Love In No Man's Land

by Duo Ji Zhuo Ga

  He ate some dried meat and then got back on his horse. He needed to hurry to Rongma – he didn’t want to die in the wilderness. There was a clinic there, and his injury needed attention.

  He got to Rongma around noon the next day and went straight to the clinic. The doctor on duty was a young woman who’d only recently graduated. She looked at his wound in surprise, then quickly cleaned and drained it, and hooked him up to an intravenous drip.

  Gongzha sat squinting on a cushion.

  ‘Is your name Gongzha?’ The doctor sat by the window cutting her nails, occasionally raising her hands to the sunlight to inspect them.

  Gongzha glanced at her and nodded.

  ‘Your woman has gone to No Man’s Land to look for you.’ Seeing Gongzha’s stunned expression, the doctor was suddenly curious. She laid her nail clippers on the table and turned towards him with renewed interest. ‘What made you choose a Han woman?’

  Gongzha stared at her, even more bewildered now. What had made him choose a Han woman?

  ‘You’re a lucky man – not only is the Han woman you married very beautiful, she’s also so devoted, she’s gone all the way to No Man’s Land to find you.’ The doctor laughed. Seeing a little girl with a backpack walking by, she stood up, waved at her, and called out, ‘Pumu, come in here a minute. Didn’t you take that Han lady to see the rock engravings? Her man is here now.’

  The little girl came in, leant against the door and stared at Gongzha and his IV drip. ‘Are you Uncle Gongzha?’

  Gongzha nodded.

  ‘Auntie’s gone to look for you. Did you see her?’

  ‘Feng’s gone to look for me?’

  ‘After Auntie saw the picture you carved, she cried and cut lots of words into the rock, and then the next day she left.’

  ‘She’s gone to No Man’s Land? With who?’

  ‘By herself, in a rental car. And with a herder called Cirensangzhu. Cirensangzhu said he’d seen you near Auntie Yongxi’s pasture, so Sister took him with her to find you.’

  When Gongzha heard this, he yanked out the IV needle and stood up.

  ‘Hey, hey, your wound is infected.’ The doctor jumped up hurriedly. ‘If you don’t finish the IV, you’ll die.’

  ‘Give me some anti-inflammatory medicine,’ Gongzha said, pressing the needle wound on the back of his hand. ‘I’ll take it on my own. It’s not important.’

  ‘You really have so little regard for your life?’ The doctor turned, took two packets out of a drawer and handed them to Gongzha. ‘Two tablets, three times a day. Don’t forget, no matter what.’

  Gongzha took the packets, popped out two tablets and put them in his mouth. He swallowed them without water and stashed the rest inside his chuba. He rubbed the little girl’s head as he went out of the door, then strode out of the courtyard.

  His horse was tied to a rock by the entrance. He leapt onto it, cracked the whip and sped off to the mountainside with all the engravings.

  Once there, he stood beneath the blue sky and its white clouds, the afternoon sun beating fiercely down. As he gazed at the words carved above his picture, waves of emotion rose in his heart.

  I still remember my first glimpse of you,

  Your face weathered by wind and frost.

  The grass was young, the flowers bloomed,

  The clouds were light, the wind was soft.

  I want to take your hand and never part,

  I long to see my love set deep in your heart.

  My heart is steadfast,

  The sky is my witness, and so is the earth,

  My love endures

  Though days and months may pass.

  Even if Gongzha’s Mandarin had been worse than it was, he would still have understood what the words meant. His chest tightened. How could she be so stupid? She knew full well how dangerous No Man’s Land was, but she’d rushed in anyway. If she were to get caught in an avalanche or run into a pack of wolves, what would she do? His stomach churned at the thought. He jumped back onto his horse, whipped it savagely and tore down the mountainside and off into the boundless wilds.

  *

  He reached Yongxi’s pasture on the third day.

  Yongxi was carrying a lamb. The little boy Tajiapu, whom Sega had given him as a hostage, was beside her.

  When she saw Gongzha, Yongxi set down the lamb and called out to him with a smile. ‘Brother Gongzha, how’s your wound?’

  ‘It’s much better.’ He leapt off his horse, led it over and lifted Tajiapu onto its back. ‘Jijia agreed to give the boy back?’

