Ruined by Shadows

by Lola StVil

  I wrack my brain trying to come up with a way out of this mess, but I come up blank. Well, not blank exactly. There’s one solution if I’m willing to take it. But I can’t now. I can’t just leave Perry here.

  I glance across at him, and he looks helplessly back at me, his eyes begging me to do something. God, how I wish I could.

  “Okay, I see you looking at him. You don’t want to walk out of here and leave a member of your team behind. That’s admirable. So here’s my new offer.”

  Great. Her price is going to be doubled, tripled, something inconceivable. I should have taken her deal while I had the chance. Yes, the man in the cage is innocent, but I have to choose Kane. I was mad at Perry earlier for not choosing Langston, and he at least had a noble reason for it. What’s my reason for not choosing Kane? I have to do something I don’t want to do? Talk about selfish. Kane would have taken Marianna’s deal in a heartbeat if this was the other way around.

  “I will give you access to my tracker spell and free your friend here. From what I’ve heard, he can be a bit annoying, so just say the word if you want him left on mute. And in return, you take him to the Land of Lost Souls with you and leave him there.”

  She points to the same man again.

  “But that’s the same price as before,” I protest.

  “You want it to be higher?” Marianna asks with a raised eyebrow.

  “No!” I shout. “I just want to be certain of exactly what the deal is.”

  “I’m not trying to trick you, Seeker. The deal is exactly as I said it is. I’m giving you a good deal because as I said before, you’re the only one who might be able to beat Arken, and I want him gone. Let’s call it the Seeker’s discount. Do we have a deal?”

  “Yes,” I say without hesitation.

  I don’t need to be able to hear Perry to know he’s judging me and finding me lacking.

  You and me both, Perry; you and me both.

  Marianna clicks her fingers, and a small white box appears in her hands. She beckons to me, and I cross the floor to her. She points to a blue button. It’s the only feature on the otherwise blank box.

  “When you want to learn the location of the gate to the Land of Lost Souls, press this button. Wait until you are ready to leave because the location can change at any time. The button will activate a screen that will show you where the gate is. Once the button is pressed, it locks the gate in place for five minutes. That’s it. Five minutes to get in. Do you understand?”

  “Sure. Press the blue button exactly when we’re ready to leave, and we’ll have five minutes to get to the gate and open it,” I say.

  “You’re a fast learner,” she says.

  I don’t know if she’s being sarcastic or not. She doesn’t sound it, but it’s pressing a button. How hard can it be to nail the instructions?

  She flicks her wrist and the cage containing the man opens. She moves her hand again, and he is dragged across the floor towards her. He digs his feet into the ground trying to stop himself, but it’s no use. He shakes his head violently. She brings him to stand beside us. She places both palms on his head and looks into his eyes. He stops shaking his head. His face falls into a neutral expression, but I can still see the terror in his eyes.

  “I’ve programmed him to do exactly as you say. He will go with you willingly and follow any order you give him. He will also remain mute. The spell will break the second one of the guards at the Land of Lost Souls puts their hand on him.”

  The man stands beside us, eyes glazed, a string of drool hanging from his chin. He makes no move to leave or to attack Marianna.

  She flicks her wrist again, and the door to Perry’s cage opens. He is brought to us, although he doesn’t try to fight it.

  “Do you want his sound on or off?” Marianna asks.

  “On,” I reply. “Obviously.”

  “Well, next time he’s driving you insane, remember you had a choice.”

  She flicks her wrist.

  “Atlas, don’t do this. Let her keep me here. You go and find another way,” he says.

  “I’m afraid it’s too late for that now. The deal is made,” Marianna says.

  My mind is already whirling, and I know what I’ll do. I’ll take the man to the gate with us, then tell him to run as far from me as he can and never look back. He’ll be left mute, but isn’t that a small price to pay to avoid some sort of eternal damnation?

  Marianna reaches out and plucks a hair from Perry’s head.

  “Ouch,” he shouts, rubbing his scalp and glaring at her. “What the hell was that for?”

  She smiles at him.

  “Let’s just call it my insurance policy,” she says.

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “Well, if you decide to try and back out of our deal and free my prisoner, I’ll know about it. I have a special link to all of my prisoners.”

  She can officially read my mind.

  “Some of it, but not all of it.” She smiles. “But I don’t need to be able to read your mind to know you’d think of that one.”

  She holds Perry’s hair up.

  “That will ensure you won’t attempt to go through with it. Unless you value a stranger’s life more than his. The guards at the Land of Lost Souls have an arrangement with me. If a soul isn’t delivered to them, they’ll tell me. And if that happens, Perry here is…”

  She runs her finger across her throat.

  “And don’t think that’s the end of it. If you get Kane out of there, he’ll be next.”

  “You don’t have one of Kane’s hairs,” I say.

  “Not yet I don’t,” she agrees. “But I’ll get one easily enough. So keep in mind your choices. Him, or your team member and your boyfriend.”

  I feel like I’m condemning myself to hell, but surely true hell would be leaving Kane to rot. At least that’s what I tell myself as I square up my shoulders and hold my head up high.

  “I will always choose Kane. I’ll deliver your prisoner.”

