Love In No Man's Land

by Duo Ji Zhuo Ga

  Sega, ray of sunshine that she was, seemed to love Gongzha as much as she did. Why else would she have taken her knife to Feng? Was Feng fighting against fate? Loving someone and then having to give them up was torturous, she understood that now. She hadn’t even decided whether to give him up and her heart was already in pain. If she did give him up, would it cost her her life? Sega’s smiles these days were forced, but she still kept Feng company; could Feng stand to see Sega’s sorrow deepen?

  The blood, the crazed eyes, the bubbling marsh, the swerving trail of blood, the hail, the waves lapping against the lakeshore… and then Sega clasping her tight as they galloped home. Despite Sega’s deep hatred, in the end she’d treated Feng with kindness. She’d come to her senses and rescued Feng from the brink of death.

  Experiencing all of that had caused Feng to doubt her own quest. Was she right to continue trying to get what she wanted regardless, just because she was in love? Could she stand there and watch another woman suffer? Sega lived there; the grassland was her home. And she loved him. Rationally speaking, her attitude to life made her a much better partner for Gongzha.

  The thought of giving up, of letting him go, made Feng miserable and she began to cry silently. Her search had brought her so far, she’d been through so much and often with such little hope of success. To leave now, to return home and go back to square one – what a depressing thought that was.

  ‘Feng! Feng…!’ Sega was shouting to her from a distance, flying in on a brown horse, her gun slung across her back. ‘I’ve got news of your man!’

  ‘He…’ Feng stood up quickly, but the sudden movement sent a spike of pain from her wound and she sat down again fast.

  Sega drew up in a cloud of dust and sprang off her horse; she was holding a bunch of herbs in her hand. She threw her whip onto the saddle and looked at Feng excitedly. ‘He’s not in that mountain valley, Feng. I went to find Yongxi and she said Gongzha knows you’ve come and he’s looking for you. I told her that when she next sees him, she’s to tell him I’ll bring you over as soon as you’re well.’

  Feng nodded and gave a tight smile.

  ‘What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy to hear that?’

  ‘Sit down, Sega.’ Feng patted the rocky ground beside her. ‘Let’s talk.’

  Sega shot Feng a questioning look, then glanced at Dawacuo. Dawacuo shook her head to show she knew nothing about it.

  Feng gazed out at the vast blue lake and her tears rolled silently down. She took a deep breath and swiped them away. Oh, unsteady heart – how could it be so weak? ‘Sega, I think… I don’t really belong here. Once I’m better, I’m going to go back to Shanghai.’ As she spoke, her heart felt as if it had been slashed with a knife.

  ‘What are you saying, Feng! You’ve come so far to find him, and you’ve been through so much, but now that you’re almost there, you want to go back?’ Sega stared at her with incomprehension.

  ‘My home is in Shanghai, I’ve lived there since I was little. I can come here to travel, Sega, but to live here… I don’t think I could adjust.’ Feng forced out a smile and turned to look at Sega. ‘I’m not like you. You’ve lived on the grassland since you were young and you understand life here. You and Gongzha would make an ideal couple. Him and me, we’d be as alien to each other as this wilderness is to me.’

  ‘No, you wouldn’t – you shouldn’t worry about that. As long as you’re together, you’ll get used to each other over time. Look at me, I’m from Ngawa, but I do fine here, don’t I?’

  ‘That’s because you’ve been living this life since you were young. I’ve thought it over, Sega, I’m not right for this place. I should make my home in Shanghai.’ Feng took another deep breath and blinked back the tears that threatened. ‘You and I are friends, aren’t we? You’re welcome to visit me in Shanghai anytime.’

  ‘Feng, you…’ Feng’s decision had caught Sega off guard. She was not someone skilled at interpreting the hearts of others and she had no way of understanding the thousands of thoughts going through Feng’s mind. For herself, Sega always said what she was thinking and never hid her feelings.

  ‘It’s decided. Once I’m well again, you’ll see me out of No Man’s Land, okay? Since our brush with death, we’re like sisters now, and when one sister leaves, the other has to see her off, right?’

  ‘Of course I’ll see you off. I’ll take you to the county town,’ Sega said, but she was still doubtful. She looked searchingly into Feng’s face; she had no idea why Feng had changed her mind so fast.

  Dawacuo looked at Sega as if she’d just remembered something. ‘Auntie Sega, Ama’s been looking for you everywhere. I think there’s something she needs to tell you.’

