My Side (A Thin Ice Novel)

by Tara Brown

  Danny’s lip popped out, pouting like when we were little. I looked at Lochlan. “I never said that.”

  Lochlan cocked his head. “You never said yes.”

  “Yes.” I challenged him with my stare.

  He cocked an eyebrow. “Yes?”

  My stomach dropped, but I kept my brave face on and nodded my head, taking a drink of my lemonade.

  Danny looked at Gerry. “You wanna come too?”

  Gerry shrugged. “Sure.”

  Lochlan continued to stare at me, even when the group of girls came over with things for him to sign.

  I sighed. Danny smiled like a kid in a candy store, and Gerry watched me with a smug look.

  Mike came over. “Hey, Erin.”

  I nodded. “Hi.”

  He sat down next to Danny and started to drum with his fingers. “So, you liking it here?”

  Mike seemed awkward. I shrugged. “Yeah. Are you from here?”

  He shook his head. “No. Lenny is. I’m from Maryland. I answered an ad, like these guys. Lenny and Vic are from Boston. They had a band before, but it was a small-time gig once a week at a small bar. The band broke up, and then they decided to try again.”

  “How long have you guys been here?”

  Gerry looked like he was thinking. “Me—four years.”

  Mike nodded. “Yeah, and I was just after you. So, almost four years.”

  Lochlan finished signing and spoke softly. “We gotta go.”

  Mike beamed at me, like he wanted to say something. Danny looked at him. “We’re going to Salem tomorrow. Do you wanna go too?”

  Mike nodded. “Yeah.” He handed his phone to Danny. “Put your shit in here.”

  Danny took the phone and added himself to it. Mike was the opposite of the rest of them. He looked like he should be in a rock band. He had shaggy, brown hair and a handsome face with brown eyes and a scruffy, unclean look. He and Danny could be brothers. They both looked like scruffy surfers who suited the band look.

  Gerry was in skinny jeans and a tight, graphic tee shirt. He had on thick black glasses, and his hair was perfectly coiffed. He looked like a pop star. Lochlan had on his tight denim shirt, which I hated, with his sleeves rolled up so his tattoos stuck out the bottoms of the rolled cuffs. He had on tight, dark-blue jeans with big boots and his dark hair was a mess. He looked like he belonged in a mosh pit in Ireland or the unemployment line. The sexy side of the unemployment line.

  He flashed his blue eyes at me. “See you after. Don’t leave, okay?”

  I nodded.

  They all climbed out, leaving me and Danny to watch. The bar was packed. The dance floor down front was filled with waiting fans.

  The bar went black, except for a white-blue light shining down on where Lochlan stood center stage.

  I was holding my breath seeing him up there.

  He started to sing softly. He held the microphone so close to his face that his lips almost caressed it when he sang. Everyone’s hands went into the air, swaying with the soft lyrics coming from him. Danny jumped up, grabbing my hand and dragging me down front. I got shoved and squished, but we made it.

  Lochlan held a long note, taking it higher and higher. The rest of the band exploded, as the lights lit up the rest of the stage. The song picked up and the crowd erupted. My heart burst with the shock of the dramatics.

  Lochlan moved with the beat, bobbing and swaying. He moved like the song was his heartbeat. When the chorus hit again, he held the microphone out and let the crowd scream the lyrics with him. He bobbed to the song with his arm stretched out. As the chorus ended, he kicked his boot with the beat of the drum and leaned back, taking the song slow again. The lights faded again as he took it all way down. He closed his eyes, nearly caressing his lips against the microphone.

  His arms flew into the air as the light came back on and the band kicked back in. The song was incredible. My arms were in the air, and I was swaying with him. I was screaming like all the other fans.

  The song ended with the lights going down again.

  We stood in breathless silence, waiting for it to hit again. The lights came on in the back, showcasing Gerry lightly tapping on the cymbals. Lochlan started to sing from somewhere in the dark.

  His voice made every hair on my body stand on end. I couldn’t even name the sounds I heard. The band exploded again with the lights. Flashes of lights matched the movements of the band.

