Shattered Promises

by J. R. Grant

  Nope…not this year. If anything, we had three neighborhood kids who weren’t invited by the time Zakrie and Justin sent out the invitations, invite themselves. The same three kids haven’t showed up yet, but I’m sure they’ll be here soon. Isn’t that how it always happens at parties?

  It’s the end of summer vacation, and Labor Day weekend has arrived. On Tuesday the kids return to school, and our lives will become hectic once again for another ten long months. At least this school year, both of my kids will be in the intermediate school together and not in two separate schools. That was rough last year, considering all that had gone on at home.

  The beach is packed today, and all the vacationers are preparing to head back home. Before too long, it’ll be a ghost town out here, and we won’t have to fight the traffic until next season.

  “Ms. Lani.” Ariel, the little girl from Zakrie’s class, pulls on my shirt.

  Bending down to her level, I push her wet hair out from in front of her eyes and give her a big smile. “What’s up, girly? Are you having fun?”

  “Yes…yes, but Nathan’s being mean. I wanted to play with him, but he said girls can’t play volleyball. And that tall man over there…well…he told Nathan to shut up, and that’s not a nice word. My mommy said anyone who talks like trash needs a timeout. Can you give that man over there a timeout, or do I need to call my mommy on him?”

  Oh my gosh! Is she serious? Trying not to throw a fit of laughter, I ask, “Which man said those hateful words, sweetie?”

  Ariel points her finger to Parker and whispers, “That one. But don’t tell him I told you, please. He’ll call me a snitch, and I don’t like when the boys call me names.”

  Oh boy! This ought to be interesting.

  “Okay, sweetie. I’m sure he was probably just talking trash with the boys. You know how they are. But I’ll take care of him, okay. Thank you for telling me.”

  “You…you welcome, Ms. Lani. Can I play with them now?”

  “Sure you can. Let’s go have a talk with Mr. Parker and Mr. Nathan and get this straightened out.”

  Taking Ariel by the hand, we walk to the back of the beach toward the boys playing volleyball.

  “Mr. Parker? Can you grab Nathan for a minute and come here? We have a problem.”

  Eyeing me curiously, Parker walks over to get Nathan without any hesitation and points in my direction. When the boy sees me standing there with Ariel, he tips his chin down to his chest and walks over with Parker.

  I can’t help but to smile. Parker, with no shirt on, is one beautiful sight to see. His toned body, dark skin, gorgeous dark brown hair and striking brown eyes makes me want to jump on top of him.

  Whhhhooooaaa!!! Where in the world did that come from? Tone it down, Lani. What are you celebrating?

  Pushing my babbled thinking to the side, I greet the boys as they walk over to Ariel and me. “Nathan, Ariel wants to play volleyball with y’all but she said you told her no. Is there a reason why?” I ask him, trying not to scare the little boy any more than he already is. Geez, does this kid think I’m mean or what? By the way he’s looking at me, he’s acting as if I’ve taken his favorite toy away.

  “I just said girls can’t play, Ms. Lani, that’s all. Besides, all she does is flip her hair and boss me around. She’ll miss every ball, and I don’t want to lose.”

  “Well, why don’t you just give it a try and let her play for a game to see how she does?” Parker asks Nathan as he crosses his arms over his chest.

  Sweet Jesus! Look away, Lani, look away.

  “Yes sir,” Nathan says sadly.

  “Thanks, buddy. Now go on.” Parker ushers the two kids back over to the game. “I’ll be over to see how y’all are doing in a minute. We’re a team, remember, and no one on my team pouts.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Parker!” Ariel says with a giddy smile. The girl is something else. I guess she forgot about me putting Parker in a timeout for saying “shut up.”

  “And you…” I say as I turn and face Parker. “Little Miss Ariel said you told the kids to shut up over there, and her mom doesn’t like that kind of trash talk. So she wants me to put you in a timeout.”

