Ruined by Shadows

by Lola StVil

  I sigh.

  “Everyone keeps telling me that, so let’s get one thing clear here. I don’t like any of this. But that doesn’t mean you all get to keep things from me.”

  “Okay,” Pest says. “I’ll tell you everything I know, but you need to sit down first.”

  Everyone takes seats. Sadie nods towards Rachel and raises an eyebrow, and I realize half of the people here don’t know who she is.

  “Everyone, this is Rachel,” I say. “Rachel, this is everyone.”

  Rachel waves and grins around at everyone. I can’t help but notice that Pest can’t take his eyes off her once he spots her. He’s looking at her in much the same way as he was looking at Sadie this time last week. I turn to point it out to Kane, and then I remember once more that Kane is gone.

  “Pest?” I say.

  Pest clears his throat, tearing his eyes away from Rachel.

  “Yes. Of course. So, the Land of Lost Souls. How can I describe it? I guess the closest thing I can think of is Purgatory, the place where lost souls go after they die until they can find a way to move on one way or the other. There’s no way out except going up or down. Well, the Land of Lost Souls is like the shadow world’s version of Purgatory, except it’s for the living rather than the dead. It’s a place that few people choose to go to, and those who do have to be so desperate and alone that they feel like they have no other options.”

  “But Kane isn’t alone, Pest; he has all of us. Why would he go there?” I ask.

  “I was just getting to that,” Pest says. “It’s not just the lonely or the depressed who seek out the Land of Lost Souls, although they make up the majority of the people there. It’s also for those who feel like they’ve done something so bad there’s no coming back from it. They would rather go there and be forgotten than have their loved ones reminded of what they did. They go there rather than risk hurting someone they love when they believe themselves to be beyond redemption.”

  My heart breaks for Kane at that moment. How utterly hopeless must he have felt to think that going to some sort of shadow Purgatory was the answer? I also feel a spark of anger. After everything we’ve been through together, how can he still think I would leave him? Or that being with him would somehow corrupt me? How could he leave me like this by choice?

  Saudia gets to her feet. “Come on then,” she says.

  “Come on then what? Where are you going?” Langston asks.

  She looks at Langston like it’s the stupidest question she’s ever heard.

  “To end Kane’s pity party,” she replies.

  “It’s not that simple, Saudia,” Pest says.

  “Yeah. It is. He thinks we’re going to turn on him, or that he’s going to ruin Atlas or whatever bullshit reason he’s come up with for why we would reject him, and he’s gone off to lick his wounds and feel sorry for himself. Well, fuck that. We just have to convince him we all would have done exactly the same thing, and none of us would have felt it would darken us any, and he’ll see that maybe he’s not so bad after all,” she counters.

  “No, Saudia, you don’t understand. I don’t mean you won’t be able to convince him to leave. What I mean is it doesn’t matter whether he changes his mind and wants to leave or not at this point. Once you enter the Land of Lost Souls of your own free will, you can’t just up and leave. The land claims you, and you become a part of it. The gate into that world is a one-way gate.”

  “Well, shit,” Saudia says, shocked.

  She sits back down heavily, and it’s my turn to jump to my feet.

  “So, that’s it then? That’s your answer?” I shout at Pest. “He’s stuck there forever, so we might as well just move on?”

  “From what you know of me, Atlas, and my loyalty to those I count as friends, what is it about me that makes you think that’s what I’m saying?”

  He has me there. Nothing at all about Pest says he would give up on Kane now. He’s stood by him through everything, through the really bad times. I should have given him the benefit of the doubt. I sit back down, ashamed of my accusation.

  “I’m sorry, Pest. I’m just on edge I guess.”

  “That’s understandable. When you fall for someone, you would never let anything bad happen to them,” he says.

  He’s talking to me, but he’s looking at Rachel, and that puppy dog expression is back on his face. She notices him looking at her and smiles at him. He turns beetroot red and looks away with a cough. He turns his focus back to me.

