Lessons in Love

by Victoria Sinclair

  ‘Hello everyone. I’m Professor Ian Richardson. I will be taking over your class for two weeks while Mr Cavanaugh is overseas on business. He has set an assignment for you to do, and I’ll be passing out copies of that shortly. Should you need any assistance at all, I will be only too pleased to help,’ he announced.

  What was he talking about? Nicholas was away, for two weeks, and he hadn’t even bothered to tell her? She felt hot tears welling up behind her eyelids, and fought to repress them. Had everything she’d felt from him been in her imagination only? Had it been only lust that had driven him on Saturday? No! She couldn’t…wouldn’t believe it. But how could she believe otherwise, when he’d leave – to go overseas no less – without even giving her a phone call? A sick, angry feeling welled up inside her, and she fought to hold it down, unwilling to show any emotion in front of her fellow classmates.

  When the student sitting next to her finally passed a pile of assignments her way, Emily took one half-heartedly, no longer caring anything about the damn assignment when she felt so bereft inside. She passed the pile to the next student, and almost groaned when she realised they had to write a five thousand word paper. What was this? Some sort of bizarre punishment for allowing him to make love to her? Or maybe nothing to do with her at all. She probably hadn’t even crossed his mind. She ground her teeth together and took hold of herself sharply, forcing her mind back on track, and far, far away from all thoughts of Nicholas.

  The first thing she’d have to do after class would be to visit the library and get some books out before there were none left. She stood up and approached the Professor.

  ‘May I help you?’ he asked, looking up at her with a friendly smile. At least he was going to be far easier to approach than Nicholas was, she thought bitterly.

  ‘I was wondering if you’d allow us to go to the library to look up some books. There’s not much work I can do until I have some references.’

  ‘I don’t see why not. Just make sure you use the time wisely,’ he replied. She returned to her desk and picked up her books just as he announced that everyone was free to do some research in the library. The entire class moved like a tidal wave and Emily hurried out the door, glad she’d been the first to stand.

  Emily worked hard on her business economics assignment for the next two weeks. Forget free time! With the amount of work Nicholas had set for them to do, she was spending every spare moment of her evenings working. Not that it bothered her. It kept her from dwelling on less pleasant subjects. But when she least expected it, memories of the passionate afternoon they’d shared washed over her, bringing tears of longing and regret to her eyes, as she wondered where Nicholas was, and what he was thinking and feeling now. And why he’d left her without even calling!

  Finally, however, the work was done and she had a neatly presented five thousand word document, ready to hand in Monday afternoon when Nicholas arrived back from wherever he’d been. But having done that, nothing could fill the void in her heart that he’d left.

  Monday morning was cold and overcast, foreshadowing the winter to come. It depressed her. Angrily, she sat up in bed and stretched, frowning as she began to get the uncomfortable feeling that, along with the grey, rainy day, something was not altogether right. Could it be the beginnings of a sore throat she was feeling? No. She was most definitely not going to get sick now. She got out of bed and showered, ignoring her body’s signals that all was not right in the person of Emily Peterson.

  Emily usually ate a big breakfast of cereal, yoghurt and a cup of coffee, but she barely had the appetite to make it through her cereal. She tried to tell herself she was just down in the dumps, but she had the nasty suspicion it was more than that.

  Veronica and Steven entered the kitchen looking bright and chirpy. ‘Uh, Em. You don’t look so good,’ said her brother, looking at her with a frown.

  ‘And what’s wrong with the way I look?’ she snapped, irritated. She was not getting sick! Hopefully if she ignored it, it would just go away. She was too busy now to deal with this.

  ‘Pale, dopey. That sort of thing. Didn’t you sleep well last night?’

  ‘As a matter of fact, I slept just fine last night. I suppose I overworked the last couple of weeks.’ And all because of Nicholas Cavanaugh, she thought bitterly. If only he’d left well enough alone! It would have been better if he’d remained cold and distant, at least then he couldn’t have snapped her heart in two the way he had.

