Lessons in Love

by Victoria Sinclair

  ‘I’ve photocopied the notes,’ she said inadequately, refusing to look at him.

  ‘Emily?’

  ‘What?’ Her voice was bleak.

  ‘Look at me,’ he said tenderly. Tears blurred her eyes as she forced herself to face him, blinking hard, but to no avail. He stood up and walked around to her side of the desk, placing a hand on her shoulder.

  ‘No!’ she blurted. ‘Don’t touch me! Please?’

  ‘Emily. Wait!’ he said, as she tried to stand up. ‘Just listen to me. Hear me out! I’m not suggesting that there be nothing between us ever. We just need to wait until this semester’s over. That’s all. I’m sorry. I should have phrased myself better.’ A surge of hope filled her, and she looked up at him, trying to read his eyes.

  ‘You…you’re not just saying that to put me off? I couldn’t bear it if you were, Nicholas. The way you vanished overseas with not even a word to me…I deserve the truth now.’ He crouched down beside her, and suddenly all his emotions were there for her to see on his face.

  ‘I want you, Emily! I’ve wanted you from the first moment I saw you. I spent the next week trying to deny the feelings you aroused in me, trying to find fault with everything you did. But I couldn’t! There was no fault for me to find, and I behaved like a fool. And yet, you still forgave me. Can you forgive me again?’ His voice was filled with such caring that she could do nothing but smile at him, her own love lighting up her face.

  ‘Yes, of course. But…the end of the semester?’ It seemed so far away. How could she stand to wait until then? Wait until she could feel his hot, passionate kisses, until she could experience the full depth of his desire for her, and return it with a desire as passionate and powerful as his own?

  ‘It has to be that way. We both know it!’ And oh, she did know it. She’d always known it. But it wouldn’t be easy. She twisted her hands together in agitation, and seeing, he placed one of his strong hands over hers, clutching them hard, lovingly, stilling the trembling of her limbs. ‘Oh, Emily. If it’s hard for you, then you can magnify it a thousand times over for me. I’ve spent so many years thinking I’d never find a woman who I felt this way about. I never even imagined it could be like this.’ His voice trailed away.

  ‘Just…just one kiss?’ she begged, angry at herself for her weakness. He shook his head, no, but after a moment’s painful hesitation, he brought his lips to her own. At first, the kiss was soft, gentle, but when she parted her lips slightly, Nicholas moaned deep in his throat, and no force of willpower could stop him from pulling her hard against him, deepening the kiss.

  Breathless with desire, Emily roved her fingers over his body, pulling his shirt from the waistband of his trousers. He made a soft sound of protest in his throat, but she pulled him harder against her, climbing off the chair to a kneeling position in front of him on the floor. Her hand dropped to feel his erection hard inside his trousers, and that was it, Nicholas was lost. He pulled his lips away from her mouth, trailing hot kisses down her throat, down to where the top of her dress skimmed her breasts, and over the soft fabric, raking his hands down her body, to cup her buttocks and pull her hard against him.

  The course of their lovemaking flowed inevitably from there. Emily struggled to undo his buckle, before unbuttoning his trousers and freeing the manhood beneath. He rucked up her dress, swiftly pulling down her pantyhose, and panties, flicking his finger into the depth of her wetness, before he knelt back and she mounted him there on the floor of his office, moaning as he filled her, desperate to reach her own fulfilment, and to help Nicholas reach his own satisfaction. For this instant, she could forget the inevitability of their parting. For this moment of desperate passion, every particle of her life, her past, her present, and her future were concentrated here, now, with Nicholas and the passion they shared with each other.

  At home that night, Emily went over the previous week’s notes and did the reading Nicholas had set for them. It was a struggle to keep her thoughts coherent – they kept returning to Nicholas’s office, and to the passionate love they’d shared. She shook her head in anguish as she remembered her wanton behaviour. It was so completely unlike her that if anyone had told her just weeks ago that she’d make love to one of her lecturers on the floor of his office, she’d have laughed. And yet, it was real. It had happened. It was no wonder she didn’t get to bed until nearly midnight. And that night, her dreams were filled with longing, desperation, desire and the loss of the man she loved.

