Feta and Freeways

by Baganz, Susan M. ;

  “I’m sorry. I wish it had been different.”

  He shook his head. “You really don’t. I have my secrets just like everyone else, and I would have made you miserable. I’m better as your friend.”

  “You never told Niko, did you?”

  “Nah. I’m not one to kiss and tell. He doesn’t need to know everything.”

  She sighed, shoving her practically full plate away. “Wanna finish that?”

  “Sure.” He pulled it over and dug in. “You’ll get past this, you know. It’s not in you to hold a grudge. Niko loves you, but it’s all new to him. Give him a chance. I’m sure when he gets around to kissing you, it’ll have been worth the wait.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Faith? And the hope that my two best friends can finally find some love and joy in this lonely, broken world.”

  “You’re good for me, Johnny.”

  He winked at her. “Remember that when I tick you off again.”

  She chuckled. “You’ll get my bags to the car?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’m going to go sit outside for a few minutes.”

  “We’ll be out soon. Niko’s just moving a little slower this morning.”

  She frowned, but Johnny only gave her a cheeky half-grin, saluted her with his coffee mug, and took a sip. Shaking her head, she took her journal and pencil outside.

  * * *

  They settled in the car, and Tia’s raised eyebrows asked a silent question Niko wasn’t about to answer as he plopped the frozen peas in his lap.

  “Something you want to tell me?” she asked.

  Johnny’s eyes met his through the rearview mirror, and his cousin shook his head.

  “No. Nothing worth sharing.” Niko ground out. “Let’s get going. One more night till we’re home.”

  “Do you even know where home is for me?” she asked.

  Johnny pulled out into traffic and barreled down the highway. “My cousin Ginny’s house is your landing pad during our break. She said you can store anything in her garage while we’re on the road.”

  “You guys are taking care of me. I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that.”

  “You needed help. It was the least we could do.” Johnny said.

  Niko leaned his head back and attempted to doze.

  At the next bathroom break, they got out and Niko struggled to walk normally due to his toe and, well, other things.

  Tia giggled. “You walk like you went bull riding. Come on. Something obviously happened.”

  Niko wasn’t laughing. Johnny shook his head, but Niko decided truth was better. “You had a nightmare. Your screams woke us up, and we came in. I tried to get close to calm you. I stubbed my toe and encountered your wicked left foot.”

  Tia stood and stared at him, eyes wide. “I did that?” She glanced to Johnny, who nodded.

  “I grabbed Niko’s guitar and we sang for you. Worked better than him trying to comfort you.”

  “Much less painful as well.” Niko walked bowlegged to the restroom.

  Back in the car, Tia asked questions about the arrangements for the tour. Johnny answered them, and as they talked, Niko took pencil to paper to write.

  They say love hurts, but loneliness is the deeper pain

  Emptiness clogs my heart and pushes my tears

  Where do I go when there’s nothing left to gain?

  But on my knees to my God with all my hopes and fears.

  I never knew it was you I wanted till I almost lost you

  How could I understand the depth of my need?

  Tortured soul, but I want you to want me too

  Where can I go, how do I germinate that seed?

  You. It’s always you. In my life and in my heart

  The ache for you eats at my sinew and bones

  When will you give me the go ahead to start

  To prove to you the depth that my love knows?

  Niko read the lyrics and started to hum a simple melody. Soon Johnny hummed along. When Niko stopped, he set the paper and pencil aside.

  “Got any words to go with the tune?” Johnny asked.

  “I always start with lyrics.”

  “Let me guess. A sad love song.” A wink reflected in the rearview mirror from his cousin.

  Niko stared out at the passing scenery.

  “Well?” Tia turned toward him. “Is it?”

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  “It’s you. It matters. Sing it. Please?”

  “It’s rough.”

  “I’ve always heard your first pass at a song. I love watching the process you take to get it done.”

  Niko picked up the paper and sang the words, glancing away from the page to meet Tia’s eyes. She wouldn’t meet his gaze. Would the lyrics help convince her of his changing affections for her? Would she accept his apology and give him a chance?