  “What I’m saying is we can’t just go strolling in there, find Kane, and walk back out like he was at Target or something. Firstly, anyone who goes to the Land of Lost Souls with the intention of leaving must use a glamour. Not one like you’ve seen before that can mask your physical appearance. This glamour must mask your soul so that it can’t become attached to the land. That’s easy enough to make. Right, Sadie?”

  “Right,” Sadie confirms. “I can have a batch of that made pretty quickly.”

  “There’s more, isn’t there?” I say.

  I can tell by the look on Pest’s face, a look of sadness and resignation, that there has to be more.

  “Yes. To get Kane out, you’ll need a potion called Pearl. Get him to drink the potion. It will remove the hold the land has on his soul, and he’ll be able to leave.”

  “But…,” I prompt him.

  “But I’ll need a drop of venom from the snake of an Erinyes,” Sadie says.

  I don’t know what an Erinyes is, but Sadie won’t look at me, and her voice shakes when she says it, so something tells me it’s not a shadow word for a cute little puppy.

  “So basically what you’re saying is we either leave Kane to his fate, which isn’t even an option, or we die getting you what you need for the potion,” Perry summarizes.

  Sadie gives him a sick looking smile.

  “Pretty much,” she agrees.

  “I know I’m going to regret asking this, but what’s an Erinyes?” I ask.

  “In what you know as Greek mythology, did you ever hear the story of Cronus castrating Uranus?” Perry asks me.

  I shake my head, wincing at the idea of the castration. Perry shrugs.

  “Okay. The reason why isn’t important. All you need to know is that it happened, and the Erinyes were born from the blood that flowed from the wound. As you can imagine, Uranus was in agony and filled with anger and rage. And those are the characteristics of the Erinyes. They feel constant pain and torment and are full of hatred and the need for vengeance. They are ugly, twisted creatures who will take down anyone who crosses their paths. And because they’re so used to living with constant, searing pain, they are machines in battle, as nothing can really hurt them more than their own existence already does.”

  Wonderful.

  Something Sadie said is still nagging me, and it suddenly occurs to me that things might not be as bad as they seem.

  “Sadie, you said you need a drop of venom from an Erinyes’ snake, right?”

  Sadie nods.

  “So maybe we can find a way to bypass them altogether and just find one of their snakes,” I say.

  “The defining characteristics of the Erinyes are two things, Atlas,” Pest says. “One, they cry constant tears of blood as their bodies try to expel their pain. And two, each Erinyes wears a snake around their waist.”

  “Dammit,” I say. “So I guess we’re stuck with them then.”

  “Aren’t they extinct in this realm though?” Regal asks.

  “No, that’s a common misconception,” Sadie says. “Most of them left the realm when the Greek gods began to lose their power, but a few of the really loyal ones stayed. They felt that humanity hadn’t been punished enough and that further vengeance was still needed, especially when the people turned their backs on the Greek gods and began to believe in other gods. Over time, their numbers dwindled, but there’s still a small colony of them on Santorini.”

  “It might not be as bad as we think,” Carla says. “I mean, look at us Valkyrie
s. This fight isn’t ours, but we were wise enough to see that if Arken wins this game, then the world as we know it ends. Maybe the Erinyes will see the same thing and will help us out willingly.”

  Pest shakes his head.

  “The very purpose of the Erinyes is to avenge Uranus, and once the other Greek gods mostly stopped coming down to Earth, they turned their attention to humans. As Sadie said, they want to get vengeance on the humans, and what better way to do that than to see Arken win this game and have the whole world overrun by demons?”

  “What exactly are you saying?” I ask, although I think I already know the answer.

  “I’m saying that the Erinyes are very much on Arken’s team.”

  I don’t know why this news surprises me. Nothing about this whole quest has ever been straightforward, and nothing about it has ever been safe. I think maybe it’s knowing that there are creatures out there who want to destroy the very world they live in. It’s a scary concept, going up against creatures who literally have no regard for their own lives and, therefore, nothing to lose.

