Cowboys Under The Mistletoe: Five Christmas Christian Romance Novellas

by Kristen Ethridge

  Ernie nodded slowly. “She nearly cried when she realized I’ve been praying for her. How could my sister’s daughter not know the Lord?”

  “You told me that Mallory’s father was a controlling man, and while I don’t know everything, based on what I’ve heard, maybe he didn’t want her to.”

  Even in the dim light, Nolan could see the tears in Ernie’s eyes. “I can’t tell you how many times I wished I could redo so many moments I had with Carol. I still don’t know the right thing to have done. Should I have tried harder to get her to leave him? That’s why he stopped letting her see me in the first place. Or should I have been more encouraging, and simply turned a blind eye to the abuse? I see how Mallory is suffering, and I feel like I should have done more for her.”

  Nolan embraced the older woman. “And what is it that you used to tell me when I asked the same questions about my parents?”

  Ernie sniffled. They’d had this conversation several times over the years about Nolan’s doubts that she didn’t need to answer his question. Nor did she need to hear what he was about to say, but he needed to say it anyway.

  “You can’t change what happened, but she’s here with you now. Help her now. Love her now. Let her know that she’s safe, because that’s what she needs. If you’re so worried about Mallory mistaking my interactions with her as something else, then give her the same things you gave me. She’s lost, and even though we can’t control the outcome, we can at least give her the tools to help her find herself.”

  Ernie pulled away, and looked up at him. “You’re a lot wiser than I’ve given you credit for. I’m sorry for doubting you. I’m glad we had this conversation, because you’re right. We’ve been given today to do the best we can with Mallory, and that’s all we can do. And also, even though I know you’re doing fine, you’ve never talked about how you’ve healed from the past. I’m grateful to hear how you’ve learned. Thank you for sharing with me. I know it’s not easy for you.”

  What would she say if she knew how much more he’d shared with Mallory? He couldn’t deny that they had a special bond. But as Ernie had warned him, that didn’t make it the kind of love that a lasting relationship needed.

  Ernie returned to the house, picking up a few pieces of wood along the way, probably so Mallory didn’t think they’d been talking about her. Nolan picked up the ax and split a few more logs. They had plenty, but the physical labor felt good. Normal. It didn’t engage any of the emotions swirling about inside him, allowing him to find a calm before facing Mallory again. Once again, he could relate to her need for math. Sometimes when nothing else made sense, you needed something that did. As many times as he’d brought ax to wood, he knew it would have the same outcome. A beneficial outcome.

  He could only pray that in all of this, Mallory, too, would find a way to deal with her emotions and heal from her pain. He’d long ago forgiven his father for abusing him and his mother. He’d forgiven his mother for staying, and for failing to protect him. His father had gone to jail for a while. The last Nolan had heard, he was out again, living the same life. His mother had eventually divorced his father, but the last time Nolan had seen her, she was with some other guy who used her as his personal punching bag. For whatever reason, not everyone found healing from their pain. Not everyone learned from their mistakes.

  If anyone deserved the opportunity to move on, it was Mallory. But she had to make the choice for herself. Just as Nolan had learned he couldn’t save his parents, he couldn’t save Mallory. He could just do the best he could do to share his experiences, and pray it was received in a way that he could use for good.

  Hopefully, he could find a way to do that without losing his heart. Because as he entered the house, carrying his load of wood, watching her feed the kitten stirred something inside him that he’d never felt for another woman. Or any other human being. And, if he was honest, not even the animals who provided him with such love and comfort.

  “How’s the little guy?” He asked, setting down the wood.

  Mallory looked up at him and gave him a brilliant smile. “Her heartbeat is much stronger, and she seems to be warming up.”

  Then she frowned. “I keep calling the kitten a she, but how do I know it’s a girl?”

  Chuckling, Nolan walked over to her. He’d forgotten that she knew nothing about animals. Kittens could be difficult to sex at an early age, but if you knew what you were looking for, it wasn’t that hard. He explained what to look for as he demonstrated. It was indeed a girl, but he waited for her to make that determination herself.

