eyond Desire Collection

by JS Scott, M Malone, Marie Hall, et al

  Javi’s tearing into his tamale and soon we all are.

  We laugh and drink lots of fizzy, creamy punch from plastic paper cups.

  Halfway through the meal Adelida says, “Tina, are you still wanting to go after Thanksgiving Day shopping? Juan has agreed to come and watch Javi again.”

  Lili leans in and whispers, “Juan’s Ade’s boy. He works in a nursing home. Stops by every year so Mama and Ade can go shopping.”

  I nod, thanking her for the information.

  “Ah, Ade.” Mama pushes the food around her plate. She’d only been picking at it to begin with. “Not this year.”

  “Did you still want that new stereo?”

  Mama shrugs. “It would be nice. My other one is full of static. I can hardly hear my news anymore.”

  “I’ll go with you, Ade. So long as someone’s here to watch Mama and Javi, I’d love to come,” Lili chimes in, then turns to me, “You want to come with us? You too, Alex, if you want?”

  I look at him. After Thanksgiving Day shopping isn’t something that appeals to me in the slightest and by the turn of his lips, I know Alex is thinking the same thing.

  All the hassle of waiting in line for shit that won’t be worth the deal two months later. But…

  Scratching the back of my head, I nod. “Yeah, we’re coming.”

  “Hey, I didn’t agree.” Alex’s lips pinch.

  “Oh, come on, it’ll be fun.” Lili smiles, the one that shows all her teeth and completely takes over her face. I’m putty in her hands when she turns that on me. I know Alex will be no different.

  Exhaling loudly, rolling his lips as he does so, he growls. “Fine. Not like I got a chick waiting for me tonight.”

  Ade looks ready to faint as she makes a pointed effort to not look at him. Mama’s lips twitch. I think she’s secretly just as naughty as her Liliana. Javier’s already looking back at the television screen, completely clueless to what Alex implied.

  I just roll my eyes.

  And he has the nerve to complain about my table manners.

  “Oh my gosh.” Lili covers her mouth. “The things that come out of your mouth, Alexander.”

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Liliana

  The day rolls by in a blur and it couldn’t be better even if I’d scripted it. Mama has energy, she hasn’t gone back to her room as I’d expected, and she’s even eaten a little, which is more than I’ve seen her eat in weeks.

  Javi settles himself onto the sofa, sitting beside Ryan almost the entire night and watching both football games.

  The guys laugh and tease us all and I can’t remember the last time we’ve had a day like this.

  Ade took Mama to bed at nine. Almost thirty minutes ago, and Javier’s looking like he’s losing the battle with sleep too. He keeps rubbing his eyes, determined to stick to Ryan as long as he possibly can, but eventually sleep claims him too.

  “Should I take him?” Ryan looks to me.

  “Hey, guys, think I’m gonna bail.” Alex checks his watch, then stands and gives a lion’s stretch and yawn. “What time is this stupid thing tomorrow?”

  Bopping my leg over Ryan’s knee, I nod for him to lift up Javi. “You don’t have to come, you know, Alex. If it’s that awful, you can stay home.”

  Ryan scoots off the couch, hefts Javi easily in his arms, then turns and glares at his cousin. “Like hell he’s not. He’s going. I’ll pick you up at three.”

  “Hell. Three?” Alex curls his lip. “You owe me big, Lili. I mean big.”

  Getting up, I stretch my back before walking to him and giving him a hug. “There, consider that payment in full. And thanks for coming today, Alex.”

  He wraps his arms around me, lifting me off the ground and squeezing tight. Tugging on his shirt until he bends over—because he’s a giant and I’m too short otherwise—I kiss his cheek.

  Rubbing at the spot, he looks at Ryan, jerking his thumb at me. “You saw her do it first, man. No punching.”

  Snorting, Ryan turns down the hall. “Get the hell out of here, man.”

  Patting Alex’s chest, I follow him to the door.

  Grabbing his coat and keys, he claps his hand against its frame. “Lili Bean, I uh…” He frowns and I cock my head.

  “What?”