  He rolls his eyes and laughs. “You’re kidding right? A timeout? Where do these parents come up with this shit? This isn’t an episode of the Nanny, it’s a game on the beach. Everyone says ‘shut up’ when they’re being competitive, Princess. I’m glad you have boys. Girls are too damn whiney.”

  I can’t help but laugh. The guy is completely clueless when it comes to little girls. Of course they can be whiney, it’s in our nature. We’re also hormonal and can wig out on someone in a heartbeat.

  “No, they are parents trying to teach their kids right from wrong, Hawk, you just need to watch what you say around all little kids, even if it’s innocent.”

  Shaking his head, he lets out a long breath and says, “Whatever, Mom. You done grilling me? I’ve got a game to play.”

  Walking around the side of him, I reach my arm back with the shirt in my hand and swat the shirt at his butt.

  “Ow. Shit.”

  I move away from him quickly and laugh. “There’s your punishment for the day. If you keep it up, Mr. Parker, I’m gonna have to pull your pants down and spank your hinny. Got it?”

  Grabbing a hold of my sundress, Parker pulls me into his arms and holds me close to his chest. “You spank me like that again, and you’re in for a surprise. You got it?” he whispers jokingly in my ear. His hot breath automatically gives me an undisclosed amount of goosebumps.

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Besides, I thought you learned your lesson last night with messing with me? Isn’t the rash between your thighs enough of a reminder?”

  Releasing his hold on me, he walks back over to the volleyball game without looking back.

  Holy hell! Where in God’s name did that come from?

  Get yourself under control, Lani.

  Last night opened up a lot of feelings I never thought existed, and yet I’m scared to death to act upon them. He can’t feel a sexual way about me. We’ve been friends forever, and he’s never acted this way.

  Shaking off the thought, I make my way back over to the food and start wrapping everything up before the parents come to pick up their kids. I hope everyone plans on eating some more before they leave. I hate bringing leftovers back home. No one ever eats them.

  <> * <>

  Not having any sexual relations in almost a year will do crazy things to your mind and your body. Kade has been my own sexual partner and for that reason alone, I want to kick my own ass.

  I was born and raised in a Christian home knowing it is a sin to have sex before marriage. With as strict as my parents were, if I even thought about sleeping around, my mom would have somehow found out and kicked my ass, plain and simple. She said the Holy Spirit would tell her and most of the time, I knew He did. I mean, how else did she find out some of the things I had done when no one other than Kade and I knew?

  I know of several people who ride with the philosophy ‘you gotta test drive the car before you buy it’. Hell, my Aunt Rita told me the same thing when I was sixteen. But back then, I was too scared to do anything other than to hold Kade’s hand or to kiss him in fear of getting pregnant. That’s about as far as the both of us ever went into touching until our senior trip that summer. If by chance I would have done the deed and gotten pregnant before being married, my dad would have put Kade six feet under, and that wasn’t a chance I was willing to take. I wanted our relationship to last so we could get married and live our dream.

  Looking back, in many ways I’m proud of myself for being responsible. However, now that I’ve been separated and have had no one to share any intimacy with, my raging hormones have been completely out of whack. And trust me, it’s not a pretty thought.

  <> * <>

  The party was a success! Justin and Zakrie received more gifts on their special day than Santa brings them on Christmas. Regardless, the two of them should be good in
the toy world for a while. Had I thought about it sooner, I probably should have hidden some of their presents away from the both of them until later. Neither one of the boys probably would have known the difference. They got that much stuff.

  I moved into a three bedroom single family home right off of 120th Street. I would have rather stayed in the West Ocean City area when I decided to move out of my parent’s house, but I didn’t have any luck finding a vacant rental. I’m hoping by the end of next year, I’ll have enough money saved to buy my first home as a single mom, and I won’t have to rent anymore. I’m crossing all of my fingers and toes. That’s my next big step in my new world.

  “The boys are all cleaned up and waiting for you to tuck them in,” Ryder says, coming around the corner. “If you need anything else, give me a call. Otherwise, I’m taking little mama here home and putting her butt to bed. I’m beat.”