  ‘He didn’t dare refuse.’ Yongxi’s face was sombre. ‘If he hadn’t given my son back, I would have forbidden Jijia from ever visiting my tent again.’

  ‘You used that as a threat?’ Gongzha teased. ‘Aren’t you afraid he’ll visit other women? There are lots of women at his encampment.’

  ‘Let him try and I’ll destroy him,’ Yongxi said with a fierce look on her face and a hand on her hip.

  ‘Well, Jijia is still a grassland man. Who would have guessed you’d have such power over him? It’s Buddha’s justice.’ Gongzha took off his chuba and laughed. ‘You’re really not going to move to his encampment? It’s dangerous here for a woman and child on their own.’

  ‘I’m not going. That posse is like a pack of wolves and there’ll come a day when the Buddha punishes them.’ She opened the tent and let Gongzha in. When he’d sat down, she poured him some tea. ‘Have you come because you need something, Brother?’

  Gongzha rubbed his nose. ‘Have you seen a Han woman, Yongxi?’ he asked a little uncomfortably.

  ‘Do you mean Feng?’ Yongxi opened the stove.

  ‘You’ve seen her?’ Gongzha leapt up, then sat down again awkwardly when he saw Yongxi smiling at him.

  ‘Is she really your woman?’

  ‘How could she be? I already have a woman.’ Gongzha lifted his teacup to hide his face.

  ‘You can’t live like this forever. You have to have a woman to have your children and take care of your tent and your horse.’

  ‘Yongxi…’

  ‘She said you saved her life and that you were the one who led her out of No Man’s Land. Is that right?’

  Gongzha nodded.

  ‘So she fell in love with you and pursued you all the way from Shanghai to No Man’s Land. If I were a man, I’d be impressed. She was here four days ago. I thought you were still over at the valley that Jijia mentioned, looking for Kaguo, so that’s what I told her and she set off the next day.’

  ‘Still with two others?’

  ‘No, by herself. Their car ran out of fuel and they left it in the valley over there. Cirensangzhu needed to get back to his yaks, and Junsang went with him to get a rescue car. Feng couldn’t wait. She rode off on my horse in the middle of the night – to find you, I assume. But don’t worry, when Sega heard that, she went off after her. Sega knows the area; Feng should be fine.’

  ‘Why did Sega… go after her?’

  ‘After you got shot, Sega went everywhere looking for you. She ran into me when I was searching for Feng and asked me what was the matter. I told her about you and Feng, and she told me not to worry; she said she’d already met Feng and would bring her back.’

  Gongzha couldn’t stay sitting down any longer. He put down his teacup and strode out of the tent with his gun.

  Yongxi ran after him. ‘Brother, your chuba!’

  Gongzha took it and hung it off the back of his horse, nodded to Yongxi, climbed onto his horse and disappeared in a cloud of dust.

  *

  Beneath blue skies, a woman in a yellow windcheater cantered across a wilderness so vast and bleak that even the distant snow mountains and the lower, closer hills seemed diminished. If it hadn’t been for the blue lake and the lazily grazing wild asses and yaks, Feng might have thought she’d travelled back into some unknown ancient era.

  Hadn’t Yongxi said it was only a two-hour drive along the lake to get there, and yet she’d already been riding a whole day and
still hadn’t arrived. Perhaps she’d gone the wrong way? No, she’d kept close by the lake. And hadn’t Yongxi said the valley was very easy to recognise because of its red rocks? Well, there hadn’t been any red valleys so far. Feng scanned her surroundings and began to get nervous, afraid she’d got lost again. But the rippling lake in front of her reassured her that this was the right direction.

  When she felt the earth beneath her horse’s hooves getting soft, Feng took up the reins and guided the horse slightly uphill, away from the marshy ground. Gongzha had told her that these marshes were treacherous; once you got sucked in, there was almost no chance of getting out alive.

  She glanced at the sun; it would soon be sinking behind the mountains. She dismounted, found a place out of the wind, took off her backpack and put up her tent. She didn’t dare travel by night for fear of getting lost, like last time.