  “It is a girl,” she said, beaming. “I hate calling her the kitten. Can I name her?”

  Earlier, Mallory had asked if she could keep the kitten. He hadn’t given her a direct answer because he was afraid of what its death would do to Mallory. But now, the animal’s survival looked more promising, and even if it died, somehow, he thought having a name would make it easier to grieve. At least that’s how he felt about his animals.

  “She’s yours,” he said. “It’s only right for you to name her.”

  Something changed in Mallory’s expression. Like she had a deeper reason to hope. He recognized that expression. He’d felt the same way when Bert had let him choose a puppy from his dog’s litter. Ben had passed on a few years ago, but for the first couple of years, he had been Nolan’s lifeline, and then his best friend.

  “You mean I get to keep her?”

  Ernie entered the room, carrying a pizza. “Nolan doesn’t give away animals easily, but when he does, it’s because he knows that animal belongs with the person he’s given it to. If he says that’s your kitten, she’s your kitten. Now let’s eat. I know the two of you didn’t have supper, so I put this in the oven as soon as I got home. I hope you like pizza.”

  *

  The sense of normalcy felt good to Mallory. It kept back the tears that had threatened when she realized the kitten was hers. She hadn’t known that it was difficult for Nolan to give away animals, but hearing that level of trust made her feel stronger, more capable.

  “I love it,” she said, reaching for a piece. “Most of the people in the office got sick of it, working all those late nights. But there’s something about good pizza that’s comforting, don’t you think?”

  “Well this isn’t like the ones you order in,” Ernie said, sounding almost cross. “I made it myself. When I make pizza, I always make a few extra and freeze them, so we have something on the nights we both work late and are too tired to cook.”

  Mallory took a bite and sighed with pleasure. “This is the best pizza I’ve ever had. I don’t think I’ve ever had homemade pizza before.”

  “Just wait until she makes it fresh,” Nolan said. “You’ll never eat out again.”

  “I know you’re just kissing up to me so you get dessert,” Ernie said. “I guess it’s a good thing there was leftover chocolate cake from the big house, because I haven’t had time to make anything.”

  Nolan grinned. “I would never do such a thing. Besides, I know you always keep frozen cookie dough in the freezer.”

  She had noticed the easy relationships here at the ranch. Nolan, Ernie, and Donna all seemed to be very at ease with one another. She didn’t remember what it was like to feel so comfortable with another human being. Even with John, she’d always been afraid of doing something wrong or saying something inappropriate. She supposed it hadn’t been that way with her mother, but she couldn’t remember.

  Would she ever have a relationship like that?

  “What do you know about my cookie dough?” Ernie asked, sounding annoyed. “I thought I had it hidden good this time. With you around, I can’t keep cookie dough in the house.”

  The full-on belly laugh Nolan gave brought another smile to her face. She liked these people, and it seemed like whenever she thought about leaving, they gave her reason to stay.

  “Ha! I knew you were hiding some,” Nolan said, sounding satisfied. He turned to Mallory. “Ernie keeps frozen cookie dough for emerge
ncies. Not only is her pizza the best in the world, but her cookie dough is amazing.”

  Ernie grunted. “Notice the word, emergencies. You seem to have a lot of emergencies that eat up my cookie dough.”

  “They are emergencies.” Nolan sounded triumphant. “There is nothing more comforting to a man than a batch of good old-fashioned cookie dough.”

  She wasn’t sure she understood. “You eat the dough? Isn’t that unsafe? Shouldn’t you be worried about food poisoning?”

  Laughing, he shook his head. “Says the woman who’s never tried cookie dough. Ernie, I think this constitutes an emergency.”

  Though Mallory didn’t want to get drawn into this argument, Ernie stood. “I hate to think what’s going to happen if we ever have a real emergency around here.”