  I see so many emotions scrawl across his face, concern and worry the most prominent.

  “Alex? What?” I take a step toward him.

  But he must have thought better about whatever he is about to say, because he shakes his head and gives me one of his classic cocky grins. “Nothing. Had a great time. You take care of him, okay?”

  Quickly glancing over my shoulder at the empty hallway, I say, “I do love him, Alex. If that’s what you’re worried about. I’ve already told him.”

  His mouth curls as he rubs the back of his neck. “That’s not what I’m worried about, it’s…”

  Just then the sound of shuffling feet and the closing of a bedroom door causes us to break apart with a guilty start.

  Alex smiles, eyes flicking up. “Anyway, I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

  With a wave, he’s down the steps and swallowed up by the darkness.

  Ryan’s fingers are warm as he slips them beneath the collar of my dress, softly caressing the nude skin beneath, leaving a wake of heat and want in its path.

  Turning, I kick the door shut with my foot and fumble behind my back to lock it.

  “Did I happen to tell you this morning how sexy you look?” His dimpled smile fills my belly with fierce longing.

  Moving into him, molding my body with his, I wrap my hand around the back of his neck. “Oh, I’m not sure. Why don’t you tell me again?”

  His hands are hard as they clamp on to my butt and he lifts me like I weigh nothing. I wrap my legs around his waist as he guides us back to my room.

  I barely have enough time to flick the door shut before his hungry lips descend on mine.

  Moans spill between us as we land in a sloppy heap of tangled limbs on my bed. It’s so dark, which only heightens the sense of touch. I can’t see much more than a shadow, but I gasp when his calloused palms slide beneath my dress, fumble with the tie at my waist, and finally slide the fabric off my body.

  The cold buckle of his belt presses against my stomach as he moves between my legs, in no rush to take his own clothes off.

  Grabbing his arms, I trace the seam of rippled muscle as he moves. His soft, soft lips work along my throat, bristly jaw scraping the sensitive skin and driving me crazy.

  Digging my nails into his back, I wrap my legs tighter around his hips, trying to remember to keep quiet and not groan too loud.

  “Take your clothes off,” I order with an impatient tug on his pants. “You’re making me…”

  Growling deep in his throat, he plunges his tongue into my mouth, making me swallow the rest of my words.

  Taste and touch and smell, it’s what I live in. It’s all I know right now.

  His scent of woodsy cologne, the way his body shivers and dances across mine, the sway and pull of muscle as he yanks his shirt off, the slightly salty taste of his chest as I nip and lick my way across.

  He worships my body and I worship his. At some point he grabs a condom and slips it on.

  My window curtains ruffle as the heater kicks on and moonlight slivers across the expanse of our nude flesh, kissing our skin with hints of lavender and silver. I roll over on top of him.

  His smile smolders, inches through me like flame, burning and consuming me. Sweat-slickened hair clings to the back of my neck.

  “Come here,” he whispers, hooking his finger.

  I lean over, my breasts scraping his sparse chest hair and causing my thighs to clench.

  “Look at me.” He pushes my hair out of my face, holding it behind my head in his fist.

  Nothing moves through the stillness but our breaths. I memorize each scar, each dip and groove.

  “You know I love you, right?” His whisky voice drizzles over me.r />
  My heart swells, thickens in my chest. “Yes.”

  Then he slides in, so slowly it’s a torture all its own. The stretch and give to accommodate him has me wiggling, moaning. My lashes flutter.

  “Look at me, Lili.”

  I open my eyes, biting down on a corner of my lip.

  Only when I do does he move, never releasing my hair, and I have to fight to keep my eyes open.

  His gaze is unswerving. Ryan’s not looking at me, he’s looking in me.

  “I love you,” he mouths again and then his eyes slip closed as the shivers take him.

  A small cry escapes me as I slam own eyes shut, the intensity of this orgasm making my insides quake. Lights explode behind my eyes as I fracture into a thousand slices of bliss—blinding, and intense, beautiful and all consuming.

  When I come back to myself, I chuckle, dropping onto his chest. “Oh, wow. Do you think we woke the house?”