  When she awoke the next morning her cheeks were wet with tears. She hadn’t lost him, but she might as well have done. Even after making love, he’d regretfully told her that it couldn’t go on. There could be no repeat. Not for the next two months, anyway. But how could they stay apart? Nothing could slake their thirst for each other but the consummation of their love.

  She wiped her face and took a deep, shuddering breath, feeling the moisture pool between her thighs. Even now she wished desperately he was here with her in bed, as ready and willing as she was to satiate her hunger.

  During their next lecture, Nicholas was in remarkably good humour. But nevertheless, he paid little attention to Emily, and although she knew why, it hurt.

  Unfortunately, there were several aspects of the lecture that she didn’t fully understand. She hated having to ask him for help again, but there didn’t seem any way around it. After her performance of the previous evening, he was bound to think she wanted to see him for more than just a bit of tutorial!

  He looked surprised as she approached him, and raised his eyebrows slightly in question. Emily felt her face flushing, despite the innocence of her approach.

  ‘What’s up Emily?’ he asked, in that annoying neutral tone of voice.

  ‘I have some questions about today’s topic,’ she confessed. ‘Would we be able to make a time to go over them?’ He frowned slightly. She’d known he’d take her request the wrong way! ‘That’s it, honestly,’ she said softly, pleading with her eyes.

  ‘No problem,’ he replied blandly. ‘You’re going to work now?’

  ‘Yes.’ He nodded.

  ‘I have a meeting with Mark this afternoon at two o’clock. What time do you have lunch?’

  ‘Between one and two, depending on the work I have to do.’

  ‘I’ll meet you at the office at one, then.’

  ‘Great. See you then,’ she replied. He had to know that she could still be professional, regardless of her feelings towards him.

  Emily bit her fingernails in agitation as the time slowly turned towards one o’clock. Nicholas had made his position clear, and she not only understood it, but was completely sympathetic to it. But she couldn’t see how they could meet and yet pretend there was nothing between them. It seemed so cold, so false, and it was an entirely unnatural way for her to act.

  At five minutes to one, she went to the ladies’ room to freshen up. She looked at herself critically in the mirror. She’d lost some weight, and her face was looking pale and slightly gaunt. See what you put me through, Nicholas? she thought as she stared at her reflection. With that she shook her head quickly and walked back into the office.

  To her surprise Nicholas had entered while she’d been engaged in her toiletries.

  ‘Hello Nicholas,’ she said. ‘I’m ready to go if you are?’

  ‘I certainly am.’

  ‘I’ll grab my bag and notebook,’ she said, reminding him that she wanted to see him for educational reasons, not personal ones.

  They walked to a café a short distance away. ‘Thanks a lot for this,’ she said. ‘Helping me, I mean. I know you probably think I’m stupid for not understanding, but I’ve been away so…’ Her voice trailed off. She knew she was chattering inanely, but couldn’t find anything else to say.

  ‘I know, Emily. Don’t worry about it. We’ll get you sorted out.’

  Thankfully the café wasn’t crowded, but wasn’t so empty that they were completely alone, either.

  They chose a table near the window and or
dered sandwiches and coffee. When the waitress left, Emily pulled the notes out of her bag, determined to be professional right from the start.

  ‘Aren’t we going to eat first?’ asked Nicholas, raising an eyebrow.

  ‘Well, there’s a bit I’d like to cover. If that’s not a problem?’

  ‘No…no problem at all. Fire away.’ For the next few minutes until their food arrived, Emily asked questions, taking notes as she tried to interpret Nicholas’s answers.

  ‘You know,’ he finally said, ‘you really need to develop a bit more confidence in your abilities, Emily. You understand the material very well, I think, you just don’t believe in yourself enough.’ She shrugged lightly, hoping he didn’t think she was just asking him these questions to spend more time with him.

  ‘I guess I just like to be sure,’ she responded. She’d been out of formal education for so long that she did doubt herself. She was confident in many ways, but in this she felt she was a long way behind the eight ball, and she wanted to do all she could to catch up.