  I guess it makes sense for the demons to take Arken’s side in this—he’s their king, and they’ll be able to walk the earth freely, tormenting whoever they want whenever they want, but even they’ll be bored of it a year down the line when all of the humans are dead.

  But to hear that other types of creatures are backing Arken still shocks me. What do the Erinyes hope to get out of this? Sure, they’ll get their revenge on the humans for turning their backs on their gods, but then the earth will become uninhabitable for them too. They must see that.

  It hits me then that they do see it—they just don’t care. Their entire species was born from pain and a need to avenge their maker. And once they have done that, they’ll cease to exist anymore as they will have served their purpose. It would be nice if we could use that to persuade the Erinyes to change sides, but something tells me it won’t be that simple. They must already know what their fate will be when they complete their mission.

  I can actually empathize with these creatures, for my own fate is parallel to theirs. To complete this quest and defeat Arken, I too must sacrifice myself for the greater good. My greater good is just different from theirs. Would they be as shocked to learn I’m willing to do that as I am to learn that they are?

  I wonder briefly if they accept their fates willingly, or if, like me, they would give anything to find a different way. I will sacrifice myself if I have to. I’ll give up my heart and save humanity. I’ve made my peace with that. But it doesn’t mean I want to do it. I would give anything to find a way around it so that I could stay living in the world I will save with my family, with Kane.

  I become aware of everyone’s eyes on me, and I realize I’ve been far too quiet for far too long as I contemplate my fate. I force myself to focus on the team instead of my own thoughts.

  “What?” I say.

  “I said, when do we leave?” Saudia says, looking at me with an expression that says she thinks I might have a complete mental breakdown at any minute.

  She’s not wrong. It could very well happen.

  “Soon,” I say. “Regal, go and grab your healing potions.”

  Regal gets up and heads for his room.

  “Sadie, I need you in the lab making the glamor and getting the Pearl ready so when we return, all you need to do is add the venom. Is that okay?”

  “Yes, of course,” Sadie agrees.

  “Carla, Rachel, would you two mind helping Pest with something?” I ask. “Pest, we need every piece of intel you can find on who will be the new Keysu. Kane is our priority right now, but we have to keep in mind that this quest isn’t over yet, and now that we’re so close to completing it, Arken is surely going to up his game. If we can find out who the Keysu is, we can make sure to be ready if he or she tries anything.”

  Pest nods.

  “Atlas, word in the shadow world is that there won’t be another Keysu,” Rachel says.

  “What? That’s ridiculous. Where did you hear that?” I say.

  “Everyone’s saying it. Arken can’t lose now. Either you fail the mission by dying trying to get to wherever he sends you, or you rip your own heart out and die before it’s delivered. Either way, you’re dead, and Arken wins. He doesn’t need to risk losing another demon when there’s no way you can win.”

  “Rachel,” Carla says in a low warning voice.

  “Why the fuck would you go and say that?” Saudia rages.

  “I’m sorry… I just thought… there’s no way you guys didn’t know that,” Rachel says. “Right?”

  “There are some things a person can know and not have to drop casually into a conversation,” Langston says.

  Before I really process what Rachel said, the whole team is yelling at her for saying out loud what none of them have dared to broach with me. It feels more real now it’s been said out loud, and for a moment, I retreat into myself. But then I square my shoulders and stand up.

  “That’s enough. Everyone, stop,” I shout.

  The team stops yelling and turns to face me.

  “Everyone, just chill out and sit down. Rachel is a guest, and that’s not the way we speak to our guests. Look, I know why you’re all angry. None of you have come out and said what she said, but that doesn’t make it any less true. We all knew going into this what the last object was, and we all know I’m going to hand over my heart and lose my life.”

  “No, you’re not doing that,” Regal says as he walks back in.