  ‘You and Dawacuo go back,’ Feng said. ‘I’ll stay here a bit longer.’

  ‘Fine!’ Sega stood up and led her horse away. ‘We’ll come back for you in a while.’

  Feng nodded and watched them walk off. The tears she’d held back finally ran down her face, pattering like raindrops on the rocky ground and slowly rolling away.

  *

  ‘Gongzha has already got past two of our guard posts, boss,’ one of Jijia’s men reported with a bow while Jijia sat drinking in his tent. ‘What shall we do – open fire?’

  ‘No need. Just keep watch at the pass. Remember, don’t hurt him. Tie him up and bring him to me,’ Jijia said without raising his head. He kept his gaze fixed on the cup in his hand, and a cold smile crept across his face. He was thinking about the layout of the pass. It’s quite some man who can get past two of my guard posts, he thought, but if he can get through the third, then my life’s work has been for nothing.

  The guard bowed and left.

  Jijia drained his cup, wiped the corner of his mouth and exited the tent. He stood on the empty sand of the lakeshore, contemplating the cloud-wrapped peaks. Those mountains were his guardian spirits; when he had the mountains and the wilderness around him, he could not be threatened. No Man’s Land in all its vastness was his heaven, the place where he could roam freely. Here, and only here, he was like a king; here, he was master over the land and could change his mind as he pleased; here, the fastest antelopes fell at his feet, and his men looked at him with respect. The thought made him swell with pride.

  It was the ecstasy of the kill that made him keep picking up his gun. It never occurred to him that he was committing a crime. People and animals had battled for survival out there since the beginning of time: the weak versus the strong, that was the law of the wilderness. When people were young and weak they were seen as prey by the animals; when they grew up, it was their turn to kill. No matter how many directives the government issued against hunting wild animals, Jijia just laughed at them. If they stopped hunting, the animals would multiply and where would the herders pasture their livestock then?

  He was clearing the way for the herders to live a good life. Jijia liked to think about this when he was resting. If there were no antelopes or wild asses competing with the livestock for pasture, every tent could raise fifty per cent more livestock than they did now. When that day came, when there was an abundance of yaks and sheep and every household was wealthy, there’d be no need for people like him to hunt antelopes and sell their fur for money.

  He did feel guilty sometimes – not for killing the antelopes, but for all the times he’d promised Yongxi he’d disband the shadow hunters but hadn’t done so. Yongxi… She was a woman unlike any other on the grassland. She didn’t worship him, wasn’t afraid of him. At any time, she could threaten him with her whip and banish him from her tent. She was a wild one and he couldn’t do without her: every time she drove him away, he vowed never to return, but he couldn’t help himself. He pictured her holding the child, her brows furrowed, glaring at him and ordering him to leave, and a smile flitted across his face. She was his woman, the only woman he would ever have.

  As these thoughts went through his head, his hatred of Gongzha intensified. Gongzha had dared to visit his woman’s tent. That was a clear case o
f disrespect, and disrespect was one thing Jijia would not swallow.

  Just then, the unmistakeable sound of a gunshot rang out from the mountain.

  All the women came running, eager to find out what had happened. Even Feng came tottering out of her tent, supported by Dawacuo; she looked inquiringly at Sega, and Sega avoided her gaze.

  A man was flying down the mountainside. When he got to Jijia, he said something in a low voice. Jijia nodded, his face expressionless, then turned and went into his tent.

  Sega and Yangji glanced at one another, and hurried back to Sega’s tent. Dawacuo brought Feng in.

  ‘Go and find Yongxi,’ Yangji said, looking at Sega. ‘Only Yongxi can stop this.’

  Sega nodded and was about to go out when they all heard shouting. Dawacuo ran out to look, then hurried back in. ‘Ama, they’ve brought Uncle Gongzha back, and he’s tied up; they’re in Uncle Jijia’s tent.’

  Feng didn’t understand most of what Dawacuo said, but she was very familiar with the word ‘Gongzha’. ‘What’s going on?’ she asked, staring concernedly at Sega’s back.

  Sega straightened her shoulders and wrestled with whether to tell her or not.

  ‘Tell her!’ Yangji said quietly. ‘After all, if he’s been brought here tied up, she’ll know soon enough.’

  Sega nodded and turned to Feng with a sombre expression. ‘Don’t worry. We’ll find a way to sort this out.’