  By the time their meal arrived, Emily was famished, so she dug into her sandwiches with relish.

  ‘I’m glad to see you’ve got a good appetite,’ Nicholas commented. Emily looked at him, frowning.

  ‘You look as though you’ve lost weight. I’m glad to see you’re not on some stupid diet.’ She felt her cheeks flush slightly, remembering exactly how much of her body Nicholas had been privy to.

  ‘I’ve been unwell and didn’t have much appetite. I’ve never had to worry about my weight.’ She looked down at her food, refusing to meet his gaze, which she could feel trained on her. After awhile he nodded, and returned to his own lunch. For a moment they were lost in awkward silence, each wanting so much to say things to the other that they could not.

  Emily finished her sandwich and pushed her empty plate away. ‘I suppose it’s time I got back to work.’ Nicholas nodded reluctantly, paid the bill, and they left in silence.

  Emily arrived home to discover that she’d left her notes from lunch at work. ‘Damn!’ she swore out loud, anxious to go over them and write them up in the book she kept for class.

  She did that week’s reading from the text, which was as dry and boring as always, then sat down to watch TV for an hour or so. Five minutes into the show, the doorbell rang. She almost jumped out of her seat. It was well after nine and she couldn’t remember the last time anyone had popped around so late without calling. A little paranoid, she kept the door chain secured as she opened it a crack, to see Nicholas’s handsome and always welcome face staring back at her.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked, surprised.

  ‘I hope I’m not interrupting anything,’ he said.

  ‘No. But you didn’t answer my question. I thought after yesterday…’

  ‘After you invite me in, I’ll explain,’ he said wryly. Flushing, Emily remembered her manners and stepped away from the door.

  ‘Of course. Can I get you a drink?’

  ‘I’d love a cup of coffee. A friendly cup of coffee, that is.’ He grinned, and she remembered the first time she’d invited him in for coffee. ‘But this time, how about I make it? I don’t want to have to soothe any more burns.’ Emily laughed, still slightly embarrassed by the event.

  ‘Be my guest.’ He walked into the kitchen and she followed behind him. ‘And…?’

  ‘And what? Oh, of course. Your notes. When I was leaving Mark’s office after our meeting I saw them sitting on your desk, and knowing you’d already left for home I grabbed them for you.’ Emily shook her head in bemusement.

  ‘I can’t believe I left them at work! It’s lucky you saw them. What an idiot I am!’

  ‘Ahh, but such a lovely idiot. Relax Emily you’ve got a lot on your mind, that’s all. Now, sit, calm down, and leave the coffee to me. You have it white with two, right?’

  ‘How did you remember?’

  ‘I have an excellent memory, didn’t you know? Especially for things as important as how Emily Peterson takes her coffee. Now, shoo!’ She stuck her tongue out at him and sat down at the table, watching him as he worked. Why had he come here tonight? she wondered again. He could have dropped her notes off at work, or waited until their next lecture. He hadn’t had to drop around at her house in the evening to do so.

  Veronica and Steven emerged from their bedrooms at the sound of voices.

  ‘Hi guys,’ Emily said. ‘This is Nicholas Cavanaugh,’ she introduced, ‘one of my university lecturers.’ She glared at each in turn, willing them not to say anything incriminating to Nicholas. Fortunately they understood and greeted him politely. ‘Either of you want a drink?’

  ‘Yeah, I’ll have a coffee,’ said Steven.

  ‘Me too!’ piped up Veronica. Emily looked sternly at the two of them.

  ‘Uh uh,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘How about a Milo?’

  ‘It was worth a shot,’ Steven replied with a grin. ‘I’ll have Milo since it’s the only thing on offer.’

  ‘OK, me too,’ Veronica agreed.

  ‘You’d better give me instructions,’ Nicholas said, grinning at the pair of them.

  ‘I like it strong and sweet. Three spoons of Milo and two of sugar,’ Veronica said. Emily raised her eyebrows and Veronica shrugged.

  ‘Let’s make that two of Milo and one sugar. And same goes for Steve,’ Emily said, giving her brother a warning look.