  Pushing myself off the couch, I meet Ryder and Lauren at the door and give them both hugs. “Thank you so much, Ry, for all of your help today. I definitely couldn’t have done it without you.”

  “Anytime, girl. I’m glad to have helped. We had fun!”

  “Bye, Aunt Lani.” Lauren gives me a hug before they walk out front.

  “Bye, sweetie, love you guys. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Night, girly.”

  Waiting for the girls to get set and pull off, I walk back inside the house and head straight toward the boys’ room.

  “Y’all have fun today?”

  Justin and Zakrie are in their beds, playing on their iPods. Go figure.

  “Yup, thanks Momma,” Justin replies and shuts off his game.

  “I did too. Thank you Momma,” Zakrie says without looking up. Whatever level he’s on with that Candy Crush game, he must not want to lose. The boy is a riot when he’s eager to get those high scores. To me, I think those game are way too addicting. I stopped at Angry Birds four years ago. I swear that particular season’s game was meant to kill me. No questions asked.

  “Alright then. Say your prayers and I’ll see you two in the morning. Oh, and please sleep in. I think we have a little bit of catching up to do before Tuesday gets here and school starts.”

  “Good night, Momma,” they both call out to me at the same time. I turn off their light and shut their door behind me.

  Thank you, Jesus! I can finally relax!

  Overall, it’s been a great day! I couldn’t be more thankful that the boys had such a wonderful time with their family and friends. It’s just a shame their own father couldn’t call to wish either one of them a happy birthday. At the time, I didn’t know whether I should have brought up Kade not calling to Justin and Zakrie or kept going on with the day, so I kept going. Adding more drama to another one of their birthdays was not something I wanted them to ever have to go through again. It would have been adding unnecessary fuel to the fire. The last three birthdays have been enough.

  I hop in the shower and wash the funk from the beach off of me. Gathering our clothes from the bathrooms, I load some laundry and turn the washing machine on before folding another load of clothes.

  By the time I make it to the kitchen, I hear my cell phone beep on the counter. It’s probably my mom checking in to see if we’re okay. She seems to worry a lot about me being here by myself with the boys lately.

  Maybe not, it’s Parker. I hope everything’s okay. He looked tired when he left a little while ago. I for sure thought by now he would have been in the bed fast asleep.

  Parker: You up?

  Me: Just fixing a drink and going to watch a movie. What’s up?

  Parker: Nothing. Bored. Can’t sleep. Got out of the shower and missed you L

  Me: Come over. We can watch The 40 Year Old Virgin J

  Parker and I have watched this movie countless times and still laugh our asses off as if it’s our first time ever seeing it.

  Parker: How can I refuse a movie with my girl? Be there in ten J

  Me: Drive safe ♥

  Running to my bedroom, I put a sweatshirt on over my tank top, to cover up not wearing a bra, since I got a little sunburned today, and then braid my wet hair to the side. Adding a little bit of eyeliner to my eyes, I walk back downstairs and wait for Parker out on the front porch. The guy has seen me at my worst, but I don’t want to look too hideous.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Lani

  “This movie is so stupid it’s funny.” Parker laughs.

  The guy just got his chest waxed directly over top of his nipples, and he is too chicken shit to finish the rest of his body. I don’t blame him. With all that hair, I would never be able to go through with the pain either.

  “Could you imagine having that much hair and waxing it off? I bet when they were acting these parts out and he did that, everyone was dying laughing. I wouldn’t have been able to hold a straight face.”

  Since I’ve gotten back to letting people in my life, Parker hasn’t left my side other than to go home at night. When we’re not at work, he’s here. When we’re at work, he’s constantly checking in on me to see if I’m okay. I know he’s worried about my mental state, and I would be too if the roles were reversed. But I want him to know I’m really okay this time.

  Parker’s laying on the couch, and I’m settled between his legs. His arm is wrapped around my body, and his fingers are massaging my shoulders.

  “Kade never called the boys. I had a feeling he wouldn’t. I shouldn’t have been surprised. But I still hurt for them, you know. It can’t be easy knowing their dad left them for another child. I hate that he’s treated them like they’re nothing.”