  She took her water bottle down to the lake. She knew from Gongzha that not all the lakes in No Man’s Land had potable water but that it was safe to drink from any lake with animal tracks by the water’s edge. Feng spied a flock of waterfowl on the lake and gulped down a few mouthfuls. In ten short days, Gongzha, she said to herself, you turned me into something of a northern Tibet expert – did you know that? See, I know what water to drink, where to put up my tent, what I can snack on. But now I would really like to find you and let you collect my drinking water, cut my meat for me and help me put up my tent.

  She gazed out at the calm waters in front of her; the lake seemed to go on for ever. The birds chased each other, cavorting freely. This was the most beautiful season in northern Tibet: the grass was lush and wild flowers of all kinds grew as if in competition with one another, determined not to miss the growing season, their one chance to flourish.

  Could it be that people were like that, too?

  Feng sighed and stood quietly gazing at the reflection of the snow mountains in the lake. How beautiful it was there! If she hadn’t experienced it for herself, she would never have believed such a lovely place existed on earth. A place so far removed from the bustle of the world; a place with no human sounds and no fire smoke; a place with nothing in it but the sky and the earth, the thump of her heartbeat and her endless longing.

  It wasn’t until the birds on the lake began one by one to swim back to their nests in the marsh that she noticed the black clouds coming in over the mountain peaks. Even so, she thought nothing of it, just turned and headed back towards her tent. She knew the skies would clear again in a few minutes. Northern Tibet was like that: raining one moment, hailing the next, and back to sun in the blink of an eye.

  She hadn’t yet reached her tent when she saw a black horse speeding along the lakeside; the rider, a woman in black, looked familiar.

  The woman sprang off her horse as soon as she saw Feng, and Feng smiled at her. It was the woman she’d bathed with in Rongma. ‘What are you doing here, Sega?’ she asked.

  Sega stared at her, a distinctly antagonistic look in her eye. ‘You’re looking for a man called Gongzha?’

  ‘I am. How did you know? Have you seen him?’ Feng was delighted to have met someone she knew in such a lonely place.

  ‘You are not his woman!’ Sega shouted, gesticulating angrily. ‘His woman died a long time ago.’ Her eyes blazed as if they would spout fire. ‘Cuomu’s gone. Gongzha’s future is his own – no one can take it from him.’

  Feng stared back in confusion. What was wrong with this woman? Gongzha’s former woman was dead – what did that have to do with her? ‘What’s the matter with you?’

  ‘Go home! Go back to your Shanghai. Gongzha is mine, and no one can take him from me.’

  ‘Gongzha is your man?’

  ‘Yes, Gongzha is my man. Go home! Go back to Shanghai.’

  ‘No, Gongzha isn’t your man. If he was, he wouldn’t have carved that picture of Baobao and Beibei and me and him onto that rock. That was our story, our secret. Gongzha isn’t yours; you’re definitely wrong—’

  ‘Are you leaving or not?’ Sega was losing patience. This was No Man’s Land and she was a she-wolf of the wilderness. Would a she-wolf let another she-wolf steal her mate without a fight? No, she would not.

  ‘No, I’m not leaving,’ Feng said adamantly. ‘Unless Gongzha tells me himself that you’re his woman, I won’t go.’ She bent to pick up her water bottle and slowly continued walking towards her tent.

  ‘You…!’ As Sega glared at Feng’s back, a murderous expression came over her face. She whipped the knife from her belt and raced after Feng, shouting, ‘Are you leaving or not?’

  Feng didn’t look back; she continued walking at a slow pace and her voice remained firm. ‘I’m not leaving. I have to find him.’

  ‘Fine – you won’t leave!’ Sega spat hatefully. In a frenzy, she stabbed Feng in the waist. Blood streamed out.

  Feng was momentarily dazed, then she turned to Sega in disbelief. ‘You…!’

  Sega waved her knife defiantly, splattering blood onto the black pebbles. It began to hail. Hailstones pinged off the knife blade. Sega glowered furiously at Feng. ‘I’ll make you leave – go back to your Shanghai! There’s no man of yours here. He’s mine! No one can take him from me – not Jijia, and not you!’