  His body shakes with laughter as he buries his face in the crook of my neck. Finally coming up for air he says, “Hope not. Though you were starting to sound like a banshee.”

  I slap his chest.

  Needing to clean up, I get off, comfortably sore. “Where did you put my clothes?”

  Scooting up so that he sits against the headboard, he locks his fingers behind his head. Completely without shame.

  And why should he be?

  Ryan is beautiful.

  Not an ounce of unnecessary fat clings to him. Eight-pack abs, thighs like tree trunks, and arms like pythons… he’s a Greek god and I if I thought he could go at it again, I’d totally jump him right now.

  I lick my lips.

  “Like what you see?” he asks, crossing his ankles.

  “Oh, you know…”I flick my wrist. “I’ve seen better.”

  His lips twitch and then he’s tackling me, dragging me back down to the bed by the waist as his fingers start tickling my ribs mercilessly.

  Pounding on his chest with my fists, I laugh through the tears and buck. “Get off me, you big brute.”

  He only tickles harder. “Not until you tell me the truth.”

  Not able to take another second of this sexual warfare, I go limp in his arms. He stops immediately.

  “Lili? You okay?” His brows pucker with worry.

  Taking that split second of indecision, I slip out from underneath his hard frame and bounce to my feet. “Ha, no apologies from me, you jerk.”

  I smack his butt.

  Hard.

  Flinching, he laughs and twirls.

  I skip toward the door, hanging on to the handle. “Tickle me again and I’ll scream. I swear I will. And trust me, if Ade doesn’t get a solid six straight, you’ve not known terror.”

  Laughing, entire body moving with it, he covers his eyes with his arm and I’m struck dumb. Literally dumb. My jaw hangs open.

  I can’t remember him like this, ever.

  This is Ryan, the real one. The one he would have grown up to be had Valentine’s never happened to him fifteen years ago. Whatever the event was, I know it left its mark, made him think himself unlovable. But it’s not true.

  I didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much.

  The love I have for Javi, my mom, even Ade… it’s different. With Ryan it’s bottomless. Just when I think I hit the pinnacle, there’s more. And more. And more.

  Wiping the tears from his eyes, completely unaware of what he’s doing to me, he rolls over and slips on his khakis.

  “Lili, you’re adorable, you know that?” Coming up to me, he strokes my cheek. “I’m going to go clean up.”

  Feeling as if the world has just slipped into reverse, as if up is now down and left is right, I stumble back to my bed, recognizing that behind that epiphany is a gnawing and very real growing fear.

  I forget everything when he does those things. When he laughs and smiles and touches me.

  He makes me forget just how broken he is and when I do, I cleave to the lie that it’s over, that he’s getting better, that things won’t go back to ugly. Pushing my fist against my chest, I wonder what Alex was going to say.

  There’d been fear in his eyes, quiet unrest saddling his shoulders. I should have walked him outside, should have discovered the truth, because deep down, I know it has to do with Ryan. With the secrets he keeps.

  I’m not stupid.

  Tears claw the back of my throat, make my neck sore as I swallow them down.

  Three things I know unequivocally.

  Ryan hates Valentine’s Day. He’s tried to kill himself. And it all centers around an uncle he never talks about.

  ***

  Ryan

  I’m happy.

  Fucking deliriously happy.

  Grinning like an idiot.

  I came to a decision tonight.

  Well, this morning, really. Cradled in Lili’s arms, I had the best night of sleep I’ve had in months.

  There were no dreams, just a blessed black and when she rolled me over, pressing a tender kiss to my forehead and saying it was time to wake up, I knew what I was going to do today.

  I brush my teeth, do my business, and then jog outside to warm up the car, waiting for her and Ade to finish dressing before we head out to pick up Alex.

  The car’s nice and toasty when they finally come out of the house. Juan arrived about fifteen minutes ago. He waves goodbye to his mother and shuts the door behind them.

  Lili has on a pair of jeans and baggy red sweater. Her hair is up in a messy bun and she’s wearing the glasses I secretly adore.

  I always had a thing for the sexy librarian.