  The older woman went into the room off the kitchen and closed the door behind her. Nolan leaned into Mallory. “She thinks it’s a big secret, and I pretend I don’t know so she doesn’t move the stash, but if you ever have a cookie dough emergency, it’s a big round container labeled chili.”

  It felt good to be included, even though she wasn’t sure about the whole cookie dough thing. Had’t they heard of E. coli or Salmonella?

  But to keep that smile on Nolan’s face, and maybe to have it on herself, she might have been willing to take the risk. Everything about being here had been a risk. But as the kitten snuggled closer to her, she had to admit that sometimes, risks had their rewards.

  Ernie reentered the room carrying a bowl that had what appeared to be little balls in it.

  “A whole bowl, hmmm?” Nolan nudged Mallory. “This is your doing, you know. Ernie usually isn’t so generous with her cookie dough.”

  “It’s for baking, not eating.” Ernie sounded grumpy, but she had a smile on her face.

  “But we eat the cookies, so what’s the difference?” Nolan reached for the bowl, but Ernie held it away from him.

  Instead, she handed one of the little balls to Mallory. “You get the first one. If we let Nolan at it, he’ll eat them all.”

  He looked unapologetic and didn’t try defending himself against Ernie’s accusation. In all the groups Mallory had been involved with, she’d never quite felt like she fit in. Though it seemed strange to be a part of the activity here, it also felt right. In some ways, it was like coming home, except this had never been her home.

  Mallory took the ball and popped it into her mouth. Hopefully, it wouldn’t make her sick. With the first taste of cookie dough, she was in love. Deeper and more complete than she had ever been. Who knew how fabulous something could taste? No wonder Ernie hoarded it, and Nolan couldn’t get enough.

  “I told you,” Nolan said. She hadn’t yet given her opinion, but apparently, it was written all over her face.

  Ernie handed her the bowl, and she took another. Then she let Nolan have his turn, and the way he looked at her was like he thought she was the best person in the whole world. She could get used to that look.

  There was a lot to like about Nolan, and the more time she spent with him, the more she liked him. Made her laugh, made her smile, and in a lot of ways, made her feel safe. He seemed to understand things about her that she didn’t even know herself.

  Like the kitten.

  How had he knowd how much such a small creature would mean to her? She had to think of a name for it, but nothing that came to mind seemed right.

  They spent the rest of the evening, three of them, talking and laughing about things of no significance. She noticed that Ernie seemed to respect her need to not discuss her mother or any of the family things Mallory found difficult. The conversation was light and easy, and while Mallory wouldn’t have been able to tell anyone what they’d talked about, all she knew was that it had made her feel good. Safe. Like she belonged. And that no one was thinking about how she’d been a complete and utter mess earlier that evening.

  Was this what being part of a family was like? It had seemed forever since Mallory had experienced it. Sometimes it felt like it had been even longer since her parents died. But even then, her family had never acted like one. At least not like the ones on television, or like what she heard people talking about. Mallory had always thought there was something wrong with her because she’d never had that experience.

  And now she knew.

  Though part of her still screamed, “Run away,” another part of her wasn’t sure she could ever leave. What was Mallory to do?

  Chapter Six

  Something was different about Mallory, but Nolan couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Maybe it was that she seemed more relaxed since she’d arrived at the ranch, except for when she’d been asleep. When he first met her, all of her smiles had been fake, plastic. But all evening long, the smiles filling her face seemed real. So much warmth, and even though this was the first evening they’d all been together, it seemed like she had been a part of their family forever.

  But how long would this forever last?

  Ernie yawned. “It’s past my bedtime. I’ll need to be back at the big house early tomorrow. Donna is expecting the girls, and she wants things to be perfect, especially since Franklin also has his associates coming.”

  Glancing out the window, Nolan shook his head. “Donna is going to be disappointed. I doubt anyone will be able to get through. The passes will be closed soon if they aren’t already.”

  The older woman looked sad, but she nodded. “I was afraid of that. I’ll still want to be there to help Donna. She’ll want everything ready just in case.” Then she turned to Mallory. “Nolan and I both leave very early in the morning. We won’t wake you, because I’m sure you need your rest. Just give me a call when you get up, and I’ll send someone to bring you to the main house.”