  ‘No, Gongzha isn’t yours.’ Feng pressed her hand against the place in her side that was gushing blood. Her face was white and she was unsteady on her feet. ‘If he really was yours, you wouldn’t have come here and said all those things to me. I won’t leave. Even if I have to die trying, I will at least die as close to him as I can get.’

  ‘Alright, if you won’t leave, then die,’ Sega shrieked, brandishing her knife. She plunged her blade into Feng again, into her left shoulder this time, then yanked it out, her eyes red, her brain in a whirl.

  ‘He doesn’t love you at all!’ Feng said, her whole side now bloodied.

  ‘It’s true, he doesn’t love me. I won’t let him love you either.’ Sega glared at the tottering Feng, her mind seething with hatred. She rushed over with her knife and savagely stabbed Feng in the chest. Fresh blood spouted, splattering Sega’s face and body.

  ‘I still love him, and I will find him even if it kills me,’ Feng said. Then everything went black, and she fell, frightening the water fowl, who flew up squawking from the lake.

  The hail suddenly stopped, and the sun came out again.

  Feng lay on the ground, her blood staining the pebbles. The sun warmed her a touch and she wanted to stand up, to move her fingers, but she had no strength, just like the last time she was in No Man’s Land. Was she going to die? Was she really going to go like this? That would be fine; she could die here, at least she was close to him. And it would put an end to her eternal longing.

  Sega glanced at the fallen Feng, laughed wildly and hurled her knife into the lake. Then she dashed down to the water and began to scrub herself: her hands, face and clothes all had blood on them – how could there be so much? Despite all the scrubbing, she still couldn’t get clean. She kept splashing water on herself, rubbing and crying. ‘I didn’t want to kill her, but she wouldn’t leave. Oh Buddha, forgive me, a demon came into my head and I couldn’t control myself. Buddha, you must forgive me, I didn’t want to kill her. Truly, I didn’t mean to…’

  She turned and, catching sight of Feng lying on the shore, wailed and ran up the bank as if she’d gone crazy.

  As she ran, the ground beneath her got so soft, she began to sink into it. She could no longer lift her feet. She suddenly realised that the black mud all around her was full of bubbles. It was slowly swallowing her.

  Sega thrashed around in a panic, which made her sink even faster. She stared up at the sky and cried out, opening her bloodshot eyes wide, ‘Oh, Buddha, is this your punishment to me?’

  Feng lay nearby, muddled, facing death. She was at peace. She’d stopped thinking about Gongzha or Shanghai and was just waiting quietly for death to arrive. She turned her head to watch the birds that had returned to the lake; they were still happy. In her next
life, she wanted to be a bird, a bird in No Man’s Land. She would be free, free of love, free of the troubles love brought.

  Who was that crying out? Was it the woman who’d stabbed her? Why hadn’t she left? When she died, there would be no one to steal that woman’s man. Feng moved her heavy head, shifted her gaze, and focused.

  The woman was struggling frantically in the marsh in front of her, waving her two arms helplessly, unable to grab at anything.

  The mud was making a terrifying gurgling noise.

  The woman was sinking into the marsh!

  Feng forced herself to concentrate and her survival instinct made her raise her head and use all her strength to call out to Sega. ‘Don’t move! You’ll just sink faster.’

  She heaved herself up and slowly crawled towards her tent, leaving a crooked trail of blood in her wake. She had no idea how long it took her, but she got there eventually. Painfully, she pulled a handful of thin white ropes from her backpack. They were guy ropes for her tent. She couldn’t use her left arm, so she used her teeth to knot them together. Then she crawled over to the horse, held onto its leg, and slowly pulled herself upright. She tied one end of the rope to the saddle and tried several times to mount the horse, but she was too weak and kept flopping backwards. Frustrated, she grabbed the reins with one hand, the saddle with the other, and walked down towards the marsh. She stumbled every few steps but got back up again every time.

  She was going to die anyway.

  By the time she’d crawled as close as she could to Sega, Feng looked as if she was entirely made of blood. She picked up a stone, tied the rope around it, and called to Sega, ‘Catch the rope.’ Then she hurled the stone with all her might.

  The stone landed about a metre in front of Sega; she stretched out her arms but couldn’t reach it, which only made her sink faster.