  Feng’s heart sank at the sight of Sega’s serious face. Had something happened to Gongzha? Had that gunshot been something to do with him – had they killed him? Feng forced herself to stay calm and said quietly and concisely, ‘Is he here?’

  Sega nodded.

  Feng was trembling now. ‘Did you lot catch him?’

  Sega nodded again, then shook her head in distress: Feng’s ‘you lot’ was misplaced – Gongzha’s capture had nothing to do with her. But Feng didn’t see the distinction, and Sega couldn’t face explaining her connection with the shadow hunters all over again. Besides, the most important thing was that Gongzha had been caught. He’d come for Feng, but Sega didn’t care. She wanted to save him. She had to save him.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Brother thinks Gongzha visited Yongxi’s tent, so he wants to kill him.’

  ‘That’s impossible. Gongzha’s heart has room only for Cuomu,’ Feng said sharply.

  ‘But Brother doesn’t understand that. He thinks Gongzha has disrespected him, so—’

  ‘No, Gongzha wouldn’t.’ Feng looked at Sega. ‘Aren’t you one of them, Sega? Can’t you go and say something to Jijia? Gongzha’s loyal, he’s not like other men, and he certainly wouldn’t do anything with Yongxi.’

  Gongzha’s loyal, is he? Sega thought angrily to herself. Even though he’s obviously let you into his heart and has risked his life for you, despite knowing the dangers? ‘Feng,’ she said, ‘Jijia rescued me, that’s all; he won’t listen to me. And if Yongxi were to come to Gongzha’s defence again, that would only make him even more suspicious. Even so, she’s our one hope; she’s the only one Brother will listen to.’

  ‘What if you married Gongzha? Wouldn’t that stop Jijia being so suspicious?’ Feng said earnestly.

  ‘I can see what you’re thinking, Feng, but that’s not going to happen. Gongzha would never agree to it. His heart has room only for Cuomu and for you.’

  ‘No, Sega, his heart has room only for Cuomu. I’m just a woman from another ethnic group whose life he saved, just like he saved the lives of those lambs and foals.’ Tears welled up in Feng’s eyes. ‘If you go and get Yongxi now, I’m afraid they’ll have killed Gongzha by the time you get back. Let’s go and tell Jijia now that Gongzha is your man and that you’re going to get married soon, then he’ll stop being suspicious of him.’

  ‘Feng…’

  ‘There’s no time to lose, Sega. You have to act quickly if we’re to save him.’ Feng stood up and took Sega’s hand. ‘Come on, I’ll go with you.’

  Sega looked at Yangji. Yangji nodded. ‘This might be the best way.’

  So Sega allowed herself to be dragged out of the tent by Feng.

  *

  Jijia was sitting at the back of the large white tent, his feet propped up on the table, the tips of his boots quivering slightly, a brown leather whip by his side. The shadow hunters were gathered round him, some standing, some seated. In the centre of the tent stood Gongzha, bound with wetted leather straps, a man to either side of him. A few women had poked their heads round the door.

  ‘The eagle of the grassland has flown down to our little valley again. We really are fortunate.’ Jijia raised a glass to toast Gongzha, a hollow smile on his face.

  ‘I’ve told you before, Jijia: I’m not here on your account.’

  ‘I know you’re not here for me. Jijia is not nearly important enough to merit a visit from the eagle of the grassland. You’ve come for a woman, have you not?’

  Gongzha nodded. He thought Jijia knew he was looking for Feng.

  Jijia thumped down his cup, swung his feet off the table and stared into Gongzha’s eyes. Gongzha’s calm, unwavering gaze made him very uncomfortable. He stood up, brandished the whip and cracked it across Gongzha’s naked torso, leaving a bloody welt.

  Gongzha frowned but continued staring calmly at Jijia, whose face was now twisted with explosive rage. ‘I’ve heard that you go to Mount Kailash every year, Jijia, to wash away your guilt. Do you really think the Buddha will fall for that? What you’ve done on the grassland is enough to guarantee you’ll never reincarnate.’