  Before leaving for work she grabbed a packet of Codral from her medicine cabinet, and some Strepsils in case her condition worsened.

  Even Mark commented on her wan appearance as she entered the office.

  ‘I’m afraid I might be coming down with a cold,’ she confessed. ‘I just feel a bit funny, really.’ Mark frowned at her.

  ‘You’ve been working too hard, Em,’ he said firmly. ‘Last week you barely spoke at all, you were so focussed on that assignment. I don’t want you getting sick. You’ve been working too hard lately and I know you need time off. If you need to go home, just give me a yell. I’m sure I can make do without your presence for a day or so.’

  ‘Oh, don’t tell me that I’m not completely indispensable around here?’ she said, pouting.

  ‘You know that we couldn’t do without you, Em. But there are always others who can put in extra work in the meantime if you’re unwell. You know that, so don’t push yourself too hard. OK?’

  ‘Got it boss,’ she said, giving him a half-hearted salute.

  ‘Good. I’ll bring you in a couple of letters I’ve drafted, and there’s a bit of filing to do,’ he said, and left Emily sitting at her desk feeling the beginnings of a headache approaching.

  ‘Great,’ she murmured and wished she’d brought along some analgesics as well. Instead she popped a Codral into her mouth and washed it down with some of the water she kept in a bottle by her desk. It helped a little, and she was able to work relatively efficiently for the rest of the morning, completing all the tasks Mark wanted her to get through, and a bit more besides. It was the afternoon which weighed heavily on her mind, but no matter how much she wished it wouldn’t arrive, she couldn’t prevent the inevitable.

  Nicholas was already in the lecture theatre when she entered, and she walked in self-consciously, keeping her eyes diverted from his magnetic form. Fortunately, he didn’t even look her way, keeping his eyes focussed on everyone but her.

  ‘I must start this class by apologising for my absenteeism over the last two weeks,’ Nicholas began. ‘Unfortunately, I was called on business out of the country, but I trust you didn’t miss me too much. You were probably all too busy working on the set assignment to even notice that I wasn’t here. I’m hoping that each and every one of you is ready to hand it in. I needn’t remind you that it’s worth thirty percent of your final grade, so I expect you’ve put a good deal of work into it. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, please pass your work to the front of the room. If anyone has any excuses for me, I’ll hear them now, not later.’ He looked around the room at the students, who were hurriedly passing their assignments to the front of the room. A number of students had also walked up to speak to Nicholas privately, obviously those who had had some trouble getting finished.

  ‘All right. I see that no small number of you have excuses for me. I don’t have time to hear all this now, I have a class to teach. Just letting you know, as I have done before, that I don’t allow late assignments without a medical certificate or an equivalently good excuse. There will be a five percent reduction in your mark for every day you’re late to hand it in. All those with legitimate excuses may see me after class, those of you without, I don’t want to hear it.’ He looked around sternly, obviously annoyed at the large number of people who hadn’t completed the assignment. Emily was grateful that she’d finished her own work on time, but it hadn’t been easy for her, and she was sure that many students did have legitimate excuses besides illness. It wasn’t just Emily who had part time work and university studies to ju
ggle, and many of those students were studying full time and worked out of hours’ jobs, like waitressing and bartending.

  Everything about Nicholas’s demeanour grated on her, and finally, unable to stand it, she put up her hand to speak.

  ‘Yes Miss Peterson? What seems to be the problem?’ Miss Peterson? He hadn’t been that formal with her the last time they’d met, that was for sure. A hitch caught in the back of her throat, and horrified, she forced herself to speak, allowing her anger to the fore, and pushing away any feelings of hurt she had.

  ‘I don’t have a problem, except with you,’ she blurted, instantly wishing she could retract the words. The look on his face, though, was priceless, and she heard titters coming from other members of the class. Boldly, she continued, ‘First of all you gave us no warning that you were going away, and to top it off you gave us a long and difficult assignment that had to be done in two weeks. No other lecturer expects so much.’