  He ended and hummed a few more measures and stopped. “Still needs another verse and a bridge.”

  “I love it. That could be your next single. You guys should work it up to sing on the tour in preparation for a new album.”

  “We need to find a different label or start a fundraising campaign to afford the studio time.”

  “Jazzy won’t do it? I thought you were scheduled to record with them after Christmas. Did you mention this in the hospital? If so, I apologize. Those pain killers did a number on me.”

  Niko bit his lip.

  “What, Nikolos? Johnny? What happened with Jazzy?”

  “They cut us loose when we made our demands. We’ll still get our royalties on this album, but we won’t be recording with them again.”

  “What demands?”

  “You stay our manager, and they ditch Paige.” Johnny said.

  “You should’ve stayed with them. They could have helped you go far.” She turned away to watch the scenery passing by.

  “And lose you? Come on Tia, we thought you liked working with us. Did we misunderstand?” Niko asked.

  She faced him. “Just because you read my journals doesn’t mean you understand who I am right now. Today. At this moment. Don’t presume anything, Niko. Not even this next tour. I believe you had good intentions. I do. But…” She turned away, and no one spoke for the longest time.

  Niko forgot to get more frozen peas. He found comfort in his pain. Maybe he deserved that kick.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Love is a cunning weaver of fantasies and fables.

  Sappho

  They rolled into Milwaukee and pulled up to Johnny’s cousin’s house to drop off Tia. No fanfare greeted them. The men hauled her bags into her room, and Ginny fluttered around to make Tia comfortable. Tia wanted to crash, but the last day had been tense between her and Niko. The second night in a hotel, she suspected she’d had another nightmare. She had a vague recollection that someone sang to her. Probably Niko.

  She’d forgiven him but was definitely punishing him when he already carried a weight on his soul. She still couldn’t forget about his violation of her privacy. She wasn’t even sure how much he’d read. She grabbed his arm before he left the bedroom after setting her last suitcase inside the door. Johnny was already back downstairs talking to Ginny.

  “Yeah?” He regarded her with sadness in his eyes. The spark that used to be there was gone. She’d done that to him.

  “I’m sorry I’ve been hard on you. None of what has happened has been normal as far as exploring whatever there is between us…”

  “You think something’s there?”

  “Perhaps. Something I’ve longed for—and now when you offer it, I’ve hesitated, pushing you away. I’m scared. I’m not worthy of a man like you. I never have been.”

  Furrows grew deep in his forehead. “What? Why would you be unworthy of a schmuck like me?”

  She bit her lip. “You understand nothing about my past. My history. It’s dark. I’m not good enough for you. You deserve better. At some level, you’ve always understood this. You’ve pushed me away before.”
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  The words hung in the air between them. Niko swallowed hard. “I don’t remember that. I could never hold whatever is in the past against you.” He grabbed her arms gently. “You stepped in to save my life. But it’s more than gratitude I feel for you. Death doesn’t scare me. Losing you was a terror I don’t ever want to face again. I realized how much you meant to me. It’s why I hung around as you healed. Why I fought the record label. You—not worthy? You deserve honor and respect, and I’m a fool for not seeing that sooner. My need for your forgiveness is deep. And it goes for far more than violating your privacy by reading your journals.”

  She reached up to touch his whiskered cheek. “You’re forgiven. I don’t regret seeking to protect those I love.” She hoped the invitation in her eyes was clear. She shouldn’t do it, but what if this was her only chance? Was it selfish to want his kiss? He held her gaze and bent his head until their lips touched. Soft and gentle. His arm gently enfolded her into the strength of his body, taking care of her bandaged side. She relaxed into his embrace.

  “Niko?” Johnny called up the stairs.

  She stepped back, and he released her with a soft smile on his lips. “That was better than my dreams.”

  “You dream of me?”

  He nodded.

  “Nikolos! We gotta return the rental,” Johnny yelled again.