  ‘In this valley, I am the Buddha – no one can cross me,’ Jijia snarled, whip in hand. He walked over to Gongzha and stood in front of him, a cruel smile on his face. ‘You might be a good shot, but you’re still a man and you won’t escape me now. At first, I didn’t want to kill you. I let you go last time because you chose not to use my son as ransom; I thought you were a good man. But now that you’ve sneaked up on us again, well, I’m sorry, but that changes things. No one’s ever managed to get in here uninvited before, you’re the only one, and for the safety of my men, I can’t let you leave here alive. My men and I give you our apologies.’ Jijia twisted his mouth at the two men next to Gongzha. ‘Drown him in the lake. It’ll be cleaner and easier.’

  ‘Yes, boss!’ The men grabbed Gongzha’s arms and prepared to leave.

  ‘Wait!’ The tent flap flew back and Feng and Sega burst in. Yangji followed, pulling Dawacuo along with her.

  Feng hurried straight over to Gongzha. When she saw the injury to his chest, her heart hurt so much she began to cry.

  ‘I’m fine. This wound is nothing to a wanderer like me.’ Gongzha smiled. Seeing Feng standing unharmed in front of him was a huge relief. As long as she was safe, that was all that mattered. He could let go of his worries from the past few days.

  ‘Why did you come here?’

  ‘Yongxi told me you’d come to No Man’s Land, so I came looking for you, and when I saw the blood by the lake, I was worried about you and followed you here. I’m so glad to see you’re alright.’ Gongzha smiled again, downplaying the danger. ‘When all this is over, you should go straight home. This is no place for you.’

  Feng nodded, then raised her head, tears streaming down. ‘You’re such an idiot! You must have known they’d kill you, but you still came?’

  ‘I was afraid something had happened to you,’ Gongzha said quietly. ‘It’s fine; don’t cry. There’s something I need to tell you. Can you come a bit closer?’

  ‘What?’ Feng looked into his face.

  ‘Come a bit closer. Little lady, there’s something I need to tell you.’ Feng’s doubtful expression was almost enough to make him laugh. Could it be that this woman who’d abandoned her whole life in order to come and look for him was now afraid of standing too near him? ‘Pretend we’re friendly and come and lean on me.’

  Feng hesitated but eventually did as he asked.

  Gongzha dropped his head, put his mouth to her ear and whispered quietly. To t
he others they looked like a pair of lovers reunited after a long separation.

  ‘Your destiny appears to be full of women, Gongzha,’ Jijia commented sarcastically.

  Feng raised her head, looked into Gongzha’s eyes, and nodded.

  Gongzha smiled and said to Jijia, ‘I’ve said what I needed to. Let’s go.’

  The two men began to push Gongzha towards the door again.

  ‘No!’ Sega cried. ‘Don’t kill him, Brother.’

  Feng held onto Gongzha and screamed. ‘No!’

  ‘Brother!’ Sega didn’t look at Gongzha. She fixed her eyes on Jijia and said quietly but firmly, ‘I didn’t want to say anything, but now that things have gone this far, if I don’t say something, it’ll be too late and you won’t be able to undo your mistake.’

  ‘This is men’s business, Sega. It’s got nothing to do with you.’ Jijia turned to the two men, who were looking to him for instructions. ‘Why haven’t you left yet?’

  They began to drag Gongzha out again.

  ‘No! No! Gongzha…!’ Feng yelled wildly. She ran over and began to pull at Gongzha. A couple of people came up and grabbed her wrists, yanking them out to the side, but that made Feng scream, and blood began to ooze from her shoulder and chest.

  ‘Feng!’ Gongzha stared at the blood in surprise and started struggling against the men’s grip. ‘What happened to you? Where are you hurt? Why are you bleeding so much?’

  ‘Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.’ Feng smiled, her face as white as paper. ‘I’m fine. It’s just a bit of blood. Don’t worry, there’s nothing the matter.’

  ‘Sega, help her bandage up her wounds, would you, please? I’m begging you – please.’ As Gongzha looked at Feng’s bloodless face, a great fear the like of which he’d not felt in a long time spread through him: he was terrified she’d collapse like Cuomu had and would never get up again. The thought of going through such heartbreak again was unbearable, and in that moment Gongzha realised he no longer saw Feng simply as a chance acquaintance whose life he’d saved. Feelings for this woman had crept into his heart, put down roots and blossomed without him noticing. He’d come to the poachers’ encampment to rescue her with no consideration for the danger he was putting himself in, and he’d persuaded himself that this was merely him doing the right thing by Feng, who had after all come a long way on his account. The truth was, it was his heart as much as his principles that had made him come, he just hadn’t wanted to admit it, had been afraid of admitting it.