  Veronica didn’t seem the slightest bit perturbed by Nicholas’s presence, but Emily could tell her brother’s mind was ticking over at a mile a minute, and she knew she’d be getting the third degree from him in the not too distant future. Emily had avoided telling them anything about her burgeoning relationship with Nicholas, and wondered whether she should have done so, but she thrust the thought away. She’d tell her siblings as soon as there was something definite, and right now, there was not.

  Nicholas arrived at the table with a tray of drinks and a plate of oatmeal biscuits. Emily raised her eyebrows in surprise. She’d never have expected him to be so housetrained.

  ‘I found them in the biscuit tin,’ he said, indicating the biscuits with a grin.

  ‘Well done,’ she complimented him. ‘A perfect combination, coffee and biscuits, and,’ she added, taking a sip of the drink, ‘the coffee is superb.’

  Nicholas chatted with Veronica and Steven for awhile about their interests and ambitions. It impressed her the way he got along with them so well, and was making an effort to include them in the conversation. It showed a side of him that she definitely approved of. Nicholas knew that she had a younger brother and sister in her care, of course, but she hadn’t been certain how he’d respond to them. Whatever happened in her life, Veronica and Steven had to come first, and she’d been half afraid that Nicholas wouldn’t be at all interested in them.

  Veronica and Steven finished their drinks, and Emily hinted that it was time they were in bed. Veronica groaned and gave her a pleading look, but Steven nudged his sister, and with a frown she got up to leave.

  ‘So what was this visit really about?’ Emily finally had the chance to ask.

  ‘I should have known I couldn’t fool you,’ Nicholas said ruefully. He shook his head slightly. ‘But to be honest, I don’t really know. Let’s just say that the opportunity arose and I took it without a second thought. Again, I’m probably way out of line. It seems I’m really not learning from my mistakes where you’re concerned.’ Emily laughed softly.

  ‘Whatever the reason, I’m glad you came.’

  ‘Sooo, how’s work going?’ That wasn’t exactly the conversation starter Emily had expected, and she laughed. ‘OK I could probably do better, but that’s a starting point.’

  ‘Work’s work. It’s fine, as usual. University work is hard, but I think I’ve made the right choice.’ Nicholas gave her a hard look.

  ‘You’ll do well. You’ve got that thing about you. Determination. Persistence. You’re not afraid to ask for help, even though you might feel stupid when you do. You just
need to develop a bit more confidence in yourself and you’ll be fine.’ She nodded.

  Their conversation turned to Nicholas’s business, and the decision to teach at the local university.

  ‘Most lecturers have studied at university to get their degrees, generally gone on to higher education, and have fallen into academia without getting real world experience. I felt I had something to offer that they don’t have,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘And,’ he continued, ‘I guess I wanted to try my hand at something different. Another challenge, if you will.’ Although he tried to hide it, Emily realised there was a caring side to Nicholas he rarely allowed to be exposed. Occasionally it would come through in the little things he did: the way he was willing to help her, the way he treated Veronica and Steven with respect and genuine interest. Other times, he seemed cold and hard, but Emily was beginning to suspect that wasn’t the real Nicholas, but the persona he’d taken on in his attempt to take on the business world. And it had obviously worked.

  ‘I guess this is good night?’ Emily said softly, as Nicholas put down his empty mug and pushed back his chair to stand.

  ‘Yes…yes it is.’ But as Emily stood up to join him, he grabbed her arm, shaking his head roughly. ‘No,’ he said hoarsely, and pulled her against him. For a moment she thought to protest, thinking that each time she kissed him, each time she made love to him, it was harder to let him go, but the protests died in her throat as his tongue probed between her lips and she opened her mouth to accommodate him.

  It wasn’t possible to break away from the hold he had on her. All her willpower fled out the window, and she was left gasping for breath, tingling all over her body, moist with anticipation of his deepest touch.

  ‘We shouldn’t…’ he muttered.

  ‘No, but we are.’ There was never any way back from the abyss of passion he pulled her into, until she’d been filled completely. And this time would be no exception.