  I know before we even enter the loft that there are going to be questions from the team. And from Sadie and Pest too. Lots and lots of awkward questions about who the man accompanying us is and what I plan on doing with him.

  Marianna was true to her word. The man is completely pliable and does exactly what I direct him to do. While this is a good thing in that I don’t need to keep chasing him down, it will make any explanation I give except the truth sound pretty lame when the man won’t move without me saying so. And of course the fact he is totally mute will be a red flag for the team too.

  What the fuck have I gotten myself into here?

  I glance across at the man and quickly look away again when he catches me looking at him. I wish his eyes didn’t show his understanding of what is about to happen to him and how scared he is of his fate, but that’s just selfish. I want to condemn this man to eternal torture without having to feel like I’m doing anything wrong.

  That’s not going to happen—I’m no idiot. I know that whatever I tell myself, I won’t be able to do this without it weighing on my conscience. Saying yes to Marianna was one thing, but having to actually do it is quite another. The fact I don’t even want to admit to the rest of the team what I’ve agreed to says everything about how I really feel about the deal I’ve made. I can justify making the choice—I already have; Kane is more important to me than a stranger. But I can’t make it the morally sound choice.

  And it wasn’t just Kane’s life I was trading for. When I tried to say no, she locked Perry in a cage and was going to keep him for eternity, so not only would I have lost Kane, but also a member of my team, a member of my family. I already cost Langston one love. Even if they are on shaky ground and she’s mad at him, she wouldn’t have forgiven me for leaving him there—although she might not forgive me for giving Perry his voice back. I did have the option to leave him mute; maybe then he wouldn’t be sticking his foot in his mouth all the time.

  I give myself a quick small smile at the thought
, but it passes just as quickly as it came. No matter how I try to spin this, no matter how much I can justify it, the truth is there.

  I am condemning an innocent man who just wanted to save his family, all to save mine.

  I’ll just have to accept that I made the hard choice and find a way to live with the consequences. As hard as that will be, it will be easier to live with than knowing Kane will never be able to come back to us because I didn’t have the balls to make the only decision that could save him.

  Even with all of that considered, I still don’t know what to say when the team starts questioning me. I could tell them the man is a criminal, that he’s done terrible things that will make them think he might actually deserve this. I could tell them he volunteered to come with us and that this was the price for a deal he made with Marianna.

  But Perry knows the truth. He knows the man is innocent and that I don’t care. Well, I do care, but I don’t care enough. Maybe he’ll stay quiet; I think he probably will. But it’ll always hang over my head that I lied to the team and I could be found out at any moment. Plus, I just don’t think I can bring myself to lie to them. They’re in this with me, and they deserve to know the truth about what we’re actually doing.

  The fact I even considered lying to my team about something so important tells me everything I need to know about what I’m doing here. That no matter how much I tell myself it’s justified, I obviously have my doubts, or why would I need to consider lying to the team rather than telling them why we have to do this? I’ve made hard choices before and stood by them. I should tell them what I chose and why.

  I sigh. Lying would be the easiest option, and let’s be real here: if I can put my morals to one side and do this to an innocent man, surely I can tell a damn lie. The thing is, I don’t think I can. Because the price I would have had to pay to spare the man was too high. There isn’t a price for lying to my team. That would be a decision I made based solely on wanting to do the easiest thing for me. And that doesn’t sit right with me. And secrets always have a way of coming back and biting us in the ass tenfold.

  So what do I do?

  I decide I’ll tell the team the truth as we reach the loft. All of it. Every ugly detail. And if that means they wash their hands of me, and the mission to rescue Kane, then so be it. I’ll do it alone. I was perfectly prepared to do that in the beginning, and I can get back on board with doing it again.

  My concern isn’t the risk of having to do this alone. It’s more to do with what I’ll do if the team tries to stop me. That’s the real question, and my internal debate about whether or not I should lie to the team was just a distraction. A way to avoid considering the really ugly part of me.

  How far will I go to do this against everyone’s wishes? The answer scares me. I’ll go as far as I need to go.

  As Perry goes to push the loft door, I put my hand on his arm, stopping him. He looks at me questioningly.

  “Perry, on a scale of one to ten, where ten is with the fire of a hundred suns, and one is not enough to not want to hang out with me now and again, how much do you hate me for this right now?” I ask.

  My throat feels thick as I ask him the question. I once read somewhere that you should never ask a question you’re not ready to hear the answer to, and I’m not ready to hear his answer to this, but I have to know.

  “It’s not even on the scale,” Perry replies.

  I look down and bite my lip to stop it from wobbling.

  “Okay. Thank you for being honest,” I mutter.

  I let go of his arm, but he makes no move to go inside.

  “Hey, come on. Don’t get all soft on me now, Atlas. If we’re going to convince the team this is our only option, you have to find that strong, defiant girl you’ve always been. You have to stand up there in front of them all and make them see this was the only way. How will you do that if you can’t even look me in the eye without getting all teary-eyed, huh? If they sense you aren’t sure about this, they’ll try even harder to talk you out of it.”

  I look back up, forcing myself to search his face for answers. I don’t see any, but I don’t see the hatred either. He’s hiding it well.