  The crowd frothed. Elbows hit my back. The crowd swallowed me up, but I didn’t care. All I saw was him. He was so alive. He was everything I wanted to be.

  The flow of their music was perfect, never letting us get comfortable. We were on edge, waiting for him to rock us, or woo us, or make us hold our breath.

  I moved with the crowd, moving with him. He was the puppet master.

  The show ended with the best song of the night. He let the savage crowd sing most of the song as he moved with the beat.

  The lights went out, and the crowd went insane. The lights came back on and they were gone. The stage was empty. Bouncers pushed us back a bit.

  I made my way back to my table. It was roped off but as I approached, a server took the rope away. Danny slid into the booth. “That was fucking nuts. Did you hear the dramatic pauses? That’s what he and I were talking about.”

  I smiled, high from it. “That’s cool. They’re so good.” A server brought us a lemonade and a beer. He smiled at her. “Thanks.”

  She eye-fucked him. I didn’t even care. I searched the crowd for the band, but they never came back. I finished my lemonade, feeling the high of them and the buzz of the booze.

  “I’m going to the bathroom,” I shouted at Danny. He was mid-conversation with the server and waved me off. I needed to tell him about our no-sex house.

  I walked down the dark hall to the bathroom. Girls were in a huge lineup. I stood at the back of it for a second, but a door opened at the end of the hall. Gerry walked out, getting mauled by the girls. He pointed at me. “Hey! Help?”

  I laughed, watching them attack. Had they never noticed? Seriously, he was on our team. The line thinned out, and I smiled at him. “No way, you’re on your own, but thanks for clearing a path to the bathroom.”

  He gave me a look. I budged ahead and slipped into the bathroom. I finished and washed my hands. Gerry must have still been in the hallway. The bathroom was dead. I looked at myself, wincing. I was a hot mess. My curly hair was huge, and my face was red and sweaty. Whatever.

  I made my way back to the table, but Danny nodded at me and pointed at the stage. In the dark corner, I saw Lochlan. He waved at me, trying not to get attention from anyone. I walked over that way.

  “We have to leave through the back. It’s too nuts now,” he shouted at me.

  I laughed and looked around. “I’ll meet you at the house.”

  He shook his head. “No way, princess.” He put a hand out. I heard girls shouting behind me, over top of the DJ music. I looked back as they rushed us. I grabbed his hand and let him pull me up. He dragged me to the back of the stage and through an open black metal door. He closed it, pressing his back against it. Hands started banging on it within seconds.

  I looked up into his eyes. “They’re like a zombie movie.”

  He nodded.

  We were alone in the dark hallway.

  The pounding of the crazed fans matched my beating heart.

  My mouth hung open like I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t.

  The thing I wanted to say would have broken our deal.

  “Stop looking at me like that,” he pleaded.

  I shook my head. “I’m not looking at you like anything.”

  He pushed me against the wall behind me, pressing my back against it. “You are. I saw you in the crowd.”

  I shook my head. “You’re magnificent.” The words were a whisper.

  He struggled with something, and I could see it in his eyes when he lost the fight. He lowered his face, pressing his lips against mine.


  It was like the moment when the lights came on, on the stage. It was explosions of sound and light.

  His soft lips against mine were overwhelming. His hands ran down my body, tracing my bare arms gently. I shuddered but let it happen.

  Then, like it was a second explosion of lights and sounds, I joined in. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him down toward me. He moaned into my mouth as his tongue caressed mine. His hands cupped my ass, lifting me up into his arms. He smelled like sweat and tasted like beer.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist as he held me to the wall. His body pressed against mine was exactly like I’d fantasized. His lips were softer than I’d imagined. He kissed like he’d majored in it. His lips trailed down my neck, tugging at my shirt and biting down on my shoulder. I ran my hands up inside of his shirt, caressing his back. He lifted my shirt, pausing as his hands cupped my breasts.

  He pulled back, putting me down and letting me stand on my own and backed up away from me. “Oh shit. Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.”