  Murmurs of agreement could be heard from other members of the class, and Nicholas looked furious. He paused for at least ten seconds and took several deep breaths before responding, sparks of blue fire radiating from his eyes.

  ‘You have a point,’ he said from between clenched teeth. ‘Did you have any problem getting out library books?’

  ‘No, as a matter of fact, I didn’t, but I couldn’t help but be aware that there are a great deal more students in the class than there are references on the shelves.’

  ‘There is a lesson to be learned from this. Next time, please cooperate with each other and share the resources. I can accept that this time, as new students, many of you may not have considered this. So for this time only, I am granting a limited extension. You have until Friday at the latest.’

  Emily was glad she’d spoken up. Of course, it wouldn’t help her current situation with Nicholas, but as far as she was concerned, he deserved it.

  The lecture finally finished, and with head held high, Emily walked out of the lecture theatre without deigning to look at him.

  ‘Miss Peterson! I’d like to speak to you.’ Something in his voice almost drew her back, but she hardened her heart and kept walking. Miss Peterson indeed! Her name was Emily, and he knew it. If he wanted a response from her, he’d call her by her first name, they were at least well acquainted enough for that!

  There was no way she could forgive him for what he’d done. He couldn’t have been out of phone range for the entire two weeks of his trip! The very least he could have done was to call her. She had to harden her heart to the hurt he’d caused her and get on with her life. She needed to get through this semester, and then, perhaps, she’d see no more of Nicholas Cavanaugh.

  Nicholas watched in agony as Emily strode away from him. He pleaded silently for her to at least turn towards him, but she rushed out of the room as if the hounds of hell were on her heels, and he shook his head in irritation and disappointment.

  ‘Mr Cavanaugh? Is that all right?’ came a voice from beside him, and he turned to the anxious student standing beside the desk at the front of the room. He guiltily realised he hadn’t heard a single word the young woman had said.

  ‘Sorry, what was that you said again?’

  ‘Is it all right if I hand the assignment in next week. Most of it’s done, but I’ve got a really important singing competition on, and I’ve got so much practice still to do.’ Nicholas sighed. Priorities, he thought to himself. Some students just didn’t know how to make them.

  ‘You’ve got until Friday like everyone else,’ he said unsympathetically. ‘If your singing is more of a priority to you than this class, then quit. If not, get the work done on time.’ The student’s face fell, but she agreed and walked out of the room muttering under her breath.

  OK, perhaps he’d been a little bit harsh, but the whole lecture session had annoyed him no end, not the least because of Emily’s little spiel.

  While away he’d had time to think and re-consider his position. What he’d said to Emily about student/lecturer relationships had been wrong. Of course, love transcended any morals that society could put on it, but that didn’t mean that these regulations could be abused willy-nilly. It was one thing for a lecturer and a student to fall in love, it was quite another for them to consummate their relationship while in that delicate position. It was wrong and it was unprofessional. But it had been nearly impossible with Emily so close to him, and with her so ready and eager to follow his lead! He should have stopped it. He should have told her how he felt, and then suggested they put their relationship on hold.

  But he’d taken the opportunity to run away from it all. It hadn’t been a lie that he’d had to travel overseas, but at the very least he should have seen her first. Now she’d let him know in no uncertain terms how she felt, and he couldn’t blame her one little bit.

  Chapter Six

  By Tuesday morning Emily could no longer deny that she was unwell. When she turned off her alarm at seven o’clock, she groaned as waves of fatigue and nausea washed over her. Her nose was blocked, her head spun as she tried to sit up, and swallowing was an agony. She winced and picked up the glass of water sitting beside her bed and took a couple of gulps of the clear refreshing liquid. She gingerly got out of bed and put on her dressing gown, before walking down the hall and knocking on her sister’s door.

  ‘Verri! Are you awake?’ she croaked uncomfortably. A mumble come from the other side of the door, and her sister responded in the affirmative.

  ‘I won’t be going to work today,’ she said as her sister’s face appeared through a crack in the doorway.