  “Why would you help me convince the team this is the right thing to do if you hate me so much it’s not even on the scale?” I ask.

  I suddenly know the answer, and I reply to my own question.

  “Because it’s your destiny to help me no matter what happens, right?”

  “Wrong,” Perry says. “Well, not entirely wrong. It is my destiny to help you with whatever you need on this quest. But I’m not doing this because of some rules. I’m doing it because you’d do it for any one of us. Atlas, I think you misunderstood what I meant when I said how I felt about you wasn’t on the scale. I meant it doesn’t even rate a one. I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit.”

  “You don’t?” I say cautiously.

  He shakes his head.

  “I was there, Atlas. I saw how hard this decision was for you. I watched you turn her down without the slightest hesitation at the thought of harming someone innocent. And aside from the fact you saved me from being a prisoner, I understand why you chose to go through with this. If it were Langston stuck in some eternal torture, I’d do the same. And I think anyone who says differently is either lying to themselves, or they don’t love the person as much as they claim they do.”

  I give him a watery smile.

  “Thank you,” I say.

  “No worries. Now come on, toughen up, because this isn’t going to be easy.”

  I nod. I take a deep breath and collect myself. I force myself to put on a mask, a mask that hides my pain and shows only determination.

  “And don’t think I’m not holding you to hanging out after this is over.” Perry grins.

  I laugh. “Fine, but the drinks are on you.

  “Come on, Marty; let’s get you inside,” I say to the prisoner.

  “Marty?” Perry asks.

  “We have to call him something.” I shrug.

  “You’re not supposed to give anything you’re going to kill a name,” he says.

  I shudder as I step into the lounge. The team, Carla, and Sadie are sitting around chatting, but it’s only small talk, something to fill the silence while they wait.

  “There you are.” Sadie beams as she spots me. “Did you get the location?”

  I nod. Her face changes to confusion when she sees Marty enter the room behind me. I point to an empty space on the couch.

  “Sit there, Marty,” I order.

  He dutifully moves to the spot I indicate and sits down.

  “Atlas? Who is he?” Sadie asks.

  “I don’t know his name, but we call him Marty. There’s no point in introductions because he can’t speak. And he won’t be with us for long anyway.”

  The team is exchanging looks. As explanations go, that one was far from the best.

  “But who is he, Atlas? And I don’t mean his name. Where did he come from? Why is he here?” Regal asks.

  “And why can’t he speak?” Carla adds.

  “Long story,” I say. “Are we ready to get going?”

  “Atlas, stop avoiding the question and explain how he fits into all of this,” Sadie says, her voice low. “If he’s a part of this, the team needs to know about it.”

  I’m really not in the mood to explain myself to Sadie. What I’m doing is morally corrupt, but who the hell is she to judge anyone when it comes to making the right moral choice? She does have a point about the team though.

  I thought I found a compromise. I wouldn’t lie to the team, but I wouldn’t tell them the truth either, but that’s not fair. They deserve to know what we’re doing here, and why, and then they can decide for themselves if they’re jumping ship. It’s time to go back to my original plan. The only plan I could ever really see myself sticking to. And that’s being honest with them.

  I perch on the arm of a chair.

  “When we got to Marianna’s place, she took us
to a room lined with cages. Each cage contained a person. She has her prisoners enchanted so she can turn their speech on and off at will, hence why Marty here is mute.”

  “You rescued a prisoner?” Saudia asks.

  I give her a sickly smile. The fact the only way she can conceive this is to assume I rescued Marty hurts me far more than being judged will.

  “Not exactly. He’s here because he’s enchanted to do what I say. I refused Marianna’s first deal. She would give me the location of the entrance to the Land of Lost Souls, and in exchange, I had to take an innocent man and hand him over to the guards there. She didn’t like that, and she put Perry into one of the cages. Her magic was too strong for me to stop her.

  “I tried to fight her physically, but I wasn’t getting anywhere fast, and she offered me another deal. The same price, but not only would I get the location of the Land of Lost Souls, I’d also get Perry back. So I made a choice: the life of a stranger for the life of two of our own.”

  “You might as well have taken the deal the first time because Perry’s life isn’t worth shit,” Langston mutters.

  “You don’t mean that,” I say. “But in the interest of being completely honest, the moment I refused the first deal I regretted it. Not just because she took Perry, but because I already knew Kane’s return meant more to me than this guy’s life.”

  “Wow,” Saudia breathes.

  No one else speaks, and I rush to fill the silence I can already feel threatening to overwhelm me. I would rather they all scream accusations at me than lapse into silence. I know I’ve said too much, more than I ever had to admit, but it’s out there now.

  I remember what Perry said about standing up strong and presenting my case, and I get up from the chair arm, keeping my back straight and my face composed.

  “I don’t expect any of you to understand or to condone what I’ve done, but I do expect you to tell me what you all think instead of going quiet on me.”

  Regal meets my eye. “I think trading the eternal torture of an innocent in exchange for anything is the lowest of the low. It’s the most reprehensible thing we’ve ever done. But if it had been my choice to make, I would have done it in a heartbeat.”