  “Yes, I am,” I say with a sad smile. “I made my peace with that a long time ago. Do I like it? No. But I’ll do it anyway because I made a promise to Sadie and to all of you that I would see this thing through. Let’s be honest here, none of you thought it would come to this because none of you thought we’d get this far. But we have. And we can’t throw it all away on some sentimentality.”

  I pause and look at each of them in turn. Their sad faces make me want to cry, but I hold it in.

  “The part I don’t agree with is that it’s hopeless. There has to be a way to get my heart to where it needs to be and keep me alive long enough to complete the mission. Now that this is out in the open, I hope we can all stop walking on eggshells and avoiding the reality of this, because if there’s a way to do that, I can’t think of it, and I need us all to work as a team more than ever to find the solution. Okay?”

  They nod, and I hear a mumbled “whatever” from Perry. They don’t like it. I didn’t expect them to, but I just have to hope that when it comes down to it, they will help me see it through. I turn to Rachel.

  “I know you said everyone in the shadow world is saying there won’t be another Keysu, but who said it to you in particular? Where is the rumor coming from? Is it just gossip and speculation at this point, because from what I’ve seen of Arken, he will still want to stop me sooner if he can, just to prove he’s stronger than us.”

  “It was a demon,” Rachel says. “One of Arken’s inner circle. That’s why I was so quick to believe it was true. But yeah, it’s only hearsay really.”

  “Okay,” I say. I think for a moment. “It’s possible that Rachel’s right, but it’s also possible that Arken hasn’t told his inner circle who the new Keysu will be because it isn’t one of them. Let’s still keep our guards up. Pest, are you okay to look into this?”

  Pest nods eagerly.

  “And you guys will help him?” I ask Rachel and Carla.

  “Yes,” Rachel says.

  She smiles shyly at Pest, who seems to swell up under her gaze.

  “I’d like that,” she adds.

  “Me too,” Pest says.

  “You two realize she’s asking you to get something useful done, not go on a date, right?” Perry says.

  “Obviously,” Pest says.

  Rachel smiles at him again.

  “But surely there’s no harm in appreciating the company you’re in while you get something done, is there?” she purrs.

  Pest’s eyes open as w
ide as saucers.

  “Atlas, I’d rather not go with them,” Carla says.

  “Yeah, no one wants to be the third wheel,” Perry says.

  “Carla, don’t do this again,” Regal says quietly.

  She rolls her eyes.

  “This isn’t about jealousy,” she tells him.

  She turns to me.

  “I said I would help with this, and if you really want me with Rachel and Pest, I’ll go with them. But there’s nothing I can do, nowhere I can get into, that Rachel can’t. Two of them is enough for what you need. But Atlas, you have no idea how bad the Erinyes are. You’re going to need all the help you can get, and I’d rather come and help with that.”

  “It’ll be dangerous,” I say.

  “No shit,” she responds. “You think I agreed to help you thinking it would be fun? Look, I know I’m not part of the team, and I’m not trying to be, but I kind of have a vested interest in this.”

  “Because you’re with Regal. No offense, but we learned the hard way that’s not always enough,” Saudia says bitterly.

  “I’m not going to lie to you guys—of course I’d like to be by Regal’s side for this, but that’s not what I meant. The Valkyries don’t want Arken in control of the world any more than you do, and as their leader, if I can help to stop that happening, then I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen.”

  “This isn’t technically about that though, Carla. It’s personal. It’s about getting Kane back,” Langston says.

  Carla sighs.

  “You guys are going to make me say it, aren’t you?” she says.

  “Say what?” I ask.

  “Last time we met, Atlas, you were a badass. You were in control of this thing, and I honestly thought you were going to find a way to beat Arken. Now? Well, now it’s different. I thought it was because of what the last object is, but when Rachel blurted that out, you were unfazed. And yet I look at you now, and it’s like you’re already beaten.”

  I open my mouth to argue with her, but she holds up a hand, and I let her finish.

  “I want to help with this because if you have Kane back, you can win this thing. Without him, we’re all toast.”