  ‘You look bad,’ Veronica said. ‘Get back in bed. Steve and I will be fine without you. Don’t worry. Did you want me to call the office for you?’

  ‘No, I’ll call. It’ll be OK, Mark will understand,’ she said, but wondered whether a certain university lecturer would be just as understanding. She didn’t want him to think that he’d intimidated her into avoiding him, especially after Monday’s lecture.

  She made a hurried phone call to her boss, struggling foolishly to remember the work number, although she gave it to people by rote several times a day!

  As usual, Mark was very understanding, demanding she spend as much time as she needed in recuperation. He also promised to tell Nicholas where Emily was and why she wasn’t at uni. Hopefully he would be half as understanding as Mark had been. But if not, that was his problem, she decided firmly. And with everything sorted out, she took a cold and flu tablet, climbed back into bed and slept the rest of the day in peace.

  Emily remained at home for the rest of the week, feeling more like herself when Monday rolled around again. Even knowing that she’d be seeing Nicholas didn’t perturb her as much as it had the week before.

  As she sat down for her afternoon lecture, Emily waited for Nicholas to give her a hard time about missing the previous week’s classes. But he didn’t say a thing. He didn’t even glare at her balefully as he’d been known to do. He was so pleasant, in fact, that she decided to approach him after class to ask about the work she’d missed. She had to face him some time, and the sooner she got it out of the way, the better.

  Nicholas glanced at her questioningly as she approached his desk at the front of the room. Her heart thudded so loudly in her chest she was sure he’d be able to hear it, but all he did was give her a bland smile as he spoke.

  ‘What can I do for you, Emily? I trust you’re feeling better?’ His tone was neutral, as if she were just any of his students, and not someone whom he had made passionate love to just weeks earlier.

  ‘I was wondering if there was some way I could get the lecture notes I missed,’ she said, forcing her tone to remain light, as neutral and devoid of emotion as his own had been.

  ‘Never say I’m not accommodating. I have a transcript of all the lectures I’ve made in my briefcase. If I give you a copy of the notes to photocopy can you get them back to me by tomorrow morning?’

  ‘No problem,’ she replied. She watched him closely, trying
to detect the subtlest hint that he hadn’t forgotten what they’d shared. But there was nothing. ‘Thank you.’ She took the notes from his hand, and for a second their fingers brushed, and she felt as though she’d been struck by a bolt of lightning. She looked into his face, and suddenly it was as open as her own, with all the emotions he’d been suppressing there for her to see. She opened her mouth to speak, but his eyes narrowed in warning.

  ‘Come and see me in my office after five this afternoon if you have any more questions to ask,’ he said blandly, and Emily became aware of the other students still in the room. She nodded, smiling shakily, and walked out, her heart palpitating in her chest.

  After photocopying the notes, she sat down in the library to wait for five o’clock. She selected a couple of texts to look through to pass the time. Unfortunately, no matter how riveting Nicholas made the study of business economics, the textbooks were as dry and boring as ever. She yawned, re-reading a paragraph that her mind had wandered from before giving it up as a lost cause. She closed her eyes for a moment and rested her head on the desk, and without realising, drifted asleep.

  She awoke with a start as she heard voices coming in her direction. Embarrassed at the thought of being caught napping, she shook her head abruptly and looked at her watch. It was five minutes to five. Steeling herself, she stood up, packed her bag and left the library, walking with firm and sure footsteps to Nicholas’s office.

  She knocked loudly at the door, striving to compose herself as his voice called out, ‘Come in!’ She opened the door and gingerly entered his office. He gave a half-smile when he saw her, and her heart sank. It didn’t look as if what he had to say would be good.

  She was right.

  ‘I owe you a big apology Emily,’ he said softly, ‘for all the wrongs I’ve done you. Now I have to do what is right. There can be nothing more between us.’ Her heart stopped dead in her chest. No! Anything but this cold dismissal. She sat down hard on the chair across from his desk. It was what she’d feared since his sudden unexplained disappearance from her life, but to hear him confirm it…