  We didn’t speak. We breathed and tried to comprehend what was happening.

  We had really crossed the line this time. I didn’t want to stop, but he had shut it off. I could see it, he was upset we had done that.

  “That was a mistake. I’m sorry.” His words burned, but at least they had the decency to kill the savage lust tearing through me.

  I nodded. “I agree.” I opened the door again, letting the screaming fans in. “See you at the house.”

  He didn’t hear me. He didn’t stand a chance.

  Chapter Seven

  Awkward as ass

  Danny poked me again with his fork. “Stop scowling. You look moody as shit.”

  I gave him the death stare. He knew it meant piss off.

  Gerry handed me a Danish. I tore a bite out and drank some coffee. I felt like growling as I ate.

  “Just tell him you like him too.”

  I looked at Gerry with a confused look. “What?”

  He looked over at Mike and Lochlan signing the stomachs and cleavage of the girls on the street outside the café.

  “Who—Mike?” I asked cheekily.

  He kicked me. “You’re being difficult.”

  I gave him a look similar to the one Danny had gotten, before he walked off to see the breasts. “He is signing the body of a chick on the side of the road in Salem. That isn’t boyfriend material.”

  Gerry snickered. “It’s all part of the show. You and I both know that’s not him.”

  I nodded. “If you like him so much, you ask him out.”

  He gave me a heartbroken look. “Honey, I would, but he doesn’t swing that way.”

  It dawned on me then that Gerry wanted to live vicariously through me. He liked Lochlan. I looked at Lochlan and nodded. What wasn’t there to like?

  Gerry nudged me, his face turning serious. “You know he’s the big-ticket item musicians like us need. The spark in him is huge; he could light the whole world on fire with it.”

  I smiled. “I know.”

  “The dark and light in passionate people like him is always extreme. They can be their best version of themselves and make a career out of this or they can be their own worst enemy.” He leaned forward. “You could consider dating him and keeping him calm to try to help us all out. I have noticed you keep him composed and relaxed. People like him are prone to emotional outbursts and addictions. They’re larger than life and their personalities are bigger than their bodies. His anger management doesn’t always work, you know?”

  I frowned. “You want me to consider dating him to help Thin Ice out?”

  He shrugged. “We both know you like him, and if he loses it like he did before, he could ruin his whole career. Divas don’t get to have tantrums in the beginning. They have to earn their right to be a crazy artist.”

  I didn’t say anything else. If I dated him, it wouldn’t be for that reason.

  Gerry got up and left my side, and Mike took the chance to come over and sit beside me. “So, are you and Lochlan dating?”

  I laughed. “Not a chance. We’re roommates.”

  “You seeing anyone?”

  I shook my head. “No. I’m busy with school.”

  “Wanna go on a date?”

  I shook my head. “Thank you, but no.”

  He grinned. “You have to eat, right?”

  “Yeah?” It was starting to get awkward.

  He shrugged. “We could just go have a meal?”

  I looked at his lips as he spoke and nodded. “I guess.” It was a petty whorish thing to do—to stare at the thing I couldn’t have, and say ‘sure’ to someone I didn’t really want. I instantly shook my head. “Actually, no.”

  He looked confused. “Which is it?”

  “I would go for a meal with you, but only as friends. I don’t want to be the girl who broke up Thin Ice because I dated the bass player and lived with the lead singer. Then the bass player and I broke up and the lead singer took my side. Or worse, took your side and I ended up homeless. You know what I’m saying?”

  He nodded, looking a bit down. “Yeah, I guess. I can ask him if you want and see if he thinks it’s awkward for us to eat a meal together. We can go as friends.”

  I agreed. “Okay. If he doesn’t think it’s awkward, I’d love to go for dinner—even as a group.” I knew Lochlan would say no. It would be easier to let Mike down with Lochlan telling him ‘no way,’ than for me to do it.

