, and I really want you to be my sorority sister. After you peel back all them layers, you got a real big heart. And I’m glad I was able to wake up and tell you that right here, right now. You know I’m thankfulfor you. Thanks for giving Kade and I another chance. He and I are going to make it.”

  I nodded, trying not to fuss with her about Kade. This night was about keeping her upbeat. I was understanding what sisterhood was all about. I smiled, and she felt peace.

  A week and a half had passed, and it was a long one. We’d attended Rose’s memorial service. It was packed. Keisha had also pulled through, but she was still in the hospital recovering. Sharon was back home with her mom in Texas, and I was rushing to get ready for finals because we’d spent the last days going through the other three gem ceremonies and studying to pass the Beta Gamma Pi exam. Everyone thought we did well on it.

  One day, Sirena came over to my apartment and said, “Girl, you look very nice today.”

  In a somber tone, I said, “Thanks. I made this dress.”

  Sirena said, “Really? You got skills. Listen, I seen in the papers that you were some big hero, calling in that accidentright away. You got to come over for dinner tonight. Girl, I’m making my jambalaya.”

  “Your jambalaya?” I said, finally getting excited for the first time in a while. “What time?”

  “It’s still brewing, but it’s been on all night. It should be ready to eat in a few hours.”

  “Cool. All right, I’ll be over.”

  She gave me a hug but didn’t let go right away.

  “All right, now that you’re chokin’ me, I’m not going to be able to eat nothing later on,” I said, playing it off as I pushed her away. “All right, I’ll see you later.”

  When I shut the door, the phone rang, and it was Hayden.“We need you to meet us on campus at the sorority room in an hour. Please come dressed in a black dress.”

  As soon as I got off the phone, Torian called. “You know we’re going to cross tonight? We will finally be Betas.”

  “You think?” I asked.

  “Yes, girl, we got to wear our black dress. We been through all the gem ceremonies. We had the Eagle Weekend.What else is there for us to do?”

  “Yeah, because we even took the test, and, obviously, that is all that can be next.”

  “We’re crossing tonight!” Torian screamed.

  When we got there, we were all in the sorority room, and Jaden said, “We started out this line as two distinctly different sets. But today I stand in this room excited that this line is one. Malloy, Torian, and Loni, the three of you guys are all a part of us. The bonding experience has been successful.”

  Torian said, “I wanted to be a part of this group becauseof the sisterhood for so long. I wanted you guys to really want the three of us to be included in your heart. What I feel is real. I hurt when you hurt. I’m excited when good things happen to you. In every sense of the word I am your sister, and if this is our time, if we cross the burningsands, if we go from not being Greek to being Greek, let us take all that we’ve learned and be better. Let us continueto change and make the world awesome. Let us continue making each other even more dynamic.”

  People were sobbing, people were clapping. It was just the ten of us, but it was a special time.

  Loni stepped up, grabbed my hand, and said, “This bond just ... is deep for me. I got a lot of sisters, and I’m not as close to them as I am to some of you. Know that I’m here for you. If you need me, I’ll give you the shirt off my back. We’ve endured some tough times, but I know we’re stronger because of it.”

  Hayden looked over at me, and I had to be honest. “You guys, know I wasn’t really feeling the whole sisterhood thing. I used to think this was something my mom forced on me, and I always resented her for not being there for me. However, somewhere along the way throughout this process,I finally figured out what’s been keeping her from being my mom. I also realized and regret that I’ve been a little selfish. When you care so deeply about your sisters, as if they were family, and you feel and care so much for them, it’s a bond that’s a gift from God. Thanks for acceptingme. Thanks for changing me. Thanks for showingme what love is. I appreciate what we have. I’m your sister.”

  Though I felt that in my heart, an hour later in the historicchapter room, we actually became sorority sisters. Over thirty alumna
e and collegiate sorors made us membersof their Beta Gamma Pi. My mother was a presiding officer, and it was an emotional ceremony. To put a high note on all we had endured, we knew that, becoming Betas came with a high calling. This vow the ten of us made was something we would never take for granted.

  My mother came over to me and held me tight. I felt so honored. I was in the grip of my National President’s arms. She kissed my forehead and would not let me go.

  “Malloy, I love you so much. I’m proud to have you as my sister, but forgive me for not always knowing how to be your mom,” she said with tears in her eyes.

  Wiping them, I said, “You’ve had much on your hands that I didn’t understand. I thought being so involved with BGP was a job. I now see it is a calling given to you by God. Forgive me for being so needy. I never went without. You were there for me every night. If I wasn’t so selfish, I would have probably freed your heart to do even more good for Him and for our sorors.”

  “You saying this to me means more than you know. Thank you, baby. Your godmother wanted to be here; she’d be so proud of us right now,” she said as she lifted her head toward Heaven. “Thank you, God. We get what the other needs.”

  When I got home after celebrating that night with my mom and new sorors, I was wiped out and ready to hit the bed. However, Sirena was at my door with her arms folded.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I said.

  “We had a date. You were coming over for dinner, and you didn’t even call. You didn’t even show up.”

  “Oh, my gosh, I forgot,” I said, knowing she would forgiveme when she knew me and my line sisters had crossed. I showed her my letters on the back of my new T-shirt.

  “Like I care about any of that.”

  “Okay,” I said, stepping over her and taking out my key. “You stay on your side, I’ll stay on mine. You can’t understand that, then, girl, you need to get a life.”

  I went into my apartment and went about my business. Thankfully through all I had endured, I still had been able to maintain my grades. The semester was almost over, and I knew I’d do well on my exams. I was happy to be heading home soon.