  “You’d better go.” Tia’s finger traced a line down the center of his chest.

  “Yeah, I’d better. I’ll call you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Tia.”

  “After that, I sure hope so.”

  He chuckled and left to head outside where Johnny had gone to wait in the car.

  Tia shut the door and leaned her back against it. She closed her eyes to savor those few moments of heaven in his arms. Oh, Lord, what are You doing here? You’ve opened doors I never expected. Help me to keep seeking You through this.

  * * *

  Rocco dropped Niko off at his apartment after picking Johnny and him up from the rental place. It was good to be home, but the emptiness of the space around him spoke volumes to the black and white nature of his life off the road. He carried color in his soul after Tia’s sweet kiss.

  He’d kissed women before. His mother made a career of nagging him for grandchildren. And now, after a few months on the road and a tragedy stripping away the blinders on his eyes, he saw color. He envisioned a future with a woman by his side and little curly-haired urchins climbing on his back and filling a home with laughter as his wife shared a secret smile filled with promises.

  He blinked. The colors of the dream vanished and instead, his world shrank to a living room where he wrote music, a tiny kitchen, and a functional bedroom. His used and worn hand-me-down furniture didn’t match. Chipped dishes in the cupboard combined with old pans from a thrift shop. He dragged his suitcase to his room and unpacked, tossing most in the laundry basket.

  Laundry. It had been months since he needed to do that for himself. Tia. It was always Tia.

  He readied for bed, climbed under the covers, and imagined what it would be like to be here with a woman to hold. And not just any woman. Tia. It wasn’t even about sex. Just her. To talk to. To touch. To write songs for and about. To laugh and fight with. To be—in color—alive. Her kiss promised that and so much more. He drifted to sleep with a smile on his face.

  The phone awoke him in the morning.

  “’ello?” his voice rasped.

  “Niko? Hey, I hear you’ve been writing. We need to talk. Band wants to meet at Johnny’s in an hour.” Sam’s excitement was a jolt of caffeine to Niko’s weary body.

  “Tia too?”

  “Yeah. Can you bring her?”

  “Do we need to do this today? She’s still recovering.”

  “Yeah, we’re eager. Don’t forget your guitar and songs.”

  “You promise me breakfast and strong coffee?”

  “Wayne’s wife, Candace, has a fresh frittata in the oven she promises to send with him. It’ll be ready when you arrive. And yes to the coffee.”

  “Fine.”

  Niko hung up and called Tia.

  A drowsy “hi” greeted him.

  “Hi, sweetheart. Guys are meeting at Johnny’s in an hour. I can come by and pick you up. They want songs, guitar, and I suspect to talk about the next tour. Bring your laptop and everything else.”

  “Wait. What time is it? Eight? Ugh. No. Sorry, I can’t. I need to check in with the doctor here at nine, but I can come over afterwards. Save me some coffee.”

  “Doctor?”

  “Yeah, part of the stipulation for the release home. The hospital made the appointment before we left. Just routine, check the stitches, run bloodwork. Ginny said I can borrow her car until I get my beater back from a friend.”

  “No, I’ll drive you. The guys can wait.”

  “It’s not necessary, Niko.”

  “But I want to.”

  “Fine. See ya in forty-five minutes.”

  “See ya.”

  * * *

  Being treated as a treasure was a new experience. Niko sat in the lobby while she was with the doctor.

  Doctor Hagelman peeled back the bandage and examined the wound. “How are you feeling?”

  “Tired. Sore. And anxious about these medical bills.”

  “No insurance?” The doctor put fresh salve on the wound and a new bandage. Tia winced.

  “Nope. But up till this point I’ve been pretty healthy.”

  “Probably why the last time I saw you was two years ago.” The doctor grinned and helped her off the examining table. “Sit down.”

  Tia relaxed into the chair. “Your blood pressure is low. I checked over the stuff from the doctor who cared for you. Have you been able to make an appointment to see a therapist? Are you still having the nightmares?”