  His face lit up. He stood and walked over to Lochlan as the group of girls left. The two of them talked. I tried not to watch as Lochlan’s cheeks flushed and his eyes flicked to me. Mike put his hands in the air defensively. Gerry gave me an evil look. I gave it right back to him. Danny started laughing. Whatever was happening in the powwow of doom, I assumed was bad.

  Lochlan stalked over. “Not funny.”

  I scowled. “It was nice of him to ask me out for dinner. I told him it would be awkward, since I’m your roommate. It could end badly.”

  I could see he was fighting his anger. “What about last night?”

  I took a bite of my Danish. “You said it was a mistake. I agreed. Did something else happen I wasn’t aware of?”

  He sat in the seat. “Why are you playing these games with me?”

  “Me? Games with you?”

  He nodded, taking my Danish and having a bite. I snatched it back and got up. I walked away from the group of them and headed to a magic store in an old building down the road. I had spotted it when we had been doing our tour. The door tinkled from the bell attached to it as I entered. An old lady in a cool old-fashioned dress with long gray hair smiled at me. I was about to say hello when Lochlan entered after me.

  I sneered at him and looked back at her.

  She pointed at my pastry. “You can’t have food in here.”

  I opened my mouth to ask for a garbage can, but Lochlan grabbed my hand and lifted the pastry to his face. He ate it from my fingers. I made the weird noise I seemed to make with him.

  He licked my fingers, which I enjoyed more than I was willing to tell him. I contemplated the mace in my pocket, but he pulled me down a crowded aisle. The smell of herbs and candles was everywhere.

  He looked down on me, running his hands down my cheeks. “You can’t date anyone—ever.”

  I laughed. “What? Are you high? What was in that Danish?”

  His eyes didn’t have any humor in them as he stroked his thumb across my bottom lip. He replaced it with his lips, sucking my lip into his mouth. We both tasted like pastry. The kiss was slow and intense.

  “I want you to date me,” he whispered into my mouth.

  I shook my head. “But we live together. You were right. Think how intense that would be? Roommates dating is too much.”

  He swallowed. “I want you.”

  I bit my lip for fear I would return what he’d said, or up the ante and say something so much worse. “You said kissing me was a mistake.”

  He shook his head. “
I meant kissing you behind the stage with groupies everywhere, like we’re hiding in a corner, was a mistake. I won’t ever treat you like you’re just some girl.” He kissed me again. “Go out to dinner with me.”

  I laughed, pulling back. “No. Goddamn, Loch. You’re good at this.”

  His eyes were filled with something not good. “You said yes to Mike?”

  “I said yes to him as a friend, firstly. And secondly, I knew you’d say no to him and get me out of dinner. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I let you do it. I’m sorry for that.”

  He lowered his face over me, forming himself around me almost. “I got mad because there’s something here that I can’t shake. I need to see if it’s what I think it is.”

  I closed my eyes and forced the images of the other girls, and the signing of the breasts, and the flocks of women out of my head. I swallowed. “You’re not what I want.”

  He lifted my face sharply. I opened my eyes to see a look I’d never seen before. “Bullshit.” He was vibrating and holding my face. I looked around at the small store, and the old saying bull in a china shop started to become a possibility.

  I panicked as he gripped harder, like he was stuck that way, or just barely holding himself together. I lifted my hands up to stroke his. “Hey, calm down.” I looked into his eyes. “It isn’t you. It’s what you do. You, I want more than anything. I want you to steal my food, and snuggle me on the couch, or window-shop for dresses like we did last week. Lead singer with girls crawling all over him and totally famous, I don’t want that. I don’t want people watching me or thinking bad things about me because they want you.”

  His vibrating hand stayed on my jaw, still gripping too tight.

  I tapped his fingers. “Loch, you’re scaring me a little bit—talk. Say something,” I whispered calmly. I trusted him. I didn’t trust the look in his eyes. I had pushed him too far.

  He took a couple deep breaths and planted his lips on mine again. “You have to give me a chance. You’re assuming I’m going to be that bad rock star boyfriend, and I swear I won’t.” The dark look was gone when he stood back up.