  Shivering, she gets in the car, flooding the inside with flowers, and claps her hands together. “Cold.”

  Grabbing her fingers, I rub them between my palms.

  “Kiss them warm.” She presses them to my lips and I kiss each and every digit.

  Ade grumbles as she slams the door behind her. “Tell me why I put myself through this every year?”

  “Because we’re crazy.” Lili winks at me and then yawns loudly.

  Heading toward my house, I turn on some music.

  “What are you planning to buy?” Ade asks to no one in particular.

  Lili shifts until she can sit on her leg, rolling her neck from side to side. “I don’t know. Just need some Christmas ideas. Javier needs new comics, and I’ll probably get a pretty piece of something for Mama and…” She glances at me shyly. “A few other things. What about you?”

  I shrug as I turn onto my street.

  All the lights are off in the house; Alex is going to be a bitch to wake up.

  “I don’t know. I’ll probably just look around at stuff. Where are we going, anyway?”

  I park.

  “Shop-n-Save, Kringle’s, and the mall.” Ade holds up her hand, ticking them off on her fingers.

  Alex is going to piss his pants when he realizes they’d planned an entire day around shopping. I laugh—this’ll be fun.

  “Be right back.”

  Getting out, I run inside and then pound on Alex’s door a second before flinging it open with a bang.

  Jumping up, eyes wide and hair poking up everywhere, Alex comes at me, stopping a split second before he clocks my face with a fist.

  “Fuck, man!” He snarls and wipes his hand on the back of his mouth. “Fuck. Don’t do that shit. Damn.”

  I slap his chest and laugh. “Hey, just paying you back for all the times you do it to me.”

  Snarling, he heads to the bathroom.

  Thank God Alex never sleeps naked the way I do. That’s a sight I’m happy to do without.

  “I’ve never done that to you,” he grumbles and slams the bathroom door shut behind him.

  “Then consider it future payback,” I holler and only receive another grunt in response.

  I showered at Lili’s but had had to toss the same nasty stuff back on. Taking a quick opportunity to change, I grab a pair of jeans and a sweater and am just brushing my hair down with my hand
when Alex walks out of his bedroom, dressed and glowering.

  “You better buy me whatever the hell I want today.” He rolls his eyes. “Taking me to a goddamn store at three the fuck in the morning.”

  “Ah, come on, cheer up, who knows.” I clap his shoulder. “You might find your next lay down aisle five.”

  “Screw you.” He narrows his eyes. “And just why the hell are you in such a good mood?”

  I slip my hands into my pockets. “You’ll see. Anyway, c’mon, they’re outside, and Alex, be on your best behavior.”

  Cramming a hat on his head, he tries to trip my legs out from under me. “Whatever, loser.”

  ***

  The stores are as bad as I’ve always heard. We’ve been at it for four hours and my frustration is mounting. How am I supposed to do what I planned if all the stores they keep hitting up don’t sell what I need?

  Alex laughs, drinking a cup of coffee as we walk out the coffee shop across the street from where the girls are.

  “What?” I grumble.

  “Oh nothing.” He shrugs. “Just love seeing you skulk and grimace at anything that walks past. What exactly are you looking for, man?”

  Shoppers mill from store to store in the shopping plaza parking lot.

  “A ring.”

  Spitting out coffee, eyes bugging out, he nearly hits a woman with the backwash. Huffing, she wipes at the nonexistent stain on her pants before marching off.

  “Are you out of your mind?”

  Sighing with exasperation, I turn to him. “According to you I am. So what’s the problem now?”

  “Problem?” His jaw works from side to side.

  Not in the mood, I turn back around and wonder if maybe Wal-Mart sells them. Moving in that direction, forcing Alex to either keep up or stay back, I drop my hands into my pockets.

  “Have you told her?”

  “No!” I bark. “No, okay.” I lower my voice when I notice a couple of eyes staring at us.

  “Will you?”

  The double doors whisk open soundlessly and I smile immediately when I spot the jewelry counter.

  “Isn’t this fast?” Alex jogs backward in front of me, not exactly pushing me back but doing a damn fine job of making me have to work to get around him.