  “The therapists at Behavioral Health are booked. I might get in once before we hit the road if a spot opens up on the waiting list, but that’s it. I’m not sleeping well and wake up achy. I know I had horrible nightmares on the journey home. My friend sang to me and played his guitar to calm me down.”

  “And this friend is close?”

  “He was in an adjoining room trying to keep an eye out for me. We’re not ‘involved.’”

  “Probably good. I don’t think physical intimacy would be wise right now with the healing you need to do.”

  “No chance of that happening. He’s just a friend.”

  “You want more.”

  “We can’t always have what we want.”

  “Are you depressed? The doctor noted something about that in his records.”

  Tia shrugged. “I’m sad. Yeah, but I’m in pain and not sleeping well. Does that constitute depression?”

  “Not necessarily, but if you need help before you see the therapist, give me a call and we can prescribe something. I hesitate to do that unless you really need it. The down side is most medications can take four to six weeks before you notice an improvement.”

  “And by then, I’ll probably be on tour again.”

  The doctor nodded. “Rest as much as you can. You have a lot of healing to do. Just because they released you from the hospital doesn’t mean you can continue to move forward at your normal pace. Nap if you need to.”

  “I’ve not been very hungry.”

  “Natural, given the trauma you’ve experienced. I’m sure your appetite will return in time. Most women would be delighted to be losing weight, but you really don’t have much extra to spare, so be careful not to skip meals.”

  Tia nodded. “Thank you, doctor.”

  “Come back in a few weeks so we can see how you’re healing, and call if you need anything.”

  “Okay.”

  She made her next appointment and went for her lab work while Niko waited, flipping through a magazine. She returned to the lobby. He rose and quickly came to her side, placing his hand gently on her back.

  “Ready to go?”

  She nodded.

  “That went fast.”

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nbsp; “I’m healing well so far.”

  They reached Johnny’s house. The guys swarmed around her when she arrived.

  Wayne kissed her cheek. “Candace sends her love and said if you need anything, just call. I’m glad you’re better.”

  Sam gave her a side-embrace. “How are you?”

  “It’s going to take time, but I’m here.”

  They ushered her to the table, and food appeared before her as well as coffee. Niko was a few chairs away, but he gave her a wink. Everything was too new between them, and other than Johnny, she doubted anyone else suspected.

  She tried to focus on her food, but confusion dulled her taste buds. How did they define their relationship? Boyfriend and girlfriend? Friends who might like to kiss? In love? Where was this thing going? She had so many unanswered questions. Unfortunately, today would likely not be the time when answers could be found.

  The men talked as she took notes on her computer. She reviewed the concert venues with them and the potential income expected for each, based on a portion of sales for the tickets and, of course, the profits from merchandise. The men had contacted Mr. Rodriguez while she recovered and drew up a contract for them and her to sign for her reimbursement for her services. The boys were generous and provided health and life insurance.

  “Why life insurance?”

  “What would we do without you? Even the time spent finding a replacement could cost a fortune. We insured you because you are as essential to our work as our instruments.”

  She nodded and signed. “Good luck getting them to approve me right now.”

  Marc talked about upgrades to the trailer to make it even better.

  “Who’s paying for that?” she asked.

  “We are. It’s covered. Since the album has been doing well, we can afford it. We’re not going into debt.”

  “You’d be better off investing in ear monitors.”

  “Maybe next time.” Johnny winked at her as he sipped his coffee.

  “I’m glad you’re back.” Sam said. “I’m sad for what happened. I’m grateful the guy didn’t succeed in getting to Niko, but still…I’m sorry.”

  She smiled. The bass player was a man of few words. Cool. Calm. Collected. And an amazing musician. “Thanks, Sam. I appreciate it. I’m glad he didn’t succeed with what he intended. He pled guilty, and his girlfriend is charged with slander, since she claimed Niko raped her when the most they did was talk. Video surveillance confirms the truth as well. Your buddy system was a bonus.”