  Mallory looked like she was going to argue or say that she didn’t want to be any trouble. But Nolan shook his head. “Don’t even bother. Take your time in the morning, and don’t worry about us. I’m always out and about anyway, and with the snow, it will be good for me to keep going over the roads so that others will have an easier time.”

  “But if it’s not safe for others, why would it be safe for you?” Mallory asked.

  “Because I know what I’m doing. I’m the one who takes care of the roads here. It’s part of my job.” If most people had asked him that question, Nolan would have been offended. But he could tell by the concern on her face, her question arose out of being unfamiliar with how things worked here and genuine concern. It was touching to see her compassion. But it shouldn’t have surprised him. Throughout the evening, she had taken care of the kitten with such tender care. With each passing hour, Nolan was more convinced that the kitten would survive. And it was all due to Mallory.

  Once again, Nolan felt badly for how he’d judged her. Maybe she had been prickly when she first arrived, but maybe he’d also set his expectations a little too high. He gave Ernie a hug and kiss good night, then Ernie went over to Mallory, pausing.

  “Good night. I don’t suppose you’re the hugging sort, are you?” Nolan could hear the hesitation in Ernie’s voice. Though they seemed to have gotten into an easier rhythm, it was hard to forget how easily Mallory had fallen apart earlier that afternoon.

  The uncertainty on Mallory’s face was even more telling. She didn’t want to hurt Ernie, but she also didn’t seem to welcome the idea of a hug. Once again, he felt his heart softening towards her. He’d been there. The first time Bert had hugged him, Nolan had shoved him away and called him a creep. Now, he would give just about anything to hug Bert again.

  But he also knew that this was something she needed to figure out on her own.

  He watched as Mallory shifted, still holding the kitten against her. “I suppose that would be all right,” she said, standing awkwardly.

  Ernie glanced at him, like she was remembering how it had been when Nolan had first arrived. Then she reached out and took Mallory into her arms. “Sweet dreams, dear girl. May the Lord draw you near to Him and let you know how deeply you’re loved.�
��

  Closing his eyes, he said a silent prayer of agreement. When he opened his eyes, Mallory was still in Ernie’s arms, and her posture had softened. “My mom used to say that to me,” she said quietly. “I’d forgotten until now.”

  Though Ernie’s back was to him, Nolan knew how hard she was trying to hold it together. She talked about her late sister every day, and it had to be hard to realize just how much Mallory had forgotten. Hopefully, Ernie could keep sharing with Mallory in ways that made her feel safe and loved.

  “I hope you remember just how much your mother loved you. You were everything to her, and I believe she would have wanted you to remember that.” Ernie’s voice was choked, like she was trying to hold back tears.

  Mallory pulled away, then nodded slowly. “In my head, I know that she loved me. But I don’t remember how it feels. And when you remind me, it prickles, like when your foot has fallen asleep. Only it’s my heart, and while part of me thinks that like with my foot, I’ll eventually feel fine, but part of me isn’t sure I can take the pain.”

  Cuddling the kitten tight against her, Mallory sighed. “I’m sorry if I’m being too honest. In my performance reviews, I was always told that it was my biggest weakness. But this is all very new to me, and I don’t know what to do with the emotions that are stirring.”

  She might have been too honest, but a lot of folks weren’t that open about their emotions. Whatever filter most people had, Mallory seemed to be lacking. But Nolan found it to be quite charming. He had to admit, she was growing on him.

  Ernie looked like she was going to hug Mallory again, but Mallory shied away. “I appreciate your honesty,” Ernie said. “I hope you will come to know that you are safe to be who you are here. We don’t grade your performance or require you to be a certain way. We love you just as you are.”

  Though Mallory looked doubtful, Nolan was confident that in time, she would see the truth in Ernie’s words. One more lesson he had learned when he first came here.