  The room is quiet except the sound of the TV and when I look up to see if Parker heard a word I said, his eyes are closed, and his jaw is ticking. Great. I didn’t mean to make him upset. I probably shouldn’t have brought Kade up. I just needed someone to talk to about it.

  “You okay?” I turn my body around completely so I can face him and rest my chin on his chest.

  Taking a deep breath, Parker opens his eyes and looks down at me. “He’s done enough to all of you, Princess. I hate it. But to tell you the truth, I don’t think Justin or Zakrie even cared. They had a lot of fun today with the people that do care about them. If they were upset at all, they didn’t act on it.”

  “So you think I should let it go and not bring it up to them tomorrow?”

  “Unless they say something, I would just keep going about your business. It’s Kade’s loss, Lani. I know you feel bad for the two of them, they’re your boys, and you don’t want them to hurt. I get it. But you have to let them both deal with their own feelings on their own. And when they’re ready, they’ll talk. Justin especially has no problem telling you how he feels now. But it’s been a year, it’s time to let it go unless they tell you otherwise. And they will, just don’t stress too much. They’ll be okay.”

  “I know…I also just think I’m too lonely at night. I mean, you have your friends you go out with and shouldn’t be here babysitting me all of the time. Ryder and Cruz are back together now so they’re always together, and I have the boys. When I want to lay around and talk, or for someone to hold me, I don’t have that anymore. I feel bad calling you all the time. I’m not your responsibility, Hawk. You have a life too, but sometimes I feel like I’m holding you back.”

  Pushing me up, Parker gets off the couch and stands in front of the TV with his face turned away from me.

  Wait…what just happened? What did I say?

  “What’s wrong?” I ask confused. “Did I say something to offend you? Parker, what did I do? Talk to me…”

  I hate when he gets mad.

  “You don’t get it do you?” he says is a stern voice.

  Parker starts pacing the living room, running his fingers through his wet hair.

  “Get what, Hawk? What are you talking about? What did I say wrong? I’m confused.”

  Pulling my knees up to my chest, I wrap the sweatshirt around my legs and hug my body.

  Tur
ning around to face me, Parker cross his arms over his chest and stares at me intensely.

  “I have loved you since we were little, Lani. Little. I miss one day of school from catching that God awful stomach bug, and he takes you away from me. One fucking day. You were supposed to be mine. Not Kade’s, mine.”

  What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On…Where is all of this coming from?

  Walking in front of the couch, Parker gets down on his knees and grabs both of my hands, meeting me at eye level before speaking.

  “It’s you, Princess. It’s always been you. I’ve sat back and prayed every night you would come to your senses and see how much I love you, how much we were meant to be together. Not you and Kade. Me and you. But you never got it. You never saw me the same way I saw you, but I kept trying. I never gave up. When you and Kade broke up for those few days after he had hit you over the whole Karla ordeal, I swore you were coming to your senses. I just knew you were. Then all of the sudden, you forgave him and got married before I had time to tell you how I felt. Do have any idea how much that killed me? It completely destroyed me. You destroyed me. I have wanted to be with you forever. I’ve waited and waited, not even touching other girls just so you would see the bigger picture. But you never did, did you? You never saw me like that? I was just your best friend and that was it.”

  Holy hell…

  I can’t believe this is happening. Parker has always wanted me? Yeah, maybe I have seen a sign here or there recently, but he never tried anything or even said anything like this before. Nothing. I thought maybe my mind was playing tricks on me the few times I had thought he cared a little more. I thought he loved me for me like he said. Nothing else. But it was something else. The best guy in the world has always loved me, and I never knew it was that kind of love?

  Oh God, I’m going to be sick. I need some air.

  Pushing myself up off of the couch, I run to the front door and step outside.

  “Don’t keep running from me, Lani. I’ve chased you your whole life. I’m not chasing you anymore. I can’t.”

  “Chased me? How could you’ve chased me if I’d never known?” I turn around and glare at him.